Heartbreak.

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Tbh, i love how blunt you are.

I honestly wish i had someone like you when i was going through my heartbreak.
At the time i wouldnt have liked it as i was too wrapped up in heartbreak and hoping, but everything you have said is spot on. :)
Yeah see id be saying the exact same things to any of my female friends in these situations- the only difference is I’d be saying it over a few bottles of wine!!!!! 👍👍👍 I know it’s not what people want to hear - I fully get that but sometimes it’s what people need to hear to give them that jolt of reality.
 
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But if your relationship wasn’t strong enough to withstand covid travel bans when the two of you were having a long distance thing anyway and were used to having a relationship conducted over text messages and FaceTimes then it’s clear that it just wasn’t meant to be. He didn’t even try dude - he just ditched you and is merrily going along with his own life as he always has been as if it never happened. You can’t blame covid for this guy being a colossal prick.
I agree.
 
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If you're in a relationship where you just couldn't or can't cope mentally, physically or financially without them, then you have absolutely no business being in a relationship. That's dependency, not love.

By all means be with someone, but also make sure that you're comfortable being alone. You said this isn't a toxic relationship thread, but some of the posters on here have said things that show massive red flags of their situation being toxic. Should we just slide on past that and let a woman who may not even know she's being used or manipulated just carry on into a situation that could go horribly wrong?
 
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Tbh, i love how blunt you are.

I honestly wish i had someone like you when i was going through my heartbreak.
At the time i wouldnt have liked it as i was too wrapped up in heartbreak and hoping, but everything you have said is spot on. :)
i think this is why some people find it hard to take advice, because they are seeing their partner through a different lens. i've completely been there

it really breaks my heart how some men treat women and the light that they had in their eyes gets burnt out. cringe but true.
sometimes when everyone else is telling you something, or can see things that you can't see then maybe what they're saying is true, as much as you dont want to believe it

(damn i need to take my own advice 😅 )
i completely lost myself in my last relationship and break up 5 months ago, but i'm slowly going back to being happy. i started off blaming myself and thinking i'd done something terribly wrong and that i was unlovable, but i realised that it's not true at all
 
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I think the variety of opinions are welcomed, it hurts soo much and in between the tears and pains i think the ‘harsh’ things myself. Relationships breaking up is shi* this is my first experience having been in a relationship for 11 years (since i was teenager) & where we still love eachother it makes it tremendously hard. Thanks for everyones views.
 
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Tbh, i love how blunt you are.

I honestly wish i had someone like you when i was going through my heartbreak.
At the time i wouldnt have liked it as i was too wrapped up in heartbreak and hoping, but everything you have said is spot on. :)
You're so right. When I was going through mine, my older sister was very harsh and blunt. She sat me down and simply said: "why are you settling for a half measure?" She was like, "I have a husband that adores me, that supports everything I do while also telling me the truth. He encourages me to follow my goals. He loves me enough to talk to me when something isn't right. Why aren't you realising that you deserve that too?" "Why are you crying over a man that doesn't give a tit about breaking your heart?"

It was harsh and so not what I wanted to hear at the time. And to be honest it felt like she was rubbing her relationship in my face. But it wasn't that at all, I just wasn't in a place to see the meaning behind her words. Now, I look back and think, Yes, why the hell was I settling for less than I deserved?

In a few weeks, months or even years, some of the people on here will think back to this thread and realise that nothing was said to hurt or belittle their pain. I know my words to people on here are truly only coming from a place of experience and concern. If I've hurt or even offended anyone that trust me, that is not my intention and I'm sorry. I wish everyone on here nothing but happiness.

I've been really through it myself and know all too well what breakups can do to someone. I just get so annoyed when I hear of women being really put through it by men acting so carelessly and selfish.
 
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Yeah see id be saying the exact same things to any of my female friends in these situations- the only difference is I’d be saying it over a few bottles of wine!!!!! 👍👍👍 I know it’s not what people want to hear - I fully get that but sometimes it’s what people need to hear to give them that jolt of reality.
My heartbreak was caused by a boy (i refuse to call him a man) who was a naraccistic bleep who fully exploited me and mentally abused me- all in the name of love blah blah. He was absolutely vile, and a total minger as well. Now i look back and think what the duck did i see in him. And yet he treated me awful. Cheated on me with prostitutes, lied about everything, gave me an STD, fully took advantage of my mental health issues-BPD, Bipolar 2. He even tried to exploit me in becoming a prostiute, i didnt but i was close. He used to randomly 'split up' with me, block me, and then a couple of weeks later he would get back in touch. And i let him do it to me!! I let him do it and make so many excuses for him.
I tried to kill myself and ended up sectioned. Thankfully im still here. But something beautiful happened when i was in hospital. I got rid of my phone and couldnt contact him and he couldnt contact me. I got rid of social media as well. And i didnt even miss him. All i felt was a huge relief being lifted from my shoulders. Therefore i think i was 'obsessed' with the so called thrill of the toxic relationship. But i thought i loved him, and thought all the ups and downs was part of the romantic adventure. When really he was abusing me and exploiting me.
I havent seen him since and honestly i would just walk straight past him now and ignore him. I dont even hate him as that emotion is too close to love..I finally understand the phase "There is a thin line between love and hate".
I just wish i had someone like you, especially throughout the times when it was very on and off. But as i say, i wouldnt be very happy with you!! I would think you were being nasty and i would have said that you didnt understand him or know him the way i did.... But you are correct in everything you have said. :)

*EDIT TO ADD*

i am diagnosed as having BPD, and Bipolar 2. If people are not sure, but BPD causes us to get totally obsessed with things/people, we have a 'favourite person' that is the object of our obsessions, and we feel emotions much stronger than people who do not have BPD. That includes both good and negative emotions. The bleep who broke my heart was my 'favourite person', and i would have died for him at the time.
The best way to describe the emotions that i, along with other people with BPD is something that can make someone feel sad but they are able to go about their day. But for me, it feels like im going to die and i can see no way out, or life without someone. We are unable to really regulate our emotions and we are very extreme and can fluctuate from feeling on top of the world to feeling the worst heartbreak in the blink of an eye.
What im trying to say is if i was able to move forward and get over the bleep who broke my heart, there is hope for everyone else to move on and live a happy and fulfilling life. :)
 
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I think it’s just really hard to accept as part of the process that maybe our partners weren’t the people we thought they were. Yes I recognise my marriage wasn’t perfect but we had been together a long time and I’ve always thought a marriage will take work and you’ll never sit back and think it’s perfect, but I think I’m mostly sad about this being reality and thinking what could’ve been. Half the day I spend crying about missing him and wishing this was all a bad dream, and then the other half I’m angry and thinking I’m a strong independent woman who doesn’t need a man for now! 🤯
Yes absolutely, that was the hardest thing for me. It makes you question everything but especially your judgment. After my last breakup, I had friends/family saying "oh yeah we didn't really like him anyway" - but I loved him at the time and those comments didn't help cause like I say, my judgment and self-confidence was shot to pieces. You can and will heal from a breakup but once you've been badly burned, it changes the way you approach a new relationship.
 
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Wow I can relate to so many of you on here. I am not heartbroken now but I remember so well how I felt & sometimes it still affects me.

In regards to 'moving on' I found that term so hard. I shuddered when people said it and put a defence up and would try to shrug it off.
What Is it about that simple phrase that affects us so much? Probably how we perceive it.

Looking back I realised maybe 3 or 4 months into the breakup that I was partly to blame. I know we blame ourselves for break ups and people say 'no don't blame yourself he is the idiot' but he is entitled to leave when he isn't happy. And the same would be said for me.
I was very dependant on him. I had a driving license but was too scared to then purchase a car and put my new skill to good use. This meant he did all the driving. Picking me up, taking me home. (We didn't live together at this point) I would prefer to be with my family than his- I loved his family like I loved my own but preferred to be with mine, I used to hate going on nights out with our group of friends and would just prefer to be with him.. I could go on!!
Honestly, I really held him back from doing so much. I had very little confidence because I put him on a pedestal so high that I thought I wasn't worthy of being with him.
After we broke up & I had realised all this, I went out and bought a car, bought lots of new clothes and dyed my hair.
Don't get me wrong I was still heartbroken but I knew that I had reinvented myself and was honest with myself. He will either come back or he won't and that's fine because I was happy with how I was.
I did meet someone else and we moved in together. This new person was horrendous with money & had so many creditcards and I became the person who sorted out all the finances, drove us both everywhere & wanted the social life. This lasted 2 years and that's when my ex got back in contact (I posted about that on the few first pages of this thread) And we got back together- we had grown up, matured and aren't dependant on each other. I'm in no way saying this is what everyone is doing but sometimes you just have to be honest with yourself and ask yourself if things could of been better, were there some things you weren't happy with etc

You will all be absolutely fine it's just getting through it. Your feelings are very much valid but there comes a point where you have to make the changes for yourself.
 
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I just recently got dumped by my partner who I’ve been with for 4 years. Somebody on another thread gave me the idea of starting this one to vent and let it all out, and also invite anyone else to do the same if they’re going through a breakup, or just to share stories of older breakups and heartbreak.

My story: long distance relationship, him in Florida and me here in the UK. I’ve been flying over regularly for the past 4 years, I’m close with his family and practically a step mum to his 3 children. Love of my life etc...then the pandemic hit and borders closed. I haven’t been allowed into the US since March 2020, last time I saw him was just before that. I fully believe partner exemptions should have been allowed with testing and quarantine and I wouldn’t be in this mess but that’s another rant.

We held on and held on with FaceTime etc, then we decided I’d go via a third country (Mexico) and he would pay, but my flight was cancelled, and when I went to rebook it he completely unexpectedly told me not to bother and that he was done with our relationship. It hit me like a freight train, there’d been no signs this was coming at all. In fact he told me he loved me and missed me just hours before. I tried to reason with him and then he decided to block me on everything which was another huge blow. I feel like my world has ended, I haven’t eaten or slept since. My life was there with him and he’s taken it away and I don’t know what to do.

Sorry that was so long. Please feel free to share your stories and any advice for this absolute hell I feel right now

I must be reading things, as im sure the OP just posted saying she never did this thread for advice and people should wait until they are asked for them to give advice. And yet the last sentence of her very first post says "feel free to share your stories and any advice".....

Heartbreak is hard for everyone, its a form of grief and its the worst pain i have ever felt. But you cant throw a strop because someone said something you didnt agree with, or because people are not telling you exactly what you want to hear. Thats unfair. Everyone is different and unique and has different experiences, and thats one of the best things about tattle is we get to hear all those different perspectives. I wish i had someone be blunt with me tbh.
 
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With respect I am not replying to you for a reason
Marvellous. Don’t reply, I’m not particularly fussed. Doesn’t change the fact that what I’m saying is right.
Your pissed off with me because I’m not telling you what you want to hear. I get it. What you are completely missing though is that I’m actually trying to get you to see what really going on here; I am actually trying to help you. Like it or not. I will not lie to you or pretend it’s all sunshine & rainbows - and maybe one day when you’ve realised your own worth and are in a really great relationship with an amazing guy who actually gives a tit you will realise it.
 
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Hey guys! I just want to start off by saying I read this whole thread and you’re all so so strong and incredible...I’m hyper emotional so breakups have always felt like the end of the world for me in the past, even making me feel suicidal.

I know a girl on here talked about her LDR, and I just want to say, it’s difficult with the travel bans and it’s putting a strain on all relationships.

I’ve been with my bf for 4 years, we didn’t start off as an LDR, we met at uni in first year and started our relationship and went on to live together in 3rd year. In January he got a job abroad and moved back to live with his parents, making us long distance and I miss him so much. I can’t visit rn because of the travel bans, but I last saw him end of January and am planning to go on May 17th (I understand this is not comparable to other couples who have gone much longer). In this time our relationship has been difficult, I cry a lot, I start fights for stupid reasons because I just miss him and I was used to seeing him every day.

Currently he’s looking for a job to move back to the U.K. (hard in this economic state), or I will move there when I finish my course.

@gigi_93 you are so so brave and this time really has been taxing on LDR’s, good luck ♥
 
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Hey guys! I just want to start off by saying I read this whole thread and you’re all so so strong and incredible...I’m hyper emotional so breakups have always felt like the end of the world for me in the past, even making me feel suicidal.

I know a girl on here talked about her LDR, and I just want to say, it’s difficult with the travel bans and it’s putting a strain on all relationships.

I’ve been with my bf for 4 years, we didn’t start off as an LDR, we met at uni in first year and started our relationship and went on to live together in 3rd year. In January he got a job abroad and moved back to live with his parents, making us long distance and I miss him so much. I can’t visit rn because of the travel bans, but I last saw him end of January and am planning to go on May 17th (I understand this is not comparable to other couples who have gone much longer). In this time our relationship has been difficult, I cry a lot, I start fights for stupid reasons because I just miss him and I was used to seeing him every day.

Currently he’s looking for a job to move back to the U.K. (hard in this economic state), or I will move there when I finish my course.

@gigi_93 you are so so brave and this time really has been taxing on LDR’s, good luck ♥
It’s not the same thing though.

@gigi_93 and her ex have never lived in the same place. It’s always been long distance. There doesn’t seem to have been any real plan for it to have ever been anything more than a LDR.... For 4 years she’s put her own life on hold to travel to see him in Florida, where he lives and has kids and a whole life of his own - They haven’t physically seen each other in over a year and he’s only ever been to the UK once, one time, in 4 years and yes she will say that it suits her fine because she likes a holiday in Florida and he’s got work commitments or the kids or whatever and that’s probably partially true but come on, that’s not right it is? It’s not about her enjoying a cheapie holiday a few times a year - he should want to travel to see her in her own home and should make that effort to see where she lives, meet her family & friends and be an active part of her life in the same way she is for him. But he never has.
he dumped her in the cruelest way possible, didn’t give her a reason, then blocked her so she couldn’t communicate with him, left her feeling like tit for ages and is now carrying on with his life - his life in Florida that he’s always had that she’s never really been more than a passing holiday maker in - and she’s expecting people on this thread to say that he’s a top notch fella and she’s wanting encouragement to carry on pining after him when he’s made it perfectly clear that it’s over and that he’s done? It’s bloody sad to read because from an outsiders perspective you can clearly see exactly what’s going on and you can see that someone’s just been used and dropped and yet they can’t see it and get pissed off when the obvious is pointed out. 🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️🤷🏼‍♀️
 
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Thanks for your comments.. when he says wait forever he means for me to convert. Which I definitely dont want
And why should you even consider converting when clearly it’s not something he would consider himself. Actions speak louder than words and I’m sorry but if he wanted to be in the relationship he’d be doing all he could.
 
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And why should you even consider converting when clearly it’s not something he would consider himself. Actions speak louder than words and I’m sorry but if he wanted to be in the relationship he’d be doing all he could.
I completely agree, i guess religion is very personal and can be indoctrination for some people. He is very depressed and lost in life.
 
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I completely agree, i guess religion is very personal and can be indoctrination for some people. He is very depressed and lost in life.
What’s the saddest part for me is that I know that in Islam, men are allowed to marry non Muslim women - so it’s more of a cultural/family choice on his part. Sending you lots of love as I can’t even imagine how hard it is, but as has been said upthread, the right person would move mountains for you. Keep strong x
 
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What’s the saddest part for me is that I know that in Islam, men are allowed to marry non Muslim women - so it’s more of a cultural/family choice on his part. Sending you lots of love as I can’t even imagine how hard it is, but as has been said upthread, the right person would move mountains for you. Keep strong x
Yes, agree but he doesnt want to be with me without me being Muslim, his family really liked me etc & he doesnt feel a cultural reason. I spoke about compromise etc. I think its fear that i will be a bad influence. But i guess who knows, we never know inside someones mind/rational.. Thanks for the kind words 💕💕
 
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@BettyCrocker everything you have said in this thread is so true.

I know it's hard to hear but I've been there and I wish I had someone being honest with me like you have been. As much as I wanted everyone to tell everything was going to be ok that simply wasn't true and made it much harder in the long run.

If a man can leave you after a long term relationship and cut all contact and demand that you not contact them for the sake of their mental health with no thought for your own mental health then he just doesn't care.

Please ladies try and be strong and start living life a bit. Pick a hobby or keep yourself busy, learn something new or do something to give your life some purpose. You'll feel better for it I promise. And if your men sort themselves out and do want to give it a go you'll be in a better place to make the relationship work. And if they don't then you'll have achieved something for you and will be a step closer to healing.

xxx
 
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Yes, agree but he doesnt want to be with me without me being Muslim, his family really liked me etc & he doesnt feel a cultural reason. I spoke about compromise etc. I think its fear that i will be a bad influence. But i guess who knows, we never know inside someones mind/rational.. Thanks for the kind words 💕💕
Hi Lolly I hope you’re okay! I thought I could offer some insight as a Muslim (just by name, not religious whatsoever, but some of my family members have married women who converted).

So my uncle fell in love with a Christian woman (he actually left his Muslim wife and kids for her). She converted and they married and had more kids... she only converted to marry him and is Muslim “by name”, she still drinks, doesn’t follow the religion etc (no judgement at all! It’s her life). But my uncle isn’t religious either. Not sure if your ex is like this, but bare in mind, if he is religious, if you converted he may try and make you become more religious slowly over time, which is not fair (through fasting, dressing conservatively etc).

Also men in Islam are allowed to marry “people of the book” (Christians, Jewish people, and one more I can’t remember?). So technically it’s fine if he marries you and says you are Christian, but often Muslim families will try and get the girl to convert due to fear of stigmatism from others.

All I’m going to say is, do what makes you happy. Don’t change yourself if you aren’t comfortable or don’t want to, and look after yourself first. The cultural aspect is very hard to adapt to. If you need anything I’m here x
 
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Hi Lolly I hope you’re okay! I thought I could offer some insight as a Muslim (just by name, not religious whatsoever, but some of my family members have married women who converted).

So my uncle fell in love with a Christian woman (he actually left his Muslim wife and kids for her). She converted and they married and had more kids... she only converted to marry him and is Muslim “by name”, she still drinks, doesn’t follow the religion etc (no judgement at all! It’s her life). But my uncle isn’t religious either. Not sure if your ex is like this, but bare in mind, if he is religious, if you converted he may try and make you become more religious slowly over time, which is not fair (through fasting, dressing conservatively etc).

Also men in Islam are allowed to marry “people of the book” (Christians, Jewish people, and one more I can’t remember?). So technically it’s fine if he marries you and says you are Christian, but often Muslim families will try and get the girl to convert due to fear of stigmatism from others.

All I’m going to say is, do what makes you happy. Don’t change yourself if you aren’t comfortable or don’t want to, and look after yourself first. The cultural aspect is very hard to adapt to. If you need anything I’m here x
Thank you for your comments, he varies between being not religious to more religous. He said for me to try and be muslim (just a bad one) & as soon as i had a drink he couldnt take it.. its really hard, as i am willing to compromise, raise any children as muslim just me myself i cant be muslim. I dont know if his behaviour is just stubborn to see who gives in first. He is heartbroken without me. But who knows.. i guess only time will tell. Its soo hard when you break up but both love eachother. He wasnt toxic. He wants what he wants & he isnt really stringing me on, he said if i cant be muslim he cant be with me. Hes such a good person. But yeh sorry to bore you x
 
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