We were in touch quite a bit last week about organising workmen for the house but that's it really. Hadn't had any contact for a few weeks until then.
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He's messing with her head so that she can't move on. It doesn't make any sense for him to say he can't be with her for religious reasons, but then says he will wait forever for her to change her mind. Wait forever for what? He's already said he can't be with her.
Sounds like he's using some manipulation tactics on her to stop her from completely cutting him off. Which, if I'm right, is a very toxic situation to be in.
So you haven't had a chat with him about your future?
This is something I’ve realised in my own situation in the past few days (mine isn’t religion related though) - but I just wish my husband would’ve actually be open and honest with what the problems were, and left with 100% certainty of what he wanted going forward. We shouldn’t be blamed for their uncertainty and definitely don’t deserve the manipulation x
No. Initially I agreed not to contact him unless it was necessary about the house while he started therapy so I've been trying to stick with that. I guess I was hoping he'd see sense and come home.
I think though that the fact that he didn’t/hasn’t is enough. The actions give you the answer, you can’t wait around waiting for the explanation that may never come and even if it ever did, it won’t change the outcome. There’s way too many great women on this thread and in life that are just putting all the power & control in the hands of men who just treat them poorly. Men who leave or who check out of a relationship and move on in a heartbeat while the ladies spend months/years going over every detail and trying to make sense out of it when sometimes it’s not possible to do so. Sometimes it’s just tit, and you have to just move on yknow. Because what’s the alternative, really?
My last big breakup I made my friend go on my Facebook account and block him and all his family. I never use it anymore now anyway but I remember having to make her do it. Block him on everything.
You don't deserve any of the nonsense your partner put you through. I agree, if someone is unhappy in a relationship then by all means they can leave. But they should do it in a respectful and considerate manner and at least be open and honest with their partner.
To play mind games and keep your partner hanging on is just absolutely vile and cruel and can cause long term trust issues for some people.
I hope you're doing better
Okay, so you've held up your end of the bargain as promised, but now you're struggling to move on because you don't really know where you stand?
Am I correct in thinking that you're still holding out that hope, and feel you can't completely move on until you have a definitive answer of his intentions?
The fact that he’s carrying on as normal as you say, as if you never existed tells you exactly where he stands on this whole situation. He’s done. He’s out. His actions are telling you exactly how he feels.
You need to just stop. It’s as simple as that. No one else can do or say anything that will force you to stop looking him up via a third party website but I think if you know in yourself that’s not really on and it’s a problem you need to just stop it. Honestly I think you need to step completely away from social media completely and start living your life for yourself. Start making plans for yourself. Look at things you want to do now that restrictions here are starting to ease. Reconnect with friends. Start a new hobby. Take up a sport.
just start focusing on yourself and your life and forget about some guy who’s not giving a tit.
We need to
We need to try and get this house stuff sorted this week then that will be a big weight off our minds as it's been an ongoing job for months and months. But yes, I'm waiting for him to get in touch. We don't have anything like that at work as it's a small company but my boss is really good, I can pretty much come and go as I please. Sorry to hear you've had a tough morning as well.
He was very clear about his intentions when it first happened but I think I'm still trying to process the shock of it all. Also I mentioned earlier on in the thread that he seemed to have some sort of breakdown so it's not as simple as him just leaving, he really didn't seem right. I know it sounds like I'm making excuses and I'm in denial but it was scary to see him like that out of the blue. I thought that once he started therapy he would feel back to normal and we could talk about him coming home.You don't deserve any of the nonsense your partner put you through. I agree, if someone is unhappy in a relationship then by all means they can leave. But they should do it in a respectful and considerate manner and at least be open and honest with their partner.
To play mind games and keep your partner hanging on is just absolutely vile and cruel and can cause long term trust issues for some people.
I hope you're doing better
Okay, so you've held up your end of the bargain as promised, but now you're struggling to move on because you don't really know where you stand?
Am I correct in thinking that you're still holding out that hope, and feel you can't completely move on until you have a definitive answer of his intentions?
I literally know exactly how you feel...my husband also wasn’t quite himself and seems to have been unable to separate how his life is affected by being married vs lockdown etc. It’s so hard isn’t it, I still too have that tiny bit of hope that all this will work itself out, some way or another, and in 10 years we’ll look back on this as a blip even in spite of how he’s made me feel. I’ve told myself I will give it 2 or 3 weeks and then reach out to discuss next steps around separating which is really scary because it’s not what I want, but I’m also not going to beg for someone to love me.
So it’s never going to happen then. So you need to just draw a line under it, cease all contact with him and move on with your own life. Xxx
Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Never go against your own judgement and self for any man.
So, are you going to put your whole life on hold while he goes through therapy?
Depending on why he's attending therapy, he could be there for months, maybe even years. Normally when people go through a breakdown, they don't come out the other side the same person they were before and you have to prepare yourself for the fact that he might not want the life he had before.
Breakdown or not, he's left you and expected just to cut you off unless it suits him. That's extremely unfair not to mention cruel. It's completely one sided and selfish.
For your own sanity I think enough is enough. You've done what he asked and backed off and it's destroying you. Now you need to tell him that it's time to talk. You need to sit him down and ask him once and for all if he's coming back so that you know where you stand. If he says no he isn't coming back, then you at least have an answer and can finally move on and rebuild your life. If he refuses to talk to you about your relationship, then you still have your answer.
By waiting around for him you're adding to the hurt and pain you're already going through, which is doing you absolutely no good. You need your answer now as clear as day because the not knowing is crushing you.
You can get through this. But it's time to ask yourself the tough questions. Do you really want him back? And if the answer is yes, can you trust him not to hurt you like this again? Can you live with the uncertainty?
Please, for your own sake take back control of this situation.
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Your soo harsh, but your 1000% right
. Just fu8king hurts soo much! 11 years invested & nothing to show for it!!I’m not intending to be harsh so I’m sorry if it comes across like that! I’m just trying to be the voice of reason here which I think sometimes is desperately needed in situations like this where your own emotions tend to cloud what’s really going on. I know it hurts and I know it’s been a long time but look at it another way, at least now you’re notYour soo harsh, but your 1000% right
Going To waste another 11 years of your life in him. You can’t change what’s happened but you can decide how YOU move on now with your own life.
Lockdown definitely played a big part in this. Wed not long moved to a different area and he was really struggling with being at home every day, especially once I went back to work. I think you're looking at it the right way, you can't make him come back but I think it's silly to instantly throw everything away. That's how I feel.
Yes this 100% this.So, are you going to put your whole life on hold while he goes through therapy?
Depending on why he's attending therapy, he could be there for months, maybe even years. Normally when people go through a breakdown, they don't come out the other side the same person they were before and you have to prepare yourself for the fact that he might not want the life he had before.
Breakdown or not, he's left you and expected just to cut you off unless it suits him. That's extremely unfair not to mention cruel. It's completely one sided and selfish.
For your own sanity I think enough is enough. You've done what he asked and backed off and it's destroying you. Now you need to tell him that it's time to talk. You need to sit him down and ask him once and for all if he's coming back so that you know where you stand. If he says no he isn't coming back, then you at least have an answer and can finally move on and rebuild your life. If he refuses to talk to you about your relationship, then you still have your answer.
By waiting around for him you're adding to the hurt and pain you're already going through, which is doing you absolutely no good. You need your answer now as clear as day because the not knowing is crushing you.
You can get through this. But it's time to ask yourself the tough questions. Do you really want him back? And if the answer is yes, can you trust him not to hurt you like this again? Can you live with the uncertainty?
Please, for your own sake take back control of this situation.
Yes I'm waiting around but I have nothing else to do. I'm not going anywhere. I want to stay in this house if I can, I love it here. If he decides in 6 months time that he wants to come back I'd let him. I'm certainly not going to be looking for another relationship after being with him for so long. It's not a matter of moving on for me, it's a case of learning to cope with my new life for the time being. I can't move on just like that after 13 years when I know that the person I love isn't well. I know that everyone will tell me I need to move on but it's only been 6/7 weeks since I've had the biggest shock of my life and I'm still processing it.Don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Never go against your own judgement and self for any man.
So, are you going to put your whole life on hold while he goes through therapy?
Depending on why he's attending therapy, he could be there for months, maybe even years. Normally when people go through a breakdown, they don't come out the other side the same person they were before and you have to prepare yourself for the fact that he might not want the life he had before.
Breakdown or not, he's left you and expected just to cut you off unless it suits him. That's extremely unfair not to mention cruel. It's completely one sided and selfish.
For your own sanity I think enough is enough. You've done what he asked and backed off and it's destroying you. Now you need to tell him that it's time to talk. You need to sit him down and ask him once and for all if he's coming back so that you know where you stand. If he says no he isn't coming back, then you at least have an answer and can finally move on and rebuild your life. If he refuses to talk to you about your relationship, then you still have your answer.
By waiting around for him you're adding to the hurt and pain you're already going through, which is doing you absolutely no good. You need your answer now as clear as day because the not knowing is crushing you.
You can get through this. But it's time to ask yourself the tough questions. Do you really want him back? And if the answer is yes, can you trust him not to hurt you like this again? Can you live with the uncertainty?
Please, for your own sake take back control of this situation.
Do what feels right for you. Not what feels right for a stranger on the internet. If you end up making mistakes you will learn from them
But for how long are you going to put your life and happiness on hold for him? 6 months? A year? 5 years? 10? While he does what? Goes to therapy? Moves on with his life? Starts a new relationship?
If he’s mentally unwell that’s obviously something that he needs to sort out but you seriously cannot just put your whole life on hold for something that may never be sorted or for a man who may never be the same again or who may never want to come back.
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