Lovely new thread and title!
I was thinking that if Sparry showed up at the Coronation, we can hold up
Simon Sparry Go Back posters. Didn't exactly work for us all those years ago, but also kind of did. But then, his reading comprehension...
But I dreamt of an even better
plot scheme plan (the alternative was sad memories with backstabbing people so
).
The plan: Tell Sparry and his Ho that all is forgiven, they're the best and will be Kwing and Kween, so a special entrance has been prepared for their grand descending upon the
poor nasty British public and media. Give them any old entrance. Lots of stairs that they have to climb and then descend. When they're smirkily descending and are at the middle of the staircase, hold up '
Simon Smarkles Go Back' posters. When the Ho throws a strop, tell her the camera didn't get her best profile (
) so she has to go back and do it again for it to look
like the Ho she is perfect. Do it every time they are descending, each time coming up with excuses like a candle obstructing the view etc.
For
entertainment science and to extract some good from all the effort we would be putting in, we get psychology students to run certain tests, starting with Pavlov's conditioning theory. At what point do the Smarkles start going back on their own upon seeing the posters, without the need for any excuses? We can later extrapolate that information and see how we can apply it to them popping up, hanging around/appearing in media in general.
This whole exercise will continue until after the Coronation has ended and everyone is back safely in their homes.
We make sure to end it all with, "Never mind, you two aren't fit to be Kwing and Kween. We'll find someone else." That should keep them busy for a while so we all can quickly escape.
Risks are many, though rewards include seeing those two get increasingly frustrated, knowing that Catherine would get some breathing space, and spending time with our favourite Equerries (Charles has approved).
ETA: Can't do a
plot scheme plan without evil laughter