Food & Drink #12 Willies and mash

[heretoreaditall2019]

Guys sorry this is insane but I need to get this off my chest before I murder someone & need some frau lols because I’m FEWMIN!

I cannot describe how loudly my husband brushes his teeth enough, and I’m not even joking it’s actually becoming a problem. Before lockdown I’d leave the house before him & go to bed before him so I must have never heard it? I got to marriage stage without knowing this.

It is so fucking loud that in lockdown I had my friend in the garden, husband was in bathroom and mate was like what the fuck is that noise?! He didn’t believe me. I’ve been in work calls at home (this happened twice)speaking and people are like what the fuck is that noise. Both times we’ve been in entirely different FLOORS much less rooms.

I can’t describe the noise other than you know the phlegm hacking up noise he’ll do at least 3 of them and then cough and splutter then more throat noises? What the fuck is this?? Is there a cure? Is this just how men brush their teeth?

I’ve lost the plot cos last night he woke me and baby up at midnight with it, I’ve said evening tooth brushing has to occur downstairs but I know he’ll “forget”. He didn’t even shut the door? Honestly guys I think I could eat shards of glass quieter than this tooth brushing?

 

[Pocahontas]

You do the mash, do you do the willies mash! I think we have @ReginaPhalangee and @Alansbigplate to thank for the title.

Welcome to the new thread, named after one of the funnier iterations of sausage and mashed potatoes for your dinner/supper/tea.

Vegan sausages, meat sausages, vegetarian sausages, or even no sausage - this is a friendly place for one and all

 

[Silver Linings]

feel free to ignore my armchair psychology 101 but I doubt very much that's how she feels. she most likely fizzes with delight that there are loads of people following her every move. you are a nice person, that's why you're feeling sad. she... has occasional glimpses of self awareness. enjoy your potatoes, our pirate pal

Aww. Thanks you guys.

Potatoes eaten and i’ve been mulling on it and fuck it. My conscience is clear, on JM and what i’ve been annoyed about on the MOTHER thread. My failing is i’m not brave enough to call it out myself. Mainly because it’s off topic which is literally why this thread was created fgs.

Re the hen party analogy, we can be a massive hen like in an american film where we’re the bride’s (JM) friends from all walks of life but who all end up doing Agadoo at the end of the night.

Finally on topic, when I worked for Sainsburys as a young pirate then they did double chocolate donuts briefly. They were divine. Imo you can’t beat the caramel custard from Greggs, but in my town there’s no other option tbh, alas.

 

[colouredlines]

I have mentioned this on a dating thread here but the worst person I matched with on Tinder (luckily we added each other on FB) and spoke a lot there for a few weeks, turned out to be a conspiracy theorist and holocaust denier. We, of course, never went on a date.

I had a date this summer with a FIREMAN and I was so excited because hello fantasies!!

Then he turned out to be a RACIST FIREMAN who kept complaining about Moroccans and asking me loads of weird questions about what apartheid was like. Most disappointing date ever, I was gutted.

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

What are bum mints?

Mints for the bum my love, no one knows if it stings or not x

 

[Silver Linings]

Is this how Jack feels? I don’t really want to say anything now! Gonna eat some potatoes and if Jack tweets a literal mea culpa for her whole career they can screenshot it themselves.

 

[kachoochoo]

Is this how Jack feels? I don’t really want to say anything now! Gonna eat some potatoes and if Jack tweets a literal mea culpa for her whole career they can screenshot it themselves.

feel free to ignore my armchair psychology 101 but I doubt very much that's how she feels. she most likely fizzes with delight that there are loads of people following her every move. you are a nice person, that's why you're feeling sad. she... has occasional glimpses of self awareness. enjoy your potatoes, our pirate pal

 

[kachoochoo]

I can't join in with the normal sock chat cos I wear tights every day.

but get a load of my new slipper socks!

they have pompoms too

NB, my feet are not swollen, the socks are just that chunky!

 

[PoorPatrol]

Hi, evil hags
I’ve traipsed all the way over from the MOTHER THREAD to show my allegiance and solidarity with the F&D fraus. I haven’t been over for a while, I sort of can’t do both. My brain has too many things being juggled, I’m busy! I might fuck Jack off for a bit and hang out over here for the lolz, and the food porn. I’m so sad and angry with the world, and frustrated with actual real life shit, that I don’t think it’s doing me any good to just add to that frustration by following a narcissist’s antics.

 

[Spoonfulofjam]

I realise that I just keep turning up and shouting random stuff at you all and leaving again but I don’t want you to think I’m some terrible misogynist or racist or something so I’ll tell you that I’ve just not been able to keep up. I told you guys that JamBoy was looking at redundancy and I was feeling the old responsibility hard - this is just amplified by everything going on in the world, work being super hard, the patriarchy, people dying in the channel etc. We were hoping to think about being lucky enough to start a family soon (am so conscious there are no guarantees in that area) but now just does not feel the time!

Anyway I’ll keep on chipping in but forgive me, if it’s poorly inserted random outbursts. Sometimes I think it’a a bit like when you’re on a train and there’s a hilarious group of hen gals at the next table and they’re just the right side of tipsy and really funny and they keep catching you laughing at what they’re saying. You guys are the hens and I’m just a weirdo on the train chortling at you. Hope you’re all ok. Flumps sounds like you’ve had a torrid time, BBS - what’s for you won’t pass you by whatever happens with the job, HTRIA I hope work stuff keeps looking up for your possible return, Poc I was in your neck of the woods the other day and I died to think you might be close by. Anyway too many others of you to mention. Just didn’t want to be that lurky weirdo who once told you about a chocolate bar and then turned up to holler stuff like that old man at a bus stop

 

[colouredlines]

For any frauen who are feeling down, I have become a total yoga wanker since coronavirus hit. I was dabbling for a while but now I am full-on at it, have done at least 20 min a day every day since 1 September! I find it really helps with my anxiety; it took me a little while to see the mental benefits, but now they are here and they are HUGE. Physically I have changed too, I am definitely more flexible, a bit stronger, and can hold something resembling crow pose for a full 4 seconds.

Finding a teacher whose style suits you is key. There are so many on Youtube...a lot of people like Yoga with Adriene, I started with her videos but I find her a bit annoying and too slow-paced. I follow Lesley Fightmaster and love her.

I know yoga is in many ways Peak Wanker, but it has really helped me this year, and it's worth a shot if you've never tried. I actually mostly do it outdoors now, which is Peak Wanker Squared...my instagram stories are so ridiculous these days (having said that, this time last year I just posted about protesting in the streets, so maybe this is an improvement?).

 

[heretoreaditall2019]

Oh I love cockles!! I need to think about dinner...I've lost track of my intermittent fasting this week due to anxiety, so I think I'll try to have a nice meal tonight then get back to the routine tomorrow.

Spoiler: work stress

It's a weird time for me. In theory I'm going back to my regular job on Monday. Since coronavirus started I've been totally relying on what I refuse to call a side hustle I write fairly inane SEO content, which is very dull but I do it well, so I can make a pretty comfortable living from it (with all the usual caveats about freelancing). Working from home is tedious, and I miss being around people, but hey, it is what it is.

Anyway I'm supposed to be doing my normal job from Monday, which is teaching intensive English courses to university students. Since I moved I now have a hefty commute, and we have all these brand new restrictions...the courses are allowed, but they really shouldn't be, they involve students travelling from all over the state, and it's a massive clusterfuck. To put it in a UK context, imagine that you have random students from London, Manchester, Cornwall, Cardiff, Liverpool all travelling to Edinburgh for a week, spending 5 days in close contact, then going home? Oh, and the average age is 21 so of course they'll be partying/shagging etc in the evenings.

I feel really guilty, because these courses 100% should not be happening, and they are likely to be a hotbed of infection. I was actually on the verge of telling my boss I don't wanna do it, but I've worked for this company for years and they've helped me a lot in the past.

I feel guilty AF right now though, and it's been fucking with my head all week.

If you don’t feel it’s safe & can afford to miss out on the work, then go with your gut and cancel it. Professional respect works both ways, they should respect you enough to not put yourself in danger and you respect them enough to write them an email explaining & suggesting an alternative (web based is working for educational institutes all over the world?!). You only get one body and your health is paramount, play it forward and think about what would happen if you did go ahead and caught it - what would you wished you’d have done? Do that!

@Alansbigplate you’re the best sending lots of love.

I think those comments have been deleted now btw. It’s disingenuous to suggest it’s a cool girls club, any reference to MT is in reference to actual bad things happening eg denial of poverty, denying people their preferred pronouns, fancying racist n*nces, Etc etc. These topics are usually deleted by mods & users have been blocked, so discussion is warranted? It’s not a fucking thread burn book and I hope no one was made to feel bad as if it was.

 

[Spoonfulofjam]

Had a little weep, in a cupboard so no one could see me wobble.

What a clusterfuck. Love to all of you, especially those in isolated circumstances or difficult circumstances

 

[Cuileann]

What are bum mints?

 

[nightfeedz]

Fraus fraus fraus, I too am on the train smirking at the hen party jokes. So shite at posting or even reading the thread properly but I like this little slice of Internet and wish I had the brain power to connect a little more. Not to be Jack about it but social anxiety is so bad even writing this gives me the willies.

Not even sure what drama I missed on the MT but looks like some of you need a little love so here’s mine x

 

[Grizzlybear]

#13 dicks and donuts

 

[Grizzlybear]

Can’t believe I missed all the narsty carryons yesterday. Absolutely get to fuck , all of you who might have felt sad or slighted xxxx

I saw a second lockdown coming but kind of “la la la-ed” fingers in earsed it a bit, so sending love to everyone dreading it. I am going to celebrate the things I might miss this weekend according to the surprise priorities lockdown 1 exposed: a maccys brekko, a wee trip in person to m&s, and a pub roast on Sunday.

Don’t know why any rogue MT Hyacinths can’t see the bird/traaaazers irony

 

[Harrybosch]

Sounds lovely, and yea same here, just got a craving from nowhere for broccoli, looking forward to some soup today. And am probably a bit slow, but the drama that seems to have occurred yesterday has gone right over my head. Tempted to ask what it was about but, perhaps best to let sleeping dogs lie.

I know you foodie Frauen are all over this already, but roasted broccoli (broken into florets, very lightly coated in oil, high heat), dressed hot out of the oven with soya sauce, lemon juice and sesame oil is the best. Sprinkle of toasted sesame seeds if you have them and fresh chilli if you like that sort of thing.

@Harrybosch glad to hear that you're on the mend! I hope your doctor doesn't prescribe breaking your vegan vows with cheap wet ham and oily fish

Funnily enough, no medical professional gave a shit about my Covid diet. I'm obvs very grateful that even though Mr H and I felt rotten, we didn't get it bad enough for any medical intervention. It was strange though, having to drive to a test centre and doing the test ourselves (we are def NOT medical professionals, so I nearly made Mr H throw up by trying to be extra thorough in the swabbing). When we got the results, the only medical advice we got was STAY AT HOME! I mean, fair enough, what else is there to say? Track and trace keep ringing us separately to check we are STILL AT HOME (and alive, I guess?).

SB has completed Disney+. BB is socially distancing himself from all of us by staying in his room and only coming out for snacks.

 

[Silver Linings]

Oh god how awful to have things changed on you last minute, fingers and toes crossed partner can still come in with you! How exciting though, are you opting to find out gender (or sex I can’t remember which is which I’m pretty sure it’s sex, but that sounds weird so maybe not???)? Is toddler excited or unable to compute it all?

Sending love to the coven, could do with a hug this stuff just feels never ending doesn’t it? It’s shit with no support network too. I might do pass plus lessons to build my confidence driving again cos I don’t have any, I blame my husband for constantly joking about my driving as I was never really that bad. It sounds stupid as I literally have my own car so could do this easily in theory but my dream would to be to go to IKEA and walk round the whole store independently (with baby now) and I just can’t get there. Or Epping forest. I’m literally so bored I’m tempted to get the DLR just for sight seeing but I’d need a hazmat suit.

Sorry this is just a stream of consciousness, what are you guys having for dinner?

I had a plant pioneer ‘sausage’ roll and a bag of giant buttons are singing their siren song from the fridge.

I can’t imagine what it’d be like to have a really little baby during all of this, I honestly think conditions and syndromes and medical papers will be written up in the futurw about how people just soldiered on, while simultaneously beating themselves up about it too.

I stopped driving a while ago as I was a nervous wreck, having been a bit of a fast and furious wannabe in my youth. If I could go back to when I first started to lose my confidence and nip it in the bud, I definitely would. So I think it’s a great idea. The roads will shortly be a lot quieter!

Speaking of, I thought I was all cynical and above being affected by the news, as we all knew this was inevitable, but today I feel like i’m in a total fog. I just hate change, once we’re a few days into 2020’s fifty billionth ‘new normal’ then i’ll be fine, but this is just shit. They can’t even get the bloody announcement right.

Now that was self indulgent waffle, soz guys.

 

[Cuileann]

Mints for the bum my love, no one knows if it stings or not x

...
I'm honestly at a loss for what to say. As you were.