So, I may be out of turn here and this is a slight me-rail. I too was encouraged (by my parents )to go to a high-flying school and then by the school to go to one of the (objectively, but not for for me) top 2 universities in the country. I then went straight into a MA, had to give up the PhD due to my headaches and stupidly then went into teaching, doing yet more masters which ended up with me as a HOD at one of the best independents in the NE. I now don’t work. I get looks when people find out this Cambridge grad who was teaching the next gen of Cambridge grads can only just manage to volunteer at a charity shop. My college psychology partner is a professor at Yale. My dad also helps us. I think he feels guilty that he let me go to that university which we all now agree was too much and partly set off a spiral of tit in a multitude of ways.
What I am trying to say is that we do place too much emphasis on traditional markers of success in our society (university, job, house). Although those markers might have worked for an individual at a certain point, our lives change so those markers are no longer relevant. Other markers become more prominent. We need to change our perspective so that we do not feel guilty when of our comparison against others, our past self, or our idea of what our present self would have been doesn’t match up. Do I feel guilty every time someone tells JM to get a job knowing I no longer work? Absofuckinglutely. Do I feel terrible every time she is told to save to buy a house or that her dad will gift her one knowing my dad helped us immeasurably? Totally. But, her life isn’t ours. My success is getting through the day without a headache ruining it. Yours TS, is a totally different measure. We did have different ideas of what success would mean but we can’t use some of those now. It is just another way that our lives have changed in the same way that we age, only more subtle.
This is so long. I apologise. I send out huge hugs.
I hope this isn’t twatty or IDK, I know what I am trying to say but sometimes it comes out all
What I am trying to say is that we do place too much emphasis on traditional markers of success in our society (university, job, house). Although those markers might have worked for an individual at a certain point, our lives change so those markers are no longer relevant. Other markers become more prominent. We need to change our perspective so that we do not feel guilty when of our comparison against others, our past self, or our idea of what our present self would have been doesn’t match up. Do I feel guilty every time someone tells JM to get a job knowing I no longer work? Absofuckinglutely. Do I feel terrible every time she is told to save to buy a house or that her dad will gift her one knowing my dad helped us immeasurably? Totally. But, her life isn’t ours. My success is getting through the day without a headache ruining it. Yours TS, is a totally different measure. We did have different ideas of what success would mean but we can’t use some of those now. It is just another way that our lives have changed in the same way that we age, only more subtle.
This is so long. I apologise. I send out huge hugs.
I hope this isn’t twatty or IDK, I know what I am trying to say but sometimes it comes out all
Loving all the art chat. Can’t draw. Not getting involved.
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to all who need it.
