Food and Drink #20

Into_the_tunnel · Dec 14, 2021

kachoochoo said:
just need to vent a minute, sorry lads. so the shitty news i mentioned on the MT was that a colleague of mine died very suddenly yesterday

she was only a year or 2 older than me, not yet 40. she was lovely, so good with people, her and her husband were looking into adoption. it's so fucking shit

other thing is, this is the 3rd year in a row someone in my department has died around this time of year. feels like we're cursed

and on top of mr kcc's dad's death and all the other stuff going on in the wider world, not to mention money, stuff needing to be fixed in the car and at home, it's all a bit too much and it's fucking xmas!

yesterday, i basically spent the day on the sofa unable to relax because of my anxiety and I'm just exhausted now

sorry for ranting at you, but thank you all for being here
/SPOILER]

I am so sorry. Is there any way you can take some time tomorrow if your anxiety is still bad? You don’t want to be pushing yourself into anything if that ball in your chest is going to become unbearable.

It sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment, on the top of a rubbish year. Sometimes we can cope with lots of things life throws at us, until a final event hits (either big or small ) and our coping systems just say “no”. If you are that tired and anxious, take it slow. Please vent here. Always a listening box. I don’t want to be patronising, but I was in a state last week and people telling me truths helped.

HotesTilaire · Dec 14, 2021

Into_the_tunnel said:
Sending hugs to those who are navigating tough times . Nothing seems to be getting any easier does it?

So, in a way to take my mind off the MT, I decided to watch a documentary on Now TV about Adrienne Shelly (the writer and director of the film waitress). No light relief I’m afraid. She never got to see her film made into the musical. Sobbing.

It’s a tragic story, can I recommend you watch Schitts Creek or Rick and Morty instead?

I have zero capacity or resilience with death. I’m sure people think I’m a grief tourist at times, but it’s just the way I am, it really affects me and especially when it’s unexpected (which it usually was in most cases I’ve experienced) I found it really helped to go to counselling and speak to someone who didn’t know me or the people who had died. I could just let it all out instead of trying to keep it in so I don’t look mad and obsessed.

kachoochoo · Dec 14, 2021

Into_the_tunnel said:
I am so sorry. Is there any way you can take some time tomorrow if your anxiety is still bad? You don’t want to be pushing yourself into anything if that ball in your chest is going to become unbearable.

It sounds like you have a lot to deal with at the moment, on the top of a rubbish year. Sometimes we can cope with lots of things life throws at us, until a final event hits (either big or small ) and our coping systems just say “no”. If you are that tired and anxious, take it slow. Please vent here. Always a listening box. I don’t want to be patronising, but I was in a state last week and people telling me truths helped.

thank you, your words are much appreciated i will be ok

we all know how up and down life can be, it's just feeling like this bad bit's going on a bit

Sideboard Bob · Dec 14, 2021

kachoochoo said:
just need to vent a minute, sorry lads. so the shitty news i mentioned on the MT was that a colleague of mine died very suddenly yesterday

she was only a year or 2 older than me, not yet 40. she was lovely, so good with people, her and her husband were looking into adoption. it's so fucking shit

other thing is, this is the 3rd year in a row someone in my department has died around this time of year. feels like we're cursed

and on top of mr kcc's dad's death and all the other stuff going on in the wider world, not to mention money, stuff needing to be fixed in the car and at home, it's all a bit too much and it's fucking xmas!

yesterday, i basically spent the day on the sofa unable to relax because of my anxiety and I'm just exhausted now

sorry for ranting at you, but thank you all for being here
/SPOILER]

I’m so so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what to say, it’s just so sad.
You’ve had too much for anyone to deal with at the moment. I really hope you are able to relax a bit, you need it. I know it’s easier said than done though.
Please rant away, you shouldn’t go through all that on your own

MaineCoonMama · Dec 14, 2021

Into_the_tunnel said:
Can I just ask, do you associate Christmas with hot weather?

Yes, I do! My mum was Canadian so we always had turkey and all the trimmings when we were kids but as we all got older it was salad and cold meats. Most Aussies have prawns and pavlova on the day and a game of backyard cricket is pretty normal.
When I was a kid our Christmas Eve was always a night at the drive-in in my mum's old station wagon with grapes and bananas for snacks.
It must seem odd to you guys but I've lived here most of my life and have no memories of cold Christmases.

kachoochoo · Dec 14, 2021

Sideboard Bob said:
I’m so so sorry for your loss. I don’t know what to say, it’s just so sad.
You’ve had too much for anyone to deal with at the moment. I really hope you are able to relax a bit, you need it. I know it’s easier said than done though.
Please rant away, you shouldn’t go through all that on your own

thank you. I know I slagged xmas off earlier, but the way it falls this year and having had my annual leave approved for 29th-31st means I get a good break. just need to get these last few days out of the way and then I can chill

Sideboard Bob · Dec 14, 2021

kachoochoo said:
thank you. I know I slagged xmas off earlier, but the way it falls this year and having had my annual leave approved for 29th-31st means I get a good break. just need to get these last few days out of the way and then I can chill

That‘s good that you get a good break. I feel like I always say this, but grief is exhausting, and it’s easy to forget that when you’re going through it x

Cariad · Dec 15, 2021

Mustard said:
Has anyone here ever had Rumtopf? It’s fruit matured for a long time in rum. My mother used to make it and serve it around Christmastime with vanilla ice cream. I could feel myself getting drunk on one bowl as a teenager.

I had a German Penpal as a teenager ~~many moons ago, I the 80's~~ , anyway 1 Christmas she sent us a Rumtopf pot .My mother would then start to fill it with various fruits from summer onwards, along with copious amounts of ? Brandy I think? ~~Didn't pay too much attention as a teenager~~ Anyway, the resulting concoction was delicious as well as lethal! Great for serving with vanilla ice cream as the fruit became very syrupy
Unfortunately my mum moved house when she was widowed and I think the rumtopf pot was broken in the move as never saw it again ...however I still have my penpal and we still keep in touch ( also got some great coffe pots to make German brandy in ~~also lethal! )~~

HotesTilaire · Dec 15, 2021

kachoochoo said:
thank you. I know I slagged xmas off earlier, but the way it falls this year and having had my annual leave approved for 29th-31st means I get a good break. just need to get these last few days out of the way and then I can chill

I think the mood in the UK is a bit down generally with the covid latest and fears about further restrictions as well, it’s a lot plus you have a lot on top of that.

Universal · Dec 15, 2021

Morning, so much going on for everyone here.

@EddieBeds ignore the outside world and do what is right for your family. The govt advice is woolly and designed (I think) to put people in such predicaments like yours. In your head fast forward a few weeks and look back on the situation and know you did the right thing. My take is that you sound like a very resilient person but you've been unwell, baby beds is under the weather and you are anxious about the spread in nursery; I'd take to the sofa and stay home until you are both better. There is no right and wrong here.

KCC so sorry about your sad news. I can imagine the next few days will be tough for you. Just get through the next few days and take the Christmas break to heal from the past year with Mr KCC.

Oh I am in awe of all the programmers and coders. I struggle with spreadsheets. Just goes to show what a diverse gang we are. I love to hear good news about women doing well in (what was) a male dominated industry. Re: Clothes - In my work there has been a shift to smart casual, so jeans and a blouse for the office. Trazzzers (on a bird) and jumpers too. I love clothes and regularly turn up completely overdressed just because I want to wear a certain item of clothing that day. I work with mostly men and the thing I struggle with is shoes especially when we have to walk across London and I am in unsuitable footwear telling them to slow down and wait for me!!!

jordishaw · Dec 15, 2021

So much wisdom and love here, thank you all.

The AIDS epidemic years took me from my mid 20s to my mid 30s, and also took so many friends and colleagues. I've missed them every day, and it's really strange that now (It's a Sin, POSE) it's becoming much more widely acknowledged because at the time it was so silenced. And what terrifies me now is that I think collectively we're carrying so much unacknowledged grief and mourning = carrying a time bomb. (Also, the last 24 hours of Monroe twitter seems particularly heinous in this context, like tapdancing on a volcano)
Nothing cures grief or makes it go away, but taking time to sit with it and speak of it helps to make it possible to live with it. One thing that helps me - there's a traditional Jewish (but useful, so feel free to borrow) saying when you mention someone who has passed 'may their memory be for a blessing' - and I've found this genuinely helps, acknowledging how much I've learned from people and how much they are still present with me? Somedays that feeling of living on the shoulders of giants helps me to look forward. Also, I love this bit from Rabbi Lawrence Kushner, and repeating it here also feels like a blessing: "Each lifetime is the pieces of jigsaw puzzle. For some there are more pieces. For others the puzzle is more difficult to assemble - but know this. No one has within themselves all the pieces to their puzzle. Everyone carries with them at least one and probably many pieces to someone else's puzzle. Sometimes they know it. Sometimes they don't. And when you present your piece, which is worthless to you, to another, whether you know it or not, you are a messenger from the Most High." (You don't have to believe in the Most High anything for this to work for you, but you do have to know that we all have meaning)

Into_the_tunnel · Dec 15, 2021

jordishaw said:
So much wisdom and love here, thank you all.

The AIDS epidemic years took me from my mid 20s to my mid 30s, and also took so many friends and colleagues. I've missed them every day, and it's really strange that now (It's a Sin, POSE) it's becoming much more widely acknowledged because at the time it was so silenced. And what terrifies me now is that I think collectively we're carrying so much unacknowledged grief and mourning = carrying a time bomb. (Also, the last 24 hours of Monroe twitter seems particularly heinous in this context, like tapdancing on a volcano)
Nothing cures grief or makes it go away, but taking time to sit with it and speak of it helps to make it possible to live with it. One thing that helps me - there's a traditional Jewish (but useful, so feel free to borrow) saying when you mention someone who has passed 'may their memory be for a blessing' - and I've found this genuinely helps, acknowledging how much I've learned from people and how much they are still present with me? Somedays that feeling of living on the shoulders of giants helps me to look forward. Also, I love this bit from Rabbi Lawrence Kushner, and repeating it here also feels like a blessing: "Each lifetime is the pieces of jigsaw puzzle. For some there are more pieces. For others the puzzle is more difficult to assemble - but know this. No one has within themselves all the pieces to their puzzle. Everyone carries with them at least one and probably many pieces to someone else's puzzle. Sometimes they know it. Sometimes they don't. And when you present your piece, which is worthless to you, to another, whether you know it or not, you are a messenger from the Most High." (You don't have to believe in the Most High anything for this to work for you, but you do have to know that we all have meaning)

That is beautiful. Thank you. I don’t think any more needs to be said.

Mustard · Dec 15, 2021

Does anyone know how much alcohol disappears from mulled wine when heated?

Into_the_tunnel · Dec 15, 2021

Mustard said:
Does anyone know how much alcohol disappears from mulled wine when heated?

I would say you have to boil it (alcohol has a lower bp than water) so if you just warm it to say 60 degrees then the alcohol will still be there.

By warming up to 80 for a while, then the alcohol should evaporate off to be safe ( in my opinion).

Toffee finger · Dec 15, 2021

@kachoochoo I’m so sorry to hear your sad news, sending lots of love to you

Mustard · Dec 15, 2021

Into_the_tunnel said:
I would say you have to boil it (alcohol has a lower bp than water) so if you just warm it to say 60 degrees then the alcohol will still be there.

By warming up to 80 for a while, then the alcohol should evaporate off to be safe ( in my opinion).

Thanks for your opinion. I wonder what would the case be if it was done in a microwave.

Into_the_tunnel · Dec 15, 2021

Mustard said:
Thanks for your opinion. I wonder what would the case be if it was done in a microwave.

I wouldn’t. You don’t want the alcohol evaporating and being trapped in there. It could be a fire risk. (Chemistry teacher head on)

edit- if you are heating liquids, please wear goggles and tie hair back.

Mustard · Dec 15, 2021

Into_the_tunnel said:
I wouldn’t. You don’t want the alcohol evaporating and being trapped in there. It could be a fire risk. (Chemistry teacher head on)

edit- if you are heating liquids, please wear goggles and tie hair back.

Hmm too late. I used to heat leftover red wine with a cinnamon stick in it in the m/wave and nothing happened. Haven’t done it in ages though.

Falkor · Dec 15, 2021

It's actually not raining here for the first time in weeks, so the ladies have had their fluke and worm doses (I am not popular right now), the remaining lambs have had their earrings put in (Badger is number 44) and I've taken them all back out to the hill to roam while the weather's going to be settled for a spell.

EddieBeds · Dec 15, 2021

heretoreaditall2019 said:
Omg please do, I love a solved mystery!

so sorry you’re all going through this. Obviously don’t know your NICHE and really appreciate not all employers are so fab but would they be agreeable to some sort of flexible or reduced hours considering we’re in a pandemic? Can you take sick leave yourself (I know this is cheeky but this close to Christmas you only need a week or so to get you over the line!), or worst case is parental leave an option? Sadly this is going to happen to so many families over the next few weeks :/ I know it’s easier said than done but try not to worry - set yourself 1/2 (ideally highly visible ) things you know you can get done in a day, do them, and then that’s you done then switch off and no more worry. It’s ridiculous to expect parents to parent & work in a pandemic, time and time again they do these lockdowns and isolation measures with inadequate support for huge swathes of the country!

Thank you so much for this. My manager was actually really lovely when I emailed them and spoke to them - ‘family first, work second’. I identified two things I can achieve today and was told that would be enough and to just let them know at the end of the working day what I’ve done so if needed things can be reassigned.

Parental leave is practically non existent in the company I work in - think I’m allocated two days every rolling 12months! Mr Bed’s boss actually said ‘sounds like things are tricky maybe you need to employ a childminder’ - like mate really, have you seen the news??? My parents help where they can but they’re a two hour drive away so not on the door step - not a complaint as we can muddle through/have it easier than others but his boss made me want to scream.

Universal said:
Morning, so much going on for everyone here.

@EddieBeds ignore the outside world and do what is right for your family. The govt advice is woolly and designed (I think) to put people in such predicaments like yours. In your head fast forward a few weeks and look back on the situation and know you did the right thing. My take is that you sound like a very resilient person but you've been unwell, baby beds is under the weather and you are anxious about the spread in nursery; I'd take to the sofa and stay home until you are both better. There is no right and wrong here.

Thank you - that’s a really good way of thinking, helps to put a bit of perspective around it too. I also did the dreaded LFT and negative so a silver lining.

@kachoochoo sorry for your loss. Hope the next few days are ok until you’re on leave.

@jordishaw that’s simply beautiful. Thank you for sharing.

Food and Drink #20

Privacy & Transparency

Privacy & Transparency