Food and Drink #19

[traumatised sideboard]

Thank you dear hearts for saying such nice things. Unfortunately I have cripplingly low self-esteem, not improved by my last ex who was using me for sex so was lying to me to that end the whole time. Now I'm worried that anyone who says anything complimentary is only trying to manipulate me and I don't know how to tell who is being genuine. Maybe I'll go full catfish and facetune myself into oblivion. Or I could set up a candid shot of myself at my desk thoughtfully chewing on a pencil. My blazer doesn't fit me anymore though, do you think it's alright without or should I buy a new one?

@Switchstreetz for when you cba flirting and just want to get to the point: come back to mine and I'll make you a cake.

 

[Sideboard Bob]

Thank you dear hearts for saying such nice things. Unfortunately I have cripplingly low self-esteem, not improved by my last ex who was using me for sex so was lying to me to that end the whole time. Now I'm worried that anyone who says anything complimentary is only trying to manipulate me and I don't know how to tell who is being genuine. Maybe I'll go full catfish and facetune myself into oblivion. Or I could set up a candid shot of myself at my desk thoughtfully chewing on a pencil. My blazer doesn't fit me anymore though, do you think it's alright without or should I buy a new one?

@Switchstreetz for when you cba flirting and just want to get to the point: come back to mine and I'll make you a cake.

I hate that someone made you feel that way, it’s so cruel. I’m just a mendactious, faceless ninnie but I meant all the nice things, look -

You should definitely buy a new blazer though, you need one with a pocket for all those pencils!

 

[blurstoftimes]

Minuscule almond and orange cake after i didn’t secure the cake tin properly and the batter started pouring out the sides while i called my daughters name over and over again for help only to realise there was no way she was going to unglue herself from minecraft and assist. Genuine question - how the heck do you line a cake tin with parchment paper and have a nice smooth circle shaped cake??!

 

[Pocahontas]

Minuscule almond and orange cake after i didn’t secure the cake tin properly and the batter started pouring out the sides while i called my daughters name over and over again for help only to realise there was no way she was going to unglue herself from minecraft and assist. Genuine question - how the heck do you line a cake tin with parchment paper and have a nice smooth circle shaped cake??!

Bet it’s delicious still, Blurst.

Cut a circle to fit the base and then cut a separate piece the line the sides

 

[blurstoftimes]

Bet it’s delicious still, Blurst.

Cut a circle to fit the base and then cut a separate piece the line the sides

omg! thank you Poca. No more gnarly cakes!

 

[emm]

I hate that someone made you feel that way, it’s so cruel. I’m just a mendactious, faceless ninnie but I meant all the nice things, look -

View attachment 759570

You should definitely buy a new blazer though, you need one with a pocket for all those pencils!

or hold out to find one in a puddle? or be gifted by a friend?

 

[Nottonightbabe]

Minuscule almond and orange cake after i didn’t secure the cake tin properly and the batter started pouring out the sides while i called my daughters name over and over again for help only to realise there was no way she was going to unglue herself from minecraft and assist. Genuine question - how the heck do you line a cake tin with parchment paper and have a nice smooth circle shaped cake??!

I just put a circle in the base, and grease the sides, works fine

 

[Pocahontas]

omg! thank you Poca. No more gnarly cakes!

A good tip here for how to get the perfect size circle for your cake tin

 

[Switchstreetz]

I hate that someone made you feel that way, it’s so cruel. I’m just a mendactious, faceless ninnie but I meant all the nice things, look -

View attachment 759570

You should definitely buy a new blazer though, you need one with a pocket for all those pencils!

So sorry that happened to you @traumatised sideboard I hope you get yourself back out there, I know people like that leave scars, honestly you deserve so much better.

I know we only know each other online (and as we all know everyone on the internet is actually a serial killer playing the long game so we can't meet in person) but you come across as so witty, so kind and so downright talented in every post. You never cease to brighten our day on the main thread, you've made us all laugh out loud so many times. You're amazing, the women of this app would be LUCKY to even get a chance to talk to you (and I bet none of them can even bench press the queen!)

(P.s I love that "I'll make you a cake" is now the scariest thing Jack Monroe could ever say to us, and not only because it'll likely be a peach flavoured housebrick she can use to clobber us to death with )

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Dear hearts, I cry. Everyone here is so kind, I wish I could bake you all a cake as I don't abide by the proximity rule, I just think it's nice to give cake to people. It's fine re: the ex situation as I wrote multiple songs about him and his mendacious behaviour so needless to say, I had the last laugh!

 

[HotesTilaire]

Dear hearts, I cry. Everyone here is so kind, I wish I could bake you all a cake as I don't abide by the proximity rule, I just think it's nice to give cake to people. It's fine re: the ex situation as I wrote multiple songs about him and his mendacious behaviour so needless to say, I had the last laugh!

Thing is Traumy it’s not really in our interests for you to find happiness in the sunset with someone. You’re an ARTIST you go out in the outside with real people and all the electroslop dries up.
I do think you should try though. Absolutely no advice how to go about it from me I’m afraid. So afraid.

Hotes OLD disasters
- matched with a policeman who said he wanted to marry me (first message!) He wouldn’t stop messaging me even though I rejected him. He insisted I meet him. In the end I said I would contact his Borough Commander with screenshots to complain about harassment to get him to stop.
-matched with a weirdo who kept asking for my address. A week after blocking him, saw him in the supermarket and was scared, changed supermarket
-matched with a guy who I wasn’t interested in, ignored, then kept seeing him around where I worked. He is a bit part type actor so I also see him on the telly from time to time.
- matched with my ex who I don't speak to. Deleted my account.

 

[traumatised sideboard]

Oh dear Hotes, that's not very encouraging! Quite frightening to think about the implications of the policeman as well. Don't worry on the cabal front though, I imagine me in future relationships to be like this:

To stop me-railing: Waitrose have rebranded their vegan/veggie products and got quite a few new ones in. I got some no-chorizo tortelloni, chocolate and caramel pots, no-duck spring rolls and most importantly some frozen breadcrumbed mac bites as I have not yet forgiven M&S for discontinuing theirs so if these are as good I will be thrilled.

 

[HotesTilaire]

Yes but you’re dating women, who are equally capable of being unsuitable but less likely to go full stalker on the first message.
I hear Sue Perkins is newly single although it would technically put you in a snog chain with the Dragon with a Flagon

 

[EllaEm87]

Nothing to add that everyone else hasn’t already said, dating these days is a minefield. SO MANY STRANGE PEOPLE. The thought of re-entering the dating pool honestly gives me the fear. But do keep trying. There’s someone out there who’s perfect for you @traumatised sideboard . And in the meantime, we appreciate you

 

[lilamay]

Just popping in to share something that made me laugh!

 

[Marj24]

I was widowed in my mid forties just over 10 years ago. Given I've had my offspringearly eldest died at aged 10 I am fortunate enough not to be looking for a baby daddy.

My late husband, who I very much loved had issues. He died a functional alcoholic, still employed, that at least gave me death in service benefits

It is really not so bad to be on your own. Maybe I am just lucky but I have had holidays with my parents and given their age, extra positive time with them, separated from her husband sister and a friend.

Pre covid I regularly met up with friends for lunch and theatre dates. Probably on theatre/lunch date every couple of months but as my default is hermit, there was a lot to get out of the house for. I also had a lunch date weekly with my younger son. He has since boomeranged back after a 9 year relationship breakdown. So I no longer live alone and am happy about that. I do hope my son finds love again in the future, he doesn't want children. That is not a problem to me because grandchildren are a privilege not a right.

You don't need a partner to be happy, indeed they can bring sometimes bring their own misery. Concentrate on what you can control. Having said all that I hope anyone looking for love all the best, there statistically should be some good ones out there!

 

[Captainmouse]

To stop me-railing: Waitrose have rebranded their vegan/veggie products and got quite a few new ones in. I got some no-chorizo tortelloni, chocolate and caramel pots, no-duck spring rolls and most importantly some frozen breadcrumbed mac bites as I have not yet forgiven M&S for discontinuing theirs so if these are as good I will be thrilled.

I had the M&S Mac and cheese bites the other day for the first time, seriously underwhelmed

 

[NP]

Just popping in to share something that made me laugh!

That’ll be the lack of gold glitter spray and pictures of dogs.

 

[Nottonightbabe]

That Man has a new show starting tonight, 8pm on C4

 

[KebabGirl]

That Man has a new show starting tonight, 8pm on C4

Thought I heard something, noises from the bungalow as the tv is gently, softly knocked off the mantle into the sentient rug.

Thanks, will be watching