I know as parents, they always tell you not to compare your child to another child… But, let me tell you something right now, when I see this picture of Abbie, it makes my heart hurt soooo much…
Want to know why? (Don’t come at me, this is a very old pic of my daughter and I blurred her face, so no one can Google match it)
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This is my oldest daughter, after her first year of preschool (getting ready to repeat another preschool year, before going to Kindergarten late). This girl was non-verbal, had PICA issues, was dx as developmental delayed, couldn’t walk across a room without falling several times, couldn’t make friends, had massive destruction issues and couldn’t wear pants (due to sensory issues) and I am probably leaving out a ton of other issues that we were dealing with. She wasn’t even on the “Spectrum” yet because that was being over diagnosed and the doctors wanted a “wait and see” approach.
Let me tell you, we threw everything that we could into this child. I stayed up late at night, watching videos and reading journals and books. I worked with her every day, on homework or taking her out to places that would grow her mind. We would go to social events, just to make sure she was around others and learning. She would meltdown, have sensory times, learn appropriate behavior, potty trained at almost 7 years old, learned how to make friends and how to stay away from bullies, struggled with certain schools, dealt with medical diagnoses that came her way. She took dance for 5 years, to balance her coordination, learn bi-lateral coordination, and can walk (because we couldn’t afford PT and dance classes were cheaper, plus more social skills developed). She learned to talk but is very computerized talking and only talks when necessary or around friends. But, she stuck with it and so did we. We never gave up, we never brought her home and stuck her in a back room for her brother to watch. We never stuck her on a couch to rock. We didn’t have respite workers to take her out to get sugary drinks or just out of our hair (until this past year and half way through her Senior year). We took her to the kitchen and taught her how to cook. We took her to the laundry room and taught her how to do laundry (well, except folding and Mom is OCD). We told the schools that they would educate her and if they didn’t, we took her out and found a new school that would. I homeschooled her through rough years…
Guess what? She now is headed to college. She has enrolled and is taking a full load. She is attending a program to even help her mentally, to navigate the way and not become overwhelmed. She is killing it and while, she isn’t driving herself to Publix (due to seizures), she doesn’t have a job (she needs to concentrate on school), she is putting herself out there and not rocking on a couch and not having someone still needing to change her diaper.
I look at the picture that Priscilla posted and cry. I think about all the times we have seen Priscilla push Abbie’s care off to others. Her saying “Mothering isn’t my jam.” How she was more driven in her “career,” than taking care of Abbie. Maybe, just maybe, she could have taken that time, dealt with being poor a few more years and really put work into Abbie, instead of just having 1 Golden child.. Abbie could have turned out so different.