Dealing with abortion

[Pushyplumb]

It really is a very hard decision for anyone to make and so sad that there is still such a stigma around talking about it. I had mine 22 years ago. It wasn't an easy decision. One I very nearly didn't go through. I have told very few people about it but was surprised that with the ones I did share it with one had already had one and then another had one a few years after I told her about mine.

At the time I felt so alone. Thinking of you all and sending love.

 

[Noodles28]

Thank you. MSI and BPAS are both calling me tomorrow (I panicked and contacted both). Just looking at their websites it looks like BPAS automatically offer medical at-home abortions pre-10 weeks, whereas MSI seem like they give more of a choice..?

I immediately went to BPAS as being so early I thought they’d quickly send the pills and I’d be over and done with by 6 weeks. If you have anything they find alarming or want more information on it delays the process which is why I only just managed to get sorted. Obviously I don’t know where you are but If your local hospital offers terminations then I’d give them a ring. I rang last week and though there was a wait I got offered surgical on one day or medical on a different. I didn’t think I ever wanted surgical but at this point in the pregnancy it means it’s all done in one day and I wouldn’t need to return unlike for medical

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

Hi all, so the worst thing has happened. On Tuesday I found out I’m pregnant I’m 5 weeks tomorrow. To me this is a tragic accident that never should have happened. As soon as I found out I called Marie Stopes, because of gestation I’d have to wait around 2-3 weeks for a surgical & as you can imagine - timing is crucial. I have opted for a medical. I’ve had quite a few phone calls with different ladies & they have all been SO nice. The medication arrived through my door today. It’s just so surreal staring at the packets of tablets that’s the difference between life & death. That’s how I feel. I 100000% know my decision is the right one but my feelings are just so all over the place. I am starting the process Monday as that’s when my partner is at home with me & kids are at school. Any advice is much appreciated. I feel lost, broken, ashamed & scared

Please don't feel ashamed. You know your own limits. Your hormones are ruling you but once you're out on the other side you won't feel like this. Go easy on yourself, you'd never judge a friend or even a stranger for doing what you're doing

 

[Carrrlyx]

Hi ladies, I’ve just recently found out I am pregnant also, I have 3 kids and my youngest is only 5.5 months old, all born via csection (this is the reason my partner thinks we should terminate as I would be having a 4th csection) I am so undecided on what to do as I think the guilt would eat me alive if I was to terminate .. however, I do have a consultation booked for Friday with the sandyford. I wouldn’t know wether to have the tablets or d&c if given the choice I struggle really badly with health anxiety so both are worrying me stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

I’ve got my surgical abortion tomorrow. I know I’ve said it before but I just wanted to thank everyone again so much for their kindness and messages of love and support, you may all be strangers on the internet but you’ve helped me more than you could ever know . If it’s ok with everyone I’d like to share my experience online when I’m able to, just for anyone who may come to this thread and find themselves in a similar position and be wondering what to expect with the surgery etc. I think it’s going to be a long night with lots of tears but I know I’m going to be ok in the end. Thank you all again so very much from the bottom of my (very broken) heart . You are all very special ladies. X

Sending you lots of love and of course come back when you’re ready and share your story if you want to. As you say it’s great advice for those who come after us

 

[mushroomprincess22]

Thank you everyone for your support and for being there for me, it means so very much to me. I didn’t think this could get any worse but it just has. My partner is in the military and I’ve just found out he’s going away for a couple of weeks so I’m going to have to do this all on my own . X

 

[Noodles28]

I have recently had an abortion (2 weeks ago) and I’m Really struggling I’ve took time off work to deal with the situation as to be honest I really didn’t want to go ahead but for financial reasons and already having two children 5&6 and my partner having a 7yr old the practicality of it seemed impossible. I’m now riddled with guilt and I’m triggered by every Facebook/instagram post if people announcing pregnancies. I’ve cried most days and I can feel my partner getting sick of me as my mood swings are all over. I can’t help but keeping thinking of the what ifs/how many weeks I would have been now. I’m awaiting counselling from BPAS & works private healthcare but I can’t help but feel so down and depressed. I’m dreading taking the pregnancy test next week to confirm the abortion was successful. I’m mentally torturing myself and I really don’t know where to go from here. Any advice would be really appreciated

I’m with you. I eventually had mine 8 days ago (after waiting 8 weeks)and I’ve cried every day since. It is getting easier but I’m struggling. I know that I made the right decision but I’m still looking at baby things etc and thinking of the what ifs. I was tidying my sons room yesterday and came across some boxes of muslins and cried and that set me off for the day. Sending you so much love and strength

 

[Dogwithabone]

Thank you so so much. That is amazing advice, I shall have a look at BPAS in a moment.

Also, thank you for the well wishes and support - right back at you my love.

I know I will suffer emotionally over this too but also know keeping this baby would most definitely not be the better option for many reasons. Luckily I have a very supportive partner too. I will give you an update on how I get on.

thank you so much again for the most helpful reply. It’s also comforting knowing I am not alone in this situation. I hope everything goes as planned for you. Much love

 

[Mollywobbles]

No advice.
Just to say it must have been a difficult decision but a very brave one.
Hope all goes as planned

 

[whoareyouu]

Just thought I’d put a final update on my journey as a way to close it off and in the hopes that it may help others who might pass through here at some point.

I had my abortion on Thursday. It was a lot easier than I expected. The staff at the clinic were absolutely lovely, the environment was really calm and caring. My surgeon was a woman which really helped put my mind at ease. In the room was surgeon, three nurses and the aesthetician who was the only man. All of them lovely and kind. They managed to find my rogue coil whilst I was under and remove it too and put a new one in. I was in recovery about 45 mins and then allowed to leave and my friend picked me up and we got McDonald’s .

Ex moved back in a few days before the procedure but it was helpful having him here for the school runs. He’s staying in the spare room and I guess next week we will have ‘The Talk’ and work out how we separate our massively entwined lives.

Glad it’s all sorted for you. With you on the sorting out of lives, nightmare. You’ve shown huge strength so far!

 

[marthaedwards11]

One of my reasons for wanting to go the surgical route, despite only being 5-6 weeks along is that I don’t feel comfortable being at home during the day due to my current living situation. I don’t have a very supportive flatmate in that when I do need to work from home she makes her displeasure with that known. She knows I’m pregnant, yet still made a big deal about me working from home today (quietly in my bedroom, I’ll add!) due to random waves of nausea and cramping. I don’t feel that I have a safe space to pass the pregnancy at home. I’m really scared and I’m feeling quite lonely if I’m honest.

 

[marthaedwards11]

Thank you so so much. That is amazing advice, I shall have a look at BPAS in a moment.

Also, thank you for the well wishes and support - right back at you my love.

I know I will suffer emotionally over this too but also know keeping this baby would most definitely not be the better option for many reasons. Luckily I have a very supportive partner too. I will give you an update on how I get on.

thank you so much again for the most helpful reply. It’s also comforting knowing I am not alone in this situation. I hope everything goes as planned for you. Much love

I hope you're doing okay @Dogwithabone

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

It does get easier. I had my termination almost 16 years ago. I knew I didn't want a child but still felt awful after the abortion, guilt, regret, sadness, all of it. I'd say it was about 6 months to a year before I could see it clearly and start to forgive myself. I don't regret it at all now because I am logical about it as opposed to emotional. Don't beat yourself up, you made the right decision for you.

 

[Galaxy1994]

Hi all, I’m so grateful I’ve found this thread and would appreciate any support/guidance. I recently had a medical abortion this week, after finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This was a very, very wanted pregnancy and I cannot believe it ended this way. Without going into too much detail, we discovered our circumstances were not what they seemed financially, and my partner was close to a breakdown so an abortion seemed the only option, although I now feel this was a rushed option for concern of my partners mental health. I worry this was a huge mistake, and the sadness is consuming me. Although I agree that now was not the best time once I had the full picture, I feel broken that I’m no longer pregnant, and like I’m spiralling. I have PCOS and thought I would need intervention to get pregnant, so I feel ungrateful on top of everything else that I chose to end the pregnancy, although again I feel like the word ‘chose’ is incorrect (but I will stress that I wasn’t forced). Please can someone share if they’ve had similar feelings and if these have shifted since? I’m aware things are still so new, but it’s hard to imagine feeling any different at the moment. We won’t have kids now for at least a year (this would have been my first) and that kills me too. I completely understand this is not how most people felt and I by no way mean to transfer any guilt or sadness onto anyone else’s experience, I just need some reassurance life will feel a little easier as I’m honestly struggling to function. I plan to reach out and request counselling, I’m just looking for real life examples too. I really hope this post isn’t upsetting or triggering for anyone, I just don’t know how else to stress how big this all feels.

 

[Eureka]

I’ve got my surgical abortion tomorrow. I know I’ve said it before but I just wanted to thank everyone again so much for their kindness and messages of love and support, you may all be strangers on the internet but you’ve helped me more than you could ever know . If it’s ok with everyone I’d like to share my experience online when I’m able to, just for anyone who may come to this thread and find themselves in a similar position and be wondering what to expect with the surgery etc. I think it’s going to be a long night with lots of tears but I know I’m going to be ok in the end. Thank you all again so very much from the bottom of my (very broken) heart . You are all very special ladies. X

You got this

 

[Erling Haaland]

I’ve had two.

One at 18 and one at 21. No regrets!

Both times I took the tablets to pass it as they were early. One time I had to pass it in hospital and the second time at home. Both times it was VERY painful and gross. But I’ve had the coil fitted and that was a similar level of pain afterwards.

If it’s not the right time then it’s not the right time.

One of my reasons for wanting to go the surgical route, despite only being 5-6 weeks along is that I don’t feel comfortable being at home during the day due to my current living situation. I don’t have a very supportive flatmate in that when I do need to work from home she makes her displeasure with that known. She knows I’m pregnant, yet still made a big deal about me working from home today (quietly in my bedroom, I’ll add!) due to random waves of nausea and cramping. I don’t feel that I have a safe space to pass the pregnancy at home. I’m really scared and I’m feeling quite lonely if I’m honest.

Can you book a hotel for a few nights after it happens?

 

[PartTimeNoseyWitch]

I just wanted to say that even though I didn’t originally start this thread, I’m massively thankful to everyone who has shared their experience.

I’m currently about 6 weeks pregnant and would like to terminate the pregnancy for a number of reasons that basically boil down to it not being right for me right now.

I’d always assumed that my only option would be to take the medication and then pass the pregnancy at home, but I think I’ll definitely discuss the possibility of a surgical abortion during my consultation tomorrow.

Hope all goes well but I’m sure you will be fine. You’re not alone

 

[Keera]

Hi everyone.

Never did I think I would find myself here. I have always been pro-choice for everyone else, but anti-abortion for myself.

My partner and I had our first child in 2023, planned. We always knew we wanted a small age gap so began trying for our second as soon as I felt healed down below. It took about 14 - 15 of trying to fall pregnant. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests were heartbreaking but we got our second blessing in the end. She is almost 5 months now.

My partner and I were irresponsible (only the once) and I got a positive pregnancy test last Friday. I’m not stupid and know how babies are made - but how is it we could be tracking ovulation and doing everything right and it took 15 months last time, where as this time it was one mistake and it happened straight away? I can’t believe it. I have made the very hard decision to terminate . I absolutely hate myself and have hardly eaten today.

Every time I look at my children, all I can think about is the baby I’m wanting to abort and I’m a mess. I feel like a monster and a murderer

I had a call with MSI today - they are calling me back next week as they need to do some investigating first and contact my GP / the hospital as I had some medical issues with my last birth. I didn’t realise this would happen and stupidly thought I’d be getting tablets in the post tomorrow or the following day. With each day that passes, I can’t help but think this baby is getting bigger and I feel more and more guilty.

I know what I’ve decided is the right thing for me, my partner, our family and our children but it’s so hard to stop myself from thinking “what if” and going through lots of different scenarios.

My partner has been incredible and so supportive, I couldn’t ask for more but I just feel so alone in this. Even though I’m scared of the pain, what I am most frightened of is what I am going to pass . I know this decision will haunt me forever and I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself . Does it get easier with time? Thank you from one very sad poster. X

it does get easier with time. I’ve moved on now and have other children and it’s something I don’t regret - as it was correct decision for myself and my partner - but look back on with sadness that it had to be that way. However I do not think about it often now, years later.
My advice is to take up the counselling that MSI will offer.
Treat yourself with kindness - imagine what you would say if your best friend came to you with this scenario and speaking of herself the way you are 🩷

and as an aside to your fears over what will be passed, I was around 8 weeks at time of termination and it was little more than an heavy period, after an initial heavy bleed.

 

[Keera]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

it does 🩷 I’m a year on from mine now and although I do think of it it’s no where near as often and I don’t have any regret. I wish I hadn’t had to make that decision in the first place but it was most definitely the right choice.
rememeber hormones are still swirling, it’s only been a month. Be kind to yourself.

(while we are always here on this thread, you could consider chatting to the counsellors you can access through the abortion provider)

 

[Noodles28]

One of my reasons for wanting to go the surgical route, despite only being 5-6 weeks along is that I don’t feel comfortable being at home during the day due to my current living situation. I don’t have a very supportive flatmate in that when I do need to work from home she makes her displeasure with that known. She knows I’m pregnant, yet still made a big deal about me working from home today (quietly in my bedroom, I’ll add!) due to random waves of nausea and cramping. I don’t feel that I have a safe space to pass the pregnancy at home. I’m really scared and I’m feeling quite lonely if I’m honest.

Could you try NHS? They give both options! I tried bpas initially (at 4 weeks) and because I had to jump through some hoops and delayed now at almost 10 weeks I’m waiting for my nhs surgical appointment next week.

Hope you’re ok