Dealing with abortion

[Keera]

I’m currently in the consultation process of having an abortion. I’m very newly pregnant (5weeks) and in a complicated financial and personal situation.

I live with my partner in a city 400 miles away from our support network, where the cost of living and rent is astronomical.
On discovering I was pregnant our knee jerk reaction was to plan a way to move back to our hometown, however as the days went by we realised this was going to be extremely difficult (we are two months into a 2 year lease here, I would have to give up my job completely to move putting us on one wage and my partner if his company agreed to transfer him would take a considerable pay cut - added to the fact that we would have nowhere to live and mortgages are the way they are at the moment!)
For a while we had been trying to conceive but once we moved here we decided to make the most of temporarily living in a big city, which made this a bit more difficult.
We both decided that the best thing for us to do was not continue the pregnancy at this time.

i suppose I’m just looking for others who have had terminations support (and maybe some advice from those on here a bit wiser than me), as I think a lot of what I’ve read online are women regretting their choice and struggling mentally afterwards.
I know that I will still feel some degree of upset naturally despite knowing this is the right thing for me but it feels like I am strange for not being “heartbroken”?

 

[bojobingo]

sorry to be so cliche - whatever feels right for you is the right thing to do.

if it helps you to feel more informed… I have been pregnant 4 times in my life time. 2 terminated pregnancies, 1 miscarriage and I now have one wild toddler.
I had a termination at 6 weeks (I was 18 and extremely immature), I felt nothing, like a trip to the hygienist - If it weren’t for other people’s opinions it would not have been a noteworthy experience on the timeline of my life. No sorrow or longing - maybe I questioned if I was a ‘good’ person because of my lack of feeling toward the situation.

at 25 and finding myself 12 weeks pregnant it was a very different experience. I didn’t want to have a termination- I know that now and I think I knew it then. I was under a lot of pressure at the time, part way through a post grad, had no money and barely a way to support myself. When they did the scan I made the mistake of looking and cried at the image of aseemingly huge baby on the screen. I went back and forth to the clinic every day for a week and changed my mind at the last minute each time. I had one of the counselling sessions offered and found it was useless. Then I started to feel I was wasting everyone’s time and I just did it, signed the papers and went through with it. The procedure is unremarkable but afterwards the grief was unbearable. It was full on and horrific and impacted my life for years afterwards.

I’m sure that’s entirely unhelpful - just real world experience.

Early on in the pregnancy with my daughter I had all of the same fears about finances etc, and then she arrived and it’s a million times more difficult than I could imagine it would be. We’re happy (after a turbulent first year!) and having a child is amazing. I wouldn’t change a thing about before - generally abortions are very safe and there’s not much to fear in that respect

(sorry for the ramble - it’s great to talk about this hidden subject)

Brilliant book to read on the subject is you’re the only one I’ve told by Meera Shah.

What a pregnancy actually looks like before 10 weeks – in pictures | Abortion | The Guardian

In 13 US states, abortion is banned even in the earliest stages of pregnancy. But we rarely see what such tissue really looks like

amp.theguardian.com

 

[rainbowlemon]

I haven't gone through this personally, but it might help to speak to a professional.

This charity has fully trained counsellors:

Abortion Counselling | NUPAS

NUPAS abortion counselling ensures wellbeing & offers support through each stage of your abortion care journey. Our counselling sessions can take place either face to face or over the telephone and rest assured, they will be confidential and non-judgemental.

www.nupas.co.uk

 

[nyMreb-5fattu-hedgob]

Sorry to hear you’re in this situation. I had a termination at just under 6 weeks as I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly and it sparked the most intense fear in me. I was almost suicidal and couldn’t continue.

Although I was and still am very sad about it I knew it was the right decision for me at that time. Before the termination I read through numerous stories online, nearly all of which terrified me. However, the termination itself was fine, it was the mental torture I put myself through before, during and after that was the hardest part. Remember to do what feels right for you and your situation and make sure you have your partner (or someone) available for support.

 

[Tinkerbell cat]

I have had a termination and I don't regret it. It wasn't the right time for me, and I know that now. My then partner didn't want a baby so I would have been doing it alone. I was still living at home with parents, I was working in a dead-end job & tbh I was just very immature. The procedure itself was over quickly and although I did feel a bit sad after I can look back and now It was the right thing for me at that point in my life.

 

[yellowflower274]

I’m currently in the consultation process of having an abortion. I’m very newly pregnant (5weeks) and in a complicated financial and personal situation.

I live with my partner in a city 400 miles away from our support network, where the cost of living and rent is astronomical.
On discovering I was pregnant our knee jerk reaction was to plan a way to move back to our hometown, however as the days went by we realised this was going to be extremely difficult (we are two months into a 2 year lease here, I would have to give up my job completely to move putting us on one wage and my partner if his company agreed to transfer him would take a considerable pay cut - added to the fact that we would have nowhere to live and mortgages are the way they are at the moment!)
For a while we had been trying to conceive but once we moved here we decided to make the most of temporarily living in a big city, which made this a bit more difficult.
We both decided that the best thing for us to do was not continue the pregnancy at this time.

i suppose I’m just looking for others who have had terminations support (and maybe some advice from those on here a bit wiser than me), as I think a lot of what I’ve read online are women regretting their choice and struggling mentally afterwards.
I know that I will still feel some degree of upset naturally despite knowing this is the right thing for me but it feels like I am strange for not being “heartbroken”?

I had an abortion in January of this year after finding out I was pregnant in Dec 2021. There really was no other thought to me than to have an abortion, I was 22, just moved in with my boyfriend and just started working in the Police. We’d moved 1hr30mins away from both our families for my job and it simply was a complete accident and neither me or my boyfriend were financially or emotionally ready for a baby.

I had to wait nearly a month to actually have the appointment which was really hard as I was so emotional and kept crying and saying I felt connected to the baby etc but I still knew it was the right decision (and ultimately the only decision I had really), but as soon as I had my appointment and went through the physical process I felt a million times better…I can’t imagine having a 4 month old baby now. It simply wasn’t the right time for us.

There’s no shame in it at all, ultimately it’s better to terminate a pregnancy than bring a child into this world if you are not ready and it’s not the right time. I havent regretted my decision for a second but obviously everyone has completely different situations. I’m happy to talk more about the procedure etc if you need as well either on here or privately.

 

[unidentified]

I second that whatever decision you make it is the right choice at that time. I think you’re absolutely justified in feeling every emotion and it is absolutely ok to speak to someone close to you for support.
I found this clip extremely moving

 

[MrsBsDayOff]

Those of you who had surgical abortions - question, did any of you find it sore, either during the procedure or immediately afterwards?

 

[gummy-bear]

Those of you who had surgical abortions - question, did any of you find it sore, either during the procedure or immediately afterwards?

I had a surgical in June because I was 11 weeks and they advised it was better. I was terrified because I read on Reddit and other forums how painful it was. It honestly didn’t hurt anymore than a smear- you take pain before and during and it was minimal discomfort. Immediately afterwards I felt sooo much better (I’d been throwing up every day for the previous two weeks) and had zero pain. I was back to normal activities that evening. Honestly I would recommend surgical from my experience xx

 

[bojobingo]

Those of you who had surgical abortions - question, did any of you find it sore, either during the procedure or immediately afterwards?

I was under general anaesthetic so no pain during and just a bit of cramping after. Completely unremarkable.

 

[curtainsonthewall]

I had two. One September 2020 and one feb 2021 both fluke accidents I don’t want kids never have never will

 

[PartTimeNoseyWitch]

I had an abortion in lockdown - medical. My partner and I had only been together a few months and although I knew deep down he was a good guy I am so aware of how people can change over time. I also wanted to enjoy our time together without children before we committed and to get married first. My house is not suitable for a child and I couldn’t afford to move. My finances were atrocious, in debt up to my eyeballs and in a job on about 20k a year, which just about covered my bills. Of course my partner could’ve contributed but what it we split up? I want to ensure I could manage on my own when I have kids, whether that means having a few grand saved or a better job but at that time I did not. The child would’ve been born into stress and worry. As much as I would love to be a mother and know I would be an amazing one, it wasn’t the right time and I did what was right for myself and the potential child. I see abortion often as an act of love rather than anything else, the majority do it because they are trying to protect what could be if they had a child they didn’t particularly want, could afford or had no Dad around (I know this isn’t always a guarantee and many women do both roles by themself).

Fast forward almost 3 years….. I have a job earning almost double what I was as well as working towards a career change which I’m so excited for. My debt is almost gone. My partner and I are still together and luckily, he is still an amazing man in my eyes but we have worked through a couple of things and learnt things about each other we may not have been able to had we had a child so early on. We’re in the process of buying a house and I have an inkling this year he will propose.

Do I regret my abortion? Not at all. Do I sometimes feel sad about it? Yes, every now and again but I know I will one day have a child and they will be loved more than anything I have ever loved before, their Mum will be so emotionally aware and mature and I will do everything I can to ensure they get everything a child deserves in life. But even if I don’t end up having a child I will use my blessings to help make the world a better place in one way or another.

It’s always down to the individual, I am a rather practical person and very rational, not everybody is the same so either way… do what’s right for you

 

[ack13]

I had an abortion mid-December at about 8 weeks. Done it at home with the support of my husband. We’ve always know that we didn’t want children and my pregnancy came as a result of a contraceptive failure.

Despite my previous comment about not wanting children, when I found out I was pregnant I began thinking about perhaps keeping it (I now put this down to pregnancy hormones), thinking about what my son/daughter may look like and just all these bizarre feeling and thoughts. When I passed my pregnancy I won’t lie, I was very upset as was my husband.

Fast forward 5 weeks, it was 100% the correct decision and although some people don’t agree/can’t imagine it, I am still 100% decided that I will not have children. Yes I felt a bit upset the days following but it subsided quickly and I don’t regret it.

 

[Klaus123]

I had a termination. I already had a young child (under 1), my pregnancy with them had been traumatic. I began to suffer with my mental health in a way I never had before. I was so so depressed (and that pregnancy was wanted, it was out of my control feeling that way), my then partner left & ghosted me at 5 months pregnant. Obviously my mental health spiralled and I became almost psychotic. Had to be put on meds. Then partner came back when baby was a few months, they left again a few months after that, I found out a few days after they’d left that I was pregnant again.

The thought of going through another pregnancy just terrified me. I had a young child that solely relied on me and I couldn’t take the chance of becoming so mentally unwell again. It wasn’t an easy decision to make and I did almost back out at the last moment but I pushed through it thinking of the baby I already had that needs me.

It was hard and there are moments now, years later, where my mind will wander and I’ll think about it but in general, I would say I don’t regret it. It was 100% the right decision at the time and now. In the years since, I have decided I never want to become pregnant again but the abortion has no factor in that decision, the mental health struggles and other factors have made me decide that. I never thought I’d be someone to have an abortion as I’m very maternal and always thought I’d have quite a few kids but sometimes life takes a different path.

I didn’t really struggle with my mental health after the abortion, a little sad perhaps but I was never heartbroken or utterly devastated about it. I was solid in my reason for doing it I suppose. Like I said, occasionally my mind will wander and I’ll think about it but it doesn’t affect my life in any way.

You have to do what’s right for you at the end of the day. No one can tell you if you’ll regret it or not but certainly not everyone does.

 

[marthaedwards11]

I just wanted to say that even though I didn’t originally start this thread, I’m massively thankful to everyone who has shared their experience.

I’m currently about 6 weeks pregnant and would like to terminate the pregnancy for a number of reasons that basically boil down to it not being right for me right now.

I’d always assumed that my only option would be to take the medication and then pass the pregnancy at home, but I think I’ll definitely discuss the possibility of a surgical abortion during my consultation tomorrow.

 

[gummy-bear]

I just wanted to say that even though I didn’t originally start this thread, I’m massively thankful to everyone who has shared their experience.

I’m currently about 6 weeks pregnant and would like to terminate the pregnancy for a number of reasons that basically boil down to it not being right for me right now.

I’d always assumed that my only option would be to take the medication and then pass the pregnancy at home, but I think I’ll definitely discuss the possibility of a surgical abortion during my consultation tomorrow.

Hey- I couldn’t see and scroll. I am one of the people who posted about a surgical abortion. I actually spoke to my friend recently who had a medical abortion and she had a horrible time. I don’t wish to scare you at all, as everyone’s experiences are so different but I have to say what I experienced was worlds apart. As stress free as it could have been. I hope you are ok and taking care of yourself. Even if you have come to terms with the situation and know what your decision is, it’s a huge thing to go through mentally and physically. Here to chat if you’d like! Xx

 

[marthaedwards11]

Hey- I couldn’t see and scroll. I am one of the people who posted about a surgical abortion. I actually spoke to my friend recently who had a medical abortion and she had a horrible time. I don’t wish to scare you at all, as everyone’s experiences are so different but I have to say what I experienced was worlds apart. As stress free as it could have been. I hope you are ok and taking care of yourself. Even if you have come to terms with the situation and know what your decision is, it’s a huge thing to go through mentally and physically. Here to chat if you’d like! Xx

Thanks for your reply @gummy-bear . Just reading on BPAS's website, it looks like they'll likely only offer me a medical abortion because I'm less than 10 weeks. Their reason for this is COVID.. I am hoping that they will take my concerns about the at-home medical abortion seriously and consider granting my wish for the surgical option.

 

[PartTimeNoseyWitch]

I just wanted to say that even though I didn’t originally start this thread, I’m massively thankful to everyone who has shared their experience.

I’m currently about 6 weeks pregnant and would like to terminate the pregnancy for a number of reasons that basically boil down to it not being right for me right now.

I’d always assumed that my only option would be to take the medication and then pass the pregnancy at home, but I think I’ll definitely discuss the possibility of a surgical abortion during my consultation tomorrow.

Hope all goes well but I’m sure you will be fine. You’re not alone

 

[yellowflower274]

Thanks for your reply @gummy-bear . Just reading on BPAS's website, it looks like they'll likely only offer me a medical abortion because I'm less than 10 weeks. Their reason for this is COVID.. I am hoping that they will take my concerns about the at-home medical abortion seriously and consider granting my wish for the surgical option.

I had a medical at home and whilst it was very very painful, it was only a few hours and once the main pregnancy passes the pain reduced for me drastically. It really wasn’t nice when the pain was so bad but it did only last for a few hours, but obviously if a surgical would be a lot better for you then hopefully you will be offered one.

 

[MrsBsDayOff]

I had a medical at home and whilst it was very very painful, it was only a few hours and once the main pregnancy passes the pain reduced for me drastically. It really wasn’t nice when the pain was so bad but it did only last for a few hours, but obviously if a surgical would be a lot better for you then hopefully you will be offered one.

Was it more painful than a bad period? I often get bad back and leg pain during period and have to take pain and go to bed.