Dealing with abortion

[mushroomprincess22]

Just came back on here to read everyone’s messages of love and support, thank you so much . I have my pre assessment tomorrow morning for the surgery . The medical professionals thought this would be better for me than the mediation. I hope I’m doing the right thing . X

 

[Saddlesoap]

Never had one, but read with interest.
Still such a stigma around abortion, and their shouldn't be. Reading though it was nice to see so much honesty and care.

 

[pink_lemonade]

I’ve stumbled upon this thread as I found out yesterday that I am pregnant, my first thought was we can’t keep it, we have so much going on in our life right now…

We have a 6 month old baby, in the middle of moving house and I have gallstones

I have only been pregnant once before and as much as it was a shock, we were totally ready, and it felt right. I don’t feel like that this time, I don’t feel ready for this and my body really isn’t ready.

My husband is really supportive, said it’s my decision and he will support, we did have a chat last night and he believes having an abortion would probably be for the best but I’m pretty certain he is only saying that because I am more for it.

But the GUILT of getting rid of it !!!! I actually feel sick having to get rid of it.
I’m waiting for BPA to be in contact today

 

[nyMreb-5fattu-hedgob]

Sorry to hear you’re in this situation. I had a termination at just under 6 weeks as I found out I was pregnant unexpectedly and it sparked the most intense fear in me. I was almost suicidal and couldn’t continue.

Although I was and still am very sad about it I knew it was the right decision for me at that time. Before the termination I read through numerous stories online, nearly all of which terrified me. However, the termination itself was fine, it was the mental torture I put myself through before, during and after that was the hardest part. Remember to do what feels right for you and your situation and make sure you have your partner (or someone) available for support.

 

[Keera]

I’m currently in the consultation process of having an abortion. I’m very newly pregnant (5weeks) and in a complicated financial and personal situation.

I live with my partner in a city 400 miles away from our support network, where the cost of living and rent is astronomical.
On discovering I was pregnant our knee jerk reaction was to plan a way to move back to our hometown, however as the days went by we realised this was going to be extremely difficult (we are two months into a 2 year lease here, I would have to give up my job completely to move putting us on one wage and my partner if his company agreed to transfer him would take a considerable pay cut - added to the fact that we would have nowhere to live and mortgages are the way they are at the moment!)
For a while we had been trying to conceive but once we moved here we decided to make the most of temporarily living in a big city, which made this a bit more difficult.
We both decided that the best thing for us to do was not continue the pregnancy at this time.

i suppose I’m just looking for others who have had terminations support (and maybe some advice from those on here a bit wiser than me), as I think a lot of what I’ve read online are women regretting their choice and struggling mentally afterwards.
I know that I will still feel some degree of upset naturally despite knowing this is the right thing for me but it feels like I am strange for not being “heartbroken”?

 

[asunder]

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I’m going through this at the moment. We have 2 small children, we thought we wanted a 3rd, but it’s all happened so quickly, before we really had a chance to decide properly. And now I’ve realised I can’t do it all again, and I’m so anxious. I’m 6 weeks, booked for my consultation and scan tomorrow. All the post here have really helped thank you so much xxx

 

[PartTimeNoseyWitch]

Babies are a blessing when everything works out and is manageable. This is not the case for many people. Babies can be hard work, they can drive you to dark thoughts, they can sometimes be born with illnesses and conditions which require a lot of care and cause a significant amount of heartache, which if you already have child(ren) may take away resources from them. There are so many examples of instances where an approach to having another baby isn’t just a case of “getting on with it and everything will be just fine”. Life isn’t rainbows and sunshine, it’s unpredictable and cruel so for me, if you don’t feel like you’re up to it then don’t do it and nobody will judge you, I’ll admire you for doing what you thought was best.

*I’m not saying children who have health conditions aren’t a blessing, on reflection not sure if it comes across that way, I absolutely do not mean that, I’m just saying people always expect a healthy bouncing baby and that’s not always the case unfortunately

 

[J.O]

Sorry for intruding on this post, I am booked in for a termination tomorrow. They want me to have a scan to confirm I am under 10 weeks because my periods have been irregular and I am still breastfeeding my one year old. So I already have four children, two with my ex partner and two with my current partner. After my fourth I made it clear I didn’t want anymore, I was referred by my gp for sterilisation and unfortunately I have fallen pregnant prior to my first appointment with the gynae team.

I really don’t want this baby, I don’t want to go through pregnancy again, I had my fourth in January 2022. My partner insists I keep it and I should do the right thing. And that he doesn’t know how he will get over it and has even said he doesn’t know whether we will come out the other side of this.
Everything will have to change, bigger house, bigger car, more income when I am already struggling financially being in private housing in London. And it’s not just that. I don’t want to sacrifice my body again, I don’t want to sacrifice the time I do have with the children I have had. He’s told me not to worry about money because he will take care of it but it’s not just about money for me. I am thinking of myself, and all of my children. He only has two to worry about and I have four to worry about. He said I am making excuses and aren’t valid reasons for wanting to kill a baby. And he doesn’t support it at all.

All of the things he’s suggested I do, I have refused. Because they only work for him. It’s not him that has to go through a pregnancy and give birth. He said I am being selfish and he’s right I am and I don’t care.

I have to think about whether or not it’s worth me keeping a baby I don’t want and potentially hating it (I don’t feel anything positive towards it) or risking my relationship and doing what’s best for myself.

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

Just as an update as I don’t have many other people I can talk to about this. I had my first appointment today at the clinic and they scanned me, I’m 10 weeks 4 days so have to have the surgical abortion. It’s booked for next Thursday. Updated my ex and got a ‘thanks for letting me know, hope you’re ok’ response. Took the rest of the day off work as just wanted to be alone and curl up in a ball.

 

[mushroomprincess22]

I’ve got my surgical abortion tomorrow. I know I’ve said it before but I just wanted to thank everyone again so much for their kindness and messages of love and support, you may all be strangers on the internet but you’ve helped me more than you could ever know . If it’s ok with everyone I’d like to share my experience online when I’m able to, just for anyone who may come to this thread and find themselves in a similar position and be wondering what to expect with the surgery etc. I think it’s going to be a long night with lots of tears but I know I’m going to be ok in the end. Thank you all again so very much from the bottom of my (very broken) heart . You are all very special ladies. X

 

[Klaus123]

I had a termination. I already had a young child (under 1), my pregnancy with them had been traumatic. I began to suffer with my mental health in a way I never had before. I was so so depressed (and that pregnancy was wanted, it was out of my control feeling that way), my then partner left & ghosted me at 5 months pregnant. Obviously my mental health spiralled and I became almost psychotic. Had to be put on meds. Then partner came back when baby was a few months, they left again a few months after that, I found out a few days after they’d left that I was pregnant again.

The thought of going through another pregnancy just terrified me. I had a young child that solely relied on me and I couldn’t take the chance of becoming so mentally unwell again. It wasn’t an easy decision to make and I did almost back out at the last moment but I pushed through it thinking of the baby I already had that needs me.

It was hard and there are moments now, years later, where my mind will wander and I’ll think about it but in general, I would say I don’t regret it. It was 100% the right decision at the time and now. In the years since, I have decided I never want to become pregnant again but the abortion has no factor in that decision, the mental health struggles and other factors have made me decide that. I never thought I’d be someone to have an abortion as I’m very maternal and always thought I’d have quite a few kids but sometimes life takes a different path.

I didn’t really struggle with my mental health after the abortion, a little sad perhaps but I was never heartbroken or utterly devastated about it. I was solid in my reason for doing it I suppose. Like I said, occasionally my mind will wander and I’ll think about it but it doesn’t affect my life in any way.

You have to do what’s right for you at the end of the day. No one can tell you if you’ll regret it or not but certainly not everyone does.

 

[holliebollie]

@Keera thank you for your reply… I think deleting Flo is probably a good idea for now until it’s faded a bit. I think trying BPAS for just maybe a one off counselling session might be useful if the flo deletion doesn’t help enough. I think it may be as that’s what usually makes me compare it all, like it’s not in the forefront of my mind all day every day! It was the right decision and definitely don’t regret it. Just a little raw with my sister’s announcement. Thank you

 

[marthaedwards11]

How did your consultations go? Are you any further forward?

BPAS sent me for a scan at my local A&E yesterday as I had some pain. They couldn’t find the pregnancy when they scanned so sent me for some bloods. Today I’m bleeding heavily and in a lot of pain so I guess that’s that. Feeling a little numb but mainly relieved. Thanks for checking in

Just a more general point to anyone who may stumble across this thread looking for advice.. I want to add that although I wasn’t treated via BPAS in the end, the midwife I spoke to initially was so reassuring and helpful, made me feel completely safe and listened to. I’d definitely recommend reaching out to them

 

[Pushyplumb]

Again just to also wish you the best. I went through mine alone too and honestly I think I would prefer that to some idiot, uncaring man in my way. There were plenty of women there alone.

Thinking of you and wishing you well. We are here if you need any advise or just a supportive ear.

 

[RainbowFuzz]

So pleased to hear you're doing ok and that the experience was one of support and comfort for you. I can say from experience that although it will never leave you, it does get easier with time. It's 30 years since mine and every now and then I catch myself thinking gosh I'd have a 30 year old child right now, I know that I made the best decision for me and for them at that time and I have never regretted it. Sending you gentle hugs and lots of love

 

[Noodles28]

It’s coming up to the due date for mine and though I do think about it almost daily and do have had my moments thinking about the what ifs, it was the best decision for myself and my existing family.

Thinking of those going through the decision right now. Whatever you do decide you have made that decision because it was right for you at that point in your life and don’t lose sight of that

 

[Keera]

I had my abortion at 6-7 weeks at home. The pain for me was no worse than a bad period cramp, and only lasted about 2 days. I only had to use the cocodamol they gave me once the whole time, about 12 hours after I took the second medication (that induces bleeding).

incase it helps anyone else reading -
I took the first medication (ending the pregnancy) at about 6pm Wednesday, I didn’t expect to bleed at all until the second med (possibly my own naivety) but I started bleeding at about midday Thursday and passed 1-2 small clots (assume it was pregnancy but don’t know). Bleeding was heavy-ish, I had to go home from work as was a bit shocked and unexpected! Buteasily managed with pads for heavy flow, nothing more than that.
Thursday night took the second medication to induce bleeding, continued bleeding heavily and started cramping through the night which cocodamol sorted out.
Friday the odd twinge but nothing more.
Saturday felt pretty normal except the bleeding.
bled for about 10-12 days getting progressively lighter.
My period then returned as normal about 5 weeks later.

Hope everyone’s doing ok not an easy choice but as time goes by I’m still absolutely certai it was the right one for me x

 

[Dogwithabone]

Hello I’ve just come across this thread and wondering if anyone can help advise me in the right direction @pink_lemonade i could have wrote your post myself!
I currently have a 4 month old, 2yr old and 7+11 yrs. I have just found out I’m 7 weeks pregnant, I can’t believe I’m in this situation but I’m absolutely adamant I do not want another baby. It’s obviously summer holidays so all kids home. I don’t know where to begin, do I need to go via nhs? Many thanks in advance for even reading xx
---
I hope my above post doesn’t offend anyone but from previous experiences I have had some amazing support over on other threads on tattle so I was feeling content in posting here

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

I’m a year on from my abortion now and at times I do wonder what things would have been like but I’m also so glad I did it. Especially as my ex is now shacked up with the girl I now know he was cheating on me with when I found out I was pregnant. It’s bad enough I have to share the child we already have with them but if I’d have had to share my baby with them I think I’d have had a breakdown.

I love this thread

 

[Pushyplumb]

I am sure that if you decide to continue a pregnancy you will love the baby but I know in my case that 9 months of carrying a child I wasn't in a position emotionally or financially to support could have very easily let to me doing something drastic to harm myself and the child.

Everyone's situation is different. Abortion isn't the easy option. You live with the scars but looking back I know I made the right choice.