Dealing with abortion

[CelinaRoger]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

It does, I'm 4 months on and while I still find myself feeling guilty regularly it's definitely gotten easier in the last few weeks. The abortion counsellors can be really helpful too.

 

[Gilmoregirl18]

I took the second pills this morning and today has been rough, not sure if I need to go to a and e? I called them and they said only if I'm soaking through 2 pads an hour, which I'm not, but when I go for a wee the blood seems to pour out hope its all over soon

Hey hope your okay, I did mine 2 weeks ago and I was the same blood pouring out, it’s normal and it will slow down, mine did by the next day, rest and be kind to yourself xx

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I have recently had an abortion (2 weeks ago) and I’m Really struggling I’ve took time off work to deal with the situation as to be honest I really didn’t want to go ahead but for financial reasons and already having two children 5&6 and my partner having a 7yr old the practicality of it seemed impossible. I’m now riddled with guilt and I’m triggered by every Facebook/instagram post if people announcing pregnancies. I’ve cried most days and I can feel my partner getting sick of me as my mood swings are all over. I can’t help but keeping thinking of the what ifs/how many weeks I would have been now. I’m awaiting counselling from BPAS & works private healthcare but I can’t help but feel so down and depressed. I’m dreading taking the pregnancy test next week to confirm the abortion was successful. I’m mentally torturing myself and I really don’t know where to go from here. Any advice would be really appreciated

It's OK to feel your feelings. You don't have to just get over it because it's something you chose to do. Our feelings are complex, so even though you know you did the right thing for your situation right now, that doesn't mean that processing your abortion will be easy.

I think we are conditioned to think that because abortions are a 'right' (and they are) we should be emotionless about them but we aren't and that's OK. You can grieve, it's a process and it isn't easy.

Give yourself time and talk to your partner, tell him you are grieving and ask him to give you the space to react in the way you need to.

I hope the counselling helps

 

[Keera]

How long did everyone bleed afterwards? I’m over a week now and when I wipe, blood is still a little bit there

I was between 10-14 days but got progressively lighter x

 

[marthaedwards11]

Hey- I couldn’t see and scroll. I am one of the people who posted about a surgical abortion. I actually spoke to my friend recently who had a medical abortion and she had a horrible time. I don’t wish to scare you at all, as everyone’s experiences are so different but I have to say what I experienced was worlds apart. As stress free as it could have been. I hope you are ok and taking care of yourself. Even if you have come to terms with the situation and know what your decision is, it’s a huge thing to go through mentally and physically. Here to chat if you’d like! Xx

Thanks for your reply @gummy-bear . Just reading on BPAS's website, it looks like they'll likely only offer me a medical abortion because I'm less than 10 weeks. Their reason for this is COVID.. I am hoping that they will take my concerns about the at-home medical abortion seriously and consider granting my wish for the surgical option.

 

[pink_lemonade]

How long did everyone bleed afterwards? I’m over a week now and when I wipe, blood is still a little bit there

 

[Keera]

If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. I had a medical abortion this month (at the start so a few weeks ago now) but never told my bf as I thought it was pointless. We haven’t been together long and it was a no brainer. Anyway… two issues I’m struggling with. One, my sister has just announced her pregnancy and it’s two weeks behind what would have been mine. I still check Flo and think, ‘Oh I would be x weeks now’ Not sure how that’s gonna go for the next 6 months.
Also feeling guilty about not telling him- not that he would have disagreed, but now every time babies or pregnancy is talked about (not us but other people), I can’t stand it, knowing I was pregnant until recently. Would it be silly to tell him? What would I get out of it, maybe it’s just me wanting some validation rather than for his sake?!
I’m considering contacting BPAS to see if it’s not too late to speak to someone counselling wise but just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom. I don’t regret my choice but I probably didn’t need a constant reminder of it with my sister.

first of all definitely contact and ask for counselling.

and, unless you rely it on it heavily for cycle tracking I would delete Flo for a bit. I completely understand as I felt awful even seeing distant acquaintances pregnancies on social media after mine so I can’t imagine what it would be like if it had been my sister!
My advice is to perhaps throw yourself into getting ready to be an auntie (once you’ve had space to mentally heal). It takes a while to move on from it but you will get there and eventually you’ll stop thinking about it everyday I promise 🩷

secondly - I think only you can judge how your boyfriend will react, but if you feel you would have been on the same page and you would like the support from him then I would tell him. I think I’d just be prepared he might be hurt initially that you didn’t tell him to start with? Maybe it would be prudent to speak to BPAS first and organise your feelings before telling him?

 

[pink_lemonade]

Hi ladies- I hope you don’t mind a technically undecided person stopping by here. I have found out I am very early pregnant. I am on hormonal contraception but do tests as part of my monthly routine after my friend had a horrendous experience of discovering an unwanted pregnancy right on the abortion limit.

I’m absolutely gutted. Never thought I’d be in this boat as had few miscarriages to conceive my daughter.

We could definitely have another baby. No financial worries or anything like that- but I just don’t want to parent more than one child I was one and done, my husband a bit more open and waiting a few months before he booked in the snip.

I haven’t told him yet. I have the number for the booking line in my area and I’m just planning on keeping it quiet for a couple of weeks. I think I need to know if it’s a viable pregnancy before I make the decision. With my history I could just start bleeding tomorrow, or see an empty sac. Just feel like I need all the information so I can never ‘what if…’

It is a big decision especially with your history but remember it’s your body, your choice regardless of your partner, I really stand by that.
The reason I went through with mine was because we couldn’t afford it, our son was 6 months old at the time and we were right in the middle of moving house. Soon as I took the test my stomach dropped, I knew straight away it wasn’t the right time.

 

[ack13]

Oh I completely understand!! We have both agreed to have counselling together and I’ll probably have solo counselling as well.

No worries if you don’t want to answer this - but which method did you use and how was the experience? I’ve opted for medical termination but starting to think I maybe should use surgical as I’ve heard lots of horror stories

Just jumping in to say I had a medical termination at home and it went as well as something like that could go. It was apprehensive due to horror stories but it was all over and done in a few (painful) hours. I was glad to be able to do it at home and had my husband with me the whole time. I was told that if you can’t have anyone with you then best to go into hospital just to be on the safe side.

Sorry that you are going through this, it’s a difficult time. I highly recommend counselling, the whole experience hit me like a ton of bricks mentally and still plays on my mind 2 years later even though we have decided not to have children. I also recommend it for your partner, I perhaps selfishly didn’t think of the big impact the whole situation had on my husband.

 

[anonesk223]

Hi all, I’m so grateful I’ve found this thread and would appreciate any support/guidance. I recently had a medical abortion this week, after finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This was a very, very wanted pregnancy and I cannot believe it ended this way. Without going into too much detail, we discovered our circumstances were not what they seemed financially, and my partner was close to a breakdown so an abortion seemed the only option, although I now feel this was a rushed option for concern of my partners mental health. I worry this was a huge mistake, and the sadness is consuming me. Although I agree that now was not the best time once I had the full picture, I feel broken that I’m no longer pregnant, and like I’m spiralling. I have PCOS and thought I would need intervention to get pregnant, so I feel ungrateful on top of everything else that I chose to end the pregnancy, although again I feel like the word ‘chose’ is incorrect (but I will stress that I wasn’t forced). Please can someone share if they’ve had similar feelings and if these have shifted since? I’m aware things are still so new, but it’s hard to imagine feeling any different at the moment. We won’t have kids now for at least a year (this would have been my first) and that kills me too. I completely understand this is not how most people felt and I by no way mean to transfer any guilt or sadness onto anyone else’s experience, I just need some reassurance life will feel a little easier as I’m honestly struggling to function. I plan to reach out and request counselling, I’m just looking for real life examples too. I really hope this post isn’t upsetting or triggering for anyone, I just don’t know how else to stress how big this all feels.

Hello, I had EXACTLY the same feelings back in April. I’m in a happy relationship, and rent a flat, and I found out I was unexpectedly 5 weeks pregnant.
We had a chat and ultimately it wasn’t the right time financially. We know we want kids in the future, but right now we’re only just finding our feet, and found job security - we also rent a tiny one bed flat.

It was the hardest decision I ever made and I still get triggered by pregnancy announcements, feeling guilty/like a failure. However things have got a lot easier and I know it was the best thing for us at the time - when the time does happen, it’ll be full of excitement

I also have PCOS but this was a hugely positive sign that I can get pregnant.

Let yourself feel all the emotions in the world. You’re going through a hugely hard time emotionally (and physically!). I had a session of counselling and found it hugely helpful.
And don’t let anyone tell you it’s not a big deal or just to get over it.

Hugs

 

[anonesk223]

Oh I completely understand!! We have both agreed to have counselling together and I’ll probably have solo counselling as well.

No worries if you don’t want to answer this - but which method did you use and how was the experience? I’ve opted for medical termination but starting to think I maybe should use surgical as I’ve heard lots of horror stories

 

[asunder]

Hi I’ve just been thought he termination process and the reminders and pregnancy announcements and seeing babies is a little tough. I already have 3 kids that are quite grown now so I just couldn’t start again. It would have literally pushed me back 16 years and my life’s already hectic without bringing a poor baby into the mix.
My biggest struggle is not telling my OH. He is very much pro-life and would have made me have it. He would never forgive me if he found out what I’ve done so I know I can’t tell him but the tension is awful because it’s obvious I’m keeping a secret. I’m just praying it slips to the back of my mind eventually so we can get back
To normal. It’s very early days at the min. I only took the 2nd pill 3 days ago.

That’s really tough Have you got anyone else you can talk to, who you trust not to tell him? Hope you’re ok xxx

 

[MrsBsDayOff]

I had a medical at home and whilst it was very very painful, it was only a few hours and once the main pregnancy passes the pain reduced for me drastically. It really wasn’t nice when the pain was so bad but it did only last for a few hours, but obviously if a surgical would be a lot better for you then hopefully you will be offered one.

Was it more painful than a bad period? I often get bad back and leg pain during period and have to take painkillers and go to bed.

 

[Drea1984]

I had one 33 years ago. I still think of it. I remember feeling relief immediately after and not really guilty but sad?
May be controversial but I think the tablet method barbaric. A young friend of mine had one recently and it seemed so so awful.
If it happened to my daughter I would pay whatever it took for her to have it done surgically. The tablets just seem so hard on a woman.

 

[MrsBsDayOff]

Those of you who had surgical abortions - question, did any of you find it sore, either during the procedure or immediately afterwards?

 

[Pushyplumb]

@absolute-omnishambles Of course you are welcome posting here. You must be in shock but you still have time to decide what you want to do. It's not an easy decision but know you are not alone and you will find support here whatever you decide to do. Best of luck x

 

[whoareyouu]

Just came back on here to read everyone’s messages of love and support, thank you so much . I have my pre assessment tomorrow morning for the surgery . The medical professionals thought this would be better for me than the mediation. I hope I’m doing the right thing . X

I think if you’re even thinking about it, then it is the right thing to do. Remember, we are all here for you

 

[Robyng1992x]

Hi all, I’m so grateful I’ve found this thread and would appreciate any support/guidance. I recently had a medical abortion this week, after finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This was a very, very wanted pregnancy and I cannot believe it ended this way. Without going into too much detail, we discovered our circumstances were not what they seemed financially, and my partner was close to a breakdown so an abortion seemed the only option, although I now feel this was a rushed option for concern of my partners mental health. I worry this was a huge mistake, and the sadness is consuming me. Although I agree that now was not the best time once I had the full picture, I feel broken that I’m no longer pregnant, and like I’m spiralling. I have PCOS and thought I would need intervention to get pregnant, so I feel ungrateful on top of everything else that I chose to end the pregnancy, although again I feel like the word ‘chose’ is incorrect (but I will stress that I wasn’t forced). Please can someone share if they’ve had similar feelings and if these have shifted since? I’m aware things are still so new, but it’s hard to imagine feeling any different at the moment. We won’t have kids now for at least a year (this would have been my first) and that kills me too. I completely understand this is not how most people felt and I by no way mean to transfer any guilt or sadness onto anyone else’s experience, I just need some reassurance life will feel a little easier as I’m honestly struggling to function. I plan to reach out and request counselling, I’m just looking for real life examples too. I really hope this post isn’t upsetting or triggering for anyone, I just don’t know how else to stress how big this all feels.

Sending love, it is so tough at the start. I’m in my 30s but have had two abortions, one when I was 19 and the other when I was about 23. I did not regret the first but I did the second and similar to you, felt I had been influenced by my partner (now my husband). Like you, I have PCOS but since then we have went on to have two wonderful children and in all honestly, I rarely think of my abortions now and deep down know that my life wouldn’t have turned out the way it is now had I went through with either of those pregnancies.

I found as time went on, the guilt became less and less and in all honesty, I rarely think of them now.

Don’t be too hard on yourself xx

 

[whoareyouu]

Hi all, I’m so grateful I’ve found this thread and would appreciate any support/guidance. I recently had a medical abortion this week, after finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This was a very, very wanted pregnancy and I cannot believe it ended this way. Without going into too much detail, we discovered our circumstances were not what they seemed financially, and my partner was close to a breakdown so an abortion seemed the only option, although I now feel this was a rushed option for concern of my partners mental health. I worry this was a huge mistake, and the sadness is consuming me. Although I agree that now was not the best time once I had the full picture, I feel broken that I’m no longer pregnant, and like I’m spiralling. I have PCOS and thought I would need intervention to get pregnant, so I feel ungrateful on top of everything else that I chose to end the pregnancy, although again I feel like the word ‘chose’ is incorrect (but I will stress that I wasn’t forced). Please can someone share if they’ve had similar feelings and if these have shifted since? I’m aware things are still so new, but it’s hard to imagine feeling any different at the moment. We won’t have kids now for at least a year (this would have been my first) and that kills me too. I completely understand this is not how most people felt and I by no way mean to transfer any guilt or sadness onto anyone else’s experience, I just need some reassurance life will feel a little easier as I’m honestly struggling to function. I plan to reach out and request counselling, I’m just looking for real life examples too. I really hope this post isn’t upsetting or triggering for anyone, I just don’t know how else to stress how big this all feels.

My situation was different but I am thinking of you and sending you strength.

 

[Galaxy1994]

Hello, I had EXACTLY the same feelings back in April. I’m in a happy relationship, and rent a flat, and I found out I was unexpectedly 5 weeks pregnant.
We had a chat and ultimately it wasn’t the right time financially. We know we want kids in the future, but right now we’re only just finding our feet, and found job security - we also rent a tiny one bed flat.

It was the hardest decision I ever made and I still get triggered by pregnancy announcements, feeling guilty/like a failure. However things have got a lot easier and I know it was the best thing for us at the time - when the time does happen, it’ll be full of excitement

I also have PCOS but this was a hugely positive sign that I can get pregnant.

Let yourself feel all the emotions in the world. You’re going through a hugely hard time emotionally (and physically!). I had a session of counselling and found it hugely helpful.
And don’t let anyone tell you it’s not a big deal or just to get over it.

Hugs

Thank you so much for sharing, and for the lovely message. I’m feeling slightly better today, last night was the first time I’ve been on my own so I think I was just really starting to process everything. It’s so difficult isn’t it when you’ve been told/felt like this wouldn’t happen and then you make a decision you didn’t think you’d ever have to make. I’m glad things seem a little easier now, and hope they too continue to get easier for you too 🤍