Dealing with abortion

[Keera]

Just as an update as I don’t have many other people I can talk to about this. I had my first appointment today at the clinic and they scanned me, I’m 10 weeks 4 days so have to have the surgical abortion. It’s booked for next Thursday. Updated my ex and got a ‘thanks for letting me know, hope you’re ok’ response. Took the rest of the day off work as just wanted to be alone and curl up in a ball.

I hope your okay
He’s shown you what type of person he is and it’s a cliche but you absolutely deserve better than that.
you will be stronger at the other side of this but for now take care and be kind to yourself xx

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

Popping my head in here even though it’s not very active. Found out yesterday I’m pregnant and probably about 10 weeks . I have the copper coil in top which makes it even more tricky. Partner and I have been rocky as it is and this seems to have been the last straw for him and we’re now breaking up as he’s decided family life isn’t for him (he has 2 kids! 1 of which is the child we share). I didn’t want this pregnancy either but feel so alone now having to sort out my abortion and go to it alone.

I have a telephone consultation and 1st appointment next week with Marie Stopes. I’ll have to have surgical due to my gestation but I think I’d pick it anyway as they said they can take my coil out at the same time whereas if I went for the tablet I’d need to get the coil taken out by my gp before they’d treat me

 

[juy7nhio]

Yeah it was definitely even co codamol wasn’t cutting it for me, that level of pain lasted about 2 hours then once the pregnancy had passed, I was absolutely fine maybe a bit of light cramps. So yes it is very very painful but only lasted a couple of hours!

I found it agony too, like a vice scraping my womb... sorry. But it only lasted 4-5 hours max. I would recommend anyone try to get proper painkillers, something stronger than cocodamol

 

[PartTimeNoseyWitch]

Was it more painful than a bad period? I often get bad back and leg pain during period and have to take painkillers and go to bed.

For me it was very painful, I only took Paracetamol and it didn’t touch it at all, I threw up and was on the toilet a lot () whilst in pain, my poor fella was cooling me off with a damp flannel. Defo take some strong painkillers and try to do it where you’ll have privacy and someone is aware in case you need support. I think the pain depends on how far you are, I was about 8/9 weeks. It’s not pretty but I was fine the next day.

 

[asunder]

Hi all, so the worst thing has happened. On Tuesday I found out I’m pregnant I’m 5 weeks tomorrow. To me this is a tragic accident that never should have happened. As soon as I found out I called Marie Stopes, because of gestation I’d have to wait around 2-3 weeks for a surgical & as you can imagine - timing is crucial. I have opted for a medical. I’ve had quite a few phone calls with different ladies & they have all been SO nice. The medication arrived through my door today. It’s just so surreal staring at the packets of tablets that’s the difference between life & death. That’s how I feel. I 100000% know my decision is the right one but my feelings are just so all over the place. I am starting the process Monday as that’s when my partner is at home with me & kids are at school. Any advice is much appreciated. I feel lost, broken, ashamed & scared

You know what is best for you and your family, and whatever decision you make is the right one.

For me, the medication was very easy to take, effective, and i had no pain or sickness.

Sending lots of hugs, it’s such a awful decision to have to make

 

[Noodles28]

This is good advice. Thanks so much. I’ve actually just started bleeding and cramping so I think I’ll head down to the hospital in the morning, as my GP suggested I should when I spoke to her earlier this week.

How did your consultations go? Are you any further forward?

 

[Pushyplumb]

Yes, it is something you will never forget but it does get easier and slowly and surely you will think about it less and less. Know that you are not on your own xx

 

[whoareyouu]

Hi everyone.

Never did I think I would find myself here. I have always been pro-choice for everyone else, but anti-abortion for myself.

My partner and I had our first child in 2023, planned. We always knew we wanted a small age gap so began trying for our second as soon as I felt healed down below. It took about 14 - 15 of trying to fall pregnant. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests were heartbreaking but we got our second blessing in the end. She is almost 5 months now.

My partner and I were irresponsible (only the once) and I got a positive pregnancy test last Friday. I’m not stupid and know how babies are made - but how is it we could be tracking ovulation and doing everything right and it took 15 months last time, where as this time it was one mistake and it happened straight away? I can’t believe it. I have made the very hard decision to terminate . I absolutely hate myself and have hardly eaten today.

Every time I look at my children, all I can think about is the baby I’m wanting to abort and I’m a mess. I feel like a monster and a murderer

I had a call with MSI today - they are calling me back next week as they need to do some investigating first and contact my GP / the hospital as I had some medical issues with my last birth. I didn’t realise this would happen and stupidly thought I’d be getting tablets in the post tomorrow or the following day. With each day that passes, I can’t help but think this baby is getting bigger and I feel more and more guilty.

I know what I’ve decided is the right thing for me, my partner, our family and our children but it’s so hard to stop myself from thinking “what if” and going through lots of different scenarios.

My partner has been incredible and so supportive, I couldn’t ask for more but I just feel so alone in this. Even though I’m scared of the pain, what I am most frightened of is what I am going to pass . I know this decision will haunt me forever and I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself . Does it get easier with time? Thank you from one very sad poster. X

That sounds like a very difficult decision you’ve had to make and I’m really thinking of you now. As hard as it is, you know it is what is best for your family right now. I have had two procedures, first I was 21 and it was painful; second time I was in my early 30s and it was pain free. I do not know if age or expectation changed that or not.

 

[Eureka]

Just came back on here to read everyone’s messages of love and support, thank you so much . I have my pre assessment tomorrow morning for the surgery . The medical professionals thought this would be better for me than the mediation. I hope I’m doing the right thing . X

I had surgery too and agree with @Lalalalaaaaaa85. It was a lot easier emotionally to wake up and it was done. I'm not sure I would have recovered mentally as quickly as I did if I was aware of what was happening. It is a long day and you will be tired after. Wishing you the very best of luck xx

 

[Munchiebox]

I just want to send you my love and tell you it does get better. I had my abortion in January this year and I don’t regret it for a minute. I’m the same as you two children already and I just knew I couldn’t do it all again. I think I might have said on here I regretted it after but it was honestly just that my hormones were all over the place for about a month or two but as women I think we know in our hearts what’s best for us and our families. Message again if you need to

Exact same story as me and it was January too
Wishing you all well

 

[Eureka]

Hi ladies, I’ve just recently found out I am pregnant also, I have 3 kids and my youngest is only 5.5 months old, all born via csection (this is the reason my partner thinks we should terminate as I would be having a 4th csection) I am so undecided on what to do as I think the guilt would eat me alive if I was to terminate .. however, I do have a consultation booked for Friday with the sandyford. I wouldn’t know wether to have the tablets or d&c if given the choice I struggle really badly with health anxiety so both are worrying me stuck between a rock and a hard place.

It might be worth having a bit of crisis pregnancy counselling before you make up your mind. I know there are lots of medical reasons why a 4th section is discouraged but its your body so I would make the decision based on that rather than what your partner thinks.

I had a surgical abortion, it was under anaesthetic so I don't remember anything about the procedure itself but I had some tenderness and a bit of bleeding for about a week afterwards.

You have time to make a decision so put yourself first and give yourself space to think it through.

 

[Keera]

I’ve stumbled upon this thread as I found out yesterday that I am pregnant, my first thought was we can’t keep it, we have so much going on in our life right now…

We have a 6 month old baby, in the middle of moving house and I have gallstones

I have only been pregnant once before and as much as it was a shock, we were totally ready, and it felt right. I don’t feel like that this time, I don’t feel ready for this and my body really isn’t ready.

My husband is really supportive, said it’s my decision and he will support, we did have a chat last night and he believes having an abortion would probably be for the best but I’m pretty certain he is only saying that because I am more for it.

But the GUILT of getting rid of it !!!! I actually feel sick having to get rid of it.
I’m waiting for BPA to be in contact today

for me the guilt didn’t come until later - I think assessing the situation, making the decision and going through the procedure I just did on auto-pilot.
I went through quite a low point after it but despite that I still knew deep down and in my head that it had been the right decision for me, which kind of got me through?

the important thing is to make the right choice for you and your family, emotionally it is going to be turbulent but whatever choice you make if it’s the right one for you then it will all be ok

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

I'm about 7 weeks pregnant unplanned. I'd already picked up the medical abortion pack from NUPAS and was planning to go through with it later this week. It would be the second time I've done this. I was so scared the first time but it wasn't too bad, some painful but not unbearable cramps for a few hours and bleeding like a heavy period. This time I've been having a bit of spotting since Sunday and yesterday it got a fair bit heavier and I've had cramps down there (not awful though). Felt like I just wanted to sit on the loo a bit yesterday afternoon and I was passing a bit of blood, but not like my previous termination. I had spoken to NUPAS before it got heavier and am booked in for a scan Thursday afternoon. They advised not to take the meds yet. I'm just wondering, if I have miscarried, will they provide any further treatment I need, or am I likely to be passed over to the NHS? I really hope not as NUPAS have been amazing.

It’s been about 20 years since I had a miscarriage but the only thing I had after was a blood test a little while after just to check my HCG levels were dropping in line with what they’d expect. I didn’t get a scan. That was an unwanted pregnancy and was in the process of sorting an abortion and it was such a relief to miscarry instead. Hope all goes well for you

 

[Klaus123]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

It does get easier, definitely. Mine was around 7 years ago and thought I do still have “What if?” Moments, they are few and far between and I don’t regret it as I once did as I know I made the right decision back then. Allow yourself to feel sad, it is a huge huge thing. You can grieve over this. We are judged for abortions and made to feel as though we shouldn’t be sad but we absolutely can be sad and can grieve over it. I think it’s very natural to feel some level of regret but it definitely will pass and will get easier.

it doesn’t help but time really is the best healer. Give yourself the time. You have nothing to feel guilty for though.

 

[pink_lemonade]

Hi all, found out I was expecting again 2 weeks ago, I already have 2 children and cannot see myself with a third, also for my own mental health I cannot have another baby.
Had my consultation with a midwife today and the tablets are in the post for me to carry out the abortion at home once they arrive.
I know 100% this is the right choice for me, but the guilt I am already feeling about taking that first tablet which stops the pregnancy from progressing has hit hard, I know it sounds bad but I would rather it all came away on its own, but that didn’t happen.

Look after and be kind to yourself

 

[scotinstagal]

I don’t regret doing have an abortion. I had a one night stand with a friend and tbh it would have ruined both of our lives. (And I’m not being dramatic)

I had a surgical abortion and it didn’t hurt, I was lucky because I literally bled for about a day and I was done. I got the coil put in at the same time. I had a horrible experience with the surgeon who was a horrible judgey man but I spoke to the nurses and complained and they were amazing!

 

[ack13]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

It will pass, I’m a year out from mine and I rarely think about it anymore. The first few months were difficult (and very very confusing for me as I’m childfree by choice and the feelings of guilt and regret had me all over the place). I hope you feel better soon

 

[Eureka]

Is anyone going through this just now that would like to chat? Found out yesterday I am 4 weeks pregnant (have a 4 month old baby!!) and I just can’t go through with this again. I also have a 4 year old and my husband is on the waiting list for a vasectomy and we are 100% done with having children. I’m in my 30s now but had 2x abortions as a teenager and just can’t believe I’m in this situation again. This time, the condom split and I stupidly thought it was too far out from ovulation so didn’t opt for the morning after pill.

It's not your fault you are in this situation, a split condom can happen to anyone.

 

[ada-lovelace]

Popping my head in here even though it’s not very active. Found out yesterday I’m pregnant and probably about 10 weeks . I have the copper coil in top which makes it even more tricky. Partner and I have been rocky as it is and this seems to have been the last straw for him and we’re now breaking up as he’s decided family life isn’t for him (he has 2 kids! 1 of which is the child we share). I didn’t want this pregnancy either but feel so alone now having to sort out my abortion and go to it alone.

I have a telephone consultation and 1st appointment next week with Marie Stopes. I’ll have to have surgical due to my gestation but I think I’d pick it anyway as they said they can take my coil out at the same time whereas if I went for the tablet I’d need to get the coil taken out by my gp before they’d treat me

Sending you lots of love and hugs. What an awful situation. And shame on your ex partner for leaving you in such a difficult time. I had an abortion beginning of last year and it was really hard at first but I’m so glad I did it as I know it was the best decision for me and my family. Here if you need to talk or any advice

 

[Keera]

I have recently had an abortion (2 weeks ago) and I’m Really struggling I’ve took time off work to deal with the situation as to be honest I really didn’t want to go ahead but for financial reasons and already having two children 5&6 and my partner having a 7yr old the practicality of it seemed impossible. I’m now riddled with guilt and I’m triggered by every Facebook/instagram post if people announcing pregnancies. I’ve cried most days and I can feel my partner getting sick of me as my mood swings are all over. I can’t help but keeping thinking of the what ifs/how many weeks I would have been now. I’m awaiting counselling from BPAS & works private healthcare but I can’t help but feel so down and depressed. I’m dreading taking the pregnancy test next week to confirm the abortion was successful. I’m mentally torturing myself and I really don’t know where to go from here. Any advice would be really appreciated

Although I knew an abortion was the right thing on a practical level for me, and before it I was very clinical about it - tried to think of it as soully a medical procedure etc, I had similar grieving feelings to you.

Remember it can be the right choice that you’ve made for you and something you need to grieve for, both things can be true. I actually have a friend on Facebook who’s pregnancy would have been identical timing to mine, I’ve had to mute her for seeing all the “my baby is the size of a grapefruit” posts.

I was actually already in therapy at the time for unrelated anxiety which helped so much to have someone to voice these feelings which confused me as the grief and upset and anger seemed to come from nowhere! but please trust you aren’t alone in these feelings.

It took me a bit of time to process what I had actually gone through (I’m now 4 months post procedure) and although sometimes I’ll see a baby in the street i think wow what if, but mostly I’ve worked through all of that with time and professional support and can accept it.

I wish everyone struggling at the moment lots of love - we made a very brave difficult decision and need to remember our strength