Dealing with abortion

[unidentified]

I second that whatever decision you make it is the right choice at that time. I think you’re absolutely justified in feeling every emotion and it is absolutely ok to speak to someone close to you for support.
I found this clip extremely moving

 

[ada-lovelace]

It does get easier, definitely. Mine was around 7 years ago and thought I do still have “What if?” Moments, they are few and far between and I don’t regret it as I once did as I know I made the right decision back then. Allow yourself to feel sad, it is a huge huge thing. You can grieve over this. We are judged for abortions and made to feel as though we shouldn’t be sad but we absolutely can be sad and can grieve over it. I think it’s very natural to feel some level of regret but it definitely will pass and will get easier.

it doesn’t help but time really is the best healer. Give yourself the time. You have nothing to feel guilty for though.

Thank you so much 🫶 You’re right I need to just let myself feel it. I’ve put to much pressure on myself to get back to normal I think. I just wish It never had to happen.

 

[Keera]

Sorry for intruding on this post, I am booked in for a termination tomorrow. They want me to have a scan to confirm I am under 10 weeks because my periods have been irregular and I am still breastfeeding my one year old. So I already have four children, two with my ex partner and two with my current partner. After my fourth I made it clear I didn’t want anymore, I was referred by my gp for sterilisation and unfortunately I have fallen pregnant prior to my first appointment with the gynae team.

I really don’t want this baby, I don’t want to go through pregnancy again, I had my fourth in January 2022. My partner insists I keep it and I should do the right thing. And that he doesn’t know how he will get over it and has even said he doesn’t know whether we will come out the other side of this.
Everything will have to change, bigger house, bigger car, more income when I am already struggling financially being in private housing in London. And it’s not just that. I don’t want to sacrifice my body again, I don’t want to sacrifice the time I do have with the children I have had. He’s told me not to worry about money because he will take care of it but it’s not just about money for me. I am thinking of myself, and all of my children. He only has two to worry about and I have four to worry about. He said I am making excuses and aren’t valid reasons for wanting to kill a baby. And he doesn’t support it at all.

All of the things he’s suggested I do, I have refused. Because they only work for him. It’s not him that has to go through a pregnancy and give birth. He said I am being selfish and he’s right I am and I don’t care.

I have to think about whether or not it’s worth me keeping a baby I don’t want and potentially hating it (I don’t feel anything positive towards it) or risking my relationship and doing what’s best for myself.

you are putting your children and yourself first - this is not a bad thing. You and only you would go through this pregnancy, labour and birth, along with all the side effects and potential complications, and it’s your right to get what is medical treatment to ensure you don’t have to go through all that.

I do understand that your partner is upset by this - it might be worth (now or in the future) remembering abortion providers often provide male counselling services too.

I think the only thing you can do right now is be true to your own decision (whatever that may be) and be open and honest with each other about your feelings around it, accepting and being respectful of your opposing views no matter how hard that may be.

 

[holliebollie]

If anyone has any advice I would appreciate it. I had a medical abortion this month (at the start so a few weeks ago now) but never told my bf as I thought it was pointless. We haven’t been together long and it was a no brainer. Anyway… two issues I’m struggling with. One, my sister has just announced her pregnancy and it’s two weeks behind what would have been mine. I still check Flo and think, ‘Oh I would be x weeks now’ Not sure how that’s gonna go for the next 6 months.
Also feeling guilty about not telling him- not that he would have disagreed, but now every time babies or pregnancy is talked about (not us but other people), I can’t stand it, knowing I was pregnant until recently. Would it be silly to tell him? What would I get out of it, maybe it’s just me wanting some validation rather than for his sake?!
I’m considering contacting BPAS to see if it’s not too late to speak to someone counselling wise but just wondered if anyone had any words of wisdom. I don’t regret my choice but I probably didn’t need a constant reminder of it with my sister.

 

[Galaxy1994]

My situation was different but I am thinking of you and sending you strength.

Thank you so much x

 

[Robyng1992x]

Is anyone going through this just now that would like to chat? Found out yesterday I am 4 weeks pregnant (have a 4 month old baby!!) and I just can’t go through with this again. I also have a 4 year old and my husband is on the waiting list for a vasectomy and we are 100% done with having children. I’m in my 30s now but had 2x abortions as a teenager and just can’t believe I’m in this situation again. This time, the condom split and I stupidly thought it was too far out from ovulation so didn’t opt for the morning after pill.

 

[whoareyouu]

I did medical. Two very different experiences.

When I was 21 it was very painful but I was as also very underweight. It was done in hospital and I don’t know if that added to the stress as I was sick after the first medication and in a lot of pain.

At 33 it wasn’t painful at all. I didn’t bleed that much either. I’m a normal weight now. I did it at home and BPAS were fantastic. It was nice to have the option to set the time aside to prepare.

 

[Keera]

Oh I completely understand!! We have both agreed to have counselling together and I’ll probably have solo counselling as well.

No worries if you don’t want to answer this - but which method did you use and how was the experience? I’ve opted for medical termination but starting to think I maybe should use surgical as I’ve heard lots of horror stories

i had medical termination and a medicallly managed miscarriage - both the same medication and both at home. All fine, a bit of pain when the initial bleeding started - sort of like if you’ve ever had bad food poisoning that sort of tummy pain? But you obviously get codeine tablets to take for the pain which took the edge of. By the time I went to sleep the worst was over and then I bled in both cases for about 10-14 days. But was only heavy for maybe 3 or 4? the pain was over the first day and I was back to normal physically the next day or two.

 

[Whatnow21]

I'm about 7 weeks pregnant unplanned. I'd already picked up the medical abortion pack from NUPAS and was planning to go through with it later this week. It would be the second time I've done this. I was so scared the first time but it wasn't too bad, some painful but not unbearable cramps for a few hours and bleeding like a heavy period. This time I've been having a bit of spotting since Sunday and yesterday it got a fair bit heavier and I've had cramps down there (not awful though). Felt like I just wanted to sit on the loo a bit yesterday afternoon and I was passing a bit of blood, but not like my previous termination. I had spoken to NUPAS before it got heavier and am booked in for a scan Thursday afternoon. They advised not to take the meds yet. I'm just wondering, if I have miscarried, will they provide any further treatment I need, or am I likely to be passed over to the NHS? I really hope not as NUPAS have been amazing.

 

[whoareyouu]

Hi all, so the worst thing has happened. On Tuesday I found out I’m pregnant I’m 5 weeks tomorrow. To me this is a tragic accident that never should have happened. As soon as I found out I called Marie Stopes, because of gestation I’d have to wait around 2-3 weeks for a surgical & as you can imagine - timing is crucial. I have opted for a medical. I’ve had quite a few phone calls with different ladies & they have all been SO nice. The medication arrived through my door today. It’s just so surreal staring at the packets of tablets that’s the difference between life & death. That’s how I feel. I 100000% know my decision is the right one but my feelings are just so all over the place. I am starting the process Monday as that’s when my partner is at home with me & kids are at school. Any advice is much appreciated. I feel lost, broken, ashamed & scared

Hi my love, how did it go for you?

 

[hannah1799]

I’m so happy for you and your family, I’m glad it’s worked out for you.

However, my 6 month old baby that is alive today needs his mum and dad, he doesn’t need a sibling in 9 months time along with a mum and dad who mentally and financially can’t look after them both.
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I felt it was personal because as you can imagine, this is an extremely personal topic.

This thread is for ‘dealing with an abortion’ not ‘thoughts on abortion if you’re having doubts’.

I am sure there will be people who click on this thread who are unsure

 

[gummy-bear]

I just wanted to say that even though I didn’t originally start this thread, I’m massively thankful to everyone who has shared their experience.

I’m currently about 6 weeks pregnant and would like to terminate the pregnancy for a number of reasons that basically boil down to it not being right for me right now.

I’d always assumed that my only option would be to take the medication and then pass the pregnancy at home, but I think I’ll definitely discuss the possibility of a surgical abortion during my consultation tomorrow.

Hey- I couldn’t see and scroll. I am one of the people who posted about a surgical abortion. I actually spoke to my friend recently who had a medical abortion and she had a horrible time. I don’t wish to scare you at all, as everyone’s experiences are so different but I have to say what I experienced was worlds apart. As stress free as it could have been. I hope you are ok and taking care of yourself. Even if you have come to terms with the situation and know what your decision is, it’s a huge thing to go through mentally and physically. Here to chat if you’d like! Xx

 

[Galaxy1994]

Sending love, it is so tough at the start. I’m in my 30s but have had two abortions, one when I was 19 and the other when I was about 23. I did not regret the first but I did the second and similar to you, felt I had been influenced by my partner (now my husband). Like you, I have PCOS but since then we have went on to have two wonderful children and in all honestly, I rarely think of my abortions now and deep down know that my life wouldn’t have turned out the way it is now had I went through with either of those pregnancies.

I found as time went on, the guilt became less and less and in all honesty, I rarely think of them now.

Don’t be too hard on yourself xx

Thank you so much, it’s reassuring to read people have felt similar and essentially there’s light at the end of the tunnel. Especially those with PCOS who have then had successful pregnancies (as my brain is taunting me that this could have been my one chance but I know I have no evidence of that). I’m glad things have worked out how they have for you 🤍

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

Sorry for intruding on this post, I am booked in for a termination tomorrow. They want me to have a scan to confirm I am under 10 weeks because my periods have been irregular and I am still breastfeeding my one year old. So I already have four children, two with my ex partner and two with my current partner. After my fourth I made it clear I didn’t want anymore, I was referred by my gp for sterilisation and unfortunately I have fallen pregnant prior to my first appointment with the gynae team.

I really don’t want this baby, I don’t want to go through pregnancy again, I had my fourth in January 2022. My partner insists I keep it and I should do the right thing. And that he doesn’t know how he will get over it and has even said he doesn’t know whether we will come out the other side of this.
Everything will have to change, bigger house, bigger car, more income when I am already struggling financially being in private housing in London. And it’s not just that. I don’t want to sacrifice my body again, I don’t want to sacrifice the time I do have with the children I have had. He’s told me not to worry about money because he will take care of it but it’s not just about money for me. I am thinking of myself, and all of my children. He only has two to worry about and I have four to worry about. He said I am making excuses and aren’t valid reasons for wanting to kill a baby. And he doesn’t support it at all.

All of the things he’s suggested I do, I have refused. Because they only work for him. It’s not him that has to go through a pregnancy and give birth. He said I am being selfish and he’s right I am and I don’t care.

I have to think about whether or not it’s worth me keeping a baby I don’t want and potentially hating it (I don’t feel anything positive towards it) or risking my relationship and doing what’s best for myself.

I don't know what to say, other than you have to do what is right for you. If four pregnancies is your limit, you are entitled to stand your ground. It's your body, you shouldn't have to endure 40 weeks of gruelling pregnancy, then child birth and cope with the hormonal changes in the 4th trimester along with your body healing itself.