Dealing with abortion

[whoareyouu]

Just as an update as I don’t have many other people I can talk to about this. I had my first appointment today at the clinic and they scanned me, I’m 10 weeks 4 days so have to have the surgical abortion. It’s booked for next Thursday. Updated my ex and got a ‘thanks for letting me know, hope you’re ok’ response. Took the rest of the day off work as just wanted to be alone and curl up in a ball.

Sending you love and positive thoughts. You will get through this. X

 

[Keera]

I had a medical abortion and recently a medically managed miscarriage with the same meds - was fine both times. 1-2 days of heavier bleeding then maybe 10 just like a regular period

 

[Keera]

Hi ladies, I’ve just recently found out I am pregnant also, I have 3 kids and my youngest is only 5.5 months old, all born via csection (this is the reason my partner thinks we should terminate as I would be having a 4th csection) I am so undecided on what to do as I think the guilt would eat me alive if I was to terminate .. however, I do have a consultation booked for Friday with the sandyford. I wouldn’t know wether to have the tablets or d&c if given the choice I struggle really badly with health anxiety so both are worrying me stuck between a rock and a hard place.

🩷
It may be worth just talking to them on Friday about how you are feeling, you don’t have to make the decision then and there. Unfortunately though it does have to be your decision ultimately which is the difficult thing! What I would say is it’s you that has to go through this and live with the feelings that come after so just give it a bit of time - no right or wrong answers or thoughts here!
in regards to which procedure to have - I had tablets, it was better for me I took them at home and managed things alone - I bled semi-heavily for about 4 days then liight bleeding for probably another 10 days ish. No pain really apart from the first night.
however I can understand if you have anxieties you may feel it’s more suitable to be “done” and all complete in a clinical environment if that makes sense.

Feel free to come back here for a listening ear as many times as you want whichever way you decide to go 🩷

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

Oh I completely understand!! We have both agreed to have counselling together and I’ll probably have solo counselling as well.

No worries if you don’t want to answer this - but which method did you use and how was the experience? I’ve opted for medical termination but starting to think I maybe should use surgical as I’ve heard lots of horror stories

I’ve had both in my life, most recently a surgical as I was 12 weeks before I even realised and I would say I actually found the surgical easier however it’s more faffy (for want of a better word) as you have to go into the clinic and stay for about half a day, be put under and then obvs can’t drive after but at least once I came round it was done. Medical is quicker in the sense they give you the treatment then send you home however then you’re awake for the whole thing but it wasn’t that bad just a lot of cramping and nausea but the give you anti sickness meds.

My clinic for the surgical offered counselling after but I declined as my work were already sorting me out through our medical insurance to see a therapist.

 

[marthaedwards11]

I immediately went to BPAS as being so early I thought they’d quickly send the pills and I’d be over and done with by 6 weeks. If you have anything they find alarming or want more information on it delays the process which is why I only just managed to get sorted. Obviously I don’t know where you are but If your local hospital offers terminations then I’d give them a ring. I rang last week and though there was a wait I got offered surgical on one day or medical on a different. I didn’t think I ever wanted surgical but at this point in the pregnancy it means it’s all done in one day and I wouldn’t need to return unlike for medical

This is good advice. Thanks so much. I’ve actually just started bleeding and cramping so I think I’ll head down to the hospital in the morning, as my GP suggested I should when I spoke to her earlier this week.

 

[Hammmmmmms]

Thank you everyone it’s comforting to know you aren’t alone or that their isn’t a right/wrong way to approach it xx

 

[Noodles28]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

Some of it could be the hormones too. No one warned me about those and they were far more difficult than any physical aspect of the termination. For about 3-4 weeks after mine I was so upset and though I knew I had my reasons for doing it I still had all these negative thoughts and feelings. It was a bit like the baby blues.

Go easy on yourself, it does get easier. I’d second speaking to someone most places who offer abortions should have counselling available should you need it.

 

[Lalalalaaaaaa85]

Hi everyone.

Never did I think I would find myself here. I have always been pro-choice for everyone else, but anti-abortion for myself.

My partner and I had our first child in 2023, planned. We always knew we wanted a small age gap so began trying for our second as soon as I felt healed down below. It took about 14 - 15 of trying to fall pregnant. Month after month of negative pregnancy tests were heartbreaking but we got our second blessing in the end. She is almost 5 months now.

My partner and I were irresponsible (only the once) and I got a positive pregnancy test last Friday. I’m not stupid and know how babies are made - but how is it we could be tracking ovulation and doing everything right and it took 15 months last time, where as this time it was one mistake and it happened straight away? I can’t believe it. I have made the very hard decision to terminate . I absolutely hate myself and have hardly eaten today.

Every time I look at my children, all I can think about is the baby I’m wanting to abort and I’m a mess. I feel like a monster and a murderer

I had a call with MSI today - they are calling me back next week as they need to do some investigating first and contact my GP / the hospital as I had some medical issues with my last birth. I didn’t realise this would happen and stupidly thought I’d be getting tablets in the post tomorrow or the following day. With each day that passes, I can’t help but think this baby is getting bigger and I feel more and more guilty.

I know what I’ve decided is the right thing for me, my partner, our family and our children but it’s so hard to stop myself from thinking “what if” and going through lots of different scenarios.

My partner has been incredible and so supportive, I couldn’t ask for more but I just feel so alone in this. Even though I’m scared of the pain, what I am most frightened of is what I am going to pass . I know this decision will haunt me forever and I don’t know how I will ever forgive myself . Does it get easier with time? Thank you from one very sad poster. X

Sending you so much strength and love. It’s never an easy decision to make

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I had one 33 years ago. I still think of it. I remember feeling relief immediately after and not really guilty but sad?
May be controversial but I think the tablet method barbaric. A young friend of mine had one recently and it seemed so so awful.
If it happened to my daughter I would pay whatever it took for her to have it done surgically. The tablets just seem so hard on a woman.

I wonder if the experience differs for different women, my niece took the tablet and was ok. I wouldn't want it myself, my termination was surgical. I wouldn't like to be left with cramping and losing blood, I don't think I'd cope. I hope your daughter is ok now?

 

[rainbowlemon]

I haven't gone through this personally, but it might help to speak to a professional.

This charity has fully trained counsellors:

Abortion Counselling & Advice | NUPAS

Abortion Counselling & Advice with NUPAS. Telephone sessions to support well-being & support individuals throughout the termination journey.

www.nupas.co.uk

 

[marthaedwards11]

Could you try NHS? They give both options! I tried bpas initially (at 4 weeks) and because I had to jump through some hoops and delayed now at almost 10 weeks I’m waiting for my nhs surgical appointment next week.

Hope you’re ok

Thank you. MSI and BPAS are both calling me tomorrow (I panicked and contacted both). Just looking at their websites it looks like BPAS automatically offer medical at-home abortions pre-10 weeks, whereas MSI seem like they give more of a choice..?

 

[Dogwithabone]

Sending you lots of love and strength to get through this. 🫶 @mushroomprincess22

 

[Galaxy1994]

I had an abortion for similar circumstances to you, we were in a bad way money wise and close to losing our home. I didn't feel we could cope with a baby on top of everything else. We had an older child at the time and I was thinking of her too. I'll be honest, the months after were quite hard. Even though I knew it was the right choice for everyone I felt awful and I was very triggered by anything pregnancy related. I felt a lot of anger that my circumstances had led to this, in any other situation I would have been over the moon to be pregnant and it was just rotten timing. I also felt that this was happening to me and my partner and people around me didn't get it, it felt like we were in this really shit place in life but I was the one who had to make the biggest sacrifice and I was just so mad and hurt that nobody could understand it.

I feel it got better once I reached what would have been my due date, it was like I could finally close the book on the "I should be pregnant" feelings and move on a little and its got so much easier that I barely think about it now to be honest. But that took time and a lot of work on myself. I went to see a counsellor at the time and that was really helpful. It was good to have that space to work though my grief and give myself permission to feel that grief which was something I struggled with. Its 15 years since I had the abortion and life has moved on and I'm able to look back and feel peace with the decision. Distance reassures me it was the right thing to do and that I can feel both sadness for what could have been while also feeling glad it wasn't if that makes sense?

Just on a practical sense remember you are still dealing with the hormonal shift that comes with an abortion so its natural you are going to feel like this for a while until things settle physically. Keep talking to your partner - that really helped me to just feel like I wasn't dealing with all this on my own. The counselling should really help too but give it time, it can feel worse before it starts to feel better. You will get through this but don't rush it. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings but trust that it will be okay.

Thank you so much for such an honest but kind and empathetic response. That does fill me with hope that again it’s possible to now have that regret/sorrow (even though it was the right decision) but to not feel consumed by this for the rest of my life. I’m glad you’re able to look back without those feelings anymore, and I look forward to being able to do that too. Thank you again 🤍

 

[whoareyouu]

Thank you. I know it’s the right decision for us too just can’t believe how cold and uncaring my ex is being and hurts knowing I’m losing my step child too who I adore and they adore me. He’s just so selfish I can’t believe it

I am so sorry to hear this. Family life isn’t for him eh and he’s got two children…maybe he should have thought about that prior. Irks me how some men can just walk away and leave everything to the woman.

You are strong I’m sure and you will get through this!

 

[ada-lovelace]

Thank you all for sharing your stories. I’m going through this at the moment. We have 2 small children, we thought we wanted a 3rd, but it’s all happened so quickly, before we really had a chance to decide properly. And now I’ve realised I can’t do it all again, and I’m so anxious. I’m 6 weeks, booked for my consultation and scan tomorrow. All the post here have really helped thank you so much xxx

I just want to send you my love and tell you it does get better. I had my abortion in January this year and I don’t regret it for a minute. I’m the same as you two children already and I just knew I couldn’t do it all again. I think I might have said on here I regretted it after but it was honestly just that my hormones were all over the place for about a month or two but as women I think we know in our hearts what’s best for us and our families. Message again if you need to

 

[pink_lemonade]

I had an ectopic

Sending you lots of love @Dogwithabone I can imagine finding out it was an ectopic was a lot to process. If I’m honest I’m a bit naive to ectopic pregnancies but I understand it’s a lot more medical, I hope you are okay and being well looked after

 

[Keera]

Hi ladies- I hope you don’t mind a technically undecided person stopping by here. I have found out I am very early pregnant. I am on hormonal contraception but do tests as part of my monthly routine after my friend had a horrendous experience of discovering an unwanted pregnancy right on the abortion limit.

I’m absolutely gutted. Never thought I’d be in this boat as had few miscarriages to conceive my daughter.

We could definitely have another baby. No financial worries or anything like that- but I just don’t want to parent more than one child I was one and done, my husband a bit more open and waiting a few months before he booked in the snip.

I haven’t told him yet. I have the number for the booking line in my area and I’m just planning on keeping it quiet for a couple of weeks. I think I need to know if it’s a viable pregnancy before I make the decision. With my history I could just start bleeding tomorrow, or see an empty sac. Just feel like I need all the information so I can never ‘what if…’

just because you can have another baby doesn’t mean you should. If it’s just not what you envisage for your family then that is okay
As you say you are very early so have a bit of time to think about things and make the right decision.
we are always here for support and a sounding board if you need it!

 

[Noodles28]

BPAS sent me for a scan at my local A&E yesterday as I had some pain. They couldn’t find the pregnancy when they scanned so sent me for some bloods. Today I’m bleeding heavily and in a lot of pain so I guess that’s that. Feeling a little numb but mainly relieved. Thanks for checking in

Just a more general point to anyone who may stumble across this thread looking for advice.. I want to add that although I wasn’t treated via BPAS in the end, the midwife I spoke to initially was so reassuring and helpful, made me feel completely safe and listened to. I’d definitely recommend reaching out to them

Glad to hear you’re ok! Lots of rest and looking after yourself for the next few days and weeks

 

[Eureka]

Hi all, I’m so grateful I’ve found this thread and would appreciate any support/guidance. I recently had a medical abortion this week, after finding out I was pregnant 2 weeks ago. This was a very, very wanted pregnancy and I cannot believe it ended this way. Without going into too much detail, we discovered our circumstances were not what they seemed financially, and my partner was close to a breakdown so an abortion seemed the only option, although I now feel this was a rushed option for concern of my partners mental health. I worry this was a huge mistake, and the sadness is consuming me. Although I agree that now was not the best time once I had the full picture, I feel broken that I’m no longer pregnant, and like I’m spiralling. I have PCOS and thought I would need intervention to get pregnant, so I feel ungrateful on top of everything else that I chose to end the pregnancy, although again I feel like the word ‘chose’ is incorrect (but I will stress that I wasn’t forced). Please can someone share if they’ve had similar feelings and if these have shifted since? I’m aware things are still so new, but it’s hard to imagine feeling any different at the moment. We won’t have kids now for at least a year (this would have been my first) and that kills me too. I completely understand this is not how most people felt and I by no way mean to transfer any guilt or sadness onto anyone else’s experience, I just need some reassurance life will feel a little easier as I’m honestly struggling to function. I plan to reach out and request counselling, I’m just looking for real life examples too. I really hope this post isn’t upsetting or triggering for anyone, I just don’t know how else to stress how big this all feels.

I had an abortion for similar circumstances to you, we were in a bad way money wise and close to losing our home. I didn't feel we could cope with a baby on top of everything else. We had an older child at the time and I was thinking of her too. I'll be honest, the months after were quite hard. Even though I knew it was the right choice for everyone I felt awful and I was very triggered by anything pregnancy related. I felt a lot of anger that my circumstances had led to this, in any other situation I would have been over the moon to be pregnant and it was just rotten timing. I also felt that this was happening to me and my partner and people around me didn't get it, it felt like we were in this really shit place in life but I was the one who had to make the biggest sacrifice and I was just so mad and hurt that nobody could understand it.

I feel it got better once I reached what would have been my due date, it was like I could finally close the book on the "I should be pregnant" feelings and move on a little and its got so much easier that I barely think about it now to be honest. But that took time and a lot of work on myself. I went to see a counsellor at the time and that was really helpful. It was good to have that space to work though my grief and give myself permission to feel that grief which was something I struggled with. Its 15 years since I had the abortion and life has moved on and I'm able to look back and feel peace with the decision. Distance reassures me it was the right thing to do and that I can feel both sadness for what could have been while also feeling glad it wasn't if that makes sense?

Just on a practical sense remember you are still dealing with the hormonal shift that comes with an abortion so its natural you are going to feel like this for a while until things settle physically. Keep talking to your partner - that really helped me to just feel like I wasn't dealing with all this on my own. The counselling should really help too but give it time, it can feel worse before it starts to feel better. You will get through this but don't rush it. Allow yourself to feel all the feelings but trust that it will be okay.

 

[RainbowFuzz]

I’ve got my surgical abortion tomorrow. I know I’ve said it before but I just wanted to thank everyone again so much for their kindness and messages of love and support, you may all be strangers on the internet but you’ve helped me more than you could ever know . If it’s ok with everyone I’d like to share my experience online when I’m able to, just for anyone who may come to this thread and find themselves in a similar position and be wondering what to expect with the surgery etc. I think it’s going to be a long night with lots of tears but I know I’m going to be ok in the end. Thank you all again so very much from the bottom of my (very broken) heart . You are all very special ladies. X

I've been a lurker on this thread but just wanted to say that I've been thinking of you and I hope you're doing ok