Dealing with abortion

[Keera]

Hi ladies- I hope you don’t mind a technically undecided person stopping by here. I have found out I am very early pregnant. I am on hormonal contraception but do tests as part of my monthly routine after my friend had a horrendous experience of discovering an unwanted pregnancy right on the abortion limit.

I’m absolutely gutted. Never thought I’d be in this boat as had few miscarriages to conceive my daughter.

We could definitely have another baby. No financial worries or anything like that- but I just don’t want to parent more than one child I was one and done, my husband a bit more open and waiting a few months before he booked in the snip.

I haven’t told him yet. I have the number for the booking line in my area and I’m just planning on keeping it quiet for a couple of weeks. I think I need to know if it’s a viable pregnancy before I make the decision. With my history I could just start bleeding tomorrow, or see an empty sac. Just feel like I need all the information so I can never ‘what if…’

just because you can have another baby doesn’t mean you should. If it’s just not what you envisage for your family then that is okay
As you say you are very early so have a bit of time to think about things and make the right decision.
we are always here for support and a sounding board if you need it!

 

[Gingercream]

I had an abortion last year. I feel like the old woman who lived in a shoe already with the kids I do have and I knew I didn’t want more.

I felt guilty about it before I took the tablets but then I felt relief, and haven’t regretted my decision as it was the right one for my family. My husband, parents and sisters were all very supportive and agreed it was the right thing to do.

 

[Wild_she]

For gods sake! I’ve just found out I’m pregnant three months after giving birth I was a bit lapse with contraception, so my fault completely! Had period pain for three weeks thinking my periods were maybe just everywhere with feeding baby and just having little one, took a test this morning and two lines! As soon as I seen them I knew what to do and was straight away online booking myself into a clinic. Feel a little heartless, because it’s been me that’s been stupid with contraception, but I know I 10000% do not have it in me to have another hyperemesis, sepsis and C-section pregnancy. I know people will judge and be like well you didn’t make your contraception a priority so it’s your fault, but just feel a bit she’ll shocked too. Hoping they get me in this week as my last pregnancy once Hyperemesis hit I was in hospital and couldn’t get out of bed :/ xx

 

[ada-lovelace]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

 

[Keera]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

it does 🩷 I’m a year on from mine now and although I do think of it it’s no where near as often and I don’t have any regret. I wish I hadn’t had to make that decision in the first place but it was most definitely the right choice.
rememeber hormones are still swirling, it’s only been a month. Be kind to yourself.

(while we are always here on this thread, you could consider chatting to the counsellors you can access through the abortion provider)

 

[CelinaRoger]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

It does, I'm 4 months on and while I still find myself feeling guilty regularly it's definitely gotten easier in the last few weeks. The abortion counsellors can be really helpful too.

 

[Noodles28]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

Some of it could be the hormones too. No one warned me about those and they were far more difficult than any physical aspect of the termination. For about 3-4 weeks after mine I was so upset and though I knew I had my reasons for doing it I still had all these negative thoughts and feelings. It was a bit like the baby blues.

Go easy on yourself, it does get easier. I’d second speaking to someone most places who offer abortions should have counselling available should you need it.

 

[ada-lovelace]

Thank you so much ladies for your words of encouragement and sharing your experiences. I’m going to call BPAS tomorrow and arrange a Councelling session. I didn’t want to do this initially as I thought going over it again might make me feel worse but you can’t run away from your emotions can you!

 

[Klaus123]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

It does get easier, definitely. Mine was around 7 years ago and thought I do still have “What if?” Moments, they are few and far between and I don’t regret it as I once did as I know I made the right decision back then. Allow yourself to feel sad, it is a huge huge thing. You can grieve over this. We are judged for abortions and made to feel as though we shouldn’t be sad but we absolutely can be sad and can grieve over it. I think it’s very natural to feel some level of regret but it definitely will pass and will get easier.

it doesn’t help but time really is the best healer. Give yourself the time. You have nothing to feel guilty for though.

 

[ada-lovelace]

It does get easier, definitely. Mine was around 7 years ago and thought I do still have “What if?” Moments, they are few and far between and I don’t regret it as I once did as I know I made the right decision back then. Allow yourself to feel sad, it is a huge huge thing. You can grieve over this. We are judged for abortions and made to feel as though we shouldn’t be sad but we absolutely can be sad and can grieve over it. I think it’s very natural to feel some level of regret but it definitely will pass and will get easier.

it doesn’t help but time really is the best healer. Give yourself the time. You have nothing to feel guilty for though.

Thank you so much 🫶 You’re right I need to just let myself feel it. I’ve put to much pressure on myself to get back to normal I think. I just wish It never had to happen.

 

[Pushyplumb]

Yes, it is something you will never forget but it does get easier and slowly and surely you will think about it less and less. Know that you are not on your own xx

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

It does get easier. I had my termination almost 16 years ago. I knew I didn't want a child but still felt awful after the abortion, guilt, regret, sadness, all of it. I'd say it was about 6 months to a year before I could see it clearly and start to forgive myself. I don't regret it at all now because I am logical about it as opposed to emotional. Don't beat yourself up, you made the right decision for you.

 

[ack13]

Was just wondering if anyone can confirm it gets easier? Had an abortion beginning of this month and I’m just consumed with guilt, and I feel like I regret it, but I don’t know if that’s just the guilt speaking. I already have 2 children and my husband and I knew we didn’t want any more for various reasons so the feelings of regret are confusing. Just want to stop feeling so sad

It will pass, I’m a year out from mine and I rarely think about it anymore. The first few months were difficult (and very very confusing for me as I’m childfree by choice and the feelings of guilt and regret had me all over the place). I hope you feel better soon

 

[Carrrlyx]

Hi ladies, I’ve just recently found out I am pregnant also, I have 3 kids and my youngest is only 5.5 months old, all born via csection (this is the reason my partner thinks we should terminate as I would be having a 4th csection) I am so undecided on what to do as I think the guilt would eat me alive if I was to terminate .. however, I do have a consultation booked for Friday with the sandyford. I wouldn’t know wether to have the tablets or d&c if given the choice I struggle really badly with health anxiety so both are worrying me stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

[Keera]

Hi ladies, I’ve just recently found out I am pregnant also, I have 3 kids and my youngest is only 5.5 months old, all born via csection (this is the reason my partner thinks we should terminate as I would be having a 4th csection) I am so undecided on what to do as I think the guilt would eat me alive if I was to terminate .. however, I do have a consultation booked for Friday with the sandyford. I wouldn’t know wether to have the tablets or d&c if given the choice I struggle really badly with health anxiety so both are worrying me stuck between a rock and a hard place.

🩷
It may be worth just talking to them on Friday about how you are feeling, you don’t have to make the decision then and there. Unfortunately though it does have to be your decision ultimately which is the difficult thing! What I would say is it’s you that has to go through this and live with the feelings that come after so just give it a bit of time - no right or wrong answers or thoughts here!
in regards to which procedure to have - I had tablets, it was better for me I took them at home and managed things alone - I bled semi-heavily for about 4 days then liight bleeding for probably another 10 days ish. No pain really apart from the first night.
however I can understand if you have anxieties you may feel it’s more suitable to be “done” and all complete in a clinical environment if that makes sense.

Feel free to come back here for a listening ear as many times as you want whichever way you decide to go 🩷

 

[Eureka]

Hi ladies, I’ve just recently found out I am pregnant also, I have 3 kids and my youngest is only 5.5 months old, all born via csection (this is the reason my partner thinks we should terminate as I would be having a 4th csection) I am so undecided on what to do as I think the guilt would eat me alive if I was to terminate .. however, I do have a consultation booked for Friday with the sandyford. I wouldn’t know wether to have the tablets or d&c if given the choice I struggle really badly with health anxiety so both are worrying me stuck between a rock and a hard place.

It might be worth having a bit of crisis pregnancy counselling before you make up your mind. I know there are lots of medical reasons why a 4th section is discouraged but its your body so I would make the decision based on that rather than what your partner thinks.

I had a surgical abortion, it was under anaesthetic so I don't remember anything about the procedure itself but I had some tenderness and a bit of bleeding for about a week afterwards.

You have time to make a decision so put yourself first and give yourself space to think it through.

 

[AladdinSane]

I'm so glad I've found this thread.
I don't know if I'm pregnant but I have a funny feeling... thats the only way I can describe it. And tbh I'm not sure if I'm just panicking over nothing.
Last week I was absolutely foul to be around, my boots felt unbelievably sore and I've noticed today a bit of breakthrough bleeding (I'm on the oral contraceptive pill).
I have another week of pills to take before I'm due my "period"
So I'm not sure whether to wait and see if that comes or test right away.
I know for a fact that I do not want children. It's not something I've ever planned for nor do I feel mentally prepared for anything like that.
So I know if I am, abortion is going to be my option.

It's just nice to see you guys being so supportive on here. Apologies, I think I've gone off topic!

 

[Drea1984]

I had one 33 years ago. I still think of it. I remember feeling relief immediately after and not really guilty but sad?
May be controversial but I think the tablet method barbaric. A young friend of mine had one recently and it seemed so so awful.
If it happened to my daughter I would pay whatever it took for her to have it done surgically. The tablets just seem so hard on a woman.

 

[Lizzie Mintdrop]

I had one 33 years ago. I still think of it. I remember feeling relief immediately after and not really guilty but sad?
May be controversial but I think the tablet method barbaric. A young friend of mine had one recently and it seemed so so awful.
If it happened to my daughter I would pay whatever it took for her to have it done surgically. The tablets just seem so hard on a woman.

I wonder if the experience differs for different women, my niece took the tablet and was ok. I wouldn't want it myself, my termination was surgical. I wouldn't like to be left with cramping and losing blood, I don't think I'd cope. I hope your daughter is ok now?

 

[timtams]

I had a medical abortion with the tablet, I read a lot of horror stories online and was really worried but it was completely fine for me. Cost wasn't an issue because where I live surgical and medical are both free, but I didn't want surgical because I didn't want to have to be picked up. I was about 8 weeks I think as it was the earliest they could get me in. They prescribed strong painkillers, I took the abortion tablet and painkillers before I eent to bed so that time would pass quicker. I woke up and went to the bathroom when it was passing and then took more painkillers and back to bed. I didn't really have any cramps or perhaps the painkillers masked them.

I'm certainly not discounting others experiences, but I do think it differs for each person.