Dating after lockdown #6 Block him!

[Bettyboo2021]

This is not quite about dating but I wanted to share something with you: l think something changed inside me.

I don't want to engage with any of the guys that gave me too little attention or proved to be flakes - in the past, if someone demonstrated lack of interest I made a bigger effort. Now I am like: this is a turn-off. I don't want to convince you that you want me.

And today I had a work meeting that I wanted to have postponed - but it went ahead. Three men were pressing for a solution / agreement and I wanted to postpone and managed to do so - although they didn't like it and there were a few cynical comments in front of everybody. In the past I would have been so ashamed for being humiliated (because of the nasty comments) - now I don't care. I am happy as I achieved what I set out to do - I won more time. I don't care what they think about me.

It seems that rejection doesn't bother me that much anymore and I find it easier to let go.
I hope that this is true and not just a short-lived experience.

Sorry for my ramblings

Thank you for sharing! I agree with you. Dealing with these emotionally unavailable men just takes time and good energy from us....no matter how nice we are we can’t change them and no matter what we do it won’t make them want us. Congrats on your work situation good for you for standing your ground xx

 

[LaurieLaurie]

 

[Mr Sparkle]

This is not quite about dating but I wanted to share something with you: l think something changed inside me.

I don't want to engage with any of the guys that gave me too little attention or proved to be flakes - in the past, if someone demonstrated lack of interest I made a bigger effort. Now I am like: this is a turn-off. I don't want to convince you that you want me.

And today I had a work meeting that I wanted to have postponed - but it went ahead. Three men were pressing for a solution / agreement and I wanted to postpone and managed to do so - although they didn't like it and there were a few cynical comments in front of everybody. In the past I would have been so ashamed for being humiliated (because of the nasty comments) - now I don't care. I am happy as I achieved what I set out to do - I won more time. I don't care what they think about me.

It seems that rejection doesn't bother me that much anymore and I find it easier to let go.
I hope that this is true and not just a short-lived experience.

Sorry for my ramblings

Yay for you at work, that takes so much guts!! Feels like a completely perfect way of summing up the state of mind that we all need.

This year I've felt that "state of mind" happening more and more often with me at work and as a person in general.

You're so so right - we need to all *know* (not just convince ourselves temporarily) that we're worth a million bucks, and the rest flows from there

Maybe it's because I'm all emosh spending the evening watching tit films with friends instead of the scheduled date with that blue-ticker, but I absolutely love this for you!!

 

[anonesk223]

no idea how to take these.. he said he still wants to go on dates..?

this guy hasn’t replied to me since Monday. I messaged him on Wednesday to essentially end things and I never even got a response. I am so sick of the same thing happening to me everytime even when I have a good feeling about them Really starting to think I’ll never find someone lol!

 

[HelloStereo]

this guy hasn’t replied to me since Monday. I messaged him on Wednesday to essentially end things and I never even got a response. I am so sick of the same thing happening to me everytime even when I have a good feeling about them Really starting to think I’ll never find someone lol!

I think you will. Just need to stop spending emotional energy / time on the ones who aren't worth it, because you're worth them replying.

 

[no-no]

It seems that rejection doesn't bother me that much anymore and I find it easier to let go.
I hope that this is true and not just a short-lived experience.

You are so right! And good for you I’ve been watching rejection videos on YT and highly recommend just looking at a few TED talks on the subject or on having boundaries/insecure attachment styles,

I deleted my bumble without messaging any matches I’m taking a year out after an awful ex. Although I would be open to meeting someone in person.

 

[Bettyboo2021]

this guy hasn’t replied to me since Monday. I messaged him on Wednesday to essentially end things and I never even got a response. I am so sick of the same thing happening to me everytime even when I have a good feeling about them Really starting to think I’ll never find someone lol!

Please don’t think this the whole nature of internet dating has created this “window shopping” mentality where they just cruise along, pick what they fancy, and if the wind changes they just wuss out and don’t reply. It isn’t you, it’s a toxic culture these days and we are just trying to fight out way through it I think xxx

At least none of you are disgusted with yourself for entertaining someone 13 years my junior. He’s so lovely but that will defo keep me from jumping into bed with him. I don’t think im cut out for the cougar life!

 

[Woolmercardington]

Please don’t think this the whole nature of internet dating has created this “window shopping” mentality where they just cruise along, pick what they fancy, and if the wind changes they just wuss out and don’t reply. It isn’t you, it’s a toxic culture these days and we are just trying to fight out way through it I think xxx

At least none of you are disgusted with yourself for entertaining someone 13 years my junior. He’s so lovely but that will defo keep me from jumping into bed with him. I don’t think im cut out for the cougar life!

Cougars go on the hunt for younger men. You haven't. Just treat it as a bit of a fun

 

[Bettyboo2021]

Cougars go on the hunt for younger men. You haven't. Just treat it as a bit of a fun

Thank you! I was thinking it might be just what I need

 

[LaurieLaurie]

this guy hasn’t replied to me since Monday. I messaged him on Wednesday to essentially end things and I never even got a response. I am so sick of the same thing happening to me everytime even when I have a good feeling about them Really starting to think I’ll never find someone lol!

I wouldn’t waste my energy ending things with people like this, a simple OK followed by silence and never speaking to them again is enough.

 

[HelloStereo]

I wouldn’t waste my energy ending things with people like this, a simple OK followed by silence and never speaking to them again is enough.

No answer is an answer.

 

[Thank(space)you]

I'm seeing the guy tonight for our 3rd date. I've arranged a babysitter and he's not decided what we're doing I've suggested things but he just says he doesn't mind.
Am I wrong for being a bit frustrated? I like a man to be decisive when it comes to things like planning a date

 

[Clickbait]

I'm seeing the guy tonight for our 3rd date. I've arranged a babysitter and he's not decided what we're doing I've suggested things but he just says he doesn't mind.
Am I wrong for being a bit frustrated? I like a man to be decisive when it comes to things like planning a date

That is the holy grail! Most men just seem to be really bad at making plans. Even with each other. My bf hasn’t seen loads of his friends for months even before the pandemic because none of them can pull their finger out to organise anything. Some of them don’t even live that far away!

Try not to see it as a slight on you or that the lack of effort is reflective of a lack of feeling necessarily, although I agree it is incredibly frustrating.

 

[realhousewivewannabe]

I can’t believe I’m typing this but here we go. I’ve been on 3 dates since last Friday all different men all spontaneous.
last Friday I went on a date drinks/food anyway in the car ride back the guy kissed me initially I didn’t want to kiss him back but I couldn’t deny there was something so attractive about him. Now I don’t know if it was the cocktails I had or what but I felt a twinge/flutter during the kisses. Like did I actually just have fan flutters?! Is that what it felt like .

We’re meeting again he said but I don’t know if he’s the “right person for me”. but I want to kiss him again to see if I get that feeling (never had that haha)

Sundays date was fun too, we spoke all this week and I wasn’t feeling too well he offered to drop round chocolate for me (we live in the same place like 2 mins away) and he said he wanted to call me after the gym on Thursday but I never heard from him (Honestly I’m not that fussed tbh we had a nice evening out, nice to meet someone new and it didn’t really cost me anything)

Yesterday, I went to coffee with one but when he arrived I saw it more as a meet someone and leave again situation plus he’s a bit too quiet for me.

Now… I’m soooo excited for my date tomorrow. we started talking about two weeks ago now and he immediately booked our restaurant once we settled on the day. Due to our social life etc we couldn’t meet sooner.
Over the past week he’s sent me messages, voicenotes/ pictures or riddles everyday of clues I’ve had to work out. To lead to where we are going for brunch in London. I’ve worked it out and it’s so cute. We have just spoken on the phone discussed where to meet / tube and I’m buzzing. I can’t lie this has been the sweetest thing a guys done to plan a date for me and I hope it turns out well

I guess in a way something has switched with me this week where I’m not trying to get attached more just enjoy being outside / meeting people.

 

[HelloStereo]

I'm seeing the guy tonight for our 3rd date. I've arranged a babysitter and he's not decided what we're doing I've suggested things but he just says he doesn't mind.
Am I wrong for being a bit frustrated? I like a man to be decisive when it comes to things like planning a date

I don't mind booking things for us to do on a date. But if I suggested things and his response was just "I don't mind" I'd be a bit disheartened. Like, muster some enthusiasm over something I am suggesting.

I don't mind if a guy doesn't take charge for every date but at least give an opinion on what I'm suggesting!

 

[nobrains]

Saw this and thought of this thread

 

[Bettyboo2021]

Some man who I exchanged about 4 WhatsApp messages with weeks ago before the convo went to Death Valley had just randomly rang me?! At 10pm on a sat?! What goes through these peoples heads? sure mate I fancy a chat

 

[LaurieLaurie]

What do you do when the person you’re seeing is having a hard time? He’s gained a large amount of weigh, the early nights of feeling fed up have crept in and today he has spent the entire day in bed

This happened in 2019 but he pushed me away and hid it from me, it broke my heart. This time he’s happy to tell me about it so I’m assuming I just be there when he needs me and give him space when he needs that?

 

[Bettyboo2021]

What do you do when the person you’re seeing is having a hard time? He’s gained a large amount of weigh, the early nights of feeling fed up have crept in and today he has spent the entire day in bed

This happened in 2019 but he pushed me away and hid it from me, it broke my heart. This time he’s happy to tell me about it so I’m assuming I just be there when he needs me and give him space when he needs that?

As long as you don’t do anything to hurt yourself in the process, being supportive is lovely xx

 

[Clickbait]

What do you do when the person you’re seeing is having a hard time? He’s gained a large amount of weigh, the early nights of feeling fed up have crept in and today he has spent the entire day in bed

This happened in 2019 but he pushed me away and hid it from me, it broke my heart. This time he’s happy to tell me about it so I’m assuming I just be there when he needs me and give him space when he needs that?

It’s difficult because really they are signs of depression and if he’s not getting help with that it’s unlikely to get better by itself. I had an ex who would just retreat from the world and spend whole days and weekends in bed - it really put a strain on our relationship but he refused to seek help. Definitely be there for him, but remember to look after yourself too.