Dating after lockdown #6 Block him!

[Thank(space)you]

Ugh I am overthinking everything when it comes to the guy I'm dating.
It's been 2 dates, we're seeing each other again Saturday.

He seems keen, he messages and calls daily but I still don't seem to trust he is actually interested he says he has come off tinder etc and isn't interested in talking to anyone else. He says he really likes me and wants to get to know me more and see where things go. He does seem to need a lot of reassurance (he's asked me a few times if I do like him and how I'm feeling about "us").

Part of me is thinking he seems so sweet and lovely and genuine. Part of me is more realistic and thinks its been 2 weeks, 2 dates. You don't know how. Keep your guard up. Build them walls high.

It's so bizarre, I feel like I know him so well but also feel like I don't know him at all.

Not sure why I'm posting tbh but if anyone has any input on my ramblings it's appreciated.

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

Hmmm. We all know my feelings on “too much too soon” by now but this would be raising mild alarm bells for me. It’s really great that he’s keen and has paused speaking to anyone else to concentrate on developing things with you, but just be careful he’s not trying to use that to push you into something you’re not ready for or he doesn’t start to become clingy. 2 weeks 2 dates as you say. You barely know each other at that point. Enjoy, but stay on your guard is what I’d say

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Ugh I am overthinking everything when it comes to the guy I'm dating.
It's been 2 dates, we're seeing each other again Saturday.

He seems keen, he messages and calls daily but I still don't seem to trust he is actually interested he says he has come off tinder etc and isn't interested in talking to anyone else. He says he really likes me and wants to get to know me more and see where things go. He does seem to need a lot of reassurance (he's asked me a few times if I do like him and how I'm feeling about "us").

Part of me is thinking he seems so sweet and lovely and genuine. Part of me is more realistic and thinks its been 2 weeks, 2 dates. You don't know how. Keep your guard up. Build them walls high.

It's so bizarre, I feel like I know him so well but also feel like I don't know him at all.

Not sure why I'm posting tbh but if anyone has any input on my ramblings it's appreciated.

It’s good that you are aware about how you are feeling, just stay alert and keep your guard up for now. I’d see his neediness as a minor red flag so just be careful.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Ugh I am overthinking everything when it comes to the guy I'm dating.
It's been 2 dates, we're seeing each other again Saturday.

He seems keen, he messages and calls daily but I still don't seem to trust he is actually interested he says he has come off tinder etc and isn't interested in talking to anyone else. He says he really likes me and wants to get to know me more and see where things go. He does seem to need a lot of reassurance (he's asked me a few times if I do like him and how I'm feeling about "us").

Part of me is thinking he seems so sweet and lovely and genuine. Part of me is more realistic and thinks its been 2 weeks, 2 dates. You don't know how. Keep your guard up. Build them walls high.

It's so bizarre, I feel like I know him so well but also feel like I don't know him at all.

Not sure why I'm posting tbh but if anyone has any input on my ramblings it's appreciated.

Well, you don't know him very well.

You are just about to get to know him. This is exciting and feeling a bit anxious is probably normal.

Maybe you can distract yourself? Do you paint or knit or have another hobby that keeps your hands busy? I read that doing something with your hands helps overthinking.
Or maybe read a book or start a new series.

I don't think overanalysing it won't help you as you don't have a crystal ball and simply have to wait and see how it will develop.

I keep my fingers crossed for you

 

[Bettyboo2021]

Meeting the groper in a gin place...should I ask him if he wants to go to the wacky warehouse instead?

 

[square_spoon]

Meeting the groper in a gin place...should I ask him if he wants to go to the wacky warehouse instead?

No but make sure he brings a note from his Mum so they’ll let him in

 

[Bettyboo2021]

No but make sure he brings a note from his Mum so they’ll let him in

I was gonna suggest a happy meal and Costa in case

 

[anonesk223]

Are you that bothered or interested in him? I can only echo what everyone else has said about his original message but as for how to respond, I'd probably go for something like ok thanks for being honest, it doesn't sound like you have the time to put into dating so I think it's best if we put a pin in things. And leave it there!

I wouldn't be flexible or offer a compromise like "what if we agree to only meet up once every two weeks or when you've got time?", if that makes sense. He's said he's too busy, so that's that. Sometimes I found guys want you to do the leg work when they claimed to be busy, like seeing them when it's convenient/last minute, you travelling to see them, planning dates and the like - anything that means they don't need to put in the work

Thank you, that’s great advice I sent him the message basically saying we’re clearly not looking for the same thing yesterday morning... I never got a reply says it all I suppose. Thanks everyone xxx

 

[misscl4]

Errr ‘Jay’ I’ve seen you on apps for a long time, in fact I think I even matched with you and spoke to you a few years ago so something makes me doubt the accident story

 

[square_spoon]

My most promising match has just messaged me to say he’s taking a break from dating as his friend has cancer and he needs to look after them. Dating has made me such a cynic

 

[gelicahah]

View attachment 686890
Errr ‘Jay’ I’ve seen you on apps for a long time, in fact I think I even matched with you and spoke to you a few years ago so something makes me doubt the accident story

Maybe he was on tinder cheating on the gf that then died
And the "I will be honest " is maybe because he feels guilty for lying to someone who then died and he promised himself he was never gonna lie again
Or maybe I'm seeing too much into it

 

[misscl4]

Maybe he was on tinder cheating on the gf that then died
And the "I will be honest " is maybe because he feels guilty for lying to someone who then died and he promised himself he was never gonna lie again
Or maybe I'm seeing too much into it

I get where you are coming from but let’s just say I Facebook knew him at one point and I am almost certain it’s not the case. But I suppose could be someone using his pics.

 

[gelicahah]

I get where you are coming from but let’s just say I Facebook knew him at one point and I am almost certain it’s not the case. But I suppose could be someone using his pics.

Yeah my post was just my over dramatic mind raised on Italian soap operas racing and imagining the most unlikely scenarios. He's probably just lying to get pity matches.

 

[misscl4]

Yeah my post was just my over dramatic mind raised on Italian soap operas racing and imagining the most unlikely scenarios. He's probably just lying to get pity matches.

Haha! It’s a possibility if he did a very very sneaky job of hiding it and cheating and his ‘late partner’ not knowing. Just really sad isn’t it anyway that men are such liars.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I am about to give up.

There was this guy who I wanted to meet to go sailing, he has his own boat.

So on Wednesday he always has his son, then yesterday he ALSO had his son as the mother and the son go on holiday for three weeks soon and today he has booked (?) a hike. He told me that "surely we will find a day to meet".

I am close to telling him that I find him to complicated and no longer want to meet.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I am about to give up.

There was this guy who I wanted to meet to go sailing, he has his own boat.

So on Wednesday he always has his son, then yesterday he ALSO had his son as the mother and the son go on holiday for three weeks soon and today he has booked (?) a hike. He told me that "surely we will find a day to meet".

I am close to telling him that I find him to complicated and no longer want to meet.

Stop replying to people like this, he would be on your a with multiple options of days and times if he was serious.

I wouldn’t listen to people who use their kids as an excuse, they will make plans in advance when they want to see someone. That’s what me and my friends with kids do, when I’ve dated men with kids they would make plans up to two weeks ahead.

 

[yankydoo]

I am about to give up.

There was this guy who I wanted to meet to go sailing, he has his own boat.

So on Wednesday he always has his son, then yesterday he ALSO had his son as the mother and the son go on holiday for three weeks soon and today he has booked (?) a hike. He told me that "surely we will find a day to meet".

I am close to telling him that I find him to complicated and no longer want to meet.

I've dated men like this who don't even have kids. They make it sound like a chore to meet up or that it is a privilege if they find time to fit you in. I stopped engaging with them. I don't think you should even reply as @LaurieLaurie said.

 

[Bettyboo2021]

Parking this here to make us smile on a rainy Friday

 

[Captainmouse]

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

This is not quite about dating but I wanted to share something with you: l think something changed inside me.

I don't want to engage with any of the guys that gave me too little attention or proved to be flakes - in the past, if someone demonstrated lack of interest I made a bigger effort. Now I am like: this is a turn-off. I don't want to convince you that you want me.

And today I had a work meeting that I wanted to have postponed - but it went ahead. Three men were pressing for a solution / agreement and I wanted to postpone and managed to do so - although they didn't like it and there were a few cynical comments in front of everybody. In the past I would have been so ashamed for being humiliated (because of the nasty comments) - now I don't care. I am happy as I achieved what I set out to do - I won more time. I don't care what they think about me.

It seems that rejection doesn't bother me that much anymore and I find it easier to let go.
I hope that this is true and not just a short-lived experience.

Sorry for my ramblings