Dating after lockdown #6 Block him!

[HelloStereo]

yeah i thought there was nothing there on his side as well. We had humour in common, but that's not enough for anything more than friendship,there was no physical attraction, he was at my place on our second date and didn't even try to touch me, kiss me, compliment me then didn't talk to me for a year i thought it was clear there was nothing between us

If you had nothing in common then i think even more that he's hoping he'll get at least some sex at some point, but doesn't want to properly date you. Again, i could be wrong who knows

That's like the guy I went on a date with. He stood really far away from me and when it started to rain I asked if he'd like to sit inside and he said he was feeling tired so wanted to go home (this was after an hour or so ).

It seemed that way, apart from we both like beer . It's not just the date, he'd also say things like 'bit random but are you much of a cuddler?" Or because he was a bit younger "how do you feel about dating younger guys?" Like obviously alright about it otherwise I'd have not swiped on you .

 

[yankydoo]

Sort of applied what we were talking about on this thread just now.

Went on a date with a guy in late June and it was alright but I didn't think there was any chemistry there. We text every so often but the last one he left me on read so I thought the feeling was mutual.

Today he messaged asking if I wanted to go for a drink with him and I just said I had a nice time seeing him but couldn't see it going anywhere romantically. Then he asked if I'd want to meet up as friends and I feel horrible and declined saying I don't transition from dating to friends. I find that complicated and I'd always be sort of wary that he would be using the platform of friends to start something / see where things lead.

Have you ever became friends with someone you went on a date with when the date didn't work out?

I stayed friends with one guy. I actually liked him but he friend zoned me and I did the stupid thing of keeping him around hoping he would feel the same. He ended up phasing me out when he got a GF (it was fine though as by then I had distanced myself as I realised he's kn*b).

I do have other "friends" but that just involves WhatsApp convo every few weeks.

Generally I wouldn't recommend as I feel someone still has feelings.

 

[HelloStereo]

I stayed friends with one guy. I actually liked him but he friend zoned me and I did the stupid thing of keeping him around hoping he would feel the same. He ended up phasing me out when he got a GF (it was fine though as by then I had distanced myself as I realised he's kn*b).

I do have other "friends" but that just involves WhatsApp convo every few weeks.

Generally I wouldn't recommend as I feel someone still has feelings.

This is how I feel. The only time I stayed friends with a guy was when he suggested it and I still wanted more. It ended up that he had a girlfriend and was lying about it, still being flirty with me but never wanting to meet up as friends or anything. When they broke up suddenly he wanted to take me to dinner again.

I always feel it's a bad idea, depends how invested both parties are though I guess.

 

[katyazamo]

any idea on how I should respond to this? kind of want to just cut things off

Are you that bothered or interested in him? I can only echo what everyone else has said about his original message but as for how to respond, I'd probably go for something like ok thanks for being honest, it doesn't sound like you have the time to put into dating so I think it's best if we put a pin in things. And leave it there!

I wouldn't be flexible or offer a compromise like "what if we agree to only meet up once every two weeks or when you've got time?", if that makes sense. He's said he's too busy, so that's that. Sometimes I found guys want you to do the leg work when they claimed to be busy, like seeing them when it's convenient/last minute, you travelling to see them, planning dates and the like - anything that means they don't need to put in the work

Have you ever became friends with someone you went on a date with when the date didn't work out?

Personally no, it sounds bad but I've never found myself wanting to be friends with any of these people. Wasn't friends with them to begin with, so wasn't gonna be friends with them after the date! Guys seem to treat the "friendship" as an ego boost or a free therapy session, I did try to be friends with a couple of guys but they never took a genuine interest in my life, it was always about them. I cba with orbiters. You always get ditched as soon as they start dating someone new or get a girlfriend.

 

[HelloStereo]

Are you that bothered or interested in him? I can only echo what everyone else has said about his original message but as for how to respond, I'd probably go for something like ok thanks for being honest, it doesn't sound like you have the time to put into dating so I think it's best if we put a pin in things. And leave it there!

I wouldn't be flexible or offer a compromise like "what if we agree to only meet up once every two weeks or when you've got time?", if that makes sense. He's said he's too busy, so that's that. Sometimes I found guys want you to do the leg work when they claimed to be busy, like seeing them when it's convenient/last minute, you travelling to see them, planning dates and the like - anything that means they don't need to put in the work


Personally no, it sounds bad but I've never found myself wanting to be friends with any of these people. Wasn't friends with them to begin with, so wasn't gonna be friends with them after the date! Guys seem to treat the "friendship" as an ego boost or a free therapy session, I did try to be friends with a couple of guys but they never took a genuine interest in my life, it was always about them. I cba with orbiters. You always get ditched as soon as they start dating someone new or get a girlfriend.

This is how I feel. If they suggest being friends after being the one to break up / not want to date then they are just keeping you on the back burner or suggested it as they thought it was a nice thing to do. If they want to remain friends and they're the one who is still interested there could be some ulterior motive.

 

[Clickbait]

Being friends with an ex-date is rather like being friends with an ex. Usually the person who doesn’t have feelings offers the hand of friendship as a way to let the other person down more gently, and the person who has feelings accepts in the hope that friendship means eventually it will be a relationship again.

It can work, but usually when one or either person gets into a new relationship it fizzles out.

@anonesk223 I think @katyazamo gave great advice. Honestly I’ve been in a similar situation and this guy was full of tit. Said he was looking for a relationship which is why he was on the app, he was between jobs so had loads of time to chat initially then started a new job and said that was why he was too busy to respond to messages. The fact he was online on WhatsApp all the time didn’t back this up. He also was only working 4.5 days a week but said he didn’t have spare time for a relationship (he played golf every Sunday apparently and would not compromise on that) so it wouldn’t be fair on me, particularly as he knew I was looking for something more serious.

I am sure this man is still on Tinder, and will still be pedalling the line about looking for a relationship.

If you want to respond I’d make it as brief as possible without coming across as upset/disappointed or that you’re happy to accept a compromise. Those are all signs of weakness to the players who will seek a way back in at some point.

 

[Bettyboo2021]

The Saturday Night Groper/my little friend is meeting me for a drink next week we have been chatting more and I can’t help thinking why can’t he age 10 years he’s really responsible, Own house, Has a cute dog and genuinely a nice guy we both love the outdoors and gym etc. He lost his little sister a few years ago so his Instagram is full of nice tributes. He’s said nothing suggestive or flirty which is good because at 29 to my 42 I really think that’s a super big age gap that wouldn’t work..my mom (queen of the snarky comment) says “what a shame he’s not older” ...I’ll have to settle for him being like my new little friend

 

[timtams]

Have you ever became friends with someone you went on a date with when the date didn't work out?

I have! I made a friend off an app about 2 years ago and we’re still friends. It was easy because we both didn’t feel anything romantic right from the start but got along really well, and we both have a child of a similar age, so we mostly just meet up with the kids so they can have a play together and we just chat. We message here and there but not super frequently. We’re both on the same page which is the only reason it works. I met his fiancé recently, she knows the context and is fine with it, and she was lovely so I’m happy for him.
I do agree with everyone else though, I have had guys say friends and then it was clear they just wanted to see if they could change my mind. And then when I stuck to my guns they stopped wanting the “friendship”. So I think most of the time it probably doesn’t work.

 

[RedEd]

Have you ever became friends with someone you went on a date with when the date didn't work out?

Yes , I'm friends with 4 men I've been dates that haven't worked out , 1 guy 8 year's friendship, 2 guys around 5 years friendship and the last one 3 years friendship

It's like I collect friends or something

 

[HelloStereo]

I have! I made a friend off an app about 2 years ago and we’re still friends. It was easy because we both didn’t feel anything romantic right from the start but got along really well, and we both have a child of a similar age, so we mostly just meet up with the kids so they can have a play together and we just chat. We message here and there but not super frequently. We’re both on the same page which is the only reason it works. I met his fiancé recently, she knows the context and is fine with it, and she was lovely so I’m happy for him.
I do agree with everyone else though, I have had guys say friends and then it was clear they just wanted to see if they could change my mind. And then when I stuck to my guns they stopped wanting the “friendship”. So I think most of the time it probably doesn’t work.

I guess if you both didn't feel anything romantic but had lots in common that's a good basis for friendship. Just seems like many date to find someone who they feel chemistry with, and if it's not reciprocated it's difficult to stay in touch.

Yes , I'm friends with 4 men I've been dates that haven't worked out , 1 guy 8 year's friendship, 2 guys around 5 years friendship and the last one 3 years friendship

It's like I collect friends or something

Oh wow, was there a mutual feeling of "no chemistry but we get on well" with all of the, or did any of them have feelings?

 

[nobrains]

I'm friends with a guy I met online 10 years ago. He's a great guy and if we lived closer I think we probably would've gotten together. I still do fancy him a bit. He's in Liverpool and on tinder if any of you ladies are in that area.

 

[This.is.me]

Had to post these after reading some of the previous comments…

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I finished "Ghosts" and feel Dolly should have been a bit of research on this thread as her character didn't seem that upset about being ghosted...

I have been thrown a few breadcrumbs again

The guy I am seeing responded last night saying that me wanting space is ok, but he still wants to share the bill (from the dinner last Friday).

I am not going to respond for now.

 

[Bagpuss7]

I finished "Ghosts" and feel Dolly should have been a bit of research on this thread as her character didn't seem that upset about being ghosted...

I have been thrown a few breadcrumbs again

The guy I am seeing responded last night saying that me wanting space is ok, but he still wants to share the bill (from the dinner last Friday).

I am not going to respond for now.

Share the bill as in he wants you to send him money??

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I finished "Ghosts" and feel Dolly should have been a bit of research on this thread as her character didn't seem that upset about being ghosted...

I have been thrown a few breadcrumbs again

The guy I am seeing responded last night saying that me wanting space is ok, but he still wants to share the bill (from the dinner last Friday).

I am not going to respond for now.

Why respond ever again? Who paid?

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Share the bill as in he wants you to send him money??

No This would have been really rude.
He wants to send me money.

We had agreed to share the bill and I paid it by card, he seems to have forgotten to give me cash on the night and offered to send via PayPal

Why respond ever again? Who paid?

Because I am a weakling I guess

I paid.

 

[timtams]

I met a guy on Sunday for a first date and then had our second date last night. We really hit it off last night in particular, it was such a good night, and I felt so comfortable. We had a little kiss at the end and planned our next date. He seems so good, like emotionally intelligent, kind, respectful, good sense of humor, intelligent, honest, empathetic. And not playing games either. We planned our next catch up and he seems genuine. I don’t want to get excited though because I feel like they always just end up ghosting or being a head are there actually nice guys like this out there?

This is the 7th guy I’ve met in the last month or so and probably seems the most promising. The good one from last week is still in the picture but we just haven’t been able to tee up a second date (mostly because of my limited availability that just hasn’t matched up with his). His messages are consistent and good like he actually shows an interest in me. But it might be friend vibes on his part, I’m not sure.

Anyway, I’m kind of nervous to see how this all plays out. Trying to take a laidback approach though

 

[LaurieLaurie]

No This would have been really rude.
He wants to send me money.

We had agreed to share the bill and I paid it by card, he seems to have forgotten to give me cash on the night and offered to send via PayPal



Because I am a weakling I guess

I paid.

Oh.. That’s not bad then, I thought he might have wanted money from you

 

[TrolleyParton]

Have you ever became friends with someone you went on a date with when the date didn't work out?

I actually have made a few good friends via online dating but they were all situations where we met up and clearly didn't fancy each other but got along pretty well so stayed in touch.

As far as ghosting is concerned, I'm in two minds. If it was a situation where we'd been seeing a lot of each other or it had gone on for months, it's crappy. But if it was someone I had maybe gone out with a few times or even slept with once or twice but it never really went beyond that, I would rather they just stopped getting in touch tbh. I can figure out from their inaction that they're not interested, I don't need to have it spelt out! But yeah, it very much depends on the situation.

 

[Woolmercardington]

I think the origin of the term ghosting was when you were actively dating someone but it wasn't a full blown relationship, and alternately, wasn't after just one date either. It seems a bit of an umbrella term now. Like if someone disappears when your just in the chatting stage, it gets called ghosting, when really it's just an online chat that's fizzled out.