Dating after lockdown #6 Block him!

[whathastheworldcometo]

I think you've had sex but I don't think you have a relationship!! The fact that you are planning on seeing someone else screams that!!

If by telling him are you hoping for some sort of declaration from him ? I'm struggling to see what is served by telling him your business when you clearly have no vested interest there any longer ?

Yes, I agree about the "relationship" part. It is more an affair (which is what I meant with "sexual relationship")

I am not hoping for a declaration from him - and I really don't think there would be one - but given we were quite intimate I think it is fair to be upfront? I wouldn't want him to date someone else without telling me - if he were to date someone else then I could decide if I still want to see him or not. And I think it is also fair for me to put the cards on the table so that he can decide what he wants.

I had already asked him before we said good-bye on Friday night - I asked how he felt about us seeing other people as well and he responded "I don't know". Hmmm

If he's not giving you what you want then you should tell him and see what he says - he can either make the effort, or if he doesn't want to do that, then ditch him and make room for someone in your life who will appreciate you & give you what you need!

I already mentioned it to him and he only said "I don't know". It was clear he didn't want to talk about it then.

Realistically, the only way for him to carve out more time would be to spend less time with his son. He also spends time with friends, but seems to be willing to cut this back.

Are you trying to see how he would react if you told him you were going on a date with someone else?

No, this is not the reason. I kind of already made up my mind and know who I would like to meet - it's a guy that I met on the app and started chatting to when we had this "break".

 

[Bagpuss7]

Yes, I agree about the "relationship" part. It is more an affair (which is what I meant with "sexual relationship")

I am not hoping for a declaration from him - and I really don't think there would be one - but given we were quite intimate I think it is fair to be upfront? I wouldn't want him to date someone else without telling me - if he were to date someone else then I could decide if I still want to see him or not. And I think it is also fair for me to put the cards on the table so that he can decide what he wants.

I had already asked him before we said good-bye on Friday night - I asked how he felt about us seeing other people as well and he responded "I don't know". Hmmm



I already mentioned it to him and he only said "I don't know". It was clear he didn't want to talk about it then.

Realistically, the only way for him to carve out more time would be to spend less time with his son. He also spends time with friends, but seems to be willing to cut this back.

Oh blimey...see I read that thinking, why are you investing soo much time, thoughts, emotions in a man that responds with a 'don't know ' to quite a simple question really... at this point in a relationship where you are sharing nakedness why is that a difficult question? If you are just an fwb, which is what it sounds like to me, ...and it's not what you want , move on ...there are men out there that have their tit together, have emotional integrity and know the kind of relationships they want! He clearly doesn't!!

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Oh blimey...see I read that thinking, why are you investing soo much time, thoughts, emotions in a man that responds with a 'don't know ' to quite a simple question really... at this point in a relationship where you are sharing nakedness why is that a difficult question? If you are just an fwb, which is what it sounds like to me, ...and it's not what you want , move on ...there are men out there that have their tit together, have emotional integrity and know the kind of relationships they want! He clearly doesn't!!

Yes!
It is a FwB situation exactly.

And I think this is what he wants - he gets good sex (if I say so myself ), has nice company (again, if I say so myself ) and some distractions from the daily routine - until he finally found a house and will move to be with his son.

So it suits him.

But for me its like - not very much. I also enjoy his company and the sex and I like talking to him, I really do - but we don't get to spend very much time together and at some stage he will leave and I am still here.

So I think it would be fair for me to date other people and for him to not do so

 

[Bagpuss7]

Yes!
It is a FwB situation exactly.

And I think this is what he wants - he gets good sex (if I say so myself ), has nice company (again, if I say so myself ) and some distractions from the daily routine - until he finally found a house and will move to be with his son.

So it suits him.

But for me its like - not very much. I also enjoy his company and the sex and I like talking to him, I really do - but we don't get to spend very much time together and at some stage he will leave and I am still here.

So I think it would be fair for me to date other people and for him to not do so

Clearly no future in it ...and he's not meeting any of your needs ( apart from the sexy time ones ! ) stop wasting your time on something that is going nowhere ! Go on that date this weekend, enjoy yourself! If mr fwb bothers to surface, and you want to share your date information do it if not its not his business...I think if the date turns sexual then you do have a kinda do the right thing thing and let mr flakey fwb know ...but again its your decision...

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Clearly no future in it ...and he's not meeting any of your needs ( apart from the sexy time ones ! ) stop wasting your time on something that is going nowhere ! Go on that date this weekend, enjoy yourself! If mr fwb bothers to surface, and you want to share your date information do it if not its not his business...I think if the date turns sexual then you do have a kinda do the right thing thing and let mr flakey fwb know ...but again its your decision...

Thank you

 

[justapossum]

I already mentioned it to him and he only said "I don't know". It was clear he didn't want to talk about it then.

I wouldn't settle for an "I don't know" especially if you know what you want at this stage.
Don't reserve a space in your life for someone who doesn't know whether or not they want you in theirs.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I wouldn't settle for an "I don't know" especially if you know what you want at this stage.
Don't reserve a space in your life for someone who doesn't know whether or not they want you in theirs.

Hm, the "I don't know" was the response to my question as to whether we should see other people.
He clearly didn't want to talk about it and I was surprised that he didn't have an opinion.

 

[justapossum]

Hm, the "I don't know" was the response to my question as to whether we should see other people.
He clearly didn't want to talk about it and I was surprised that he didn't have an opinion.

I still find that strange - surely you'd know how you feel about someone dating other people? It just doesn't seem that he's that bothered... so do what you need with that information! I'd go on the date.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Thread suggestions:
Keep your breadcrumbs, we are not pidgeons

 

[anonesk223]

no idea how to take these.. he said he still wants to go on dates..?

any idea on how I should respond to this? kind of want to just cut things off

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

any idea on how I should respond to this? kind of want to just cut things off

I am confused by what he says.

If you want to cut things off then I would do this. He seems difficult.

 

[HelloStereo]

Sort of applied what we were talking about on this thread just now.

Went on a date with a guy in late June and it was alright but I didn't think there was any chemistry there. We text every so often but the last one he left me on read so I thought the feeling was mutual.

Today he messaged asking if I wanted to go for a drink with him and I just said I had a nice time seeing him but couldn't see it going anywhere romantically. Then he asked if I'd want to meet up as friends and I feel horrible and declined saying I don't transition from dating to friends. I find that complicated and I'd always be sort of wary that he would be using the platform of friends to start something / see where things lead.

Have you ever became friends with someone you went on a date with when the date didn't work out?

 

[anonesk223]

I am confused by what he says.

If you want to cut things off then I would do this. He seems difficult.

Yeah I’m confused too! Says all this but still wants to go on a date haha

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Sort of applied what we were talking about on this thread just now.

Went on a date with a guy in late June and it was alright but I didn't think there was any chemistry there. We text every so often but the last one he left me on read so I thought the feeling was mutual.

Today he messaged asking if I wanted to go for a drink with him and I just said I had a nice time seeing him but couldn't see it going anywhere romantically. Then he asked if I'd want to meet up as friends and I feel horrible and declined saying I don't transition from dating to friends. I find that complicated and I'd always be sort of wary that he would be using the platform of friends to start something / see where things lead.

Have you ever became friends with someone you went on a date with when the date didn't work out?

I haven't, although I wouldn't be opposed to it. I can see how this can be awkward though...

 

[HelloStereo]

I haven't, although I wouldn't be opposed to it. I can see how this can be awkward though...

I can maybe see it working if both got on well but neither felt anything romantically. Otherwise I always think the suggestion of remaining friends will always mean something more to one person?

 

[gelicahah]

Sort of applied what we were talking about on this thread just now.

Went on a date with a guy in late June and it was alright but I didn't think there was any chemistry there. We text every so often but the last one he left me on read so I thought the feeling was mutual.

Today he messaged asking if I wanted to go for a drink with him and I just said I had a nice time seeing him but couldn't see it going anywhere romantically. Then he asked if I'd want to meet up as friends and I feel horrible and declined saying I don't transition from dating to friends. I find that complicated and I'd always be sort of wary that he would be using the platform of friends to start something / see where things lead.

Have you ever became friends with someone you went on a date with when the date didn't work out?

i have in the past and it actually went kind of in the same way as you: stopped talking for a bit so i assumed we both weren't interested then started talking again and became friends, sometimes i thought he really had no second aims since he would even give me "tips" when i would go on dates with guys, then sometimes he would send me long paragraphs about how great i was and how lucky any guy would be to date me, which confused me but he wouldn't hint at us dating again so i thought maybe i've just found a really good friend??? then once he got really mad because i couldn't meet him and didn't talk to me for months...after all this confusion i now think he just hang around hoping to get a chance to become something more than friends but he was too shy to even try so i'd say don't do it. I know it CAN work out because i've seen it happen but i'd be careful. I blocked the guy after we got into a fight where he insulted my ex in what seemed to be a jealous moment so byeeeeeeee

 

[HelloStereo]

i have in the past and it actually went kind of in the same way as you: stopped talking for a bit so i assumed we both weren't interested then started talking again and became friends, sometimes i thought he really had no second aims since he would even give me "tips" when i would go on dates with guys, then sometimes he would send me long paragraphs about how great i was and how lucky any guy would be to date me, which confused me but he wouldn't hint at us dating again so i thought maybe i've just found a really good friend??? then once he got really mad because i couldn't meet him and didn't talk to me for months...after all this confusion i now think he just hang around hoping to get a chance to become something more than friends but he was too shy to even try so i'd say don't do it. I know it CAN work out because i've seen it happen but i'd be careful. I blocked the guy after we got into a fight where he insulted my ex in what seemed to be a jealous moment so byeeeeeeee

This is exactly how I feel to be honest, like they ask to be friends to play the long game. I know that's not always the case but it feels like it is more often than not. I've definitely only agreed to staying friends with someone I dated because I wanted to see where things went / if they changed their mind.

Was he the one who suggested staying friends? It sounds like it got complicated and took its toll on you both emotionally.

 

[gelicahah]

This is exactly how I feel to be honest, like they ask to be friends to play the long game. I know that's not always the case but it feels like it is more often than not. I've definitely only agreed to staying friends with someone I dated because I wanted to see where things went / if they changed their mind.

Was he the one who suggested staying friends? It sounds like it got complicated and took its toll on you both emotionally.

we never really discussed it, we didn't talk for a year then got in contact again when we were both seeing people (me "officially" him not) and the chats were never even remotely flirty , sexual and like i said when i was finally single again he gave me tips on my dating life instead of asking me out. I felt it was a safe situation because it had been over a year since our 2 very forgettable dates and we had both moved on, but if you said you guys went out just a month ago or so i'd say he still wants so see if he can get smth out of it.

 

[HelloStereo]

we never really discussed it, we didn't talk for a year then got in contact again when we were both seeing people (me "officially" him not) and the chats were never even remotely flirty , sexual and like i said when i was finally single again he gave me tips on my dating life instead of asking me out. I felt it was a safe situation because it had been over a year since our 2 very forgettable dates and we had both moved on, but if you said you guys went out just a month ago or so i'd say he still wants so see if he can get smth out of it.

Ah that's fair so you thought that any emotion one felt (if you could say that after two dates a year ago) had died out and you just sort of fell into being friends?

Yeah unless he's just a super social guy who wants to make as many friends as possible. I just don't see the point if we've only spent an hour together in date like circumstances. One of the reasons I wasn't so keen was that it felt like we had nothing in common in the first place

 

[gelicahah]

Ah that's fair so you thought that any emotion one felt (if you could say that after two dates a year ago) had died out and you just sort of fell into being friends?

Yeah unless he's just a super social guy who wants to make as many friends as possible. I just don't see the point if we've only spent an hour together in date like circumstances. One of the reasons I wasn't so keen was that it felt like we had nothing in common in the first place

yeah i thought there was nothing there on his side as well. We had humour in common, but that's not enough for anything more than friendship,there was no physical attraction, he was at my place on our second date and didn't even try to touch me, kiss me, compliment me then didn't talk to me for a year i thought it was clear there was nothing between us

If you had nothing in common then i think even more that he's hoping he'll get at least some sex at some point, but doesn't want to properly date you. Again, i could be wrong who knows