Dating after lockdown #6 Block him!

[Mr Sparkle]

Breadcrumbing! Giving someone the absolute bare minimum to keep them around.
It's also so embarrassing when you've been dating someone, got excited and told other people about it, and then they ask how things are going on and you have to explain that they disappeared without a word

This is exactly it! And man, we're worth more than a couple of breadcrumbs, it's such an insult to think they can keep us hooked with cursory, tit conversation.

Spot on about the embarrassing part of it - I will naturally tell my loved ones if I have a date that went well, so it makes it worse having to say "Yeah, he wants to go on another date but also he maybe might be ghosting me"!!

Feeling really good about being shot of that nonsense.

 

[HitchhikingGhost]

I hate this, it's so anxiety inducing. Just like the slow fade - do you call them out on it and ask directly if they are still interested or do you just play it cool and leave them be?

You spend all day reasoning why they've not been in contact. Maybe something urgent cropped up or they have no battery. Then they throw you just enough to keep your hopes up before leaving you hanging again.

Agree with all of these points. The phasing out is the worst especially when all on the surface everything seemed fine

 

[justapossum]

I didn't realise there was an actual term for that .

Yeah I totally agree. I've been single for so long that I'm so used to that. Even now I'm more cautious and only tend to really talk about someone when I've been dating them for a few months and think things are actually going somewhere. But it still ends up that they disappear without a trace or "not ready for a relationship" (which means they are, but just not with me ).

I'm the same - I only talk about the person now when I feel confident with the way things are progressing, otherwise they're essentially non existent and never to be brought up. Can't be dealing with people looking at me with sympathy when I tell them someone disappeared on me, especially as it makes me feel like it's my personal failure when deep down I know it's not!

 

[Bagpuss7]

Your friend actually said his lack of self control and sexually harassing you was because of the dress you chose to wear?? Wow !! Some women really need to do better in how they excuse and enable such crappy behaviour from men.

And just wanted to add ...29 year old squaddies are after one thing, especially if you are an older woman. It will be some competition with his mates at your expense so tread carefully ...I think your first impression of him was the true one tbh and how he treats women..please be cautious ...I've been there and how you feel after when they disappear off on " exercise " aka ghosting is pretty tit !

Im hoping I'm wrong...but !

 

[HelloStereo]

Agree with all of these points. The phasing out is the worst especially when all on the surface everything seemed fine

It's the worst. I think they just hope eventually you'd take the hint but it's so much easier being told straight away so you don't waste mental energy going over the situation.

I'm the same - I only talk about the person now when I feel confident with the way things are progressing, otherwise they're essentially non existent and never to be brought up. Can't be dealing with people looking at me with sympathy when I tell them someone disappeared on me, especially as it makes me feel like it's my personal failure when deep down I know it's not!

I dated a guy for a while and thought things were going really well. Introduced him to my friends and the next week I got the whole 'my head's all over the place..I need to take some time for myself'.

A month later I saw on his insta he was on a date with another girl so I guess he didn't need that much space

 

[Bettyboo2021]

You took my thoughts out of my mind too! Sack her off too!!! Our clothes choices do not give men opportunities to harass us! Fck her.

Yep! What’s even worse was it was such a throwaway comment, like it was normal! I was fuming at her all day Sunday I made her walk up a massive hill knowing she was really hungover

Your friend actually said his lack of self control and sexually harassing you was because of the dress you chose to wear?? Wow !! Some women really need to do better in how they excuse and enable such crappy behaviour from men.

She said “men get drunk and try it on” I think that’s called sexual assault hun!! Followed by “at least you know you’ve still got it” I’ve hardly spoken to her since we got back, she did many things to annoy me that was the cherry on my sundae

 

[Bagpuss7]

Yep! What’s even worse was it was such a throwaway comment, like it was normal! I was fuming at her all day Sunday I made her walk up a massive hill knowing she was really hungover


She said “men get drunk and try it on” I think that’s called sexual assault hun!! Followed by “at least you know you’ve still got it” I’ve hardly spoken to her since we got back, she did many things to annoy me that was the cherry on my sundae

Shocking really...we have a right to exist and wear what we like without being harassed by men with zero self control ...this boys will be boys attitude amongst some women is appalling!

 

[Mr Sparkle]

Shocking really...we have a right to exist and wear what we like without being harassed by men with zero self control ...this boys will be boys attitude amongst some women is appalling!

Internalised misogyny is the most depressing kind of misogyny.

 

[newtoyou]

Petty update: Deleted blue tick guy's contact yesterday after FIVE days of no response. Voila, whaddya know, I hear from him early this morning with an apology for being AWOL. Definitely not going to bother replying, he can assume our Friday date's off, I've got other plans.

Should we be worried about his nan?

 

[mehere]

It's the worst. I think they just hope eventually you'd take the hint but it's so much easier being told straight away so you don't waste mental energy going over the situation.

This!! It's just the closure aspect of it, I would 100% rather someone was honest and told me straight up if they didn't feel a connection instead of just ghosting. It's an indirect way of rejecting someone and men don't realise how hurtful that is. Worst of all is it can leave an emotional scar

With regards to friends, I find it's easy for them to say just give someone a chance (despite clearly stating there's red flags) but so many of my friends and family met their partners in real life and not via the apps and I think after a while the apps can make you feel jaded about dating/relationships in general. It's why I'm so glad I found this forum where others can relate to what you're going through, I do hope we get that chance to meet

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I think this guy I am seeing was bread crumbing me.

I am keen to go on a date with someone else and my friends say I should just go and not tell him about it... I don't know though, I like to be honest and upfront.

I guess I will tell him that I met up with someone else but not ask his permission.

At the end of the day it is not fair on me - we only meet a couple of times a month, at the most, and he is planning to move to another country.
He cannot expect me to be there for him when and as long as it suits him. Especially if he is not even buying me dinner

Writing this makes me angry. The audacity!

 

[LaurieLaurie]

I think this guy I am seeing was bread crumbing me.

I am keen to go on a date with someone else and my friends say I should just go and not tell him about it... I don't know though, I like to be honest and upfront.

I guess I will tell him that I met up with someone else but not ask his permission.

At the end of the day it is not fair on me - we only meet a couple of times a month, at the most, and he is planning to move to another country.
He cannot expect me to be there for him when and as long as it suits him. Especially if he is not even buying me dinner

Writing this makes me angry. The audacity!

Why even mention it? Just go do your own thing!

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Why even mention it? Just go do your own thing!

Because I wouldn't want him dating someone else without telling me.

We have a sexual relationship.

Am I alone in thinking like this? I get the impression that I am. My friends reacted just like you did.

 

[justapossum]

Because I wouldn't want him dating someone else without telling me.

We have a sexual relationship.

Am I alone in thinking like this? I get the impression that I am. My friends reacted just like you did.

Have you had the chat about not dating/sleeping with other people?
To be honest even if I haven't had the chat and I'm sleeping with someone, I personally do not date other people (just a personal preference).
However, it sounds like this guy isn't giving you what you'd like, hence why you're considering going on a date with somebody else. So maybe it's worth having a think as to whether you want to continue things with him or whether you'd like to date other people?

 

[Mr Sparkle]

Thread title suggestion: Don't settle for breadcrumbs if you're a strong, independent loaf of bread

I don't know.

 

[LaurieLaurie]

Because I wouldn't want him dating someone else without telling me.

We have a sexual relationship.

Am I alone in thinking like this? I get the impression that I am. My friends reacted just like you did.

I wouldn’t sleep with more than one person but I know men who are seeing up to three different girls within 24 hours of each other, sometimes two in the same night.

The way he ignored you and was online so much at the time and how he is in general would make me think he is seeing god knows who else and when he finds out you want to I imagine he will ramp up his attention to stop you.

 

[Bagpuss7]

Because I wouldn't want him dating someone else without telling me.

We have a sexual relationship.

Am I alone in thinking like this? I get the impression that I am. My friends reacted just like you did.

I think you've had sex but I don't think you have a relationship!! The fact that you are planning on seeing someone else screams that!!

If by telling him are you hoping for some sort of declaration from him ? I'm struggling to see what is served by telling him your business when you clearly have no vested interest there any longer ?

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Have you had the chat about not dating/sleeping with other people?
To be honest even if I haven't had the chat and I'm sleeping with someone, I personally do not date other people (just a personal preference).
However, it sounds like this guy isn't giving you what you'd like, hence why you're considering going on a date with somebody else. So maybe it's worth having a think as to whether you want to continue things with him or whether you'd like to date other people?

No, we haven't spoken about it, but like you I just assumed it would be an exclusive thing.

I am certain I want to date other people, he for sure doesn't give me even close to what I want. I am just unsure how to go about it.

I wouldn’t sleep with more than one person but I know men who are seeing up to three different girls within 24 hours of each other, sometimes two in the same night.

The way he ignored you and was online so much at the time and how he is in general would make me think he is seeing god knows who else and when he finds out you want to I imagine he will ramp up his attention to stop you.

Yes, I am like you.

I don't think that he is seeing other women, he is simply busy with his son, buying a house in a different country and making arrangements with friends.
At the same time he doesn't really invest in me or our "relationship"....

 

[justapossum]

No, we haven't spoken about it, but like you I just assumed it would be an exclusive thing.

I am certain I want to date other people, he for sure doesn't give me even close to what I want. I am just unsure how to go about it.

If he's not giving you what you want then you should tell him and see what he says - he can either make the effort, or if he doesn't want to do that, then ditch him and make room for someone in your life who will appreciate you & give you what you need!

 

[HelloStereo]

This!! It's just the closure aspect of it, I would 100% rather someone was honest and told me straight up if they didn't feel a connection instead of just ghosting. It's an indirect way of rejecting someone and men don't realise how hurtful that is. Worst of all is it can leave an emotional scar

With regards to friends, I find it's easy for them to say just give someone a chance (despite clearly stating there's red flags) but so many of my friends and family met their partners in real life and not via the apps and I think after a while the apps can make you feel jaded about dating/relationships in general. It's why I'm so glad I found this forum where others can relate to what you're going through, I do hope we get that chance to meet

Yeah exactly it's just good to get closure and know for sure. Otherwise you spend time agonising over it and wondering whether they will pop up again or not. At least if they tell you then you can cut your losses and focus on someone else.

I've been a bit guilty of it unknowingly. I went on a date with a guy and I didn't even think there was mutual interest and so when we parted ways neither of us text each other. Then he suddenly popped up a few weeks later to say he was waiting for me to text .

Because I wouldn't want him dating someone else without telling me.

We have a sexual relationship.

Am I alone in thinking like this? I get the impression that I am. My friends reacted just like you did.

Are you trying to see how he would react if you told him you were going on a date with someone else?