Dating after lockdown #6 Block him!

[Clickbait]

Now my friends are telling me my responses to him make me look like I’m not interested why can’t we send direct messages on here anymore?!!

Sometimes friends say things that are well meant but actually just confuse the situation. Without seeing your message it’s difficult to tell if that’s the vibe you were giving off. I used to text men after a good date saying something along the lines of “Got home safe, thanks for a fun date” which I thought was showing gratitude and interest but it could be read as thanks but no thanks.

I get that you don’t want to appear too eager and if you’ve messaged him and he’s not responded it feels like a rejection but I’d wait a couple of days before thinking it’s all over. You might not have said anything in your message that particularly requires a response, or he may be doing the stupid 3 day rule and not want to appear too eager himself.

If you feel that something has changed your intuition may be right but if it’s annoying or upsetting you just call him on it as others have suggested. If you liked him you don’t have anything to lose by suggesting you meet up again. If he says no or doesn’t reply then just chalk it down to experience.

 

[square_spoon]

Small update on the crazed lovebombing video chatter who wanted me in his life xxxx after chatting for a couple of days and then lost his mind when I wasn't able to video chat all the time.....he sent me a long 'breakup' text last night wishing me all the best This guy had more baggage than London Euston and it was so difficult to navigate (even if we had been compatible which we weren't) and although we all have our stuff we're dragging around about how we've been treated etc. his was unfortunately off the charts. Any time I didn't answer his messages he would go postal creating scenarios in his head about why I wasn't talking to him, and none of them included a story where I was just busy working and didn't see the call. A lovely guy in many ways from he tidbits I knew about him but hard, hard work.

Back to the app grind!

 

[Bagpuss7]

Sometimes friends say things that are well meant but actually just confuse the situation. Without seeing your message it’s difficult to tell if that’s the vibe you were giving off. I used to text men after a good date saying something along the lines of “Got home safe, thanks for a fun date” which I thought was showing gratitude and interest but it could be read as thanks but no thanks.

I get that you don’t want to appear too eager and if you’ve messaged him and he’s not responded it feels like a rejection but I’d wait a couple of days before thinking it’s all over. You might not have said anything in your message that particularly requires a response, or he may be doing the stupid 3 day rule and not want to appear too eager himself.

If you feel that something has changed your intuition may be right but if it’s annoying or upsetting you just call him on it as others have suggested. If you liked him you don’t have anything to lose by suggesting you meet up again. If he says no or doesn’t reply then just chalk it down to experience.

And that's why i love and much prefer to use voice notes in some situations. Text can be open to soo much misinterpretation sometimes..the thanks for a fun night being a great example of that.

 

[Clickbait]

Small update on the crazed lovebombing video chatter who wanted me in his life xxxx after chatting for a couple of days and then lost his mind when I wasn't able to video chat all the time.....he sent me a long 'breakup' text last night wishing me all the best This guy had more baggage than London Euston

Some men (and I’m sure women) seem to use online/app dating as a free therapy session. They limpet on to someone who is empathetic enough to give them the time of day and then offload all their past relationship ‘trauma’, problems with work, family, friends, MH issues etc.

If the person hasn’t run for the hills straight off the bat they seem to form this deep connection and start the love bombing madness, which begins to unravel once they realise that they are not your total focus and you have a life outside being their on-call counsellor.

It’s a really exhausting process and you’re left feeling like a wrung-out tea towel. Plus some can switch to being downright nasty if they don’t get what they want so you’re also a human punchbag and/or made to feel guilty that you’ve walked away “just like all the others”.

I wish there was some kind of questionnaire that would flag when people are not emotionally/mentally strong enough to be dating and signpost them to some help. Well done @square_spoon for handling the situation so well. Hope you’re not too exhausted by it.

 

[Thank(space)you]

So he dropped me off on the Friday night and told me to call him when I got in. I told him to call me (I thought if he liked me, he’d call me on his hours drive home) he didn’t. He just txt saying “home x” I said I thought he was going to call me and he said I didn’t seem bothered?! No, I was acting cool. So i replied saying I told him to call me and that was that. Then on sat morning he sent me a photo of a christening gift he’d bought for that day and asked if it was ok, I said it was.
Didn’t hear anything from him all weekend until I text him on Sunday night saying my neighbour who was there when he picked me up on Friday night said he saw my bf pick me up and saw us snogging (he was winding me up). He replied saying “I wish” and I thought he was drunk as he said he was going to a bbq. So I asked if he was drunk and he said no. My group chat told me I should have said “do you wish you were my bf or that we were snogging” - be flirty with him, but I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to be presumptuous, even if it was jokey. So when he said he wasn’t drunk, I replied saying he needs to be more forthcoming (as I was deffo up for a snog, but couldn’t tell if he was). THEN i double messaged saying “Wait. Did you mean you wish you were my boyfriend or you wish he was us snogging ” and obviously he replied just saying “the snogging”
I felt like a tit and stupidly replied telling him I was told to say that (incase he thought I was getting above myself) and he asked who told me to say that and I said my sister (he knows I’d told her about him anyway).
So that’s the last I heard from him on Sunday night.
Cringe.

I am absolutely not any good at dating but I'd stop with the game playing. I don't see the harm in you calling him when he asked you to, to me, him asking you to call him shows a level of interest.

And it may have come standoffish him saying "I wish" and then you [to him] respond by presuming he's drunk.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I am absolutely not any good at dating but I'd stop with the game playing. I don't see the harm in you calling him when he asked you to, to me, him asking you to call him shows a level of interest.

And it may have come standoffish him saying "I wish" and then you [to him] respond by presuming he's drunk.

So what do I do now?!! I thought the fact I was messaging him still showed i was interested!

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I am absolutely not any good at dating but I'd stop with the game playing. I don't see the harm in you calling him when he asked you to, to me, him asking you to call him shows a level of interest.

And it may have come standoffish him saying "I wish" and then you [to him] respond by presuming he's drunk.

I agree - nothing good comes out of playing games. Just act how you feel.

So what do I do now?!! I thought the fact I was messaging him still showed i was interested!

I would ask him on a second date, just suggest something nice. He will either say yes - so you can start afresh - or no - in which case you can move on.

 

[mehere]

So what do I do now?!! I thought the fact I was messaging him still showed i was interested!

Be open and honest with him - I would text him something like 'I know things have been a little weird with us, I'd like to see you again and if you're still interested then maybe we can meet up'. His response will let you know how he feels and either way, you can draw a line with him.

 

[Bettyboo2021]

I a

I agree - nothing good comes out of playing games. Just act how you feel.



I would ask him on a second date, just suggest something nice. He will either say yes - so you can start afresh - or no - in which case you can move on.

I agree! Reach out once if you’re worried they think you’re not keen but if you get a lukewarm response, or in my “case of the ex” a polite dismissal, then you know you’ve done all you can xx

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

So I rang him on my lunch. He didn’t answer. I was having palpitations! He text me saying he was on the other line and if I was ok? I replied saying “no! Why didn’t you kiss me?!” (Mouth engages before brain ) Then he rang me back! He’s going to ring me again tonight

 

[Clickbait]

@it’s not been changed?! your communication style might come across a bit combative when I can see that actually you’ve just felt really unsure what to say or do. Stripping everything else away (game playing, ego/saving face) will free you to be yourself and take away the stress.

 

[Thank(space)you]

So I rang him on my lunch. He didn’t answer. I was having palpitations! He text me saying he was on the other line and if I was ok? I replied saying “no! Why didn’t you kiss me?!” (Mouth engages before brain ) Then he rang me back! He’s going to ring me again tonight

I hope the phone call goes well tonight, try not to panic too much

 

[LaurieLaurie]

So he dropped me off on the Friday night and told me to call him when I got in. I told him to call me (I thought if he liked me, he’d call me on his hours drive home) he didn’t. He just txt saying “home x” I said I thought he was going to call me and he said I didn’t seem bothered?! No, I was acting cool. So i replied saying I told him to call me and that was that. Then on sat morning he sent me a photo of a christening gift he’d bought for that day and asked if it was ok, I said it was.
Didn’t hear anything from him all weekend until I text him on Sunday night saying my neighbour who was there when he picked me up on Friday night said he saw my bf pick me up and saw us snogging (he was winding me up). He replied saying “I wish” and I thought he was drunk as he said he was going to a bbq. So I asked if he was drunk and he said no. My group chat told me I should have said “do you wish you were my bf or that we were snogging” - be flirty with him, but I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to be presumptuous, even if it was jokey. So when he said he wasn’t drunk, I replied saying he needs to be more forthcoming (as I was deffo up for a snog, but couldn’t tell if he was). THEN i double messaged saying “Wait. Did you mean you wish you were my boyfriend or you wish he was us snogging ” and obviously he replied just saying “the snogging”
I felt like a tit and stupidly replied telling him I was told to say that (incase he thought I was getting above myself) and he asked who told me to say that and I said my sister (he knows I’d told her about him anyway).
So that’s the last I heard from him on Sunday night.
Cringe.

You’ve pushed the boyfriend thing too many times I think. You’ve only met him once? You’re coming across as very full on and you’ll scare him off.

 

[newtoyou]

So he dropped me off on the Friday night and told me to call him when I got in. I told him to call me (I thought if he liked me, he’d call me on his hours drive home) he didn’t. He just txt saying “home x” I said I thought he was going to call me and he said I didn’t seem bothered?! No, I was acting cool. So i replied saying I told him to call me and that was that. Then on sat morning he sent me a photo of a christening gift he’d bought for that day and asked if it was ok, I said it was.
Didn’t hear anything from him all weekend until I text him on Sunday night saying my neighbour who was there when he picked me up on Friday night said he saw my bf pick me up and saw us snogging (he was winding me up). He replied saying “I wish” and I thought he was drunk as he said he was going to a bbq. So I asked if he was drunk and he said no. My group chat told me I should have said “do you wish you were my bf or that we were snogging” - be flirty with him, but I wasn’t sure and didn’t want to be presumptuous, even if it was jokey. So when he said he wasn’t drunk, I replied saying he needs to be more forthcoming (as I was deffo up for a snog, but couldn’t tell if he was). THEN i double messaged saying “Wait. Did you mean you wish you were my boyfriend or you wish he was us snogging ” and obviously he replied just saying “the snogging”
I felt like a tit and stupidly replied telling him I was told to say that (incase he thought I was getting above myself) and he asked who told me to say that and I said my sister (he knows I’d told her about him anyway).
So that’s the last I heard from him on Sunday night.
Cringe.

Are your messages maybe a little bit intense for this early on? e.g. asking why he didn’t call, why he didn’t kiss you, if he’s drunk etc.

 

[Bettyboo2021]

Soo..the 29 year old groper got his friend to message me on insta (since I blocked him) saying he was really sorry For his behaviour on Saturday night, he had been drinking on the stag do all day and was really ashamed of himself.....i unblocked him as I was like fair enough if I apologised to someone I guess I would want them to hear me out. We have been chatting since last night. I have told him he’s too young for me and he has said he’s happy single as he’s going to South America with the army in September (he’s An engineer) I can honestly say he’s a sweet person he hasn’t flirted with me or anything he asks questions like “what does a typical day at work involve?” It just seems To flow in a friendly way. He’s asked to take me out for a drink next week as even though I met him in Bristol he’s semi- local. I really wouldn’t date someone with that much of an age gap with him being the younger One (I tend to be attracted to much older guys) but he seems like a really nice interesting person..should I go just for the hell of it? Or not can’t see me falling for him he’s a baby and I like them in their 50s what does everyone think?

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Soo..the 29 year old groper got his friend to message me on insta (since I blocked him) saying he was really sorry For his behaviour on Saturday night, he had been drinking on the stag do all day and was really ashamed of himself.....i unblocked him as I was like fair enough if I apologised to someone I guess I would want them to hear me out. We have been chatting since last night. I have told him he’s too young for me and he has said he’s happy single as he’s going to South America with the army in September (he’s An engineer) I can honestly say he’s a sweet person he hasn’t flirted with me or anything he asks questions like “what does a typical day at work involve?” It just seems To flow in a friendly way. He’s asked to take me out for a drink next week as even though I met him in Bristol he’s semi- local. I really wouldn’t date someone with that much of an age gap with him being the younger One (I tend to be attracted to much older guys) but he seems like a really nice interesting person..should I go just for the hell of it? Or not can’t see me falling for him he’s a baby and I like them in their 50s what does everyone think?

Why not meet him if you enjoy chatting to him, it could be an entertaining evening.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Soo..the 29 year old groper got his friend to message me on insta (since I blocked him) saying he was really sorry For his behaviour on Saturday night, he had been drinking on the stag do all day and was really ashamed of himself.....i unblocked him as I was like fair enough if I apologised to someone I guess I would want them to hear me out. We have been chatting since last night. I have told him he’s too young for me and he has said he’s happy single as he’s going to South America with the army in September (he’s An engineer) I can honestly say he’s a sweet person he hasn’t flirted with me or anything he asks questions like “what does a typical day at work involve?” It just seems To flow in a friendly way. He’s asked to take me out for a drink next week as even though I met him in Bristol he’s semi- local. I really wouldn’t date someone with that much of an age gap with him being the younger One (I tend to be attracted to much older guys) but he seems like a really nice interesting person..should I go just for the hell of it? Or not can’t see me falling for him he’s a baby and I like them in their 50s what does everyone think?

Might as well meet him and see how it goes, got nothing to lose.

 

[anonesk223]

Soo..the 29 year old groper got his friend to message me on insta (since I blocked him) saying he was really sorry For his behaviour on Saturday night, he had been drinking on the stag do all day and was really ashamed of himself.....i unblocked him as I was like fair enough if I apologised to someone I guess I would want them to hear me out. We have been chatting since last night. I have told him he’s too young for me and he has said he’s happy single as he’s going to South America with the army in September (he’s An engineer) I can honestly say he’s a sweet person he hasn’t flirted with me or anything he asks questions like “what does a typical day at work involve?” It just seems To flow in a friendly way. He’s asked to take me out for a drink next week as even though I met him in Bristol he’s semi- local. I really wouldn’t date someone with that much of an age gap with him being the younger One (I tend to be attracted to much older guys) but he seems like a really nice interesting person..should I go just for the hell of it? Or not can’t see me falling for him he’s a baby and I like them in their 50s what does everyone think?

nothing to lose by meeting up with him! he could turn out to be a good friend and good company who knows

 

[anonesk223]

Talking for a month, we’ve been on 3 dates, texting and FaceTiming a little bit but not loads and loads. Not the quickest replier in general but hasn’t replied to me in 4 days and has read my last two messages I won’t message again until he does but urgh, I just feel it’s happening again

no idea how to take these.. he said he still wants to go on dates..?

 

[lozenge85]

no idea how to take these.. he said he still wants to go on dates..?

What’s the context here? Did you ask him if he’d gone off you and if he’s talking to anyone else?

Honestly, the best piece of advice I’ve received while dating is that you shouldn’t be wondering whether or not they like you. If they like you, it’s 100% clear.

It sounds like this guy is way too busy for anything else. I’d cut him loose.