Dating after lockdown #31 More ghosts than a cemetery!

[Agent Cooper]

Thank you all for your thoughts on the test drive guy I do agree that his behaviour is manipulative but also insecure - it does look like he is not very confident, keeps asking me whether I liked the dates and enjoyed his company…I am pretty sure he wants to have sex ASAP though, so I’m gonna slow things down and see what happens. I’m not letting anyone pressure me into anything no matter how much I like them.

Going on a date with Mr. Vincent Vega tonight! We are technically going as friends but he’s already texted me asking whether I would prefer to have red or white wine: Looks like he will be paying haha, and he’s also hinted we can go to his place afterwards…wish me good luck!

Had my 3rd date with someone last night and we did the deed (breaking a very very long dry spell for me). Texting today (he stayed the night).
Why has my brain gone into overdrive and thinking hell ghost?

Ooh I feel you! Try not to think too much into it, men usually process their feelings differently so you thinking he doesn’t care for you doesn’t mean it’s actually true! Just breathe and try not to worry. After all, there is nothing we can do to prevent ghosting (it’s about them, not us) so try not to wind yourself up. Hope he texts you soon!

What do you think to this guys bio

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Calling yourself a “good guy” is . The actual good ones don’t have the need to announce that, so proceed with caution.

 

[LaBlonde]

Can we all just forget the fuck about all men, close this thread and go live happily ever after on our own cos these men are not worthy of any of us

let’s just all go and live on a commune together where the only men are our hot cleaners or personal assistants or whatever. this epidemic of useless men is getting too much.

@Clementine - have been thinking of you today, hope you’re okay

 

[Clementine]

What about women who don’t like cats?…I’m not a fan so I’d choose not to date someone who has one. Cats wouldn’t text you back whilst dogs would double text #teamdog

I have a date tomorrow with someone who seems absolutely lovely. It’s so shit, isn’t it though? That you can’t let yourself get excited or optimistic because of all the absolute numpties who’ve completely drained you. Dating, eh?

 

[Clementine]

Yup. I had 2 dates recently with the same man, sex on the second date and I’ve not heard from him again. Well, he was in sporadic contact afterwards but it was me initiating it. I stopped and he’s disappeared I had a similar experience at the start of the year. It’s the switch up that irks me, they’re consistent and communicative and then nada. Absolute fuckers.

It’s hard not to take it personally and see it as there must be something wrong with me and it puts me on edge because I think I’m just waiting for a guy to bail now instead of just being in the moment without adding any meaning to it. *Must practice the art of detachment*

 

[LaBlonde]

What the fuck is in the water with these men?!

So was meant to be seeing my guy tonight. Messaged me when he was leaving work and was going to pick some stuff up before he came to mine to stay for the night. Fast forward a few hours…
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Only yesterday he was sending me this
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Like what???!!! He’d been so consistent. It had honestly been amazing and now I’m blocked?! I don’t understand

oh clem i’m SO sorry why are men like this?! so cowardly and lacking a backbone?! i’m mad on your behalf. give me his details and i’ll go round there i just want to talk

you’re such a catch - a fabulously warm and witty lady based on your posts here (and so you can also only be absolutely ) - it is HIS LOSS

 

[Lalla]

Haven't you been away for the past week @Thank(space)you? (apologies if I've got the wrong person). Now no one's expecting him to be awaiting your return with flowers & chocs or anything, but after not seeing you for a week you'd think he would have made sure to be around today - especially as you'd discussed it earlier in the week. And it's a Sunday, there's no football on...ugh. I don't like the way he's going to let you know later, it feels like he'll try and booty call you later on if he's feeling up for it, and not bother if he's not.

Honestly men are just one bloody disappointment after another. I'm annoyed at him on your behalf.

 

[Laura VanderBooben]

Fuck those mediocre, emotionally damaged men who won't seek help to heal their past relationship trauma and then try to pull us under with them . Like fuck off. We're not here to soft parent a man child. We're here to catch feelings for a real man, with big dick who will take a risk to get the reward you both want.

I'm not saying this to anyone in particular, but I'm a big advocate of therapy. It really does help you. Yes men as well. Hate the stigma and social construct that men should "have it together and just deal with it" attitude. No . Just no.

I wish sometimes people would be more honest with how they're feeling instead of this "it's not you it's me" rubbish. Ok it may be true and kinder in some instances, but just tell me I'm not what you're looking for and wish me all the best. At least I would respect you more and it wouldn't cause all this mental anguish .

 

[LaBlonde]

thanks lovely the thing is my friends already know.. and i don't want them to feel like i'm using them as therapists, there's only so much advice they can give and i know that. i'm very close to my mother, she knows almost all the details of my dating life and just wants me to be happy. but i'm scared to tell her about my depressive episodes - she's stuck by me through depression before, but that was when i lived at home. now that i live 2 hours away i feel it would just worry her unnecessarily, because i know i will get through it. she is there for me to talk to, i just don't want to bring my general 'low mood' into it, she already has a lot on her plate.

i am feeling better though, i am exercising more again, no longer sick, and sunbathed a lot today which helps so much. i have a festival thingy on the weekend to look forward to with one of my best friends as well. i'll be fine. i will however still look into IAPT on the NHS because i think i need it regardless

it’s good that you have such a strong support network: however, i’m sure your friends wouldn’t begrudge you reaching out. it’s better than struggling alone. if not, you can always talk to us. i get the not wanting to worry your mother, especially if she lives so far away, and i think looking into IAPT would be good for you. and continuing with your exercising and plans with friends!

but all i can say, and i am saying this as if you’re one of my friends and this is being given over wine, take yourself off the apps. i think you are seeking validation there without giving yourself time to reflect on and respond to your previous experiences. this is what happened with the ghost, where you jumped in with posh blondie very fast and weren’t emotionally ready for what happened. i, and no one else here, wants that cycle to repeat itself.

you have to be in the right mind space for dating otherwise it’s a cruel space to me. focus on you; not men who send you ick messages about your collarbones. it only starts becoming self sabotage otherwise.

 

[BWGossip]

He said All he is saying is he isn’t ready for a relationship right now, but it doesn’t mean down the line when he is in the right headspace and is personally ready and in the right place a relationship can’t happen

Sorry but I think your little guy is full of shit

Edit: If you don't want a serious relationship 'right now', you should say you don't want a relationship, no 'buts' or 'maybes'. Saying 'you can't promise a relationship' leaves open the door for some hope that 'maybe one day...'. Men know that, they use it to to be able to 'date' because, let's be real, lots of women would not sleep with guys who would plainly say they just want sex. (I say that as someone who doesn't want serious/long-term relationships so it's not a judment on not wanting a serious relationship. Just be honest and don't play people). Also, how long is a woman supposed to wait until the guy decides he is finally ready?

 

[triesherbest]

ghosting is the DEVILS behaviour. i will never understand it, it takes someone fucking deranged to do it imo. so many cowardly men on this planet it's unreal. personally hope all ghosters end up alone and rot in hell

 

[LaBlonde]

Fucking dickhead neighbour sent me the "it's not you it's me" text "hope we can still be friends"

Coincidence this comes after he had a load of girls at his last night

I'm just done with dating. I can't do it any more. Feel like my mum was right about me, she always said nobody is ever going to love me. Men will just want me for sex and as a mother she found me hard to love let alone anyone else.

*yes I'm having my dramatic ass pity party

i’m so so sorry

your mum is NOT right about you and that was an incredibly cruel thing to say. from your posts here i am telling you that you are not hard to love. that just isn’t true.

 

[misunderstood]

Urgh I hate when guys ask ‘ where are you from originally’ . Being black doesn’t automatically mean I wasn’t born in England.

 

[EddyDarling]

Guys I look amazing

 

[Blueblue123]

What's this bio all about

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I met a guy like this recently, they're on the rise what with Andrew Tate and Co.

They try to make it sound appealing by dressing it up as having a kept woman but in reality it means giving up your independence, career, vocation etc to be a live in maid!

Red flag if anyone's relationship goals include dictating their partner's livelihood.

The guy I met, the more we spoke the more his misogynistic views revealed themselves. He eventually said women shouldn't be able to vote, women nowadays wanted men to breastfeed (wtf) and he complained that he kept meeting women with better jobs and more money than him.

I definitely gave him a piece of my mind before blocking him.

 

[MsCurly]

I just struggle a lot, I think that’s what’s stopping me moving on and dating…I’ve taken a lot of criticism about my weight and looks (if anyone remembers Birkenstock and Darren) that I feel like now I’m just anticipating it happening if that makes sense?

Honestly, any critique that you get that you did not explicitly ask for, should be thrown straight in the bin. If a man critiqued my weight, looks, or personality, he would give me reason enough to stop speaking to him. You deserve better and do not need to spend your life being torn down by others.

I will say this: there is a difference between giving someone your honest opinion and outright criticism with the aim to hurt. I am guessing men are doing the latter to you. Don't put up with it, you don't need that kind of shit.

 

[Sunflower16]

I'd love if we could all meet up in person and go on a weekend away or something full of delicious food, nice drinks and NO MEN! (No disrespect to any men on here!) I fully believe we could all right the wrongs of the world
Love to you all feeling shitty and rejected tonight because of some lame ass man who doesn't realise your worth
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I'll be honest and say I think the notion of falling in love with the idea of someone/potential is more to do with how great the women on this thread are rather than anything a guy has truly demonstrated. For me, this thread and the chat on it is far more engaging and interesting than the chat I get anyway else. That's us, we're the magic. I think we project our magic onto other people as we've been conditioned not to see it in ourselves. Then the guys can't match this. Is this making sense?

I also read that men have adjusted behaviour differently to women due to the pandemic in terms of dating/relationships. Apparently men are more likely to be of the view, "The universe owes me 2 years of fun." Whereas apparently women feel 2 years behind where they expected to be. Makes for a toxic mix in the dating world imo.

I also really need to highlight that for a bunch of internet strangers I really like everyone on this thread and I'm so gutted that lots of has have been matched with guys who use a phone to match but "aren't texters", seem to drink to excess, slut shame, fat shame and cat shame.

Xx

So beautifully written!

 

[Clementine]

I’m dating a 5’6 man He’s like a wee sexy cool Hobbit though (and I’m only 5’0) so yes for the short kings He’d never describe himself as a Dom though.

Anyway, hi gang! Have wanted to come on and update but then have got anxious about jinxing it/seeming smug or insensitive so am biting the bullet. Had our second proper date on Friday - don’t go and see bloody Oppenheimer at 10pm and he held and stroked my hand all the way through 🥹 Between our first and second date, he spent a little bit of time at mine one night too.

I’m so wary of wanting to write how I’m feeling because I’m not used to it and feel the sky will fall in if I do…why is is easier to write about bad experiences?

 

[EddyDarling]

It double posted because I'm on the train
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How to make a woman regret matching you 101

I'm a busy woman just fucking chill

 

[D2them]

I woke up to a 'hey x' text from a guy who is no longer saved in my contacts. No clue who he is and his profile pic is of his van?! It's fucking laughable. I've replied asking who he is and suspect he wont reply as it'll dent his ego that he was deleted from contacts list but fuck it. They're all weirdos. Fact. I'm enjoying a dating hiatus, although I do crave someone to hang out with and talk to on the daily, but I'm afraid the calibre of men is just not up to scratch. I'm trying to get my shit together too as the big 5-0 is looming and I want to go into my next decade happy and content with life with or without a partner. I don't quite know how to do that but taking the focus off dating is a good start I think.

I love them thread so much. Keep your heads, heels and standards high

 

[Londoncailín]

I'm going on date number four later with a guy I met on Bumble a few weeks ago. Tonight is going to be THE night we sleep together. We are going for an early dinner and then to a swanky hotel. Neither of us can use our own places at the moment for ‘alone time’. I'm a little nervous, but I think it's good nerves.