Dating after lockdown #31 More ghosts than a cemetery!

[MsCurly]

A recap of the last thread:

1. @Lalla gave some excellent advice: Please never, ever, settle, and don't let anyone tell you that you should. It's hard enough to make the good things last in a relationship where you adore the other person, let alone where you've settled for a person who doesn't really float your boat, because someone is better than no one.
2. @SpindleWhorl lived life like they do in the movies: she went out for a meal on her own and scored a guy's number. What a meet-cute We all would like to be invited to the wedding, please.
3. @Agent Cooper who gave a shout out to men with cringy or questionable profile pictures. She also reminded us that male birth control is free and that it comes in the form of men holding a fish in their profile pictures
4. @Punchface tried to go on a date with a guy but he had some scheduling conflicts. He said he was going to a wedding, but he failed to mention he had to go TO HIS OWN WEDDING
5. @timtams matched with a guy who needed 4 days to come up with the opener "babe". @EddyDarling ran into a similar talent who most likely used a speed dating night questionnaire sheet to come up with opening questions.
6. @BWGossip reminded us that we should never feel obliged to have sex with anyone. No matter how much effort the other person makes to see you, you do not owe them anything.
7. @LaBlonde reminded us that we should only date if you are in the right headspace for it. You better listen to her, because she is screaming this from a cliff face and is yelling this into a gale.
8. I went out with an Alex Jones supporter who got really angry at me. Afterwards he tried to flatter me because he wanted to see me again, but I channeled my inner Ariana Grande and said

9. @Rayne opened up about her dating history:

10. @LaBlonde shared how we really feel when our friends start talking about their successful dating lives:

Just a general reminder because we had some issues with this on the last thread: If you are going to post here, you can expect others to comment on the situation you've described in your post. This is genuinely one of the most supportive corners on the internet, but some of the advice you're given might not be the advice you want to hear.

 

[LaBlonde]

but if we meet again, we'll probably keep fucking lets be honest... is it too much to ask that we don't see other people? i'm not really comfortable with the idea of him still using the apps when we've been this intimate/plan to keep being so.... i also have a friend that asked her man on the 2nd date if he was still using the app. i don't know..

basically i want to keep seeing him and fucking but not if we're still open to seeing other people....

girl……. GIRL………

you cannot demand exclusivity after two dates, in particular when he has dodged the question about a relationship. if you want to keep seeing him and fucking then you are doing that under the risk that he is doing that exact thing with other people.

while i don’t post anymore i do still read this thread and have to say that you were head over heels invested in this guy from the start. you have to anticipate that he isn’t quite on that page yet. and also please use a condom. as said above, it’s not fair on you taking the morning after pill and also a huge risk. just….. please take it easy. you’re working yourself into a frenzy when this guy apparently wants an easy seeing each other vibe.

 

[sleepflowers]

Two titles in a row, more successful than my dating life lol

 

[MsCurly]

I am starting to lose hope... I just had another coffee date with a guy and he did that thing where he tried to find his straw with his mouth but completely missed and he looked so much like a cow (quite literally, tongue in air and everything) that it gave me an instant ick. How will I ever find someone suitable if I cannot even deal with a guy looking like a cow for a few seconds.

 

[Clementine]

What the fuck is in the water with these men?!

So was meant to be seeing my guy tonight. Messaged me when he was leaving work and was going to pick some stuff up before he came to mine to stay for the night. Fast forward a few hours…

Only yesterday he was sending me this

Like what???!!! He’d been so consistent. It had honestly been amazing and now I’m blocked?! I don’t understand

 

[blueblue]

I'll be honest and say I think the notion of falling in love with the idea of someone/potential is more to do with how great the women on this thread are rather than anything a guy has truly demonstrated. For me, this thread and the chat on it is far more engaging and interesting than the chat I get anyway else. That's us, we're the magic. I think we project our magic onto other people as we've been conditioned not to see it in ourselves. Then the guys can't match this. Is this making sense?

I also read that men have adjusted behaviour differently to women due to the pandemic in terms of dating/relationships. Apparently men are more likely to be of the view, "The universe owes me 2 years of fun." Whereas apparently women feel 2 years behind where they expected to be. Makes for a toxic mix in the dating world imo.

I also really need to highlight that for a bunch of internet strangers I really like everyone on this thread and I'm so gutted that lots of has have been matched with guys who use a phone to match but "aren't texters", seem to drink to excess, slut shame, fat shame and cat shame.

Xx

 

[blueblue]

What do you think to this guys bio

View attachment 2305057

Being a good guy is like being powerful, if you have to say you are, you aren't.

 

[Laughalong]

I don’t really post in this thread, I only did once at the beginning of Jan. I was upset because I’d been speaking to someone for a few weeks, met him and slept with him on NYE and he ghosted me after, basically saying he didn’t see anything between us. It really knocked my confidence, because although I know my worth, it still hurt to be shut down.

Fast forward to July and I’m in the best relationship. I’ve met the person I think I’m going to marry and he truly treats me exactly how it’s supposed to be. He was 100% from the beginning and I never had to doubt if he wanted to be with me.

I think the point I’m trying to make is that it really does come when you least expect it, and the right person will act correct from the beginning without being told. You’ll never be wondering, because they’ll text first, reply quickly and the effort won’t waiver or be inconsistent. I was under the impression you just “had” to deal with fuck boy behaviour - with the right person you won’t

 

[Rayne]

@triesherbest hate to be that person but please make him use a condom, it’s really not fair on you having to take the morning after pill

 

[EndofInfluencers]

Disclaimer, this is not addressed at anyone in particular:

Some of you are playing yourselves on here.

If you want want casual, look for casual.

If you want a relationship, don’t act like you’re really ok with casual and sleep with a complete stranger you’ve met off the internet on the first or second time of meeting them hoping they’ll magically want a relationship with you. A complete stranger owes you nothing.

 

[unidentified]

Oh girls, men absolutely suck! None of you deserve this and none of you deserved to have been treated the way you have from those who should love you unconditionally. I’ve seen first hand through my sister how a parent abandoning you can impact you for life. My grandma was also awful to me. I heard similar in that she told me I would die alone. She told my ex that he should never marry me. She would also call me fat repeatedly as a teenager and even when I was a size 6 she said I would never be slim. When I was in grief therapy after losing my mum we did this exercise of a train after things with my grandma also kept coming up. She had random little objects that I associated with people and there were carriages to the train. The carriages were least to most important to me and also where they are. I had to put those objects where people currently are in my life and despite everything my mum and daughter meant to me those words my grandma would say were right beside me. It was really powerful. My grandma is no longer beside me saying those words. She had her opinion and she can have that but I know she’s wrong. Don’t get me wrong I still have moments where her words over cloud things but not every day anymore.
Also, these men are worthless. Even if there’s nothing wrong with them if their communication style doesn’t match yours it will never work.
Being a single parent in a council flat is nothing to be ashamed of. I’m a single parent with a mortgage where I sometimes feel a fool because I’ve to pay for everything myself If your life isn’t what you want, reevaluate. My family (except my parents, particularly my mum - I was very lucky) thought I would amount to nothing because I had my daughter at 18. I was in college at the time, I finished that course and knew I needed to provide more. I went back to college got some a levels and went on to uni. I’ve been working as a midwife and now also as a sexual offences examiner for nine years. I have achieved with my life. It is never too late to achieve goals and dreams. If you’re not happy with your current life change it, don’t wait or expect a man to. You are capable of amazing things and I 100% believe it. Yes there are tough times and times where you think I can’t do this anymore but you keep going for that end goal. You have to work out what makes you happy first.
I can’t give man advice because I can’t even get to a point of chatting to anyone but I absolutely will be a cheerleader for anyone to feel happier about themselves.

 

[sleepflowers]

View attachment 2360581

5ft 6 and he wants to be a 'dom'...a brave assertion Mr Gnome

Anyway you'll never convince me any cishet man who describes himself as a 'dom' on a public platform isn't just a massive misogynist who wants an acceptable way to act out his disgusting p*rn addiction and hatred of women

 

[EddyDarling]

I don't like condoms but I don't want the clap more

We met at 6pm last night and I've only just left his place.


We went to a museum/bar type of thing which he was excited to show me apparently, it was super thoughtful of him. Held hands kissed when we first saw each other etc.


TMI At his we pretty much had sex straight away, we did it so many times throughout the evening i lost count.. he's a machine... he also goes down on me a lot which is amazing cause he knows how to do it well. I took some sexy lingerie with me too which he appreciated a lot haha. Needless to say we are sexually compatible but we already know this.


We also watched some funny things on his TV while cuddling, went on his PC a bit while I sat on his lap...... then fucked again.. loadssssss of cuddling and spooning while we slowly woke up this morning... had sex again... watched guardians of the galaxy today cuddling on his sofa... then did it again before I left two horny teenagers wtf.... but I'm only having sex with him this much cause I like him.


I'm also having to get the morning after pill again. Its worth it cause the sex is great lol but we talked about me going on the birth control pill briefly, but one of my conditions for that is to be in a relationship with the person I'm doing it with. I didn't say this because I didn't want to ruin the mood and get all serious and scare him.



There was talk about next time again and going to the cinema together. But whenever I'd bring up something slightly relationshippy i felt an energy shift. We talked about food and cooking and he was on about some burgers he makes and I was like "will you make them for me" and he said "we'll see" avoiding eye contact lol. Then we were talking about our types, I'm a tall blonde, so I said "you don't mind tall girls right?" (He's only slightly taller than me) and he was like it doesn't bother me at all. He said he doesn't really have a type and I said as a joke "I bet your ex was a short brunette haha" and he was like "you're overthinking" and like cuddled me tighter. It's like he wants to avoid any talk about commitment.


I can feel this turning into a "we're dating/ seeing each other" situationship over the summer and I'm not sure how I feel about it. We're so comfortable around each other, have so much in common, how could he not want more with me..... we've only known each other 3 weeks but the way he's responding when I approach any topic resembling relationships is making me uneasy.


Anyway I had a really nice time overall I guess that's all that matters for now. I really hope he's not seeing anyone else but I don't want to ask because I'm scared of the answer
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Also his Corgi bloody loves me and I love her ffs
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Also his Corgi bloody loves me and I love her ffs
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Also his Corgi bloody loves me and I love her ffs
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I don't know why the corgi thing posted 3 times im walking around London sorry

He doesn't want to talk about commitment because you've known each other 3 weeks.

 

[Rayne]

I hate 2 truths and a lie at the best of times, but this has to be the most boring one I’ve ever seen

 

[Carapop]

Just dropping in with this

 

[givemethenight]

Imagine being married and basically having to beg your husband for sex, and even when you do that, he rejects you! “I’m too drunk” is the reason. Girls, we’ve been together 13 years, married for 8, I love him so so much but God, we are not sexually compatible with each other and it’s actually hurtful being rejected by your husband. I’m lying here in bed crying because this is another weekend where I’ve been rejected and it fucking hurts

 

[LaBlonde]

has anyone ever actually slept with anyone who has a bed selfie on their profile? I’m being chatted up currently by a man I work with (60, lives with mom) who’s tried to add me on insta and has mirror selfies of him in his pants at this point I’m so repulsed by every male I can’t see me ever having sex again

the main thing i hate about bed selfies is that they’re always doing this face in an attempt to look like they’ve adorably woken just woken up and want you to “cuddle” or something. plus then i get into the ick of imagining them holding the phone above themselves, taking several photos and picking the one that they think makes them look the most alluring and then i just want to vomit.

there is a guy on south wales bumble, control yourself ladies, who has a bed VIDEO where he sort of gently blinked at the camera and smiled in a hey you way and i swear my phone screen almost cracked form the level of ick.

 

[BWGossip]

I'll say what my mother used to say when I was a kid: better alone than in bad company

Another example of a man being complete trash: a friend's dad left for work one day and never came back. He sent them a text the next day, said he wasn't coming back, and he blocked them. My friend never saw her dad again and she is still in therapy to overcome the trauma. He was married for 25 years ! Some people are just selfish cunts who should stay away from others...

 

[MsCurly]

So, I went on a date on Friday with the guy that wasn't a texter and straight up asked me out. First I'll list some positives: he was charming, looked like his pictures, didn't force any physical contact, and he picked a great place to eat. So the date was off to a right start! We went to China Town, and went to a proper Chinese restaurant, where most customers are Chinese too (that's usually a good sign), and the staff spoke a mix of English/Kantonese/Mandarin and some other local dialects. Ordering went well, and we were chatting about loads of stuff. After a while I started noticing that other tables were getting their food but we weren't. At that time 30 minutes had passed since ordering, so I figured that it just might be dinner rush. However, after 50 minutes our food still wasn't ready. At that point I said to him, if you see any staff, give them a wave so they come over, because something might have gone wrong. AND HE REFUSED TO DO SO. He literally told me: "I'm sorry, it's too awkward for me, I can't." And I was like ?????? It's just asking someone about the order? It's part of a job they were hired to do? Are we just going to sit here and starve? He kept saying no, so at that point I just got up and went to tackle an innocent waiter to ask what was up. Turns out they forgot to process the order, so if I hadn't asked anything, nothing would have happened and we'd end up without a meal. When I came back to the table he was super flustered. He was visibly uncomfortable and refrained from looking staff members in the eye for the rest of the evening. The staff were great by the way, they were super apologetic and gave us some starters and beverages on the house. After dinner I immediately took off.

I spoke to my best friend about it, and he said to me that some men just need a strong woman in their lives that will send food back to the kitchen if the cook gets the order wrong, but I do not want to be that woman. I am that woman over and over again in my life. I'm that woman for my family, my friends, at work. I'm always the one standing up for everyone and making sure everyone is happy. I do not mind being that woman on occasion, but I cannot be that woman in a relationship, so I've texted the guy and told him I don't think we'd be a suitable match. I deleted his number and haven't heard anything from him. Overall, a bit of a disappointing turn of events but at least the dim sum was nice.

 

[IGiveUp22]

Guys I’ve just unmatched the “pick me or the cat guy” and it felt amazing!
I can’t even remember my response to the last message (& now the chats gone) but I presumed he’d refrain from making another comment.
Anyway, I’d not realised he’d responded so just went on now & I didn’t even read it all but in the response he put “so you’d pick your cat, who is like your child, over having a real child with a man ”
Huh???? What is this man????

I just wrote something similar to this: it’s weird that you think I’d have to choose and that the two things couldn’t co exist. Plus my ideal partner wouldn’t make me pick between something so important to me and them. I don’t think we’re compatible, I wish you all the best in your search!
& I unmatched.

honestly, hinge should be UNHINGED