You don’t need that kind of non committal bull shit!
You don’t need that kind of non committal bull shit!it’s ok lol it’s true, fuck him
Petition to have you have wine every friday and dispense blunt advice here
You’re right, I do not!! If he doesn’t want to see where it goes, he shouldn’t have said.You don’t need that kind of non committal bull shit!
he’s just playing and it isn’t fair at all. He probably fancies the pants off you but like 60% of these blokes is too immature to know what he really wants and it’s not on you to carry that burdenYou’re right, I do not!! If he doesn’t want to see where it goes, he shouldn’t have said.
Honestly, you’re taking the words out of my mouth! He goes fancy me and I’m very much sexually compatibly with him. But you’re right, he is immature and very guarded xhe’s just playing and it isn’t fair at all. He probably fancies the pants off you but like 60% of these blokes is too immature to know what he really wants and it’s not on you to carry that burden
See where it goes is code for “I’m not telling you I don’t want a relationship because then you won’t have sex with me again so I’ll pretend to be open to the idea of it without committing in any way which will mean I’m more likely to just get the sex I want from you when I want it like all the other times, but I’ve not agreed to anything specific so I’m totally blameless.”You’re right, I do not!! If he doesn’t want to see where it goes, he shouldn’t have said.
Oh no.. How are you feeling?Mines having a depressive bout. Feel like @candyland_ csn relate to this maybe? I’m trying to do everything right and be supportive but fuck, selfishly it’s frustrating as hell when right now should objectively be such a happy time.
Is this what he’s usually like or did you just expect more since your ‘see how it goes’ chat?I asked prison guy asked if he wanted to try and see each other this weekend and he replied going “unfortunately I’m busy all weekend x”
no ‘can’t this weekend but what about Monday?’ And he hasn’t text asking how my day was or explained what he’s doing. While my friends are saying “lads think differently, lads don’t like we do!” but I then text going “ok no worries. I’ll leave it upto You then to organise when we’ll see each other.” NOTHING BACK!!!
But to hear nothing?! NOTHING. One of my values is involvement - I like being involved, and someone involving me in their life and vice Versa. And with what everyone was saying on here- he isn’t interested. He can be as guarded and so am I, but I’m willing to be open and try. And work on my behaviour.
So I’m just gonna leave him be, I’m not gonna message, delete his number, delete our chat and when he messages, I’m gonna match his tone!fuck making an effort. I’m a bloody catch!! And he’s old enough to know better that if he carries on, I won’t be here & I’ll be enjoying my peace x
I have a fear of just settling out of loneliness too. And in recent days I've been reevaluating my choosing choices on the apps. I've spoken to lots of really nice guys and dismissed them because they aren't quite tall enough or attractive enough etc all shallow reasons with hindsight. Some I've friendzoned and actually they have been consistent in their messaging and being bloody nice to me and we are now 'chatty' friends. It is a really good question as to why we do that ? Why do we reject the nice guys in favour of the idiots ?So I realise I am drawn to the least available. They’re tots catnip to me. Ignore me and I’ll adore you. Be available and I bore immediately. What kind of strategy is this!? Terrible!
last year I matched and chatted with a man who I felt was too lovely. Genuinely that was the reason. He wore his heart on his sleeve and was willing to travel to meet me and I thought oh no this is too much. Unmatched immediately!
i saw him on hinge again yesterday and with a little more self awareness decided to match him again. I’m meeting him for a coffee later today.
I married my ex husband because he loved me even though I didn’t love him. I think he knew, too. I don’t think he thought he deserved love tbh. And I thought the strength of his feelings were enough. I wasn’t remotely attracted to him. I ended up breaking his heart. (Who saw that coming!?). And I fear doing the same to anyone again.
but I shouldn’t assume that everyone who is kind and decent and available is going to be a doormat. That self respect can’t also accompany kindness!
this is turning into a bit of a dear diary! But it’s actually been an enlightening few minutes of writing
Dude, re first lad, he is boring you, why do you even want to see him again?I have a little update…
So the guy I’d matched on hinge before I went on holiday that I’d mentioned on here who didn’t ask me any questions - well we’ve messaged whilst I’ve been away, nothing major intense but I’ve really struggled. It’s like getting blood out of a stone. Don’t get me wrong, I have a boring life but I can hold a good conversation & enjoy talking about random stuff but it’s just the same stuff - what you doing today? I’m working/gym/rugby. Pretty much it. He also said he wanted to see me when I got home, yet he’s not made any sort of plan or even asked (not that im bothered haha) but he is under the impression that I’ll be going to his in august (he’s doing his kitchen out) for him to cook for me??? We’ve literally had 1 coffee date & appears he has no intention of arranging a formal date. I also now have him on Instagram & he follows a lot of women which I find a huge ick. I’m just not sure I’m feeling it at all & I thought that after the coffee as he didn’t ask me much.
on a side note, I did meet a guy on holiday. He’s been quite keen (not OTT love bomb vibes) & we’ve spoken since we’ve both got home etc. he lives down south & im up north so there is a distance. But this guy made more of an effort in 2 days that him from hinge I’ve been speaking to for nearly 1 month! Conversation is good/flows etc& he seems like a kind man (which is what I want). He’s also made it quite clear he has plans to come to where I live & arrange a date etc. i know it’s all talk at the moment & im keeping a rational mind about it all but it’s almost made me realise even more that the guy from hinge is not what I want
What @Carapop said! Invest your time and energy in the men that invest it back to you. Its ok to say this isn't working for me and to wish them well and move on. The holiday guy seems to be prepared to put the effort in even though there is the distance factor, nurture that relationship and put the timewaster in the bin!I have a little update…
So the guy I’d matched on hinge before I went on holiday that I’d mentioned on here who didn’t ask me any questions - well we’ve messaged whilst I’ve been away, nothing major intense but I’ve really struggled. It’s like getting blood out of a stone. Don’t get me wrong, I have a boring life but I can hold a good conversation & enjoy talking about random stuff but it’s just the same stuff - what you doing today? I’m working/gym/rugby. Pretty much it. He also said he wanted to see me when I got home, yet he’s not made any sort of plan or even asked (not that im bothered haha) but he is under the impression that I’ll be going to his in august (he’s doing his kitchen out) for him to cook for me??? We’ve literally had 1 coffee date & appears he has no intention of arranging a formal date. I also now have him on Instagram & he follows a lot of women which I find a huge ick. I’m just not sure I’m feeling it at all & I thought that after the coffee as he didn’t ask me much.
on a side note, I did meet a guy on holiday. He’s been quite keen (not OTT love bomb vibes) & we’ve spoken since we’ve both got home etc. he lives down south & im up north so there is a distance. But this guy made more of an effort in 2 days that him from hinge I’ve been speaking to for nearly 1 month! Conversation is good/flows etc& he seems like a kind man (which is what I want). He’s also made it quite clear he has plans to come to where I live & arrange a date etc. i know it’s all talk at the moment & im keeping a rational mind about it all but it’s almost made me realise even more that the guy from hinge is not what I want
It's so obvious and we all know it but seeing this comment written down is worth absorbing. Even if it frees up your mind to ponder on it. I can categorically say that my past is littered with men I tried to analyse and they all went their merry sweet way. I didn't change anything about them.
Boring doesn't even get on the scale!I have a little update…
So the guy I’d matched on hinge before I went on holiday that I’d mentioned on here who didn’t ask me any questions - well we’ve messaged whilst I’ve been away, nothing major intense but I’ve really struggled. It’s like getting blood out of a stone. Don’t get me wrong, I have a boring life but I can hold a good conversation & enjoy talking about random stuff but it’s just the same stuff - what you doing today? I’m working/gym/rugby. Pretty much it. He also said he wanted to see me when I got home, yet he’s not made any sort of plan or even asked (not that im bothered haha) but he is under the impression that I’ll be going to his in august (he’s doing his kitchen out) for him to cook for me??? We’ve literally had 1 coffee date & appears he has no intention of arranging a formal date. I also now have him on Instagram & he follows a lot of women which I find a huge ick. I’m just not sure I’m feeling it at all & I thought that after the coffee as he didn’t ask me much.
on a side note, I did meet a guy on holiday. He’s been quite keen (not OTT love bomb vibes) & we’ve spoken since we’ve both got home etc. he lives down south & im up north so there is a distance. But this guy made more of an effort in 2 days that him from hinge I’ve been speaking to for nearly 1 month! Conversation is good/flows etc& he seems like a kind man (which is what I want). He’s also made it quite clear he has plans to come to where I live & arrange a date etc. i know it’s all talk at the moment & im keeping a rational mind about it all but it’s almost made me realise even more that the guy from hinge is not what I want
after the coffee date I was willing to see him again purely as I thought maybe the fact he didn’t ask much was down to nerves. But then as we’ve continued to chat whilst I’ve been away it’s just got worse. I now don’t think I do want to see him again I’m just unsure how to approach that? I don’t want to ghost him as I don’t think that’s fair. Do you think something along the lines of not feeling a romantic connection?Dude, re first lad, he is boring you, why do you even want to see him again?
Focus on the second gent for sure. And even if nothing comes of it, he’s highlighted what is available and what you actually want which is very important.
Be honest and be kind. It's ok to say this isn't working for me. You don't have to list all his shortcomings just say how you feel and wish him well. You won't be able to control his response, he may send you a nice message back ..lots don't in my experience but just be prepared for that.after the coffee date I was willing to see him again purely as I thought maybe the fact he didn’t ask much was down to nerves. But then as we’ve continued to chat whilst I’ve been away it’s just got worse. I now don’t think I do want to see him again I’m just unsure how to approach that? I don’t want to ghost him as I don’t think that’s fair. Do you think something along the lines of not feeling a romantic connection?
So I realise I am drawn to the least available. They’re tots catnip to me. Ignore me and I’ll adore you. Be available and I bore immediately. What kind of strategy is this!? Terrible!
last year I matched and chatted with a man who I felt was too lovely. Genuinely that was the reason. He wore his heart on his sleeve and was willing to travel to meet me and I thought oh no this is too much. Unmatched immediately!
i saw him on hinge again yesterday and with a little more self awareness decided to match him again. I’m meeting him for a coffee later today.
I married my ex husband because he loved me even though I didn’t love him. I think he knew, too. I don’t think he thought he deserved love tbh. And I thought the strength of his feelings were enough. I wasn’t remotely attracted to him. I ended up breaking his heart. (Who saw that coming!?). And I fear doing the same to anyone again.
but I shouldn’t assume that everyone who is kind and decent and available is going to be a doormat. That self respect can’t also accompany kindness!
this is turning into a bit of a dear diary! But it’s actually been an enlightening few minutes of writing
I read "Women who love too much" a while ago, and while it is more geared towards women who stay in abusive relationships, I think this could speak to both of you. The unavailablility feels safe. The nice person, the unexciting person, the stable, "boring" guy is not triggering that anxious excitement that some of us associate with "falling in love".I have a fear of just settling out of loneliness too. And in recent days I've been reevaluating my choosing choices on the apps. I've spoken to lots of really nice guys and dismissed them because they aren't quite tall enough or attractive enough etc all shallow reasons with hindsight. Some I've friendzoned and actually they have been consistent in their messaging and being bloody nice to me and we are now 'chatty' friends. It is a really good question as to why we do that ? Why do we reject the nice guys in favour of the idiots ?
This is how it always feels to be texting someone who doesn’t ask questions. It’s all down to you to keep the conversation going and try to move it forward or in a different direction, while they literally just reply to the last thing you said and offer nothing more. It’s like screaming into an abyss, it’s fucking draining.well we’ve messaged whilst I’ve been away, nothing major intense but I’ve really struggled. It’s like getting blood out of a stone.
Just send a message like:after the coffee date I was willing to see him again purely as I thought maybe the fact he didn’t ask much was down to nerves. But then as we’ve continued to chat whilst I’ve been away it’s just got worse. I now don’t think I do want to see him again I’m just unsure how to approach that? I don’t want to ghost him as I don’t think that’s fair. Do you think something along the lines of not feeling a romantic connection?
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