Dating after lockdown #21 More red flags than Pamplona, we don’t wanna know about your boner.

[candyland_]

Evening all, I’ve been watching and reading this thread for a while now but never posted before. So sorry for the long story.
Last March I left my 13 year marriage, nothing had happened I was unhappy. I had a tough year with that (guilt etc), as well as a fling with a best friend that has completely messed with my head and left me in a worse state than the end of my marriage. The friendship is now over.
I’ve been on the apps on and off for about 9 months, oh my goodness they are awful. I matched and had a date with one guy at Christmas time, he was lovely but looked nothing like his photos and not in a good way, they were at least 6 years old. We got on really well but he couldn’t kiss to save his life and that gave me the ick. He’s recently messaged me after 6 months of silence asking if I wanted to come round for a bottle of wine because we have unfinished business. Jesus! I politely turned him down. I then about 2 months ago matched with another guy, chat started great and we swapped numbers. Then the chat died, would take him 12 hours to reply, then a week of silence, chat again but with huge gaps between them. Didn’t speak for a month and then he messaged out the blue, but again dead chat and hours between messages. Sunday I matched with a guy I’d seen on hinge a few times but never liked anything, I don’t know what made me do it but I liked a comment on his profile. He messaged me and we’ve had good flowing chat for 2 days, really enjoyed the chat. I’ve today found out that he’s also into guys, but has never had sex with a guy. Now I have no issue with anyones sexuality at all, good for him. But it’s not what I want in a potential partner. He’s been very honest with me by opening up so soon but Ive told him I don’t know what to do with that information, and he’s asked me what I mean.
I’m now thinking I just tell him that I have no issue with it but it’s not what I want in a potential so partner. We haven’t swapped numbers yet but I just feel bad. I’ve been told I don’t owe him anything as it’s so soon after starting chatting, but that’s just how I am. I don’t think I’m cut out for these apps and wish it was easier to meet people the old fashioned way

Welcome
You don’t have to explain anything to him.. Just tell him you hope he finds what he’s looking for, wish him well and leave it at that.

Ohh and don’t respond to anymore ghosts

 

[Noseymama18]

Welcome
You don’t have to explain anything to him.. Just tell him you hope he finds what he’s looking for, wish him well and leave it at that.

Ohh and don’t respond to anymore ghosts

Thank you! I just hate letting people down, especially after such good chat. But I can’t continue the chat with him. Big girl pants on and I’ll say that to him. Oh and I won’t respond to anymore ghosts

 

[Kimmylookatme]

Thank you! I just hate letting people down, especially after such good chat. But I can’t continue the chat with him. Big girl pants on and I’ll say that to him. Oh and I won’t respond to anymore ghosts

You are just as entitled to say you’re not into that for you, as he is to say he is into that for him. Boundaries are boundaries and preferences are preferences! If everyone is explicit then everyone ends up happier

 

[al255]

Thank you! I just hate letting people down, especially after such good chat. But I can’t continue the chat with him. Big girl pants on and I’ll say that to him. Oh and I won’t respond to anymore ghosts

Welcome to the thread i agree with others, you don’t have to reply x

 

[grumpy_curry]

Thank you! I just hate letting people down, especially after such good chat. But I can’t continue the chat with him. Big girl pants on and I’ll say that to him. Oh and I won’t respond to anymore ghosts

I always feel guilty bc I feel like I'm letting the person on the other end down. What helps me in these situations is making myself aware that I am not that important as to break a mans heart over telling him what he wants isn't what I want...

 

[Sandor]

Thank you! I just hate letting people down, especially after such good chat. But I can’t continue the chat with him. Big girl pants on and I’ll say that to him. Oh and I won’t respond to anymore ghosts

You’ve not made any commitment to him. Chatting is literally to find out if you want to meet. And now you know you don’t

I’m bisexual so I have a slightly different experience of this but I’m not going to judge you for your boundaries. What I will say is it’s far better to let someone down quietly in this situation than bring it up as an/the issue. Biphobia is very real and while I don’t get the impression this is where you’re coming from, it’s going to be far kinder to just be vague. Especially as we’re coming out of pride month.

 

[Noseymama18]

Oh no, I’m most definitely not biphobia at all. I have gay and bi friends, so certainly no judgement or phobia from me. It is purely just my preference in a partner.

Thank you all for your advice. It’s certainly not the only reason I don’t want to continue chatting with him, the more I’ve learnt after a little social media stalk we have very different life’s and I don’t think we’re a good match.

 

[candyland_]

Me too.. Too satisfying!

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

Me too.. Too satisfying!
View attachment 1380026

Males seem to think that if you like them at one point, you’ll always like them! Nah we don’t work like that. It’s a lot of women who feel completely turned off by them once we’re past them! That’s why they do the whole ghosting, then popping back up later on. Like sir, who even are you

 

[candyland_]

Males seem to think that if you like them at one point, you’ll always like them! Nah we don’t work like that. It’s a lot of women who feel completely turned off by them once we’re past them! That’s why they do the whole ghosting, then popping back up later on. Like sir, who even are you

I get a kick out of leaving them on read
I had one pop up on Sunday saying ‘Hi babe. How are you? Cuddle club tonight?’

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

I get a kick out of leaving them on read
I had one pop up on Sunday saying ‘Hi babe. How are you? Cuddle club tonight?’

Hahah imagine what a prat he felt being ignored sending something as cringe as that! And rightly so!

 

[grumpy_curry]

I get a kick out of leaving them on read
I had one pop up on Sunday saying ‘Hi babe. How are you? Cuddle club tonight?’

The audacity!

 

[jnh24]

Me too.. Too satisfying!
View attachment 1380026

I love this. Left my ex on read Friday as he got tagged in the races with a girl, after wanting to meet up on the Thursday night. He could make effort with this girl when we were in a relationship, but not me. Ex then sent me a penny via PayPal on my birthday on the Sunday, I didn’t react again. He’s now blocked me on everything #goodridence

 

[candyland_]

Hahah imagine what a prat he felt being ignored sending something as cringe as that! And rightly so!

I’ve left him on read at least 5 times now but he’s still not getting the hint.. I think he’s about 8 years younger than me.

I love this. Left my ex on read Friday as he got tagged in the races with a girl, after wanting to meet up on the Thursday night. He could make effort with this girl when we were in a relationship, but not me. Ex then sent me a penny via PayPal on my birthday on the Sunday, I didn’t react again. He’s now blocked me on everything #goodridence

1p..!? It’s funny how much they crawl back when you ignore them.

This reminds me of the time I blocked someone and he sent me 2p with the reference OnlyFans as a dig it made me laugh.. I love to get under their skin.

 

[Losa53]

So there a guy at work he alright looking. think I spoke about him earlier in the thread.
People keep trying set us up by saying stuff to embarrass him. We both 35+ and been single 2yrs had the same sort of break up
He does like my pics on ig but I think he just being nice but you know what gossip is like in the work place. I spoke to him about the 'banter' about us and he said it doesn't bother him but he wouldn't date a colleague. People keep asking me to asks him out for a drink but because he a colleague 1, the rejection 2, he told told me wouldn't date a colleague and 3, it be around the work place instantly. Due to our job we work very closely together 12hr shifts. I just dont weather to keep chatting through ig or leave it all together lol

I’ve left him on read at least 5 times now but he’s still not getting the hint.. I think he’s about 8 years younger than me.


1p..!? It’s funny how much they crawl back when you ignore them.

This reminds me of the time I blocked someone and he sent me 2p with the reference OnlyFans as a dig it made me laugh.. I love to get under their skin.

Only fans 2p

 

[Woolmercardington]

Do you think meeting the old fashioned way will make a comeback as we all get sick of the apps? I live in hope I'll bump into some hottie in Sainsburys

Where I'm based (Liverpool) there are these events that started up last year called 'Bored of Dating Apps' - they appear to be open to all as long as you are single. They seem to be starting them in Manchester too. I've not been to one but am planning to go with a friend next month.

They are just social evenings in the upstairs of a really nice bar/restaurant but the idea is they are for people who are just sick of the apps and a way of trying to meet people the old-fashioned way.

I've not been on this thread since about the end of last summer and not been on the apps. Not exactly a shock to learn they are still as dismal as ever

 

[candyland_]

Bastard

 

[TheTinyHuman]

Lol update turns out he has a girlfriend but they're not in a good place.

Gurl.

If he has an girlfriend but they're in a bad spot, why is he sending me thirst traps from when he was 23 and HOT at 10am on a Thursday?

 

[Clickbait]

So there a guy at work he alright looking. think I spoke about him earlier in the thread.
People keep trying set us up by saying stuff to embarrass him. We both 35+ and been single 2yrs had the same sort of break up
He does like my pics on ig but I think he just being nice but you know what gossip is like in the work place. I spoke to him about the 'banter' about us and he said it doesn't bother him but he wouldn't date a colleague. People keep asking me to asks him out for a drink but because he a colleague 1, the rejection 2, he told told me wouldn't date a colleague and 3, it be around the work place instantly. Due to our job we work very closely together 12hr shifts. I just dont weather to keep chatting through ig or leave it all together lol

Aside from all right looking, being a colleague (so understands the job you do, its challenges, potential for it to be anti-social hours) and similarities in age/relationship status is there anything else you particularly like about him?

Circumstance isn’t a strong enough reason IMO and I also think that work place relationships should be avoided at all costs because the fall out if something goes wrong can be at best awkward AF.

 

[Kimmylookatme]

Aside from all right looking, being a colleague (so understands the job you do, its challenges, potential for it to be anti-social hours) and similarities in age/relationship status is there anything else you particularly like about him?

Circumstance isn’t a strong enough reason IMO and I also think that work place relationships should be avoided at all costs because the fall out if something goes wrong can be at best awkward AF.

I agree. I ended up falling madly in love with a work colleague, became best friends over a period of about 7 years and it ended in a relationship. When the relationship imploded work was horribly awkward for a very long time. Unless you think they’re The One I don’t think it’s worth it!