You know you're allowed your own deal breakers right?! If him not giving you his number is a big deal to you (it would be to me), you're allowed to nope out of this.
Dating after lockdown #21 More red flags than Pamplona, we don’t wanna know about your boner.
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I can’t remember what you said about her but that makes it sound like she was involved in his life and it was more than just a date or two.
Have you not asked him about his vanishing act?
I guess he’ll say something like she somehow found out his full name then fb and accessed her through that…the whole thing sounds not worth the hassle tbh! (For you I mean obviously)
I think if it was just the number thing till youd met in person, fine. But the combination of that and the disappearing makes me think he’s definitely married or something. If you’re kind of on the wane with it anyway I’d maybe just ask why he disappears at specific times just to see what he says!
This kind of behaviour is a deal breaker for me tbh but I'm now intrigued as to how this is going to play out. My instinct is that he will vanish but we will see!
He said it was just one date! I'm building upto asking him about that ..just waiting to see what he says about this one date woman and how she accessed his daughter!
Some people are crazy enough to do that though. My friend had a couple of dates with a girl and then when he ended it she would turn up at his house, leave gifts on his doorstep, she added his family on social media. She would sent him 100s of text messages in a day.
This is what he said about not exchanging numbers..
Maybe a little but that’s my personal issue as j got caught out once before. I’ll tell you about it but she ended up stalking me and one of my daughters even received a FaceTime call from her without them ever meeting and only 1 date!!! Xx
Maybe a little but that’s my personal issue as j got caught out once before. I’ll tell you about it but she ended up stalking me and one of my daughters even received a FaceTime call from her without them ever meeting and only 1 date!!! Xx
Hmm.. I just can’t understand how she would find their phone numbers.
That's what has puzzled me and I'm waiting for a response to me asking him that.
It's funny how we notice behaviours pretty quickly isn't it ? First 2 weeks of speaking to him - Mon/ Fri he's been online pretty much all day so the conversation has flowed. ( evenings and weekends nothing) now this week, bearing in mind the date is Saturday, he's sending a message then going off line for hours without acknowledging my response...the question as always is why ? Why do they behave like this ?I'm going to ask if we can facetime this afternoon and see what he responds back with..
I’ve asked my male friends this before.
They think it’s because they get excited by someone new and go blazing in but they can’t keep up with it so it fizzles out quicker than a slow burner. It’s a cycle they repeat over and over again.
They think it’s because they get excited by someone new and go blazing in but they can’t keep up with it so it fizzles out quicker than a slow burner. It’s a cycle they repeat over and over again.
They can't keep up with the lies I suspect is more the case !
bagpuss i truly don’t want to be blunt, but what are you getting out of continuing to engage with him and asking him to facetime etc? he hasn’t addressed the concerns you’ve raised. as @grumpy_curry says, you’re allowed your own dealbreakers and limits and he’s just not meeting you on your level at all. he’s also not giving you the extra clarity you’re asking for with the “odd ball”. all of these are bad bad signs before a first date and he needs, quite honestly, to go in the bin. none of these behaviours will improve if he’s already doing them in the stage where he should be on his “best behaviour”.
you are a lovely and very patient person. maybe too patient, you are giving this man entirely too much of your time and empathy when he isn’t giving you the same. you desire someone worthy of the level of consideration you bring.
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I want you to be blunt with me always, that's why I come here for the help and to try to make sense out of these interactions. Being completely honest I'm on the verge of giving up now. It's just getting too hard. I believe in love and I've always always stayed positive and hopeful but I can feel myself slipping slowly into this place where I'm giving up. Where this current one is concerned I just want to make sense of things...understand why he's saying what he has, why he's wasted over 2 weeks of my time, planned a date etc...
It's been a tough few weeks with father's day and my exs birthday, I'm still going through the grieving process as is my child and the first anniversary after they have passed is always difficult. Thank you for allowing me to come here and off load
@Bagpuss7 I’d really just cut your losses with this guy. It sounds like he’s got an answer for everything. You know what’s happening, he’s clearly married or in a relationship and has the dating app on a second phone that he leaves at work or turns off when he’s at home.
Please don’t put yourself through the annoyance of letting it play out just to end up getting ghosted or written off as another “oddball” he can tell the next woman about because you’re questioning the nonsense he’s spewing. It won’t achieve anything except making you feel crap.
Please don’t put yourself through the annoyance of letting it play out just to end up getting ghosted or written off as another “oddball” he can tell the next woman about because you’re questioning the nonsense he’s spewing. It won’t achieve anything except making you feel crap.
Just to say that someone is more likely to be upset with being told something is going nowhere after several dates rather than one date so his logic about not sharing a number doesn’t make a lot of sense.
I would probably leave it now @Bagpuss7 - I sense you won’t get a sensible answer and he’s already started to phase out regular contact when he should be more keen to chat ahead of your date. He strikes me as someone very willing to pull the “you’re nuts/unhinged/too high maintenance” card to wriggle out of meeting and make it seem your fault that his behaviour is not consistent or acceptable.
I really hope you catch a break as I know you’ve had a stream of time wasters x
I would probably leave it now @Bagpuss7 - I sense you won’t get a sensible answer and he’s already started to phase out regular contact when he should be more keen to chat ahead of your date. He strikes me as someone very willing to pull the “you’re nuts/unhinged/too high maintenance” card to wriggle out of meeting and make it seem your fault that his behaviour is not consistent or acceptable.
I really hope you catch a break as I know you’ve had a stream of time wasters x
I’m glad you are going to leave it but don’t let him make you lose hope.
you are an incredibly fair and empathetic person, i think, which makes you always want to understand peoples’ behaviours and give them a full opportunity to make things “right”. that is a lovely way to be but make sure you don’t extent that energy to people (men!) who do not deserve itI want you to be blunt with me always, that's why I come here for the help and to try to make sense out of these interactions. Being completely honest I'm on the verge of giving up now. It's just getting too hard. I believe in love and I've always always stayed positive and hopeful but I can feel myself slipping slowly into this place where I'm giving up. Where this current one is concerned I just want to make sense of things...understand why he's saying what he has, why he's wasted over 2 weeks of my time, planned a date etc...
It's been a tough few weeks with father's day and my exs birthday, I'm still going through the grieving process as is my child and the first anniversary after they have passed is always difficult. Thank you for allowing me to come here and off load
we’re always here! i really hope you get someone nice soon as you haven’t half had some time-wasters xx
Update....he's sent me this, perhaps the technology minded amongst us can say if it's genuine or not?
My kids accounts are all linked to my iTunes and my youngest was able to receive all of my calls and messages so one day she called me on FaceTime and my daughter answered. She was talking to her very nicely and asking loads of questions and it was super intrusive and wrong on so many levels! I was fuming and it’s made me guarded and protective ever since
I’m not free today as I’m in London and staying up here for a dinner. I’ll be at my home office tomorrow from about 12ish so free any time then or after xx
I've just put ok and come off the app. I'm done !!
My kids accounts are all linked to my iTunes and my youngest was able to receive all of my calls and messages so one day she called me on FaceTime and my daughter answered. She was talking to her very nicely and asking loads of questions and it was super intrusive and wrong on so many levels! I was fuming and it’s made me guarded and protective ever since
Plus his response to my facetime question was this ...the app says he's at home but who knows!
I’m not free today as I’m in London and staying up here for a dinner. I’ll be at my home office tomorrow from about 12ish so free any time then or after xx
I've just put ok and come off the app. I'm done !!
I think he’s concocted that story to be honest.
My daughters iPhone and iPad are linked to her Apple account but as far as I’m aware she couldn’t be linked to mine. You sign in with your own Apple ID.
Leave him on read like he does to you. He made it out like she had tracked the child down, if they are linked that would have been a genuine mistake.
My daughters iPhone and iPad are linked to her Apple account but as far as I’m aware she couldn’t be linked to mine. You sign in with your own Apple ID.
Leave him on read like he does to you. He made it out like she had tracked the child down, if they are linked that would have been a genuine mistake.
Why would you allow a child to have access to all your messages and calls ? Most odd ..so just to confirm its possible the woman in question facetimed him via his iTunes? I don't have those apps so no idea!
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