Dating after lockdown #20 I’m done. Too late to become a nun?

[Belle123]

Moving on to someone else in two weeks and posting a ton of pics doesn’t mean that new woman is the love of his life. Might be, of course, but more likely he’s trying to get over you with her and it’s far from a healthy relationship. It’s not because he was embarrassed by you previously. It’s exactly as other have said, neediness and an inability/lack of desire to feel their feelings and process things properly. They are trying to prove some point and even, on a childish level with some of them, ‘win’ the breakup. Even if they go the distance with the new woman (I’d hedge my bets they won’t) it will have definitely been a bumpy road for them behind the ‘perfect’ social media crap. Pity the woman having to basically be his rebound and deal with those emotions that always seep out.

@fledglingpsycho This made me smile this morning. Huge congratulations to you, this is amazing news (especially after their sad loss) and you must all be on cloud 9! The baby will be so lucky to have you as their grandma, dishing out your amazing wisdom x

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

Personally if I’d just met someone and knew they were fresh from a break up and they started posting things on social media of us straight away I’d be wondering if I was being used as a pawn to make the ex jealous! But maybe that’s just me lol. I don’t think it should be made public official until around 3 months (I posted my last guys hand and man bag on snap and felt daft when it never came of anything lol) lessons learned lol

 

[IGiveUp22]

Moving on to someone else in two weeks and posting a ton of pics doesn’t mean that new woman is the love of his life. Might be, of course, but more likely he’s trying to get over you with her and it’s far from a healthy relationship. It’s not because he was embarrassed by you previously. It’s exactly as other have said, neediness and an inability/lack of desire to feel their feelings and process things properly. They are trying to prove some point and even, on a childish level with some of them, ‘win’ the breakup. Even if they go the distance with the new woman (I’d hedge my bets they won’t) it will have definitely been a bumpy road for them behind the ‘perfect’ social media crap. Pity the woman having to basically be his rebound and deal with those emotions that always seep out.

@fledglingpsycho This made me smile this morning. Huge congratulations to you, this is amazing news (especially after their sad loss) and you must all be on cloud 9! The baby will be so lucky to have you as their grandma, dishing out your amazing wisdom x

yeah I know it’s easy for us on the other side of it to assume this must mean they’re the love of their lives & all this (& they might be) but that’s just social media stuff. I have to keep reminding myself that he’s still the same person as he was with me & the bits I’m now looking back & thinking “hmm maybe that wasn’t right for me” are things he’ll still be doing with this girl.
i find it quite sad actually regarding men that can’t be on their own…they must really hate themselves.
It still all definitely stings & hurts though. Feel for all of you that have been there. Thank you everyone for your kind words xx

 

[Belle123]

Personally if I’d just met someone and knew they were fresh from a break up and they started posting things on social media of us straight away I’d be wondering if I was being used as a pawn to make the ex jealous! But maybe that’s just me lol. I don’t think it should be made public official until around 3 months (I posted my last guys hand and man bag on snap and felt daft when it never came of anything lol) lessons learned lol

Absolutely, me too. We don’t know what they get told about previous relationships, though, and some women would be blinded by how flattered they feel at the attention he’s giving her on social media. If he’s doing that with pics and posts, can you begin to imagine the utter crap he’s feeding her in person?! He hasn’t magically become someone new within weeks. He’s the exact same person. Our own minds taunt us - it’s so easy to convince yourself he’s being the boyfriend to her you always wanted him to be to you, and hurt yourself enormously over it. He’s not being that and, at some stage, he will be doing the same things to her as he did to you, particularly if they don’t think they were anything less than a perfect boyfriend to you and have no ability to self-reflect. Remind yourself of this simple truth - he’s the exact same person - every time you doubt yourself!

 

[Jadejones9596]

Do Bumble chats get automatically ended if you don't talk for a while?
Went for a snoop on there this morning and I can't see the convo I had on there with my current guy (we've been on WhatsApp for about a month) and it says he ended the chat? But I can't see why he would do that intentionally when we are getting on so well over text?

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@Belle123 Aww thanks Belle. Made me feel a little tearful.
Hope it's not too woo to bring this up but the Power of Now by Ekhart Tolle is all about how our minds are not actually us. Our essential self is completely removed from it. The mind is like some massive computer which is just flinging out data randomly and is only really useful for ideas, getting things done, working etc.
I've not explained it well but it's our belief that we are our minds is what causes us so much angst and unnecessary pain. I'm rubbish at remembering this but on occasion I will say to myself "Fledgling ... You are not your mind, this is just random & meaningless data, it is moving around. Don't buy into it. Have a nice day you special little thing you".

@Belle123 It's so true. With the one who suddenly blocked me after two years without explanation, I tell myself this new person has essentially got herself a cowardly guy. If he thought about it and learned then fair enough. He did it a couple of times to me, not blocking but ghosting, sock puppet behavior. More fool me but I learned from it!

Do Bumble chats get automatically ended if you don't talk for a while?
Went for a snoop on there this morning and I can't see the convo I had on there with my current guy (we've been on WhatsApp for about a month) and it says he ended the chat? But I can't see why he would do that intentionally when we are getting on so well over text?

All I can add to this is (on Tinder though) a guy I dated removed our chat but said it was because we were actually meeting and we did. I did get blocked on Whatsapp later but as he was a ten a penny guy (TAP) the sting went very quickly. I don't really know Bumble.

@IGiveUp22 Hope you have a swift recovery!

 

[Sprottish]

Re: the social media thing, happening to me too and it’s made me wonder if they do it for a reaction. (I’m now on a permanent checking his social media ban which I can highly recommend- nothing good ever comes from looking) I was with my ex from Jan 21-Dec 21. Same as you’ve all said, very little on social media but neither do I so suits me.

Transpires he was having a full blown relationship with someone else (I’ve gone into details before so I won’t bore you with it again) and he deleted me from Facebook etc which I presumed was so I wouldn’t see his updated. However, since then, he’s sent the odd “I miss you” bullshit. Last time I snooped, his profile was private but he had “in a relationship since Jan 2021” public and a “check in” with the other lady public too. Half of me thinks he does this to try and gauge a reaction, as it’s literally the exact date we first got together/met. Does he want me to message him kicking off, who knows. I pity him now.

Either way - it’s fucked and I’m with everyone else who says what a lucky escape.

For those of you who said you’ve seen this on their social media - do you have them as friends, or is it public? I’m just starting to wonder if theres a breed of guys out there who thrive on the attention being cheating/lying scum gets them?

 

[IGiveUp22]

@Sprottish so I’ve come off Instagram but gone back on Facebook however I’ve removed him as a friend on there. His Instagram is public & we have mutual friends which is how I’ve found out.
As I mentioned above, he was public when we first started seeing each other but then changed to private. Went back public after we split & remained public whilst posting this girl so I’m not sure if it’s for a reaction or not. He knows I know I think due to mutuals so god knows if he’s doing it on purpose but I haven’t reacted to him. I wouldn’t be surprised if he hasn’t told her about me & just made out he’s been single since his ex.
i suppose he’s made himself look a dick, posting 2 different girls on his social media in the space of 2 months…I guess our mutuals will notice that. Only time will tell whether it’s the real deal or a rebound

when I go back on Instagram I’ll likely remove/block him & just hide his friends/family so I don’t look petty taking all them off too

 

[dreamteam1]

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[Fledgling Psycho]

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Weirdo. Quick swerve to the left.

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

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Jesus Christ reminds me of a terrible story I heard about a woman going back to the mans house after a date, he spiked her drink she fell asleep next thing he’s wrapped all furniture in plastic and fortunately the police arrived to save her as the neighbours noticed him acting suspiciously! Freeky

 

[Mr Sparkle]

Two days after I ignored Commitmentphobe's voice note, I deleted our messages. Two hours later, he pops up with a message saying "well, I hope you're good and hope to bump into you somewhere" and with some chatty comment about seeing my employer in the news.

Is there some way of someone knowing you've deleted them? Because that timing was spooky. Bloody hell now I see why people block people I won't be replying, I have nothing to say. It's insane that after three weeks, he's given me two days before chasing.

In other news, no word from Cancelled Ill guy so he's either dying of flu, or fading me ooooop!

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WTF that's some serial killer tit

Jesus Christ reminds me of a terrible story I heard about a woman going back to the mans house after a date, he spiked her drink she fell asleep next thing he’s wrapped all furniture in plastic and fortunately the police arrived to save her as the neighbours noticed him acting suspiciously! Freeky

And this too... Jeeeesus

 

[Jadejones9596]

Two days after I ignored Commitmentphobe's voice note, I deleted our messages. Two hours later, he pops up with a message saying "well, I hope you're good and hope to bump into you somewhere" and with some chatty comment about seeing my employer in the news.

Is there some way of someone knowing you've deleted them? Because that timing was spooky. Bloody hell now I see why people block people I won't be replying, I have nothing to say. It's insane that after three weeks, he's given me two days before chasing.

In other news, no word from Cancelled Ill guy so he's either dying of flu, or fading me ooooop!



WTF that's some serial killer tit



And this too... Jeeeesus

Mine is dying today too of man flu, I have said get well soon, I'll leave you to it, message me when you feel like it I'm pretty convinced it'll be the reason for cancelling Tuesday! Don't men die when they're ill honestly?! Xx

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Hi gang,

I’m back and very single . Gutted. I feel such a fool cos I ignored so many red flags just cos I fancied the pants off him.
He could just be so viscous. He doesn't even see his own daughter FFS. Major anger issues.

I’m devastated but so grateful to have you guys to talk to. Hope you’re all well. I’m off to drown my sorrows in a duck-tonne of booze

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

Hi gang,

I’m back and very single . Gutted. I feel such a fool cos I ignored so many red flags just cos I fancied the pants off him.
He could just be so viscous. He doesn't even see his own daughter FFS. Major anger issues.

I’m devastated but so grateful to have you guys to talk to. Hope you’re all well. I’m off to drown my sorrows in a duck-tonne of booze

Having a daughter should make a man a better man! And if it doesn’t - red flag time’s 100! Don’t worry iv also seen someone before who didn’t see his daughter and funnily enough he had temper issues too! Think of it as a lucky escape lovely, it’s harder when the physical attraction strong. Enjoy the booze hope your ok though!

 

[leapricot]

Hi gang,

I’m back and very single . Gutted. I feel such a fool cos I ignored so many red flags just cos I fancied the pants off him.
He could just be so viscous. He doesn't even see his own daughter FFS. Major anger issues.

I’m devastated but so grateful to have you guys to talk to. Hope you’re all well. I’m off to drown my sorrows in a duck-tonne of booze

I have been following your story since the early threads Bunny!!
What happened? Why did he end it?

We are here if you need to talk

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@BunnyLebowski I joined the thread some time later but I'm sorry to hear it's gone par shaped.

Pear even!

 

[Wowitsme]

Having a daughter should make a man a better man! And if it doesn’t - red flag time’s 100! Don’t worry iv also seen someone before who didn’t see his daughter and funnily enough he had temper issues too! Think of it as a lucky escape lovely, it’s harder when the physical attraction strong. Enjoy the booze hope your ok though!

I think a man not seeing his children should be a massive red flag no matter how they spin it.

Sorry for your news bunny. If he does have anger issues he will need to work on them to be a healthy partner which it doesn’t look like he will be doing

 

[altgirl]

Hi all, I’m a fan of this thread but rarely post..

I have a friend of 2 1/2 years has recently stopped speaking. He’s had a health scare earlier in the year and I felt we had got closer but the last few weeks he’s stopped talking, although does reply to my texts.. I know only texts and I’m not sure if its out of politeness (we did meet up and go on dates too). It’s like he’s flipped a 180 to what he was like before.

I know I’m overreacting but we met up when he was finally well enough and it really seemed like he was up for giving us a go. He said he wanted to make the most of his life and gave the impression he was ready to open up to a relationship again after being hurt by his ex.

Anyway, this has really knocked me. I feel like I don’t want to get close to anyone again as I’ve also been hurt in the past and I really trusted this man. I’m also kind of upset I’ll miss out on things in life- closeness, family holidays and having someone truly want the best for me if that makes sense? My friends and family are all married or in relationships, some with kids and I am the one often left out- feeling sorry for myself I suppose.

Hats off if you can understand this- my head is a bit of a mess hence the jumbled post and I guess I wanted to get it off my chest. Sorry..

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

I think a man not seeing his children should be a massive red flag no matter how they spin it.

Sorry for your news bunny. If he does have anger issues he will need to work on them to be a healthy partner which it doesn’t look like he will be doing

Yes definitely! Unless the mum has stopped them seeing them due to being spiteful but that’s usually not the case it’s usually down to them being dicks or them point blank not bothering with the child!

Hi all, I’m a fan of this thread but rarely post..

I have a friend of 2 1/2 years has recently stopped speaking. He’s had a health scare earlier in the year and I felt we had got closer but the last few weeks he’s stopped talking, although does reply to my texts.. I know only texts and I’m not sure if its out of politeness (we did meet up and go on dates too). It’s like he’s flipped a 180 to what he was like before.

I know I’m overreacting but we met up when he was finally well enough and it really seemed like he was up for giving us a go. He said he wanted to make the most of his life and gave the impression he was ready to open up to a relationship again after being hurt by his ex.

Anyway, this has really knocked me. I feel like I don’t want to get close to anyone again as I’ve also been hurt in the past and I really trusted this man. I’m also kind of upset I’ll miss out on things in life- closeness, family holidays and having someone truly want the best for me if that makes sense? My friends and family are all married or in relationships, some with kids and I am the one often left out- feeling sorry for myself I suppose.

Hats off if you can understand this- my head is a bit of a mess hence the jumbled post and I guess I wanted to get it off my chest. Sorry..

We all miss those things it’s totally normal! You can be totally happy single (I think I am) and still feel a tinge of sadness, especially when it’s happening all around you. Your bound to feel like that after you had a connection for a few years! You won’t miss out though on those things they just won’t be with him. Don’t give up but do give yourself time to heal it’s crazy to me how men can just switch up so quickly!