Dating after lockdown #20 I’m done. Too late to become a nun?

[al255]

So I went out for a few drinks with a (girl) friend last night so text Thursday date man I was going out for some drinks, he went “ooooooh really where to” and I said oh it’s not a date or anything just meeting a mate for drinks he said he couldn’t say anything even if it was but he said he is meeting anyone else either. Waiting for him to confirm next Saturday not holding my breath though… I also told him jokingly in convo I don’t want a pen pal. I’m also talking to a guy from Hinge (yes Hinge!!) he seems lovely, and is a big texter, he was sending me voice notes and he’s got a lovely soft northern accent. Lives 10 mins away too. If Thursday date man can’t confirm next Sat will arrange to see this guy instead. Keeping my options open (as I should!)

 

[Bagpuss7]

Second date tonight is off, he's ill apparently. He apologised and asked if we can reschedule to Sunday instead. Waste of my nervous energy today!

I'm paranoid this means he's not keen, because Commitmentphobe guy was ill and rescheduled our second date and look how that turned out. I know that's really silly and they're totally unrelated but... Yeah. Gonna go get my nails done instead!

I guess you have to ask yourself if he's worth all the emotional angst you are putting yourself through? I get that people feel unwell but I'm always suspicious when they reschedule and state another day whilst they are ill ? So how do you know you will be better by that day? Always raises a red flag for me and causes me to question what or who has given them a more interesting offer!

Saying that he may genuinely be ill!

So I went out for a few drinks with a (girl) friend last night so text Thursday date man I was going out for some drinks, he went “ooooooh really where to” and I said oh it’s not a date or anything just meeting a mate for drinks he said he couldn’t say anything even if it was but he said he is meeting anyone else either. Waiting for him to confirm next Saturday not holding my breath though… I also told him jokingly in convo I don’t want a pen pal. I’m also talking to a guy from Hinge (yes Hinge!!) he seems lovely, and is a big texter, he was sending me voice notes and he’s got a lovely soft northern accent. Lives 10 mins away too. If Thursday date man can’t confirm next Sat will arrange to see this guy instead. Keeping my options open (as I should!)

Why did you feel the need to say it wasn't a date ?

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

So I went out for a few drinks with a (girl) friend last night so text Thursday date man I was going out for some drinks, he went “ooooooh really where to” and I said oh it’s not a date or anything just meeting a mate for drinks he said he couldn’t say anything even if it was but he said he is meeting anyone else either. Waiting for him to confirm next Saturday not holding my breath though… I also told him jokingly in convo I don’t want a pen pal. I’m also talking to a guy from Hinge (yes Hinge!!) he seems lovely, and is a big texter, he was sending me voice notes and he’s got a lovely soft northern accent. Lives 10 mins away too. If Thursday date man can’t confirm next Sat will arrange to see this guy instead. Keeping my options open (as I should!)

He sounds nice! You do right to keep options open that’s what all the ‘dating experts’ recommend and it’s what a lot of men do! It also softens the blow if one of them lets you down. The pen pal bit makes me laugh but it’s so true hinge is actually ok (biased as I never tried tinder and bumble I didn’t like as I’m too shy to make a first move lol) if I was to try online again it would be hinge

 

[al255]

I guess you have to ask yourself if he's worth all the emotional angst you are putting yourself through? I get that people feel unwell but I'm always suspicious when they reschedule and state another day whilst they are ill ? So how do you know you will be better by that day? Always raises a red flag for me and causes me to question what or who has given them a more interesting offer!

Saying that he may genuinely be ill!


Why did you feel the need to say it wasn't a date ?

I didn’t want him thinking it was, and he did say he wasn’t meeting anyone else etc so I felt a bit obliged I mean is that the truth? Who knows. He could be meeting girls weekly but again nothing I could say or do

 

[Bagpuss7]

I didn’t want him thinking it was, and he did say he wasn’t meeting anyone else etc so I felt a bit obliged I mean is that the truth? Who knows. He could be meeting girls weekly but again nothing I could say or do

That's fair enough, was interested as to why you felt the need to reassure him especially as you are so uncertain of his intentions towards you. I don't like to play games tbh but I also think it doesn't hurt to have these flakey men know that we are not sat around waiting for them to throw crumbs in our direction!

Personally I think if you are multi dating you should be upfront about it..I've been hurt in the past by this and its horrible. No one should be an option.

 

[Tangent Tiger]

Getting your nails done seems more appealing than a date to me at the minute! Lol. But in all seriousness, I’d just wait and see if Sunday happens before you worry, and if he does it again then maybe re-evaluate. I get what you mean about a waste of energy I think we all get that nervous build up before a date then it’s like oh not happening so I’ve been a panicky mess for nothing lol. Twice this week I’ve dreamt I’ve had a bf then woke up like girl you ain’t even close but in all honesty I’m not mentally well enough to be dating right now so I’ve taken a back seat lol

This is so so so true, you have to be in the right place. I'm worried about increased costs so need to think about getting more hours before anything else!

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

This is so so so true, you have to be in the right place. I'm worried about increased costs so need to think about getting more hours before anything else!

This is exactly what I’m mean I’m in the middle of hunting for a new job and I can’t with any distractions at the min until I’ve found one! I don’t need anymore disappointments atm and single people are being hit hard with the cost of living one income and all the outgoings ugh

 

[MsCurly]

Well.... For those of you who have been on these threads for a while you will all know I went on a few dates with a guy who kept inviting me to Greece.

This man honestly deserves an award for most persevering and persistent man on the dating scene of Western Europe.
I helped him with some legal issues and I figured that would be all (we have been friendly for a while now), but lo and behold he just asked me out again!

 

[IGiveUp22]

Hey all. I’ve been a bit missing in action but do try to keep up when I can. Hope everyone that’s going on dates/talking to someone that it’s going well!

Not sure if people remember but I was the one who got dumped by my guy (twice) after him doing a literal 180 (twice) after saying he loved me etc. Then kindly told me I caused him depression. Well pretty much 2 weeks after, he met someone else & it’s been plastered all over social media already. We have mutual friends (how I’ve found out) & although I know, In hindsight, we weren’t right & I deserve better I’m still hurt. He did post me whilst we were together but only on his story without tagging me & he changed his profile to private. However, with her, it’s on the story & he tags her, on the grid posts (always at the end of photo dumps of other stuff) & his profile is public. I mean maybe he’s genuinely just met someone he didn’t expect to & she’s everything he wants as it “just wasn’t right with me” (his words) but I just don’t know how you can go from being like he was with me (I love you,meeting friends, family, future plans, no warning he wasn’t into it 100% etc) to 2 weeks later doing all that With a new girl?? And so publicly too?? I’m just like wtf?!
can’t help but compare myself to her & be like “what does she have that I don’t” I don’t know much but she’s younger than me (& him) & appears a bit ditzy/impressionable.
Obviously he basically told me it was something wrong with me why it ended & then for this to happen so quickly it’s just kind of reinforced that there must be something wrong with me & that I wasn’t good enough… just tit

 

[Belle123]

Hey all. I’ve been a bit missing in action but do try to keep up when I can. Hope everyone that’s going on dates/talking to someone that it’s going well!

Not sure if people remember but I was the one who got dumped by my guy (twice) after him doing a literal 180 (twice) after saying he loved me etc. Then kindly told me I caused him depression. Well pretty much 2 weeks after, he met someone else & it’s been plastered all over social media already. We have mutual friends (how I’ve found out) & although I know, In hindsight, we weren’t right & I deserve better I’m still hurt. He did post me whilst we were together but only on his story without tagging me & he changed his profile to private. However, with her, it’s on the story & he tags her, on the grid posts (always at the end of photo dumps of other stuff) & his profile is public. I mean maybe he’s genuinely just met someone he didn’t expect to & she’s everything he wants as it “just wasn’t right with me” (his words) but I just don’t know how you can go from being like he was with me (I love you,meeting friends, family, future plans, no warning he wasn’t into it 100% etc) to 2 weeks later doing all that With a new girl?? And so publicly too?? I’m just like wtf?!
can’t help but compare myself to her & be like “what does she have that I don’t” I don’t know much but she’s younger than me (& him) & appears a bit ditzy/impressionable.
Obviously he basically told me it was something wrong with me why it ended & then for this to happen so quickly it’s just kind of reinforced that there must be something wrong with me & that I wasn’t good enough… just tit

I remember you. I hope you’re doing ok. I’m sorry to hear he did this, but to suggest that it was something about you annoyed me on your behalf at the time of your post. There’s nothing about you in all of this. It’s totally him, his inability to take responsibility for his own actions and how he treats people. Maybe this will crash and burn judging by the sheer level of public postings. Got rebound all over it. On the other hand, if she’s young and impressionable, he’s probably loving the control he couldn’t have with you. I’d feel your feelings and then move on when you’re ready. Don’t you dare think there is something lacking in you - absolutely not! It’s hard, but don’t compare yourself with her. It’s a waste of energy and you’ll hurt yourself. Focus on how wonderful you are. There’s no easy way through it and you will eventually find the strength to stop checking his social media. The right guy is out there waiting for you and will see how lucky he is x

 

[IGiveUp22]

I remember you. I hope you’re doing ok. I’m sorry to hear he did this, but to suggest that it was something about you annoyed me on your behalf at the time of your post. There’s nothing about you in all of this. It’s totally him, his inability to take responsibility for his own actions and how he treats people. Maybe this will crash and burn judging by the sheer level of public postings. Got rebound all over it. On the other hand, if she’s young and impressionable, he’s probably loving the control he couldn’t have with you. I’d feel your feelings and then move on when you’re ready. Don’t you dare think there is something lacking in you - absolutely not! It’s hard, but don’t compare yourself with her. It’s a waste of energy and you’ll hurt yourself. Focus on how wonderful you are. There’s no easy way through it and you will eventually find the strength to stop checking his social media. The right guy is out there waiting for you and will see how lucky he is x

thank you Belle, you were amazing the first time around & again the second time around! I’m really trying to stay rationale in all this & as I say, he did me the biggest favour because who wants to be with someone as fickle as that?!
its just bizarre isn’t it how some “men” behave. I feel like they’re completely wired backwards hopefully I’ll find a nice one eventually xx

 

[Jadejones9596]

Hey all. I’ve been a bit missing in action but do try to keep up when I can. Hope everyone that’s going on dates/talking to someone that it’s going well!

Not sure if people remember but I was the one who got dumped by my guy (twice) after him doing a literal 180 (twice) after saying he loved me etc. Then kindly told me I caused him depression. Well pretty much 2 weeks after, he met someone else & it’s been plastered all over social media already. We have mutual friends (how I’ve found out) & although I know, In hindsight, we weren’t right & I deserve better I’m still hurt. He did post me whilst we were together but only on his story without tagging me & he changed his profile to private. However, with her, it’s on the story & he tags her, on the grid posts (always at the end of photo dumps of other stuff) & his profile is public. I mean maybe he’s genuinely just met someone he didn’t expect to & she’s everything he wants as it “just wasn’t right with me” (his words) but I just don’t know how you can go from being like he was with me (I love you,meeting friends, family, future plans, no warning he wasn’t into it 100% etc) to 2 weeks later doing all that With a new girl?? And so publicly too?? I’m just like wtf?!
can’t help but compare myself to her & be like “what does she have that I don’t” I don’t know much but she’s younger than me (& him) & appears a bit ditzy/impressionable.
Obviously he basically told me it was something wrong with me why it ended & then for this to happen so quickly it’s just kind of reinforced that there must be something wrong with me & that I wasn’t good enough… just tit

Please do not think you are not good enough, to be honest all I got from your post is no way in hell is this man good enough for you! He's done you a favour because you weren't right for each other so essentially he's released you to find someone who is.
It sounds like a rebound thing if I'm honest. He sounds now like he's trying to prove something so therefore isn't really that happy.
Focus on you my lovely. You are so worthy and some lucky man will find that in you soon xxx

I'm having a rotten say gals
I'm so bloody anxious that he's going to cancel on me Tuesday I feel sick.
I wonder whether this is damage from the last guy? Maybe I have gone back into the dating pool too early and I'm still not fully healed?
I think if he does cancel, im going to have to give myself a long time off from dating because I don't think it's still doing me any good.
Does anyone else get anxious like this?
How do you cope?
Appreciate the advice as ever x

 

[Belle123]

thank you Belle, you were amazing the first time around & again the second time around! I’m really trying to stay rationale in all this & as I say, he did me the biggest favour because who wants to be with someone as fickle as that?!
its just bizarre isn’t it how some “men” behave. I feel like they’re completely wired backwards hopefully I’ll find a nice one eventually xx

It’s a conscious process to stay on track and be rational. It’s ok to be upset. I often find someone with a keen desire to plaster things over socials is not actually all that happy. It’s all surface level crap. Honestly, I can’t work out some people and their behaviour; it’s rarely about us and more about them. You’re so right that he did you a favour. I’m glad you can laugh about it and I really hope you keep being positive, because you sound lovely x

Please do not think you are not good enough, to be honest all I got from your post is no way in hell is this man good enough for you! He's done you a favour because you weren't right for each other so essentially he's released you to find someone who is.
It sounds like a rebound thing if I'm honest. He sounds now like he's trying to prove something so therefore isn't really that happy.
Focus on you my lovely. You are so worthy and some lucky man will find that in you soon xxx

I'm having a rotten say gals
I'm so bloody anxious that he's going to cancel on me Tuesday I feel sick.
I wonder whether this is damage from the last guy? Maybe I have gone back into the dating pool too early and I'm still not fully healed?
I think if he does cancel, im going to have to give myself a long time off from dating because I don't think it's still doing me any good.
Does anyone else get anxious like this?
How do you cope?
Appreciate the advice as ever x

Aww I’m sorry to hear this. After what you went through, there’s bound to be some residual effect on you. My advice is to be conscious of it and own your feelings. It’s ok to be anxious but pinpoint why it’s there. What’s the worst that can happen? That he cancels and it’s off with him? Visualise that and then realise, hang on, I’ll be perfectly ok because I went all this time without him, I’m still me, I’m still worthy and he’s not the one. Keep that head high and know it’s a numbers game and he has been an excellent opportunity to dip your toe back in the water and help you heal. I do of course hope it all goes ahead as planned and you have a lovely time! Take deep breaths whenever you feel anxious and remember how strong you are and how little tests like this help move us forward on our own paths. Never force yourself to do anything that makes you feel stressed or anxious. It’s always ok to step back if that’s truly what’s right. Get through this time to the date and see what happens and you will have a clearer perspective x

 

[Jadejones9596]

It’s a conscious process to stay on track and be rational. It’s ok to be upset. I often find someone with a keen desire to plaster things over socials is not actually all that happy. It’s all surface level crap. Honestly, I can’t work out some people and their behaviour; it’s rarely about us and more about them. You’re so right that he did you a favour. I’m glad you can laugh about it and I really hope you keep being positive, because you sound lovely x


Aww I’m sorry to hear this. After what you went through, there’s bound to be some residual effect on you. My advice is to be conscious of it and own your feelings. It’s ok to be anxious but pinpoint why it’s there. What’s the worst that can happen? That he cancels and it’s off with him? Visualise that and then realise, hang on, I’ll be perfectly ok because I went all this time without him, I’m still me, I’m still worthy and he’s not the one. Keep that head high and know it’s a numbers game and he has been an excellent opportunity to dip your toe back in the water and help you heal. I do of course hope it all goes ahead as planned and you have a lovely time! Take deep breaths whenever you feel anxious and remember how strong you are and how little tests like this help move us forward on our own paths. Never force yourself to do anything that makes you feel stressed or anxious. It’s always ok to step back if that’s truly what’s right. Get through this time to the date and see what happens and you will have a clearer perspective x

Oh Belle you are always so lovely and kind, I hope you know how appreciated you are on here. Honestly that's really helped me to read that! Thanks so much xx

 

[Belle123]

Oh Belle you are always so lovely and kind, I hope you know how appreciated you are on here. Honestly that's really helped me to read that! Thanks so much xx

Thank you so much! That’s a very sweet thing to say I’m glad it helped you. I’m rooting for you! x

 

[Kimmylookatme]

Hey all. I’ve been a bit missing in action but do try to keep up when I can. Hope everyone that’s going on dates/talking to someone that it’s going well!

Not sure if people remember but I was the one who got dumped by my guy (twice) after him doing a literal 180 (twice) after saying he loved me etc. Then kindly told me I caused him depression. Well pretty much 2 weeks after, he met someone else & it’s been plastered all over social media already. We have mutual friends (how I’ve found out) & although I know, In hindsight, we weren’t right & I deserve better I’m still hurt. He did post me whilst we were together but only on his story without tagging me & he changed his profile to private. However, with her, it’s on the story & he tags her, on the grid posts (always at the end of photo dumps of other stuff) & his profile is public. I mean maybe he’s genuinely just met someone he didn’t expect to & she’s everything he wants as it “just wasn’t right with me” (his words) but I just don’t know how you can go from being like he was with me (I love you,meeting friends, family, future plans, no warning he wasn’t into it 100% etc) to 2 weeks later doing all that With a new girl?? And so publicly too?? I’m just like wtf?!
can’t help but compare myself to her & be like “what does she have that I don’t” I don’t know much but she’s younger than me (& him) & appears a bit ditzy/impressionable.
Obviously he basically told me it was something wrong with me why it ended & then for this to happen so quickly it’s just kind of reinforced that there must be something wrong with me & that I wasn’t good enough… just tit

This happened exactly to me and it hurts soooo bad! Like with the social media thing; I’m not a huge social media person, but I knew my ex as a friend for sooo long, had seen his pattern of posting etc. Knew his ex was his wallpaper on his phone which sounds such a childish thing to notice but also you can’t help but do it, and he had a photo of her in his wallet. In 18 months he didn’t post one thing about me on social media; all of my friends commented ‘how come you guys go for a day out, and he just reposts the photos you’ve taken of him; but none of you?’ Within 2 weeks of us breaking up his new girlfriend was all over his Instagram; his WhatsApp photo, everything. Don’t have anything of note to say really other than it hurts a lot and I feel ya!
And it’s NOTHING to do with you or her ‘being better’ I can guarantee that.

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@IGiveUp22 Ugh. Yep I've experienced this. It sucks & it's a mind duck. Only one way out and it's through it. Stings like hell. You are in good company though here. Also what is it with the 2 weeks gap between the switch over? Talk about lightening speed & how needy are these guys?
Hey all. I've been reading, not really commenting as trying to keep focused on getting stuff done at home.
I received some wonderful news this weekend. My son & his wife visited and told me they are expecting a baby in Autumn. They lost one last year, so it's especially sweet. My daughter in law is so lovely and I'm so grateful they found each other. So I'm going to be a Grandma which is just amazing.

Excuse all the So's!

 

[DollyDiamondxo]

@IGiveUp22 Ugh. Yep I've experienced this. It sucks & it's a mind duck. Only one way out and it's through it. Stings like hell. You are in good company though here. Also what is it with the 2 weeks gap between the switch over? Talk about lightening speed & how needy are these guys?
Hey all. I've been reading, not really commenting as trying to keep focused on getting stuff done at home.
I received some wonderful news this weekend. My son & his wife visited and told me they are expecting a baby in Autumn. They lost one last year, so it's especially sweet. My daughter in law is so lovely and I'm so grateful they found each other. So I'm going to be a Grandma which is just amazing.

Excuse all the So's!

Awww how lovely congratulations!! That’s super sweet. Nail on head - it’s neediness. They can’t be alone to process any emotions so jump straight into the next thing. We tend to take time to heal n approach new things with caution they go in all guns blazing. The quicker something starts the quicker it ends in my experience lol. I never get posted either makes me wonder if their embarrassed by me mind I have no socials now so it’ll be different next time round as I won’t know anyway lol

 

[al255]

So this guy I’m talking to on Hinge/ now WhatsApp has asked me on a date! So I said maybe Thursday (depends what happens at my appointment) or Saturday. I asked Thursday date man what’s the latest I’d know about him being free (his mum is potentially having his child overnight but needs to confirm) and he said asap.. soooo if he doesn’t wanna go out I’ll go out with this other guy instead. I’m hoping my app won’t last long on Thursday and I’ll be back home at a reasonable time so I can meet him. I’ve got work on Friday too so don’t wanna be a late one Exciting!!!!!! Thursday date man has been annoying me still with his lack of texting, and this other guy is making loads of effort etc so. I guess I’ll meet him and see!

 

[TillyMiffin]

This happened exactly to me and it hurts soooo bad! Like with the social media thing; I’m not a huge social media person, but I knew my ex as a friend for sooo long, had seen his pattern of posting etc. Knew his ex was his wallpaper on his phone which sounds such a childish thing to notice but also you can’t help but do it, and he had a photo of her in his wallet. In 18 months he didn’t post one thing about me on social media; all of my friends commented ‘how come you guys go for a day out, and he just reposts the photos you’ve taken of him; but none of you?’ Within 2 weeks of us breaking up his new girlfriend was all over his Instagram; his WhatsApp photo, everything. Don’t have anything of note to say really other than it hurts a lot and I feel ya!
And it’s NOTHING to do with you or her ‘being better’ I can guarantee that.

Christ this is so familiar! Had this exact issue, his fb was full of pics of his ex, when he used to go out with female friends he’d post pics etc, never of us. When he got together with my friend they announced it on fb and he tagged her in everything. He did it with me in the first year then nothing. Absolutely messed with my head. It’s all done deliberately as a cruel game to make us question ourselves. I would see this as a huge red flag in future.