As long as it's acceptable to both of you there is no problem as far as I'm concerned. Doesn't matter what anyone else thinks
Dating after lockdown #18 Show me your c*ck and I will block
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Our first date was just over two weeks ago, so it's averaged two dates a week. Not full weekends, we spent Saturday/Saturday night/Sunday morn this weekend just gone, though.
Gonna give him the benefit of the doubt but chill out and not message again. He runs a business so is understandably busy, and he knows I'm away this weekend (and asked me to tell him about a specific bit of it when I experience it), so I suppose options were a bit limited this week anyway.
Just checking in and hoping you are all ok? I've not really read the thread much as I don't feel I can offer any advice when I'm feeling how I'm feeling. It would be hypocritical of me to try and preach being strong and knowing your own worth when I'm I mess 
I'm still in bits about Mr Birthday Gig. My mental health is really taking a hit at the moment
I just feel heart broken and I don't know how to get rid of the feeling,is it normal to feel this upset? I booked my driving test yesterday and the first person I wanted to tell was him
I'm still in bits about Mr Birthday Gig. My mental health is really taking a hit at the moment
I just feel heart broken and I don't know how to get rid of the feeling,is it normal to feel this upset? I booked my driving test yesterday and the first person I wanted to tell was him
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i know I’m new here but I have kept up (I think) with peoples stories. I honestly know how you’re feeling right now, as unfortunately going through it myself & it’s very fresh & it’s so so tit. No one can tell you what’s “normal” in how you’re feeling - they’re your feelings which you’re entitled to feel. Take one day at a time & try your best to keep yourself busy. I don’t have any magic words or advice that makes it stop hurting (I wish I did) but please do look after yourself. No man is worth your own mental health & as hard as it is not to nose dive (currently trying to stop myself doing exactly this) try find that strength. Allow yourself to go through the motions & get upset but also try do some things to improve your mood like exercise, hobbies, reading etc. it’s very cliche but time is what will make you better & I have to remind myself of all this.But also, if you feel like you are really struggling, please reach out to your GP or a charity to get some professional support.Just checking in and hoping you are all ok? I've not really read the thread much as I don't feel I can offer any advice when I'm feeling what I'm feeling. It would be hypocritical of me to try and preach being strong and knowing your own worth when I'm I mess
I'm still in bits about Mr Birthday Gig. My mental health is really taking a hit at the moment
sending you lots of love, you’ll get through it in time but I know it’s hard
xxExactly...what business is it of anyone else? If you have common ground, enjoy their company why would you let something as meaningless as age ruin things? Grab happiness where you can ..life is short
Are you perhaps overthinking ? Sounds like he's giving you attention, perhaps not as much as you would like but he's spending time with you.. it sounds like you both have lots on at the moment so it's understandable? Overthinking Is the killer of joy in my experience
it’s completely normal to feel like that, it’s still so recent and you can’t just wipe out the feelings you had for himJust checking in and hoping you are all ok? I've not really read the thread much as I don't feel I can offer any advice when I'm feeling how I'm feeling. It would be hypocritical of me to try and preach being strong and knowing your own worth when I'm I mess
I'm still in bits about Mr Birthday Gig. My mental health is really taking a hit at the moment
huge congratulations for booking your test, that’s a big step! we’ll be sending you lots of happy driving vibes
i’m in full men are trash mode today as one of my favourite work colleagues is being ghosted by her boyfriend of ten months after he met her parents last weekend, hasn’t contacted her for three days and a friend of hers has seen him on tinder, why are men like this, it’s so cowardly.
It's the wondering and over thinking which is so damaging the..does he miss me,is he already on tinder questions, they are hitting hard. And I know it's so unhealthy. And obviously I know deep down if he liked me enough then he would have made it work but it's still so tit!i know I’m new here but I have kept up (I think) with peoples stories. I honestly know how you’re feeling right now, as unfortunately going through it myself & it’s very fresh & it’s so so tit. No one can tell you what’s “normal” in how you’re feeling - they’re your feelings which you’re entitled to feel. Take one day at a time & try your best to keep yourself busy. I don’t have any magic words or advice that makes it stop hurting (I wish I did) but please do look after yourself. No man is worth your own mental health & as hard as it is not to nose dive (currently trying to stop myself doing exactly this) try find that strength. Allow yourself to go through the motions & get upset but also try do some things to improve your mood like exercise, hobbies, reading etc. it’s very cliche but time is what will make you better & I have to remind myself of all this.But also, if you feel like you are really struggling, please reach out to your GP or a charity to get some professional support.
sending you lots of love, you’ll get through it in time but I know it’s hard
Last Wednesday I had a full on melt down and my uncle had to come and spend the day with me,my 65 year old uncle
how pathetic am I?! Thank you for being so lovely
Agreed - I know it’s really hard and scary but I recently reached out to a counsellor (very lucky to be able to pay for it - I know it’s not the same for everyone) but it helped me SO much even after 1 session to clarify my thoughts and have a third party view on the issue. I was amazed how much lighter I felt after one session and how your mindset can shift.i know I’m new here but I have kept up (I think) with peoples stories. I honestly know how you’re feeling right now, as unfortunately going through it myself & it’s very fresh & it’s so so tit. No one can tell you what’s “normal” in how you’re feeling - they’re your feelings which you’re entitled to feel. Take one day at a time & try your best to keep yourself busy. I don’t have any magic words or advice that makes it stop hurting (I wish I did) but please do look after yourself. No man is worth your own mental health & as hard as it is not to nose dive (currently trying to stop myself doing exactly this) try find that strength. Allow yourself to go through the motions & get upset but also try do some things to improve your mood like exercise, hobbies, reading etc. it’s very cliche but time is what will make you better & I have to remind myself of all this.But also, if you feel like you are really struggling, please reach out to your GP or a charity to get some professional support.
sending you lots of love, you’ll get through it in time but I know it’s hard
Sending a hugJust checking in and hoping you are all ok? I've not really read the thread much as I don't feel I can offer any advice when I'm feeling how I'm feeling. It would be hypocritical of me to try and preach being strong and knowing your own worth when I'm I mess
I'm still in bits about Mr Birthday Gig. My mental health is really taking a hit at the moment
I think it's perfectly normal to go through a morning period when a relationship ends especially one that you were very invested in. But ...I also think it's wise to keep perspective and to not wear rose coloured glasses and over romantise how the relationship was. If I remember correctly there were issues with him, he caused you uncertainty and you had lots of mixed signals and behaviour from him so there were problems with him right from the start of the relationship, not a good basis to build on...I'm a great believer in that it's no one else's job to make me happy, that's my job and whilst it's ok to feel sad and its important to work through your emotions it's also very necessary that you find your happy again. All these men do is rob us of our joy and precious days. Don't let him do that to you
It’s gut wrenching. I know it really doesn’t feel like it right now, but I promise it will pass. You won’t bounce back straight away, no matter how much you want to, or those around you want you to. Take your time. There’s a difference between going through the motions and feeling your emotions - grieving basically - and dwelling/obsessing. Dwelling is if you don’t move an inch forward over weeks/months because you’re obsessing over the whys and what ifs. Don’t lose perspective on him and the sides to him that weren’t so great after all. One day you won’t think about sharing any news with him. I know you want him back and for this nightmare to be over. It’s because you have all these feelings and love and no way of directing them at him. You have to direct it all at yourself, and booking your driving test is an amazing start! I really wish you luck with it. This is not about you being not good enough or any crap like that, ok? It’s him. He decided, selfishly rather late, that he wasn’t ready and/or you weren’t properly matched. Let him go. Take it day by day and let your emotions out when they hit. Type out any message you want to send to him but don’t send. Don’t give him any satisfaction. Read over it in time and you’ll realise, did I really feel like that?! You won’t recognise yourself in any of that eventually. One day it will feel lighter. How lovely of your uncle. That’s what you need - reliable people to show you care and love. Distract yourself by spending time with them xJust checking in and hoping you are all ok? I've not really read the thread much as I don't feel I can offer any advice when I'm feeling how I'm feeling. It would be hypocritical of me to try and preach being strong and knowing your own worth when I'm I mess
I'm still in bits about Mr Birthday Gig. My mental health is really taking a hit at the moment
agree with this on every levelI'm a great believer in that it's no one else's job to make me happy, that's my job and whilst it's ok to feel sad and its important to work through your emotions it's also very necessary that you find your happy again. All these men do is rob us of our joy and precious days. Don't let him do that to you
WTF?! I despair of what online dating is doing to people.it’s completely normal to feel like that, it’s still so recent and you can’t just wipe out the feelings you had for him
huge congratulations for booking your test, that’s a big step! we’ll be sending you lots of happy driving vibes
i’m in full men are trash mode today as one of my favourite work colleagues is being ghosted by her boyfriend of ten months after he met her parents last weekend, hasn’t contacted her for three days and a friend of hers has seen him on tinder, why are men like this, it’s so cowardly.
Me too! This is the key!agree with this on every level
You're so right, I'm definitely overthinking. And I shouldn't let overthinking kill the joy of having a few nice dates! Gah, off to Google "how to stop overthinking"Are you perhaps overthinking ? Sounds like he's giving you attention, perhaps not as much as you would like but he's spending time with you.. it sounds like you both have lots on at the moment so it's understandable? Overthinking Is the killer of joy in my experience
Everything used to be so easy but now with these tit ghosting experiences on dating apps, I'm paranoid that everyone is going to be a tit and ghost me eventually
same
i read an article recently about the number of people “living single” between 30-50 years old is the highest ever on record and i truly blame online dating for that. it makes people so nonchalant with peoples’ feelings. @Mr Sparkle - it’s very easy to get into the worrying mindset, i’ve absolutely been there and i feel like it’s going to be worse when i’m next dating because of what happened to me last time, BUT you cannot let that spoil the joy of something good. ultimately whatever is going to happen will happen. just enjoy yourself and go with the flow of what it is now. he sounds like a decent person and you enjoy his company. focus on that rather that things that may or may not happen, we’ll all be sending good vibes
Communication is key too ...as much as you can, without scaring him off
, be open and honest with him. Men aren't mind readers. He clearly likes you, is interested in your day , and wants to spend time with you when life allows..try to just live in the moment and not look for possible troubles ahead which may or may not happen!Ghosting is absolutely crappy behaviour but we have no control over it so no point worrying if maybe might it happen
I’m sure I’ve said it in here before but the apps are literally designed like a game, ergo people have this feeling that if they pick one they might miss out on winning a higher level. And the apps don’t want you to couple up. They want people to come back so they make more money.
I’ve caved and arranged to see my guy on Friday (daytime) but I’ve made it clear it’s just us as friends and I make no promises that I’ll still be here when he’s ready.
I keep thinking about re downloading the apps but don’t know if I can deal with f boys right now or the effort of having to get to know someone all over again.
I mean this with total humility - it wasn’t this hard before I’m sure. You met someone, got on, flirted, decided to be together. I know I’ve been lucky before that the few people I’ve had feelings for have reciprocated but I can’t see anything has majorly changed other than the online element skewing everything for a whole swarm of men to be behaving this way.
I’ve caved and arranged to see my guy on Friday (daytime) but I’ve made it clear it’s just us as friends and I make no promises that I’ll still be here when he’s ready.
I keep thinking about re downloading the apps but don’t know if I can deal with f boys right now or the effort of having to get to know someone all over again.
I mean this with total humility - it wasn’t this hard before I’m sure. You met someone, got on, flirted, decided to be together. I know I’ve been lucky before that the few people I’ve had feelings for have reciprocated but I can’t see anything has majorly changed other than the online element skewing everything for a whole swarm of men to be behaving this way.
It was so much more simple before apps, I agree. There was no second-guessing - we fancy each other, let's spend time together, let's get into a relationship.
Now it's like - we fancy each other, we have a good time together, but what if you think there's someone more perfect for you and toss me back into the sea? Blegh. Hope you have a good time on Friday, whatever happens
Thank you for your advice, you're so bang on. This can be a good test of my latest efforts to meditate more - I'm going to let it happen, enjoy myself without overthinking any more, and see/enjoy whatever happens next week.Communication is key too ...as much as you can, without scaring him off
Ghosting is absolutely crappy behaviour but we have no control over it so no point worrying if maybe might it happen
Agree about the communication, it’s suuuch a key element. And the right person will want you to be open about your feelings etc so that they can change their behaviour accordingly if appropriate or reassure you - and it won’t scare them off! But equally (and I say this as a chronic over thinker and obsesser haha) you have to recognise when it is just your brain playing cruel tricks on you and creating things to worry over that aren’t really there. It’s a fine line between trusting your gut and allowing your imagination to run away with itself, especially if you’ve been caught out or hurt before.Communication is key too ...as much as you can, without scaring him off
Ghosting is absolutely crappy behaviour but we have no control over it so no point worrying if maybe might it happen
I think the best thing you can do is look at the evidence of what’s actually happening. If someone still wants to spend physical time with you, the level of communication dropping a bit in between probably isn’t worth reading into too much. If everything grinds to a halt - in person contact and messaging or whatever, then time to reassess.
Also always remember once I was in the middle of a huge panic about my relationship with my ex, and I wanted to speak/vent to my mum at a really specific time when I knew he’d be out of the house about a conversation I was gearing up to have with him. And her husband (who isn’t generally particularly astute to be honest) just didn’t get it; he said ‘if a relationship’s potentially going to end just because someone brings up how they’re feeling, it’s not much of a relationship anyway is it?’ And I think that was bang on.
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Thanks @Kimmylookatme and Bagpuss. (Also, love your username - Kim I've got two words to say to you... Communication. Is. KEY!
)I'm going to do exactly what you've said and go by the facts presented, instead of layering on all my previous experiences and worries. And if we do see each other next week, maybe that's the time to see where we think this is going.
Bit of a tangent but I know some of you have children and must have been in this scenario before (so have i but it felt different for whatever reason, plus I definitely made mistakes.) bit of context I introduced my ex to my children after 9/10 months of being together (had known him for 7 years though.) that was In October time of that year and we broke up April of the next. I was absolutely furious that he’d agreed not to come into their lives unless he was completely sure but he admitted once we broke up he’d been having doubts since the bloody summer. All in all, it wasn’t ideal - we reached a point where they’d both formed a bond with him (youngest more than oldest) and my youngest still asks about him now and when he’s ‘coming back’ as to her he’s just mummy’s best friend and she doesn’t understand etc. Neither of them are traumatised from it or anything; the eldest just thinks he’s a bit of a knob and laughs about it now. Fast forward to now and they have met my current partner very casually (obviously thought long and hard about introducing someone else beforehand etc.) I guess any advice on how to kind of step it up to a point where, if all goes to plan, we would potentially be living together within the next year or so? What’s an appropriate way to increase contact but in a way that isn’t going to mess them up if god forbid it does all go tits up? I feel like I’ve been more cautious both times than either of my parents were but clearly it hasn’t been enough.
Also, anyone else who has children find the pressure of being with someone who doesn’t and them seeing your parenting weirdly terrifying?! Like, he wants to have children one day so I feel like it’s kind of unfair he gets to see my haphazard parenting and judge it whereas I don’t have a clue what he’d be like
Also, anyone else who has children find the pressure of being with someone who doesn’t and them seeing your parenting weirdly terrifying?! Like, he wants to have children one day so I feel like it’s kind of unfair he gets to see my haphazard parenting and judge it whereas I don’t have a clue what he’d be like
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