Dating after lockdown #18 Show me your c*ck and I will block

[Fledgling Psycho]

It's a stereotype with a lot of truth in it that Muslim guys are bleeping around and with you, but they'll inevitably marry a nice Muslim girl/woman and you'll be history. Seen it many times.

I was musing this morning about online dating. Thinking about those fairground booths that you put money in and a mechanical claw jerks around to pick up something from the array of goodies on the bottom. Now you are hoping and wishing to get the lovely fluffy cuddly toy, but to your disappointment it picks up a plastic bead bracelet. It's not what you really wanted but you try to be happy with it.
Very soon it breaks, maybe the day you got it, two days later or even a week but there it goes and you wonder why you couldn't have that cute teddy bear!

I do have a bit of a story myself about an online wastrel but I can't even be bothered to type it out! That's where I'm at regarding these men if you can call them that. Lily livered cowards more like.

 

[IGiveUp22]

Update on my situation: my guy (or should I say not my guy) kindly told me last night he feels loads better ending things so it was obvious me/us that was causing his depression…
I’ve now blocked him.
I’m deeply hurt but still trying to see it from his side - if that’s genuinely the case then he’s obviously made the best choice for the both of us.
however, the way he’s gone about it has quite frankly being horrible & extremely heartless.
literally 2 days prior to this he’s telling me he loves me & I mean everything to him & he can’t wait to spend forever with me. He’s not even actually said “I’m sorry for hurting you” he’s not even said the words “I’m sorry” at all.
i don’t want to be with a man like this, that’s capable of lying to someone to such an extreme or a man that doesn’t actually love me despite saying he does or someone that doesn’t want to be with me so he’s done me a favour.
unfortunately what it has done is left me questioning myself - what is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Why didn’t I see the truth? Was I THAT bad that someone had to “convince” (his words) themselves to want to be with me? Was I THAT bad that I effected someone else mental health negatively just by being me?
i keep replaying over the last few months for the signs & I can’t find any. If anything we were on track to becoming official & booking a holiday! I just don’t understand because apparently all that was fake…how can you do that to a person? How can you do all this relationship stuff, do all the stuff he’s said & done on a day to day basis but then turn around & say “actually I just did all that to convince myself I wanted to be with you” that’s not okay & it’s not normal
Im hoping this side of things will fade with time but it’s hurting a lot right now. I can feel myself slipping & id worked so hard after my toxic relationship to get my self-worth to where it was when I met this guy. He’s just destroyed it all in a few sentences & has no idea of the damage he’s done

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

@IGiveUp22 I'm so sorry you're hurting like this. It's only time I'm afraid that heals. I'm nearly two years on from a similar scenario and it still plays on my mind. I don't think I'll ever trust again but I'm a lot stronger and don't want any tit in my life. Take great care of yourself.

 

[Annyct]

I’ve seen a lot during my online dating period, but your guy easily takes the cake @Annyct …Why did he even bring it up? That’s literally the most random excuse! If his faith was important to him he would have made it clear first thing. I don’t date Muslim guys as a rule because most of them are looking for a very specific type of woman which is everything I’m not. A shame, I’ve met some really handsome Turkish men.

I’ve binned Mr. Flight Attendant because he kept asking for my Facebook all while making very boring conversation. When I did not reply to him within 20 minutes he sent me a smiley face. I don’t know whether he was being passive aggressive or trying to get my attention but, either way, a big no from me. I think I’m going to stay away from the apps and just follow your ladies’ stories and see if I can give some advice. Don’t want to waste my time on fruitless conversations and boring guys anymore.

On a more lighthearted note, what is everyone’s type? We’ve discussed red flags, green flags, character traits, but what about looks? I’ll start: I like dark-haired men, not too tall, preferably around 5’10”-5’11”, with nice eyebrows and a defined jawline/cheekbones.

that’s the thing it was so random and he forgot I followed him on ig I checked his tagged photos turned out hehad a gf he obviously panicked as it got near to our arranged date and apparently the first thought that came to his head was ill have to say I’m a Muslim

 

[Clickbait]

Update on my situation: my guy (or should I say not my guy) kindly told me last night he feels loads better ending things so it was obvious me/us that was causing his depression…
I’ve now blocked him.
I’m deeply hurt but still trying to see it from his side - if that’s genuinely the case then he’s obviously made the best choice for the both of us.
however, the way he’s gone about it has quite frankly being horrible & extremely heartless.
literally 2 days prior to this he’s telling me he loves me & I mean everything to him & he can’t wait to spend forever with me. He’s not even actually said “I’m sorry for hurting you” he’s not even said the words “I’m sorry” at all.
i don’t want to be with a man like this, that’s capable of lying to someone to such an extreme or a man that doesn’t actually love me despite saying he does or someone that doesn’t want to be with me so he’s done me a favour.
unfortunately what it has done is left me questioning myself - what is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Why didn’t I see the truth? Was I THAT bad that someone had to “convince” (his words) themselves to want to be with me? Was I THAT bad that I effected someone else mental health negatively just by being me?
i keep replaying over the last few months for the signs & I can’t find any. If anything we were on track to becoming official & booking a holiday! I just don’t understand because apparently all that was fake…how can you do that to a person? How can you do all this relationship stuff, do all the stuff he’s said & done on a day to day basis but then turn around & say “actually I just did all that to convince myself I wanted to be with you” that’s not okay & it’s not normal
Im hoping this side of things will fade with time but it’s hurting a lot right now. I can feel myself slipping & id worked so hard after my toxic relationship to get my self-worth to where it was when I met this guy. He’s just destroyed it all in a few sentences & has no idea of the damage he’s done

Concentrate on the facts:
Do you believe you manipulated him into a relationship?
Did you blackmail him or gaslight him into being in a relationship with you?
Did you mentally or emotionally abuse him?
Did you threaten him or his family if he didn’t say he loved you and wanted to be with you?
I’m guessing the answer to the above is no.

It is very convenient for this man to suggest you are the cause of his problems and he’s magically fixed now you and the pressure of being in a relationship are out of his life. In reality I think that is very unlikely and it’s a really weird and insulting thing to even suggest which makes me think he’s either not well mentally or he is a selfish hole.

Even if he had convinced himself a relationship was what he wanted and then changed his mind, you did not coerce him into either state. He did it all himself. You can’t be held accountable for his decisions and moreover you’re the one who has been really hurt by them.

I totally understand that self worth is a fragile thing and you’ve taken a massive knock to that and your confidence by his behaviour. Sadly, we all often find our self worth is tied up in other people’s opinions of us, and whether we are seen as attractive, wanted and loveable.

You simply can’t control the way that other people think or behave. You have to be enough for yourself, and realise that you’re a good person and you don’t deserve his

 

[IGiveUp22]

Concentrate on the facts:
Do you believe you manipulated him into a relationship?
Did you blackmail him or gaslight him into being in a relationship with you?
Did you mentally or emotionally abuse him?
Did you threaten him or his family if he didn’t say he loved you and wanted to be with you?
I’m guessing the answer to the above is no.

It is very convenient for this man to suggest you are the cause of his problems and he’s magically fixed now you and the pressure of being in a relationship are out of his life. In reality I think that is very unlikely and it’s a really weird and insulting thing to even suggest which makes me think he’s either not well mentally or he is a selfish hole.

Even if he had convinced himself a relationship was what he wanted and then changed his mind, you did not coerce him into either state. He did it all himself. You can’t be held accountable for his decisions and moreover you’re the one who has been really hurt by them.

I totally understand that self worth is a fragile thing and you’ve taken a massive knock to that and your confidence by his behaviour. Sadly, we all often find our self worth is tied up in other people’s opinions of us, and whether we are seen as attractive, wanted and loveable.

You simply can’t control the way that other people think or behave. You have to be enough for yourself, and realise that you’re a good person and you don’t deserve his

Thank you so much, this made me cry.
you’re right in everything you’ve said. Thank you again, I know I will be okay in time it’s just horrible having that said to you.

 

[Kimmylookatme]

Update on my situation: my guy (or should I say not my guy) kindly told me last night he feels loads better ending things so it was obvious me/us that was causing his depression…
I’ve now blocked him.
I’m deeply hurt but still trying to see it from his side - if that’s genuinely the case then he’s obviously made the best choice for the both of us.
however, the way he’s gone about it has quite frankly being horrible & extremely heartless.
literally 2 days prior to this he’s telling me he loves me & I mean everything to him & he can’t wait to spend forever with me. He’s not even actually said “I’m sorry for hurting you” he’s not even said the words “I’m sorry” at all.
i don’t want to be with a man like this, that’s capable of lying to someone to such an extreme or a man that doesn’t actually love me despite saying he does or someone that doesn’t want to be with me so he’s done me a favour.
unfortunately what it has done is left me questioning myself - what is wrong with me? What did I do wrong? Why didn’t I see the truth? Was I THAT bad that someone had to “convince” (his words) themselves to want to be with me? Was I THAT bad that I effected someone else mental health negatively just by being me?
i keep replaying over the last few months for the signs & I can’t find any. If anything we were on track to becoming official & booking a holiday! I just don’t understand because apparently all that was fake…how can you do that to a person? How can you do all this relationship stuff, do all the stuff he’s said & done on a day to day basis but then turn around & say “actually I just did all that to convince myself I wanted to be with you” that’s not okay & it’s not normal
Im hoping this side of things will fade with time but it’s hurting a lot right now. I can feel myself slipping & id worked so hard after my toxic relationship to get my self-worth to where it was when I met this guy. He’s just destroyed it all in a few sentences & has no idea of the damage he’s done

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this and he’s been such a dick. I had a very very similar scenario too where my ex basically said being with me had made him depressed, after I turned my whole world upside down to be with him. He did the same - one month I love you, want to marry you - next month he just ‘couldn’t be happy’ with me. It hurts like hell but it’ll get easier over time and you’ll realise you are NOT and never were the problem x

 

[IGiveUp22]

I’m so sorry you’re feeling like this and he’s been such a dick. I had a very very similar scenario too where my ex basically said being with me had made him depressed, after I turned my whole world upside down to be with him. He did the same - one month I love you, want to marry you - next month he just ‘couldn’t be happy’ with me. It hurts like hell but it’ll get easier over time and you’ll realise you are NOT and never were the problem x

I’m so sorry you’ve been through it too Kimmy. How can they do things like this to someone who cares so much about them?! It’s just baffling. I just wish I could skip to the part where I’m over it & I realise I wasn’t the problem xx

 

[Kimmylookatme]

I’m so sorry you’ve been through it too Kimmy. How can they do things like this to someone who cares so much about them?! It’s just baffling. I just wish I could skip to the part where I’m over it & I realise I wasn’t the problem xx

Yeah that’s what makes you feel shittiest isn’t it, the fact you poured your whole self into them (which is never healthy but we’ve all done it with someone!) and would have done almost anything for them but it’s not enough. But that doesn’t mean that we did anything wrong (apart from wasting our time on the wrong person, but we weren’t to know!)

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Four years ago when I was on Tinder there was a profile using the pictures of David Lemieux a Canadian boxer.
I messaged "wow you look very like David Lemieux" and was blocked instantly!

He probably thought no one knew who he was. Lots of photos at home & with the daughter.

I'm pretty certain DL wouldn't be on Tinder!! Or would he?

 

[Greencatfysh]

Four years ago when I was on Tinder there was a profile using the pictures of David Lemieux a Canadian boxer.
I messaged "wow you look very like David Lemieux" and was blocked instantly!

He probably thought no one knew who he was. Lots of photos at home & with the daughter.

I'm pretty certain DL wouldn't be on Tinder!! Or would he?

Prob just a catfish, quite common for people to use famous guys’ pictures for their profile

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

Prob just a catfish, quite common for people to use famous guys’ pictures for their profile

Hahaha. Imagine meeting up and then some bald guy, topless, grey trackie bottoms holding a fish shows up.

 

[SpindleWhorl]

I have me 2nd date this afternoon, hope it goes well so excited x

 

[unidentified]

I have me 2nd date this afternoon, hope it goes well so excited x

Have fun

 

[Belle123]

I have me 2nd date this afternoon, hope it goes well so excited x

Enjoy! Hope it goes well

 

[Fledgling Psycho]

I have me 2nd date this afternoon, hope it goes well so excited x

Hope it goes really well.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Hey Everyone, I hope you have great weekends

I am sorry, but I didn't manage to keep up with the thread and need to go back to catch-up.

But I wanted to give you a little update (and please excuse my cynical tone):
My latest guy, the one who was "busy" last Sunday when I suggested doing something outside, told me we had no common interests.
Apparently I like Netflix and he likes meditation. So: nothing in common.

I do wonder why he called my yesterday at lunch time for over an hour until I told him I had to go... what were we talking about? It wasn't Netflix and it wasn't mediation.
I also wonder why he borrowed some of my books and found them "inspirational" and bookmarked some of the travel suggestions I had give him.

I asked him whether the last times he came round were booty calls and he said he didn't come over just for sex but "also for sex".

I thought he liked me but maybe he was just pretending to get me into bed.
As soon as we had sex he never suggested meeting outside, like for dinner or to go for a walk, again. At least I figured it out pretty quickly.

Well... another one bites the dust.

 

[Thank(space)you]

Hey Everyone, I hope you have great weekends

I am sorry, but I didn't manage to keep up with the thread and need to go back to catch-up.

But I wanted to give you a little update (and please excuse my cynical tone):
My latest guy, the one who was "busy" last Sunday when I suggested doing something outside, told me we had no common interests.
Apparently I like Netflix and he likes meditation. So: nothing in common.

I do wonder why he called my yesterday at lunch time for over an hour until I told him I had to go... what were we talking about? It wasn't Netflix and it wasn't mediation.
I also wonder why he borrowed some of my books and found them "inspirational" and bookmarked some of the travel suggestions I had give him.

I asked him whether the last times he came round were booty calls and he said he didn't come over just for sex but "also for sex".

I thought he liked me but maybe he was just pretending to get me into bed.
As soon as we had sex he never suggested meeting outside, like for dinner or to go for a walk, again. At least I figured it out pretty quickly.

Well... another one bites the dust.

People are such assholes, I'm sorry he's messed you around

 

[Agent Cooper]

What an idiot @whathastheworldcometo! It is his problem and his loss, please don’t blame yourself. I know it hurts now, but you are lucky you got rid of him quite early on. His behaviour is just trash taking itself out. I’m sure you will find someone much better soon!