Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[NoseyNiamh]

Yeah I think at this point he’s putting off seeing her as he knows he may potentially want to get back with her but I’ve told him they both need closure either way!

Well this is very unfair for you!
I hate giving them but an ultimatum is needed.
He should not have got involved with someone if he still has feelings for her.
I am still madly in love with my ex I know its causing me issues actually meeting someone but I have acknowledged that !

 

[BunnyLebowski]

How does he know about your assets ?

I guess it started with talking about our jobs…then our kids and me mentioning I have a lodger in my spare bedroom…..so I live in Brighton, I work from home, my daughter has her own room, so does the lodger obviously. He did offer to work on my garden before that so it could be legit.

He said he has a one bedroom flat but he loves it. Fine by me so long as he supports his child and himself.

I think I’m burnt because my ex was such a cocklodger…but I don‘t want to judge a man because he works with his hands () and doesn’t have a corporate pension, because I could be ruling out a lot of good men. Also….you all know I like a bit of rough.

 

[Captainmouse]

@ATV2021 How are you doing? You’ve been quiet. Hope you’re well.

She was talking about deleting her account as somebody upset her

 

[ATV2021]

this is a good video too

 

[PiesAndLattes]

If you look at it another way @PiesAndLattes you might be projecting all these wonderful character traits onto someone you barely know who could have turned out to be a total arse.

The positive from this is that you put yourself out there and were open to meeting someone and seeing where things went.

Thanks, I do agree that I barely do know him and he could have been a total arse but from face value he was pretty genuine and open about a lot of things. I dipped my toe in the pond but I’m taking it out and taking a break haha.

I can relate to that.
I decided to date the guy that now recently moved over the summer and it did hurt to think about his move. He was the one that brought me the orange roses when we met one last time last weekend. We also got on well, did lots of nice things together and the sex was amazing, but there were also things I didn't like - he was a bit selfish and had ghosted/ignored me for a week a few times.

I try not to think about him, but also met a few other guys on the apps, although I don't like any of them.

A break can't hurt, you can decide how short or long.
What other things would you like to get into? Specific hobbies?

Pilates for one, just re-opened here! Reading more now university is over and getting back into hiking

 

[lurkingaround123]

I’d have lost interest in that about 3 weeks ago It’s hard to keep up momentum with day to day small talk if it’s not leading to something, it just gets tedious.

I need to meet someone face to face to actually form any kind of feeling towards them, otherwise I genuinely stop caring, probably sounds so sly but most men age 25-35 seem to be quite boring apart from going out with their mates at the weekend, and I find it awkward answering loads of questions about all the random stuff i do over message like some weird interview.

Why not just ask him if he’s planning to ask you out on a date or if he’s just looking for someone to talk to. If it’s the latter politely explain that it’s not something you want to continue, all the best, perhaps update your Tinder profile to mention you’re looking for virtual friends etc.

Wish I thought of this before I fizzled the conversation down to nothing really awkwardly I just find the confidence of a man asking you out really attractive, I'm just thinking to myself how silly it probably sounds because I can't control how people are, but I suppose I can rule them out as not for me

 

[Wowitsme]

I think you’re probably right. I so want to be open to a different type of man but I’m also very cautious. Oh well.


I’ve got BPD too due to some abuse in my childhood. I also wonder if I have ADHD too….it would explain my previous erratic behaviour, which I’m desperately trying to not repeat.

I have adhd people with adhd are not ‘erratic’ as such.

 

[Thank(space)you]

I think I've been asked on a date but I'm not sure? So I've had to do the awkward thing and message asking if it's a date or not. It's quite out of the blue, someone from work who I've not really spoken to much and never in a social setting.

 

[Thank(space)you]

@ATV2021 yes that's me haha
@NoseyNiamh I've had 2.5ml in my lips over the course of a year, and I've had 4ml spread between cheeks and chin. People who know me obviously can tell I've had it but people who don't know me well or at all, are always surprised when I tell them.

 

[BunnyLebowski]

That was great advice and you have a good plan there. You are defo not a slapper…..I’m jealous .

I have a date tonight. We have FaceTimed so I know he’s legit. He’s driving 1 and a half hours to meet me and he’s not drinking. I said….that’s a hell of a lot of effort for not much fun. He said, if we get on we can arrange drinks another time.
He‘s very attractive but he’s 54 so he might be desperate!

 

[Sheabutter]

@Sheabutter what about something like
"Hiya, thank you for the invite. Sounds like a lot of fun, I'd be happy to go* but feel it's best I clarify if we did hang out it would only be as friends"


*only say that bit if you are happy to go


Or

"Hiya, thanks for the invite. Whilst it sounds like it would be a lot of fun I'm not interested in you romantically. Hope we can still be friendly though and it doesn't make things awkward"

I am still social distancing I would be that person who goes out once and catches Covid. I’m lucky like that haha

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

My mind went here haha, surely not in Qatar?! They must know what it looks like though

Well, I have seen it before: the most modest places use innocuous symbols....

 

[Captainmouse]

I was going on a date tonight but he just cancelled. I was excited about.
It's very disheartening

Why did he cancel?

 

[candyland_]

He said he thought he had responded to me and he apologised.

Honestly how do you 'think' you have responded to somebody. It was a strange answer.

I told him I felt he has not been truthful with me and that as much as I want him I am not going to beg for his time or affection. I told him not to respond to me (It's better that way) as I won't reply again.

Hope you start to feel better now it’s done.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

So why indulge him ? If you are not interested in chatting to him because you feel he is using you why not just be up front and say so to him ? Politely say I'm really not getting anything out of this relationship with you, wish him well and move on from him?

I've learnt if you allow men to waste your time they will. Stop giving him your time, invest in the men you really want to chat too

Well, I used him, too. The last booty call came from me. The last two, tbh.

He messaged again just now, with a silly question.

I cannot block him.
I either need to find a way to deal with it or tell him that the communication with him doesn't feel good for me now he is gone.

 

[lurkingaround123]

Sometimes people just want someone to talk to. You’d know if they were keen and wanted to see you.

True! its just so weird to me. Like what do I add to your life if you tell me what you've done and I do the same with no purpose.
He technically asked me to go out once, but when he was already out with his mates, to meet him there. I mentioned it above but that's not a date that's just weird

 

[radoxdetox]

Any pattern to it?

Very very intense and repeatedly told me how much he liked me on date and after, next day he had work, but didn’t message after work and was online, told me he had Instagram but no Facebook, found the Facebook (not a stalker I swear ) pictures of his ex from a year ago, still friends with her but has just updated his profile pic to be just him and he’s still liking her pics up until a few months ago.

The problem is I think the last two dates I’ve had have been similar both odd. Just someone honest would be great.

 

[ATV2021]

Today's NN challenge is one I shall not be posting....if I can do that at all I've always struggled with the idea that I am or can be sexy so that's me figured out on what I need to work on next! Lol

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Do you mean 49 year old or younger?

Men are interested in women for many reasons but initially I believe for men it’s physical attraction that is the strongest pull.

Are you worried he’s a gold digger? Perhaps your concerns about his financial stability reveals something that is more important to you than you realised before?

He’s 49, I’m 47… yeah I guess to be brutally honest, I’m concerned he’s more interested in the assets that come with me. He’s being perfectly nice in his approach and no red flags so far…just a gut feeling. We‘re meeting up on Friday so I want to go in open-minded, but right now I just want to punch any man in the face…just for being a man….I HATE YOU MEN!!!

 

[ATV2021]

I did not, I'd live to have both your confidence but I'm not quite there yet

I only did a photo of the actual underwear rather than me in it....I'm not there yet either but massive respect to those who did