Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[boomska]

I had overlooked this before I posted.

I still think the best thing to do would be to cut him out, completely, and try to put your mind on something else.

If he wants to come back to you he would do so whether he can view your stories or not.

But don't fall into the trap of "auditioning" for him, like filming some attractive stories thinking he might view them etc. This will only mess with your mind and you will lose yourself.

Why did he break up with you?

It’s ok. I have cut him out of my life completely, ever since he told me he had a girlfriend.

you are right- I did start posting me having a good time and he didn’t even view the story! And it messed with me head. I’m feeling much better about the whole thing and I’m done thinking about it and analysing it. All I know wasI was on his mind and he looked at my Instagram. I’m keeping myself busy like I did before and find sudokus really helpful!

well, I broke up with him because I wanted a relationship and he didn’t. And I wasn’t being treated the way I wanted which sent me into a panic, paranoid. anxious mess! So I called it off. Words were exchanged. Didn’t speak for two weeks and then we did and he said he was seeing someone then didn’t speak for a month and that’s when he said he was in a relationship (this was early September) and then, haven’t said one thing to each other and then suddenly he’s viewed my Instagram xx

 

[Pixipoppy]

Has anyone ever had multiple dates on the same day? I am not sure I could cope lol

I’ve not personally but some of my friends have! I’ve done consecutive nights but not sure I have the confidence for same day! I guess it depends what the activity is

 

[ATV2021]

You are not the problem! Delete the apps and work on your self worth and loving yourself reframe your mindset, instead of "I can never secure dates" change the narrative.

I'm so happy I feel I need to become a coach ....or just the PR for these existing ones haha but exactly this.

@Boadicea1 Change the thought to "I am" and just focus on you. Dating apps aren't a viewpoint of anyone's self worth! They're a cesspit but remind yourself that "I am beautiful. I am amazing. I am an amazing partner" etc. Visualise the end goal and the feelings associated. Do things for you that make you feel sexy AF (as we all did in the challenges simple things like wearing red lipstick, wearing lace, having a "goddess hour" even if that's an amazing bath) they all boost your own confidence. You are your own soulmate is my current mantra

Ditch the apps. Change the narrative. Focus on being the partner you'd want to be and you'll feel soo much better and you'll start to attract what you vibe!

 

[gelicahah]

Holy moly we’re now also going to the cinema on Thursday as well as the dog walk tomorrow…..please can I shag him at the weekend??

I vote YES

 

[ATV2021]

Thats kind of what I thought too, but I was like am I reading too much into it he also sent the attached before he said that.

Also i havent just sat slagging the place off, only given my opinion when it’s the topic of conversation. When I moved in there was a moth infestation, I can’t close the blinds in my living room because some are missing, one of my windows is locked shut because it’s dangerous, the toilet leaked under the tiles for months. I think it’d be a bit weird if I was like omg dream home I haven’t even gone in to that much detail on what was wrong with it when I moved in I just said I wasn’t impressed View attachment 854409



He still hasn’t! So so weird. I need to know a plan too it makes me happy and I can finish off the other 1000 things I have to do in the day in time that way. I won’t go even if he says now, I’m going to have a brandy and an early night I feel like one of the ‘losers’ on dinner date who don’t get picked for the real date and have a ready meal delivered to their door

I think you're a winner in this situation it just smells off to me. The universe is doing you a favour here so run with it!

 

[Delihla]

Talking to a guy on the app for a day, good chat, and he goes “I hate this platform, if you want you can message me on *phone number”

I think this is lazy and presumptuous, but aware I’m a bit of a cynical cow! Would this put anyone else off?

 

[Thank(space)you]

Thanks for everyone’s advice. I realise I shouldn’t have focused everything on one guy no matter what he said. I don’t know if it’s worth confronting him or just leaving it now and just unmatching him.



In other news though I have a date tonight with someone else so I’ll see how that goes and take it all with a pinch of salt.

Good luck for tonight

 

[PiesAndLattes]

Well.... God loves a trier

Going to do a swift unmatch even though he seemed like a nice fella

 

[ATV2021]

I'm in a 4 bedroom townhouse but never thought of myself a woman of means.
I will now though ...thanks Bunny

That's a woman of many means! I have a 2 bed house....but its bloody expensive here. Not quite on the Brighton level of cher-ching but a London commuter town none the less.

Still chatting to the guy who made me say ick. Apparently he's tipsy and didn't mean it the way it was typed I'm being fairly blunt and giving nothing away lol but always fun to talk to someone different of a Saturday evening! He also has interest in the universe/higher powers etc like me which is interesting

 

[nothanksbabes]

Do you think after the more recent men you've dated acting that way, you may have began to associate the anxious feelings that being strung along, misled and men acting just crazy in general to dating/chemistry/bond, and when someone starts acting 'normal' you associate that with no chemistry?

I only ask as I have been awful for this for so long and I have only just started addressing it myself, and me a few months ago could've written that word for word

Yes, absolutely. Also, lots of the terrible men I've had chemistry with have been very "intense" types. Which is why I've got to date 4 with this new guy because something needs to change. That said, I do find our interactions a bit flat, but based on how kind and reliable he is and the things we have in common, I'm trying to give it a go to see if something develops.

I know there's nothing wrong with dating someone for a few months to see if there's anything there, I just sometimes think I'm not cut out for any of it and should just accept that I'm meant to be on my own.

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Haha it seems they do!

She tried to cover it up by sending me screenshots even though and I quote "she shouldn't need to prove her innocence" but she was clearly hiding things! The day she told me he had messaged her and she was still making conversation with him if that was me I would have shut that down the first time he messaged.


Thank you! I'm trying my best but I take things to heart

Can I ask what age group you and him are in?

 

[ATV2021]

@Thank(space)you how have you found the NN week?

 

[candyland_]

I've been scared to read this thread because I find dating so stressful.

I'm 36, single approaching 4 years apart from two blokes who strung me along and annihilated my feelings, one short lived thing with a man who neglected to tell me he's married with kids, and endless game playing fuckboys (they're not in short supply are they?)

I reluctantly was persuaded to do online dating. Had one date with one guy who I got on well with but he obviously didn't feel the same. Two dates with a super hot guy who was a lunatic, I had to block him.

I've had 4 dates with another guy who is great on paper. Considerate, proactive, pays for stuff (I'm happy to go halves but also have no objection to letting the patriarchy pay when they earn good money), is consistent, goes out of his way to see me, but there is zero chemistry. He's not my "type" but also not unattractive and I reckon I could manufacture sexual chemistry with a mannequin, I'm a pretty sexually motivated person, but there's just... nothing. We have stuff in common and he is such a nice, polite man, not that worldly, but I don't want to end up in a situation where we're just seeing each other for lack of other options.

The other part of me thinks this is the best I'm doing. All my exes I've financially supported, the last long term one was abusive, unlike my friends I can't seem to meet anyone who actually likes or respects me in the usual way, at work or a gig or the places they met their husbands, and I don't exactly have a lot of time (or any) on my hands if I want to settle down and have a family (if I even can).

I'm reasonably attractive and well liked, good job etc., I just don't know what the fuck is wrong with me.

Gah. Sorry for the essay. Dating, even when it's OK, is fucking awful.

I would let him know sooner rather than later, it’s unfair to continue without him being aware you might not be feeling it.

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Yeah…what are they try to say? Someone who likes to play hard to get??

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Don't have to - just have to do it for yourself lol

There was a masterclass from yesterday which was more condensed if you wanted to catch that instead https://event.webinarjam.com/replay/1/wgy1rbotvh8hmo3 but as I've learned you've got to really want to change before you can. My time was this year but before that I'd have told people where to go lol

I agree, I think I should probably concentrate on therapy first.

 

[Sheabutter]

Is it bad manners/seen as weird to ask to add someone on Instagram before actually meeting IRL? Guy from one of the apps is being quite forthcoming with trying to arrange a date (only matched at the weekend). Seems “too good to be true”. I am worried it’s a catfish or worse someone that will kidnap me Of course I’d only meet in a public place etc etc

He might think you’re a catfish and want to see you IRL / not waste time chatting

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

It’s not sly at all, I completely understand. Plus you need to know if you actually fancy them and you won’t know that before meeting. There’s only so much you can tell from pictures and messages. Based on my recent conversations and other experiences in the past, I’d want a date to have at least been suggested no longer than a week after talking. Preferably less.

 

[Boadicea1]

Do you think being a single parent working from home, that my only real options to meet someone is via dating apps? I don't enjoy the apps.

I think the answer from people is going to be no and you need to force yourself into situations to meet people.

Pub always seems to be what others recommend.

Or dog parks seem to be another where people seem to meet new people.

What happened to the guy whose eye you caught?

 

[BunnyLebowski]

It’s happened to me a few times too….it’s horrid

 

[radoxdetox]

I’ve been doing some stalking about I’ve found my date next Sunday on Instagram and had a look at the kind of accounts her follow… wish I’d not looked now. I’m getting the ick.

You’ve got to tell us more, what type of accounts?