Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[Pixipoppy]

Talking to a guy on the app for a day, good chat, and he goes “I hate this platform, if you want you can message me on *phone number”

I think this is lazy and presumptuous, but aware I’m a bit of a cynical cow! Would this put anyone else off?

Really? I often move it to text after a few messages back and forth. I can usually get a feel of whether they are my type of person and hate having to open the app to check my messages (as I don’t keep notifications on for bumble or hinge)

 

[Pixipoppy]

So question - during a early dating stages or even a one night thing is it common for guys to just not go down or really do anything for the girl? I was with my ex so long and that would always be included before or after but the 2 people I have slept with since it wasn’t even acknowledged, the sex was good but literally just went from kissing to bj to shag and barely any foreplay. Guess it just depends on the guy maybe?

 

[Tazmundo91]

Damn what did I miss this time?

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Could it not be that she is back with her ex?

Some of the dates of the pics matched the period the narc was with her .
The day she contacted me to say she was seeing the narc and she felt I should know about it , there was a pic of her and her ex taken the day before and others just a couple of weeks later.
The narc messaged me last week about some business we have to sort out (finances) and he mentioned he was still with her but things were rocky.

Could it not be that she is back with her ex?

Sorry you are feeling sad. How do you know he is happy with the new partner? Does he tell you? If so that is insensitive and cruel. He’s also playing mind games telling you he misses you.

I’ve been in a situation where someone I really liked had a gf but he would tell me he loved me. It was horribly confusing.

Oh i know all this, he knows how to play me so well. In my head I think they are happy but he has said they are going through a rocky patch so obviously not that happy.

He's horrible, I know that. But I think it was so mean for her to contact me to tell me all about her and the narc when she knew she was hurting me (she went into way too much detail) yet she had a boyfriend all along. I just knew there was something not right about her. I remember telling the narc that I wouldn't be there this time when it ended but I also warned him that she was going to hurt him. He laughed and said no one could ever do that to him

Sorry, I know I sound like a ridiculous teenager.

 

[ATV2021]

Ohhhh I'm going to have a look now. Im really liking her, thanks for the recommendation @ATV2021

Ah good I'm glad! I've signed up to various others and in the first half hour of the first "show" I've been like NOPE but some just click and speak to you. Persia and Noor have been my favourite two so far. I've put Persias book on my Christmas list!

Did you post a photo today? Lol

 

[ksr96]

Sounds a bit odd but I’d give him another go. Why not have a date where booze isn’t involved and see how he is then. Maybe just go for lunch or something?

Yeah I thought this… I’m also not the best on booze so I’m hoping that’s it? I don’t know, wish he wasn’t so pretty haha. Thanks for the suggestion

How do you meet all these men? was last night the first time you met him? His behaviour was very inappropriate

I am feeling much better today, last night was a slip up. I'll discuss it with my therapist next week. Thanks to everyone that took the time to help me, you all definitely prevented from spiralling

Yeah completely the first time! We were part of a wider group but I liked him from the get go and the feeling was mutual but I was a little shocked at how he was with me that early on?! Now I’m wondering if I was behaving provocatively lol.

through friends, work, all of that fun stuff I didn’t have good experiences with apps so I give them a wide birth

 

[PiesAndLattes]

Do people think asking to meet up on the second message is a lot? Do you usually say anything back?

 

[Thank(space)you]

What was he apologising for ?

He's been smiling and flirty with me, always staring at me etc so apologised for giving me the wrong impression/leading me on.

 

[Dogtanian]

It is calling me chick. I hate names like doll, love, bab, chick, etc, and especially when it comes from somebody you do not know.

I can understand that, it’s a bit presumptuous imo

 

[PiesAndLattes]

Sounds great!
I also want to start a yoga and a writing challenge on the 1st.
I also decluttered and want to sell a few things so I kind of live in a warehouse now. Lots of boxes with clothes everywhere
And I bought some painting supply and thought that maybe I could try a YouTube tutorial tonight. Let's see

That sounds lovely! I have also done a big declutter too which has helped me seperate my “old” life with my ex etc. Very soothing haha.
The painting also sounds great! Let me know how you go.

 

[ATV2021]

Haha it seems they do!

She tried to cover it up by sending me screenshots even though and I quote "she shouldn't need to prove her innocence" but she was clearly hiding things! The day she told me he had messaged her and she was still making conversation with him if that was me I would have shut that down the first time he messaged.


Thank you! I'm trying my best but I take things to heart

Yeah its not easy at all! It's not easy to pretend to not give a fuck but I bet if you show you don't give a shit then the novelty will wear off quickly for her. Met many of these girls in my lifetime! She's obviously got her own unhappiness going down and needs the "power" attention whatever. She will be the one who ends up lonely if she carries on this way, not you

 

[Sheabutter]

He doesn’t sound reliable. I think he is more interested in making plans rather than following through on them.

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Me and the guy are 30, she is 25.

This has made me so depressed. I was hoping you'd say he was in his early 20s.
I give up

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Yay Bunny! What a great read. Love it. Keep us update of course.

Also, random but - a few months ago, in passing you encouraged me to stick with my search for a cat to adopt. Wanted to let you know my little Hank (well not little, he's 4 years old and a bit of a Tank) arrived over the weekend!

Thanks for your ever-enthusiastic presence on this thread. So glad you had a good date - you deserve it!!

I’m so thrilled for you and Hank

Come join us on the 'Show me your cat' thread

Cheers Darling…I didn’t know there was such a thread but I shall join you imminently.

 

[Sheabutter]

Has he made it clear that it's a date as in he's interested in a relationship? Or is he being neighbourly ?

Cocktails and live music is date-y to me. We’ve been neighbors since 2016 He became single over the past year. He has a lot of friends already.

How does your neighbour have your number? Are you friendly anyway?

We chat a little bit. Mostly just say hi if we pass each other going in and out of the building. He put a note in my door.

 

[radoxdetox]

My date this weekend was after an ego boost, lucky didn’t really fancy him (but was happy to see if it would develop) so no big loss NEXXXTT

ps a red flag for me is under one year out of relationship, never ever works

 

[candyland_]

Don’t pity me - but I actually went on a date with that guy from Saturday night

things have really fizzled with the guy I liked that was long distance, so I thought fuck it why not.

we basically had a nice time, he was much more reserved and guarded this time though? We had a good laugh, had a lot to talk about, but he didn’t try and kiss me when we left and sort of seemed… I don’t know, just very different to the extremely full on, over complimentary (‘you are so much hotter than me’) guy that I met on Saturday?! Like I’m surprised at the switch? The whole thing has just left me in a weird state of confusion. I guess he probably just didn’t like me so much as he thought?

Was he drinking on Saturday but not this time..? Confident boost at the weekend maybe. What was different about the two dates? How’s he been since?

 

[Jadejones9596]

To all the newbies on this thread, stick around! This thread has been a lifesaver for me and I’ve had so much good advice, good laughs and company when I’ve been lonely. This along with therapy has totally turned things around for me.

Anyway, went to the cinema with D last night.…He’s so lovely…we had one of those sofas and he got a bottle of wine. The film was shit so we kissed and cuddled loads. He still hasn’t tried to shag me yet though…WTF is that all about? He lis really sweet and caring and respectful ….but also hot….like Jason Momoa hot! Can’t believe I’ve found him

I love reading your posts Bunny I'm here to stay. Last night went well for me, took everything in my power not to shag him I won't lie hahaha. Got pretty hot at the end of the evening. Still messaging today so hopefully will get a 2nd date

 

[ATV2021]

How many of these kind of things are you signed up to ?

That's still Persia's lol just her Monday standalone workshop thing. Only done hers and Noors. The others were shite

 

[Sheabutter]

Ok, hello - first time posting on this thread but want some outsiders opinions/advice please!
Met a guy online a couple of months back, instantly hit it off texting/calling constantly etc. Met him after a week of chatting and really got on, very attracted to each other, conversation flows and completely comfortable with him & he expressed the same feelings to me. A couple of weeks after meeting he tells me that his ex has turned up after living abroad for the last year (this was the reason for their split & it was their plan to get back together on her return but they ended up deciding to cut communication instead & he changed his number). So he’s been avoiding her since knowing she’s home (she lives local to him).
I’ve told him he needs to meet up with her and work out what he wants long term (getting back with her or not) so that I know where I stand as we get on so well and have developed feelings for each other. At first I thought he was stringing me along but the more time we spend together and the more effort he puts in the more I’m holding out hope with him. He lives an hour away from me and will drive down at least 3 times a week to see me even for an hour or 2 (I have young children so my free time is very limited)
I don’t want to nag him on the issue but also am keen to know where I stand now as I can’t pre plan or look forward to anything with him due to this hanging over us. We’ve tried not speaking to each other a couple of times as I am finding it difficult not knowing what’s going to happen but we ultimately can’t keep away from each other.
I’d like to add I was completely happy being single and didn’t want to date, I didn’t meet him on a dating site but somehow ended up on a date with him anyway! - oops!!

I feel like because you sort of pushed him away, it’s your job to say you regret this part: “I’ve told him he needs to meet up with her and work out what he wants long term (getting back with her or not) so that I know where I stand.” You don’t have to be dramatic about it when you speak to him. Say you miss chatting and would like to see him again soon.

He knew that his ex would be coming back and he still decided to see you. Not only that, but you said he had been avoiding her. Things clearly weren’t spectacular there.