Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[Sheabutter]

But he does suffer with mental health issues and I think something like this could really affect him so of course I am worried about him now.

Is he putting the same care and concern towards your mental health? Obviously I know the answer but you should ask yourself the same before engaging with him again

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Is he putting the same care and concern towards your mental health? Obviously I know the answer but you should ask yourself the same before engaging with him again

He's a text book narcissist, he only cares about himself and his own needs and I'm very aware of this.

I'm glad I could spill all here tonight. In the past I would have messaged him directly .
I feel better already

 

[Sheabutter]

Sorry you’re going through this. You deserve so much better

 

[PiesAndLattes]

Sorry you’ve had a bad weekend @NoseyNiamh I know how it feels to be stuck in the ex spiral no matter how crappy they were.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Some of the dates of the pics matched the period the narc was with her .
The day she contacted me to say she was seeing the narc and she felt I should know about it , there was a pic of her and her ex taken the day before and others just a couple of weeks later.
The narc messaged me last week about some business we have to sort out (finances) and he mentioned he was still with her but things were rocky.


Oh i know all this, he knows how to play me so well. In my head I think they are happy but he has said they are going through a rocky patch so obviously not that happy.

He's horrible, I know that. But I think it was so mean for her to contact me to tell me all about her and the narc when she knew she was hurting me (she went into way too much detail) yet she had a boyfriend all along. I just knew there was something not right about her. I remember telling the narc that I wouldn't be there this time when it ended but I also warned him that she was going to hurt him. He laughed and said no one could ever do that to him

Sorry, I know I sound like a ridiculous teenager.

good morning

can you distance yourself from him and her? I know he is your ex, but it sounds like you are too involved in his current relationship, which (sorry for the hard words) is none of your business.
you are not responsible for him or her and they have no (more) obligations towards you.
there seem to be unresolved feelings on your end which are your responsibility, not his or hers, and once you have resolved those and healed you will most likely be able to move on and no longer think about him that much and that often.

have a nice Sunday everyone

 

[Thank(space)you]

@Thank(space)you how have you found the NN week?

Yeah I've really enjoyed it thanks you. I like persia and I've definitely had some light bulb moments

 

[ATV2021]

Yeah I've really enjoyed it thanks you. I like persia and I've definitely had some light bulb moments

I hope I can make the live this morning! I'm looking forward to the masterclass tomorrow though & I ordered her book!

 

[Clickbait]

@NoseyNiamh - just checking in to say I hope you’re feeling better this morning. I’m glad having this group stopped you from contacting him. He sounds like quicksand that sucks you back in and keeps you trapped. I hope with more time you can escape him for good. I can kind of understand why dates may not be getting off the ground for you: I think you’re still in the comparison phase and other men will come up short. But you can see it all for what it is, that means that freedom isn’t too far away

 

[ksr96]

I met this really gorgeous guy last night through my friend. Age appropriate, looked like a model, all of that good stuff! But we all went out after, and coincidentally I saw a couple of guy friends that I said hello to, and he completely freaked out and got quite jealous and possessive, kept kissing me in the club in front of people (which annoys me) and trying to pull me away from people?! It was a bit bizarre, like as a female we know what men can be like in the club (i.e. starey, etc) but I don’t think I was encouraging any of this? And he was so nice up until this point that I’m wondering whether to give it another shot? I don’t know if I’m lowering my standards though with this behaviour?

 

[Caramel Latte]

I met this really gorgeous guy last night through my friend. Age appropriate, looked like a model, all of that good stuff! But we all went out after, and coincidentally I saw a couple of guy friends that I said hello to, and he completely freaked out and got quite jealous and possessive, kept kissing me in the club in front of people (which annoys me) and trying to pull me away from people?! It was a bit bizarre, like as a female we know what men can be like in the club (i.e. starey, etc) but I don’t think I was encouraging any of this? And he was so nice up until this point that I’m wondering whether to give it another shot? I don’t know if I’m lowering my standards though with this behaviour?

I personally think

 

[BunnyLebowski]

I met this really gorgeous guy last night through my friend. Age appropriate, looked like a model, all of that good stuff! But we all went out after, and coincidentally I saw a couple of guy friends that I said hello to, and he completely freaked out and got quite jealous and possessive, kept kissing me in the club in front of people (which annoys me) and trying to pull me away from people?! It was a bit bizarre, like as a female we know what men can be like in the club (i.e. starey, etc) but I don’t think I was encouraging any of this? And he was so nice up until this point that I’m wondering whether to give it another shot? I don’t know if I’m lowering my standards though with this behaviour?

Sounds a bit odd but I’d give him another go. Why not have a date where booze isn’t involved and see how he is then. Maybe just go for lunch or something?

 

[candyland_]

@NoseyNiamh Block all of them.

 

[Captainmouse]

 

[Phoenix Lazarus]

I met this really gorgeous guy last night through my friend. Age appropriate, looked like a model, all of that good stuff! But we all went out after, and coincidentally I saw a couple of guy friends that I said hello to, and he completely freaked out and got quite jealous and possessive, kept kissing me in the club in front of people (which annoys me) and trying to pull me away from people?! It was a bit bizarre, like as a female we know what men can be like in the club (i.e. starey, etc) but I don’t think I was encouraging any of this? And he was so nice up until this point that I’m wondering whether to give it another shot? I don’t know if I’m lowering my standards though with this behaviour?

I think that is a blatant and very strong red flag. If I was you I'd keep away from him.

 

[Delihla]

Does anyone else get the total ick when a guy says something like “you look lovely, hope that’s ok to say?” Like how do I answer? You’ve already said it. Where are your balls

Am I too harsh?

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

Does anyone else get the total ick when a guy says something like “you look lovely, hope that’s ok to say?” Like how do I answer? You’ve already said it. Where are your balls

Am I too harsh?

I think this is a symptom of the metoo movement - many male friends and colleagues of mine are terrified to offend a woman they want to flirt with in case it is unwanted or there is any backlash/punishment and I also noticed that they try to get consent.
Maybe his question was aimed at getting his compliment ok'ed.

 

[NoseyNiamh]

I met this really gorgeous guy last night through my friend. Age appropriate, looked like a model, all of that good stuff! But we all went out after, and coincidentally I saw a couple of guy friends that I said hello to, and he completely freaked out and got quite jealous and possessive, kept kissing me in the club in front of people (which annoys me) and trying to pull me away from people?! It was a bit bizarre, like as a female we know what men can be like in the club (i.e. starey, etc) but I don’t think I was encouraging any of this? And he was so nice up until this point that I’m wondering whether to give it another shot? I don’t know if I’m lowering my standards though with this behaviour?

How do you meet all these men? was last night the first time you met him? His behaviour was very inappropriate

I am feeling much better today, last night was a slip up. I'll discuss it with my therapist next week. Thanks to everyone that took the time to help me, you all definitely prevented from spiralling

 

[ATV2021]

Yay I managed to be one of the winners for the NN challenge! Got me another course so I'm very chuffed

 

[ksr96]

Sounds a bit odd but I’d give him another go. Why not have a date where booze isn’t involved and see how he is then. Maybe just go for lunch or something?

Yeah I thought this… I’m also not the best on booze so I’m hoping that’s it? I don’t know, wish he wasn’t so pretty haha. Thanks for the suggestion

How do you meet all these men? was last night the first time you met him? His behaviour was very inappropriate

I am feeling much better today, last night was a slip up. I'll discuss it with my therapist next week. Thanks to everyone that took the time to help me, you all definitely prevented from spiralling

Yeah completely the first time! We were part of a wider group but I liked him from the get go and the feeling was mutual but I was a little shocked at how he was with me that early on?! Now I’m wondering if I was behaving provocatively lol.

through friends, work, all of that fun stuff I didn’t have good experiences with apps so I give them a wide birth

 

[Clickbait]

I was a little shocked at how he was with me that early on?! Now I’m wondering if I was behaving provocatively lol.

I just want to say that you could have been wandering around offering hand jobs in the car park and still a man you have just met has absolutely no right to be jealous, possessive, lay his hands on you to physically remove you from situations he doesn’t like, nor kiss you in a weird ownership/marking his territory like a pissing dog manner.

If you clocked it and it bothered you sufficiently to mention it, I really think you need to take note of it and say something to him about it. If you’re honest the only reason you’re even entertaining seeing him again is because you think he’s fit and he looked like a model. Attractive men can be possessive psychos like any other man.

I would just tell him you found his behaviour a bit off and see what he says. If he acknowledges it and apologises perhaps he was drunk and acting out of character. If he doesn’t listen or doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong it may reveal a bit more about his personality for you to mull over.

I don’t want to kill your buzz on meeting an age appropriate, attractive man organically - that’s like a holy grail moment - but don’t ignore something if it feels off.