Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[hereforthememe]

aw everyone I got news! The guy I've been seeing recently and clicked so well with asked me to be his girlfriend

 

[ThreeSteaksPam]

@mehere This happened to me a few weeks ago and it really annoyed me. The guy had said he was 5”8 on his profile but in person, he couldn’t have been more than 5”5 and I’m being generous there. I could look him directly in the eye and I’m only 5”3. I can’t remember how, but it did come up in conversation and the little weasel tried to tell me that I must have my own height wrong I know how fucking tall I am Thumbelina, you can put your gaslight back into your Sylvanian Families sized suitcase and sling it

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Oh my God….gang…..oh my fucking God. I need to thank the old bitch off here who kept telling us off and banging on about how we need to learn to love ourselves bla bla bla.

So I had no high hopes, very jaded etc…. Met this bloke today in a kind of ‘couldn’t give a shit attitude’.…wearing leggings, dog walking boots, rough nail varnish…as in totally me. ( I can pull this look off, as I have great legs and I’m a bit of an aging surfer chick type…but it’s an acquired taste and I have noticed disappointment before on my lack of grooming shall we say).

This fucking god of a man walks up…we have instant chemistry although play it cool with each other. Ok he’s not everyone’s cup of tea. But perfect for me. A bit of rough…but well educated and intelligent. He’s 51 and quit his career in the city to start his own business doing ethical waste clearance. Right up my street.

He’s in his work gear all dirty and massive and manly… and a bit like ‘ this is me…I make no apologies’.…. I’m like ‘ ‘well this is me….’!

We walk and talk, have a cup of tea…our dogs get on…actually his dog loves me and sat under my legs when we were having tea. It was so unsustainable to find someone as unusual / odd as me but so compatible.

Anyway, we are going on another walk on Sunday but this time a proper long walk on the southdowns.

Oh and by the way, to whomever mentioned the pension…he started by tentatively asking if I rented….I was like NO! And I’ve nearly cleared my mortgage…how about you? He said…and I kid you not…. I’ve nearly paid off the mortgage to my house too…I also own the flat underneath me which is my PENSION!!!

BOOM gang!

 

[Clickbait]

Hi Gang, thanks for the tag in the new thread @Clickbait

I never messaged back and he hasn’t contacted me since this on Tuesday. I just thought he’d contact. So I assume the date is offView attachment 835322

If I’m completely honest I’m not really in a good headspace now. Over the weekend when I was posting I was at a wedding on social media the bald 37 year old I mentioned in a few threads ago contacted me and I got 4 missed calls from him. He was Telling me how much he missed me and how lovely I looked. Saying he still liked me etc and He begged to meet up with me asking if he could book a hotel etc. I answered a call to speak to him because it had been over a month since we last had spoken especially as the last thing I said was he hurt my feelings. He was asking me how many dates I’d been on, if I still wear the hoodie of his he gave me etc

I asked him a few times if he was seeing someone his response every time was that it doesn’t matter, why does it matter. I didn’t feel like I got an answer and each time during the night / early hours of the morning he was pushing for me to FaceTime or send explicit pictures I said no. I said I couldn’t do this it’s not fair on me or if he’s seeing someone etc. He then said it would not be a good idea for us meeting and that he shouldn’t have messaged me.

Anyway long story short I decided to call him yesterday mainly to speak as I had a clear mind. I just felt really taken back by him contacting me after a month +. he never answered the phone nor call back but then blocked me on WhatsApp. I’m feeling hurt because I don’t know what I did wrong but more feel shitty as i got sucked back into this shit.

The poster was right when she said I can’t get past the first date I couldn’t even get a guy to text me again so I could go on one this Saturday

Tough love here but you must take some responsibility for your own actions on this one. He has already presented to you as someone who does not and will never meet your needs or requirements. In your own words he is “37, divorcee, doesn’t want to have kids - had the snip and has two already what a catch lol” - he also didn’t seem to want marriage either. Both things you want.

He has hurt your feelings, messed you around, ignored you, and now in round 3 he got thirsty seeing how good you looked and went against what he said before about how it’s not fair to sleep with you, by suggesting he books a hotel room for you and you send him dirty photos!

He is NO GOOD FOR YOU. And you are extending the pain by engaging with this nonsense. The WhatsApp blocking is the kindest thing he could have done for you.

I honestly think you need to realise that the small things he did for you like be complimentary and drive to see you are basic niceties and do not show any particular effort on his part. Added to that he’s clearly shagging around with other women, the idea that you want to keep engaging is telling me you need to work on your self esteem.

Start by making a list of all your good qualities (of which there will be many) and take a bloody good long look at it. That is what you could offer someone lucky enough to date you. Let that sink in and realise that if you accept so much less from them you are doing yourself a disservice and eventually you will start to feel resentful that you get their stale breadcrumbs from the table and they’re getting a freshly baked loaf from the oven.

Next make a list of your non-negotiables. It is OK to be picky. Now use this to filter men so you don’t end up in emotional turmoil over someone who isn’t worth your tears or your time. I do feel you make some bad choices with the men you date or engage with which we’ve all done, but repeating this over and over again is going to get the same results. You need a hard reset on all this.

 

[prinnygrace]

Just got home from our 8 hour date. Went bowling then just for drinks and ended up in 5 guys. Absolutely nothing fancy but I’ve none stop laughed all day. Lovely little kiss before he got on train home and he text me straight away saying to let him know when my Uber arrived. Annoying he lives far away but so glad that today wasn’t a disappointment after so long texting. I’m off to bed drunk and happy! Not even staying up for I’m a celeb

 

[prinnygrace]

met at 12 and still out. Very merry hahaha had such a lovely day and so worth the 2 months of talking

 

[Gairlfb]

aw everyone I got news! The guy I've been seeing recently and clicked so well with asked me to be his girlfriend

Yay! I have the same news myself

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Ok gang, I’m home…omg…I’m not used to this. I‘m almost feeling a bit rejected because he’s not my usual bastard type and didn’t try to drag me back to his. But I know those are my demons.

He was utterly adorable…insisted on paying for dinner, so sweet and kind….a bit hyper as in excited. Kept reaching for my hand. We’re going for a dog walk on Sunday and then a roast. Fucking hell i hope I’m not jinxed on the fucking roast.

He texted me before I even got home to check I got home safely…I honestly can’t believe it. We have so much in common. If anything, thanks to my therapy and you gang, (even the brutal posters) , I had my guard up and my boundaries so robust..I like him a lot.

I’m home tomorrow watching Strictly and chilling so chat tomoz. I You guys xx

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Oh my fucking god guys…..last night I went on a date with a man who looked like a normal kind man in his profile. He worked as helping reform young offenders….all good so I thought.

He was a complete fucking prick. An INCEL! He actually said…the problem with society is feminism as it teaches women to be men and men to be women. Dick. He also blamed single mothers for the amount of young offenders….I was like NO, don’t you think some of the blame should go to the dads that fucked off. I then said. Anyway, I am a feminist, leaning towards the radical end…so we’re not going to get on. And I upped and left!

Small victory was that I was looking hot and I could tell he fancied me like mad! Hahaha….LOSER!

 

[Thank(space)you]

Santa, bring me a boyfriend. Hot and nice

Thread title nomination

 

[BunnyLebowski]

Oh my god gang…ok so I went to his at about 2:30 he was cooking..he poured me wine and we just chatted and chopped veg etc. Finally ate the full roast at about 5:30 so was pretty pissed by then. We then watched music vids on YouTube like Primal Scream and stuff from our youth and we just kissed and chatted until about midnight. When I finally left and went home! We then carried on chatting until 3am. Oh my god, he’s so amazing. Pretty sure he’s gonna be my boyfriend

 

[Clickbait]

I was a little shocked at how he was with me that early on?! Now I’m wondering if I was behaving provocatively lol.

I just want to say that you could have been wandering around offering hand jobs in the car park and still a man you have just met has absolutely no right to be jealous, possessive, lay his hands on you to physically remove you from situations he doesn’t like, nor kiss you in a weird ownership/marking his territory like a pissing dog manner.

If you clocked it and it bothered you sufficiently to mention it, I really think you need to take note of it and say something to him about it. If you’re honest the only reason you’re even entertaining seeing him again is because you think he’s fit and he looked like a model. Attractive men can be possessive psychos like any other man.

I would just tell him you found his behaviour a bit off and see what he says. If he acknowledges it and apologises perhaps he was drunk and acting out of character. If he doesn’t listen or doesn’t think he’s done anything wrong it may reveal a bit more about his personality for you to mull over.

I don’t want to kill your buzz on meeting an age appropriate, attractive man organically - that’s like a holy grail moment - but don’t ignore something if it feels off.

 

[Clickbait]

@doodlebug the holy trinity of excuses - family busy with work been away/spent time with friends If he’d have just said his nan was ill you’d have got this week’s star prize!

This feels like a slow phase out by the sounds of it. If you compare where you were (going away on holiday together) to now (can’t find the time to send you a text message) it’s going in the wrong direction for a secure and stress free relationship. There could be many reasons for this, I’m not sure you feel you need to know what they are though.

Just recognise he’s not behaved very well here and will probably continue to flit in and out of your life if you allow him to and I don’t think that’s what you want.

 

[nothanksbabes]

A bit of space from my "lovely but is there chemistry?" guy and I do miss him. I'm completely not used to someone being reliable, consistent and considerate.

I always wear red lipstick, and on one of our dates he'd bought me a red lipstick as a gift. He'd asked in the shop for a lipstick that doesn't transfer and showed the assistant a photo of me to see what would suit me. I didn't know if it was weird at the time, but being the way he is, it seems genuinely sweet. Also its a 10/10 lipstick .

He also dragged me out of the pub for a "walk" and we ended up at a reservoir watching the most beautiful sunset with all the swans swimming next to us. It was lovely.

The week before payday I mentioned I couldn't really do anything and he told me not to worry, that he'd pick me up from work and take me out for something to eat, which was also lovely.

He also got me a ticket to see something at the theatre that's a combination of both our interests and it was really good. I think I'm just writing this down because actually, so far he's been really proactive and thoughtful.

We've had four dates, all out and about doing stuff, and I've asked if he wants to do something low-key where I'll cook and he can pick a film and we can see how we are just being quiet and chilling together. I also haven't slept with him and usually I'm a bit of a sex pest (consensually of course) and it's actually a nice change if a bit anxiety inducing.

Even if it doesn't work out at least its like... a surprising revelation that there are actually decent men who make the effort out there?

 

[Punchface]

Anyone else read that as “ended up with 5 guys”?

I was like, oh my…..

 

[Clickbait]

Whats everyones opinion on leaving a bad date early? If someone was giving you bad vibes would you tell them that and leave, sneak out or just hold it out? In the past I have just rode it out but I don't see myself doing that anymore

I would normally just be honest. I tended to try and buy the first drink if I knew I didn’t fancy them so that I could leave after a drink and not have them feeling they were out of pocket. One guy who I remember worked as an actor at the London Dungeons turned up 20 mins late despite the fact that I’d come into central London to meet him near work.

I’d made an effort - expensive dress, perfume, curled my hair, put on make-up and he looked like he’d put on clothes you reserve for doing the gardening/taking rubbish to the dump.

I’d bought a bottle of wine so stayed for the length of time it took to drink it and asked him questions about himself. Once the wine had gone I got up and said ‘it was nice to meet you, have a good evening’ and he looked aghast and said ‘why are you leaving so soon?’ I said ‘OK, I’ll stay for another drink if you can tell me one thing you’ve learned about me since you got here this evening.’ Silence.

 

[Clickbait]

It doesn’t seem like he’s blocked me off anything yet. A text doesn’t take long, he could have just text to say I’m busy today, talk to you later but instead he’s just totally ignored me and then not even opened the message last night. Last week he was making plans to go on day trips to the spa and stuff with me and now nothing. He clearly just wanted sex despite saying he wanted a relationship. I guess I shouldn’t have put all of my eggs in one basket really.

You’ve done nothing wrong - you just took what he said at face value and there was no reason to believe otherwise. Now you’ve seen his behaviour change and you know how it has made you feel, bear that in mind if/when you hear from him again. I think you probably will - the bad pennies tend to turn up again.

I think a lot of men want the “girlfriend experience” every now and again where they get to spend a weekend with a woman doing couple-y things with sex on tap. Then they want to go back to the benefits of being single and not having to factor in someone else’s needs/wants/desires into their life and decision making.

Sorry you’ve had this happen, it is never nice, but sadly most of us have a story like this.

 

[Ohheyyyyy]

Finally found the one guys!

 

[Boadicea1]

Unmatched somebody straight away today because their first message was 'Hi chick. How are you?

 

[HelloStereo]

Good lord.