Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[Sheabutter]

Not sure if it was you ? Did you initially like him but think he had a girlfriend?

No, that was someone else

@ATV2021 If he was a stranger I would have no problem owning it.

Can I send this:

Hey! Thanks for the invite. I’m gearing up to visit with my grandpa soon who is frail. I can’t risk catching anything and passing it on.

Do I need to add anything else? Btw It’s all true not looking for sympathy but it occurred to me that that’s a legitimate out

 

[Bagpuss7]

No, that was someone else

@ATV2021 If he was a stranger I would have no problem owning it.

Can I send this:

Hey! Thanks for the invite. I’m gearing up to visit with my grandpa soon who is frail. I can’t risk catching anything and passing it on.

Do I need to add anything else? Btw It’s all true not looking for sympathy but it occurred to me that that’s a legitimate out

Sounds really kind to me but ...he may take it as you would be receptive on another occasion so not sure it's quite the right message??

 

[Sheabutter]

That’s a good point

 

[ATV2021]

That’s a good point

Yeah it seems like you're just temporary delaying it which is why the honest response is the better one. I get its more challenging with him being a neighbour but it needs to be clear and doesn't actually need that much explanation other than that you're just not interested x

 

[Sheabutter]

Yeah it seems like you're just temporary delaying it which is why the honest response is the better one. I get its more challenging with him being a neighbour but it needs to be clear and doesn't actually need that much explanation other than that you're just not interested x

I absolutely agree… What would such a message look like?

 

[Thank(space)you]

@ATV2021 @NoseyNiamh Did you do the challenge? I just posted mine I feel so excited knowing my soul mate is coming

 

[Bagpuss7]

I absolutely agree… What would such a message look like?

Has he made it clear that it's a date as in he's interested in a relationship? Or is he being neighbourly ?

 

[Thank(space)you]

No, that was someone else

@ATV2021 If he was a stranger I would have no problem owning it.

Can I send this:

Hey! Thanks for the invite. I’m gearing up to visit with my grandpa soon who is frail. I can’t risk catching anything and passing it on.

Do I need to add anything else? Btw It’s all true not looking for sympathy but it occurred to me that that’s a legitimate out

How does your neighbour have your number? Are you friendly anyway?

 

[Sheabutter]

Has he made it clear that it's a date as in he's interested in a relationship? Or is he being neighbourly ?

Cocktails and live music is date-y to me. We’ve been neighbors since 2016 He became single over the past year. He has a lot of friends already.

How does your neighbour have your number? Are you friendly anyway?

We chat a little bit. Mostly just say hi if we pass each other going in and out of the building. He put a note in my door.

 

[Bagpuss7]

Cocktails and live music is date-y to me. We’ve been neighbors since 2016 He became single over the past year. He has a lot of friends already.



We chat a little bit. Mostly just say hi if we pass each other going in and out of the building. He put a note in my door.

Do you like him? As in friendly way ? If you think you may enjoy an evening with him go but just make that clear when you accept the invitation? I always think if you are honest and upfront with people it's kinder and no one is confused. If he wants it to be a date as in relationship he has the choice to say no thanks to you and invite someone else.

 

[ATV2021]

@ATV2021 @NoseyNiamh Did you do the challenge? I just posted mine I feel so excited knowing my soul mate is coming

I saw and liked it! Much braver than me and looking fabulous

I absolutely agree… What would such a message look like?

Basically, Thank you for your kind invitation but I'm just not interested in you that way.

End of . That's what Google suggested anyway haha

 

[123qwe1]

Hey Ladies, just catching up after a manic few weeks!

Did Betty ever come back?

 

[nothanksbabes]

A bit of space from my "lovely but is there chemistry?" guy and I do miss him. I'm completely not used to someone being reliable, consistent and considerate.

I always wear red lipstick, and on one of our dates he'd bought me a red lipstick as a gift. He'd asked in the shop for a lipstick that doesn't transfer and showed the assistant a photo of me to see what would suit me. I didn't know if it was weird at the time, but being the way he is, it seems genuinely sweet. Also its a 10/10 lipstick .

He also dragged me out of the pub for a "walk" and we ended up at a reservoir watching the most beautiful sunset with all the swans swimming next to us. It was lovely.

The week before payday I mentioned I couldn't really do anything and he told me not to worry, that he'd pick me up from work and take me out for something to eat, which was also lovely.

He also got me a ticket to see something at the theatre that's a combination of both our interests and it was really good. I think I'm just writing this down because actually, so far he's been really proactive and thoughtful.

We've had four dates, all out and about doing stuff, and I've asked if he wants to do something low-key where I'll cook and he can pick a film and we can see how we are just being quiet and chilling together. I also haven't slept with him and usually I'm a bit of a sex pest (consensually of course) and it's actually a nice change if a bit anxiety inducing.

Even if it doesn't work out at least its like... a surprising revelation that there are actually decent men who make the effort out there?

 

[ATV2021]

Hey Ladies, just catching up after a manic few weeks!

Did Betty ever come back?

Nope. I really hope she did heed the advice and has started working on herself as it really will change her life

 

[Sheabutter]

Do you like him? As in friendly way ? If you think you may enjoy an evening with him go but just make that clear when you accept the invitation? I always think if you are honest and upfront with people it's kinder and no one is confused. If he wants it to be a date as in relationship he has the choice to say no thanks to you and invite someone else.

I want to be on good terms with my neighbor that’s it really. We have very different personalities. He’s high energy and I’m more chilled with anxiety base notes.

Okay, this one or the grandfather one:

Thanks for the invite! It sounds like a lovely time. I’m still practicing social distancing (wild. I know ) Maybe some day in the future you can show me your favorite spot!!


That sounds dirty lol. Anyway, hopefully he finds a new gf and never asks me again. Shall I send this?

ETA: I am still staying home and always wearing a bright blue mask whenever he sees me.

 

[ATV2021]

I want to be on good terms with my neighbor that’s it really. We have very different personalities. He’s high energy and I’m more chilled with anxiety base notes.

Okay, this one or the grandfather one:

Thanks for the invite! It sounds like a lovely time. I’m still practicing social distancing (wild. I know ) Maybe some day in the future you can show me your favorite spot!!


That sounds dirty lol. Anyway, hopefully he finds a new gf and never asks me again. Shall I send this?

ETA: I am still staying home and always wearing a bright blue mask whenever he sees me.

I still think that's giving hope.... if there really is none then you need to say that it's only a friendly thing and you don't feel that way about him...

 

[Thank(space)you]

@Sheabutter what about something like
"Hiya, thank you for the invite. Sounds like a lot of fun, I'd be happy to go* but feel it's best I clarify if we did hang out it would only be as friends"


*only say that bit if you are happy to go


Or

"Hiya, thanks for the invite. Whilst it sounds like it would be a lot of fun I'm not interested in you romantically. Hope we can still be friendly though and it doesn't make things awkward"

 

[Sheabutter]

@Sheabutter what about something like
"Hiya, thank you for the invite. Sounds like a lot of fun, I'd be happy to go* but feel it's best I clarify if we did hang out it would only be as friends"


*only say that bit if you are happy to go


Or

"Hiya, thanks for the invite. Whilst it sounds like it would be a lot of fun I'm not interested in you romantically. Hope we can still be friendly though and it doesn't make things awkward"

I am still social distancing I would be that person who goes out once and catches Covid. I’m lucky like that haha

 

[Sprottish]

A bit of space from my "lovely but is there chemistry?" guy and I do miss him. I'm completely not used to someone being reliable, consistent and considerate.

I always wear red lipstick, and on one of our dates he'd bought me a red lipstick as a gift. He'd asked in the shop for a lipstick that doesn't transfer and showed the assistant a photo of me to see what would suit me. I didn't know if it was weird at the time, but being the way he is, it seems genuinely sweet. Also its a 10/10 lipstick .

He also dragged me out of the pub for a "walk" and we ended up at a reservoir watching the most beautiful sunset with all the swans swimming next to us. It was lovely.

The week before payday I mentioned I couldn't really do anything and he told me not to worry, that he'd pick me up from work and take me out for something to eat, which was also lovely.

He also got me a ticket to see something at the theatre that's a combination of both our interests and it was really good. I think I'm just writing this down because actually, so far he's been really proactive and thoughtful.

We've had four dates, all out and about doing stuff, and I've asked if he wants to do something low-key where I'll cook and he can pick a film and we can see how we are just being quiet and chilling together. I also haven't slept with him and usually I'm a bit of a sex pest (consensually of course) and it's actually a nice change if a bit anxiety inducing.

Even if it doesn't work out at least its like... a surprising revelation that there are actually decent men who make the effort out there?

Without trying to sound like that “me me me” person (as I’m aware my last two posts have been relating it back to myself!) honestly, I learnt that there is so much more than someone just being a really nice reliable dependable person.
This guy sounds like a dream. But that’s not enough, and the fact you’re having to list all these amazing things he’s done seems like you’re trying to convince yourself it is (been there done that!!) I’m sure he’s an amazing thoughtful and considerate person but there’s so much more than someone just being nice to you. Isn’t it sad that that’s the level we’re at these days? I spent way too long in a relationship with someone who was just like this but….I didn’t look forward to seeing him. And you say you miss him, but do you miss HIM or just the attention/someone being nice and treating you nicely? At first I thought I’d struck gold (and even 2 years after splitting up my mum keeps telling me what an “error I made”) but it was 100% the right thing to do.
By all means this is just my experience and if you look forward to seeing him, can’t wait to hear from him and he excites you then you’re onto a winner!! But being nice doesn’t make up for those feelings of anticipation.
Keep us posted!!!

 

[ATV2021]

I think the ‘advice’ on this thread was way too hardcore, and actually some people need to recognise they are not professionals. I dearly hope Betty is ok, but in retrospect I’m really disgusted with the comments towards her. I’m 47 and the similar comments I had at my lowest ebb really pushed me to the brink….

Is this a supportive group or not?

I've seen she has been online (insta) when she first went fairly regularly. Well her little dogs account anyway.

Granted some advice maybe was harsh but sometimes people need the nudge to seek something whether it's therapy or a coach or whatever it may be. I'm glad for my nudge as I wouldn't be how I am today - I'd still be stuck in my formerly anxious and miserable existence tbh. And it was miserable. Any decent therapist will make anyone realise that everything starts and ends with you. So make you happy and then you'll attract the same. I had some right toxic mofos in my life before sapping my energy and now I don't I feel 1000% better. But that's me. I have shared resources that helped me and I'm glad they're also helping others now too.