Wonder how interested she will be once he's gone.... my guess is not very!!
Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season đ
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Do people think asking to meet up on the second message is a lot? Do you usually say anything back?
Seems a bit rushed.
Yeah thatâs what I think⊠the convo went like this:
â Hi xxx, how has your week been?â
âHey xxx, very busy but glad itâs now almost over. How about you?â
âSame deal, I had a busy one with university exams and work but yep at least itâs almost over. Do you have many grand weekend plans?â
âCouple of things on but otherwise not too bad. How is your weekend shaping up? Fancy a drink in the city tonight or Saturday night?â
Meanwhile itâs 5pm here so itâs very rushedâŠ
I was speaking about guys who do this to my counsellor this week, she said if anyone asks you out after Wednesday for the weekend say youâre busy. Sets a boundary, shows you have a life and if theyâre asking because they genuinely like you theyâll rearrange a date, if theyâre just asking for the sake of it you avoid wasting time.
It came up when we were discussing how over accomodating I have been being
Thatâs a great tip, thank you for sharing! We love setting a good boundaryI was speaking about guys who do this to my counsellor this week, she said if anyone asks you out after Wednesday for the weekend say youâre busy. Sets a boundary, shows you have a life and if theyâre asking because they genuinely like you theyâll rearrange a date, if theyâre just asking for the sake of it you avoid wasting time.
It came up when we were discussing how over accomodating I have been being
This is taken from a famous self help book from the early 90s called âThe Rulesâ. Showing my age that I even know that
Hahahah yes it is! She said most of the book is so dated but that's a really good tipThis is taken from a famous self help book from the early 90s called âThe Rulesâ. Showing my age that I even know that
Today's NN challenge is one I shall not be posting....if I can do that at all I've always struggled with the idea that I am or can be sexy so that's me figured out on what I need to work on next! Lol
I've always struggled with the idea that I am or can be sexy so that's me figured out on what I need to work on next! LolBut isn't that part of the issue we all struggle with, with online dating ..the head games? If you are genuinely busy on the weekend say so but if it's for another reason such as its too soon etc , why not just say that? I don't understand starting relationships off on a lie ! I get what the councellor was suggesting , but why pretend to be something you are not ? Especially if he then goes onto ask you how was your weekend and you either have to make up a lie or tell the real truth that you had no plans and were sat watching strictly !I was speaking about guys who do this to my counsellor this week, she said if anyone asks you out after Wednesday for the weekend say youâre busy. Sets a boundary, shows you have a life and if theyâre asking because they genuinely like you theyâll rearrange a date, if theyâre just asking for the sake of it you avoid wasting time.
It came up when we were discussing how over accomodating I have been being
I guess with context, I am constantly busy, and if I have no plans on the rare occasion, I am busy being at home on my own relaxing
I was asked out by someone this weekend and declined and said I am busy this weekend. I am busy, I could make the time but I don't want to and if he really wants to see me, and isn't overbearing he'll be fine with that and we can reschedule.Would you find it a head game if someone you'd never met said they were busy one weekend? I guess we all have different things we find acceptable but if someone was annoyed at me for sitting at home when I wanted to that'd be such a red flag
But that isn't what the councellor was suggesting? I took her advice as being pretend you are busy even if you aren't in order to ' test ' how interested the man was ?I guess with context, I am constantly busy, and if I have no plans on the rare occasion, I am busy being at home on my own relaxing
Would you find it a head game if someone you'd never met said they were busy one weekend? I guess we all have different things we find acceptable but if someone was annoyed at me for sitting at home when I wanted to that'd be such a red flag
I completely agree, a weekend in my own company means I'm busy yes, but if it's because I'm feeling its too soon into the getting to know him process I will just say that and not fabricate a social life I don't have in order for him to pass a test he's not aware he's taking part in!!
Iâd unmatch. I need the message stage to at least cover the basics and ensure Iâm not going to be wasting a weekend night
Also, I need to know if he can actually hold a conversation before I agree to anything.
I think youâre missing the point @Bagpuss7 is making on this which is that advice from The Rules is encouraging the game playing behaviour we all find frustrating rather than just being honest about what works for you/what your expectations are.I guess with context, I am constantly busy, and if I have no plans on the rare occasion, I am busy being at home on my own relaxing
Would you find it a head game if someone you'd never met said they were busy one weekend? I guess we all have different things we find acceptable but if someone was annoyed at me for sitting at home when I wanted to that'd be such a red flag
You could reply with, âthanks for the offer, itâs too short notice for me but maybe some other timeâ unless of course you are busy because you want some down time, in which case youâre not following the advice of the counsellor who suggests to routinely say youâre busy if asked after a Wednesday for a Saturday date whether you are or not because you should set a boundary that it isnât showing sufficient thought/interest/planning by doing so.
I completely agree that a weekend doing nothing is actually a weekend doing something - looking after your own health and well-being is important.
you always have a way of putting the point across just rightI get you, the last time I had nothing to do at the weekend was mid July, and for the past couple of weeks I've been out of the house 7:30-22:00 so I am just constantly doing something, she knows this too. Our conversation was about my previous unhealthy behaviour was that I would drop everything, and sometimes even avoid making plans in the hope of being asked to spend time with a guy I was seeing. I didn't like to say no to him, because I didn't like it when he said no to me so I would always be available to him. I would wait for him to message asking if I was free and then invite him over and cater for him for the evening/next day and not do any of the other things I could've been doing, then when he left I would feel an anxious mess whilst carrying on with my life. It was awful.
If I wasn't doing anything on the rare occasion I would let them know I'm not going because its short notice, I love this new mindset!
I genuinely used to carry the weight of the world around with me to avoid saying things which might've put someone off me or not have been what they wanted to hear, but now I come first and I hope because of this I will attract more respectful men
When you refuse to accept less than youâre happy/comfortable with or feel youâre worth you signal your expectations - the men who donât care or are not interested enough to meet those expectations will be weeded out very quickly which saves a lot of issues further down the line.
I think I mentioned that the last minute, not really chatted much dates were the worst Iâd had. I had to a runner from one of them as he was a scarily angry man who seemed to hate women: made the rookie mistake of agreeing to a date in a pub Iâd never been to before. Went to the loo and tried to sneak out the back but the garden didnât have an exit. Had to sneak back in and then shuffle down behind the bar to get to the exit I then ran down the street and hid in the local Tesco until I thought the coast was clear.
I think I mentioned that the last minute, not really chatted much dates were the worst Iâd had. I had to a runner from one of them as he was a scarily angry man who seemed to hate women: made the rookie mistake of agreeing to a date in a pub Iâd never been to before. Went to the loo and tried to sneak out the back but the garden didnât have an exit. Had to sneak back in and then shuffle down behind the bar to get to the exit
I then ran down the street and hid in the local Tesco until I thought the coast was clear.I said to this guy that I usually donât meet up with people I havenât really spoken to for firstly safety reasons and two to see if there is good conversation first before meeting and he replies âfair enoughâ haha.When you refuse to accept less than youâre happy/comfortable with or feel youâre worth you signal your expectations - the men who donât care or are not interested enough to meet those expectations will be weeded out very quickly which saves a lot of issues further down the line.
I think I mentioned that the last minute, not really chatted much dates were the worst Iâd had. I had to a runner from one of them as he was a scarily angry man who seemed to hate women: made the rookie mistake of agreeing to a date in a pub Iâd never been to before. Went to the loo and tried to sneak out the back but the garden didnât have an exit. Had to sneak back in and then shuffle down behind the bar to get to the exit
Smells like he was hoping for a leg over this weekend then! Lol
When you refuse to accept less than youâre happy/comfortable with or feel youâre worth you signal your expectations - the men who donât care or are not interested enough to meet those expectations will be weeded out very quickly which saves a lot of issues further down the line.
I think I mentioned that the last minute, not really chatted much dates were the worst Iâd had. I had to a runner from one of them as he was a scarily angry man who seemed to hate women: made the rookie mistake of agreeing to a date in a pub Iâd never been to before. Went to the loo and tried to sneak out the back but the garden didnât have an exit. Had to sneak back in and then shuffle down behind the bar to get to the exit
Definitely! I have gone from having conversations with men who don't drive and live with their parents who ask to come to mine instead of out somewhere, even though thats what I wanted. My warped thoughts told me that if he likes me in mine he can ask me out after that which is actually laughable looking back! Now I am being asked on dates by doctors, dentists and men in the navy
Oh god, what a situation!! Some men are really just awful aren't they
Whats everyones opinion on leaving a bad date early? If someone was giving you bad vibes would you tell them that and leave, sneak out or just hold it out? In the past I have just rode it out but I don't see myself doing that anymore
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