Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[Mr Sparkle]

He said he realises how self deprecating he can be and he tries to say all the bad stuff before anyone else has a chance to and he thanked me for my honesty. I do feel for the guy but I'm can't deal with his issues right now.

I think this is why I always go for an alpha type man, I find their confidence so attractive .

With you on that!! Confidence that doesn't teeter into arrogance is so hot.

This Swiss guy I'm talking to is a fairly quiet, introverted type but still gives off this vibe of chilled confidence, and it's killing me

 

[newtoyou]

I think this may have been me, I had that date in October where I was 45minutes late
After the date he messaged me asking when I was next free. We ended up having a call where I mentioned my availability and he said something like he needs to figure out his life. I didn't follow up with him, I'd apologised for my lateness and had made it clear I wanted to see him again. A few weeks later his number got deleted when I went on a deleting spree of dead chats

Oh maybe it was someone else (I think it was the summer) because that person’s date left because she was too late and they never ended up meeting.

But it sounds like deleting was a good choice with your guy!

 

[nothanksbabes]

I've been scared to read this thread because I find dating so stressful.

I'm 36, single approaching 4 years apart from two blokes who strung me along and annihilated my feelings, one short lived thing with a man who neglected to tell me he's married with kids, and endless game playing fuckboys (they're not in short supply are they?)

I reluctantly was persuaded to do online dating. Had one date with one guy who I got on well with but he obviously didn't feel the same. Two dates with a super hot guy who was a lunatic, I had to block him.

I've had 4 dates with another guy who is great on paper. Considerate, proactive, pays for stuff (I'm happy to go halves but also have no objection to letting the patriarchy pay when they earn good money), is consistent, goes out of his way to see me, but there is zero chemistry. He's not my "type" but also not unattractive and I reckon I could manufacture sexual chemistry with a mannequin, I'm a pretty sexually motivated person, but there's just... nothing. We have stuff in common and he is such a nice, polite man, not that worldly, but I don't want to end up in a situation where we're just seeing each other for lack of other options.

The other part of me thinks this is the best I'm doing. All my exes I've financially supported, the last long term one was abusive, unlike my friends I can't seem to meet anyone who actually likes or respects me in the usual way, at work or a gig or the places they met their husbands, and I don't exactly have a lot of time (or any) on my hands if I want to settle down and have a family (if I even can).

I'm reasonably attractive and well liked, good job etc., I just don't know what the duck is wrong with me.

Gah. Sorry for the essay. Dating, even when it's OK, is bleeping awful.

 

[lurkingaround123]

I've been scared to read this thread because I find dating so stressful.

I'm 36, single approaching 4 years apart from two blokes who strung me along and annihilated my feelings, one short lived thing with a man who neglected to tell me he's married with kids, and endless game playing fuckboys (they're not in short supply are they?)

I reluctantly was persuaded to do online dating. Had one date with one guy who I got on well with but he obviously didn't feel the same. Two dates with a super hot guy who was a lunatic, I had to block him.

I've had 4 dates with another guy who is great on paper. Considerate, proactive, pays for stuff (I'm happy to go halves but also have no objection to letting the patriarchy pay when they earn good money), is consistent, goes out of his way to see me, but there is zero chemistry. He's not my "type" but also not unattractive and I reckon I could manufacture sexual chemistry with a mannequin, I'm a pretty sexually motivated person, but there's just... nothing. We have stuff in common and he is such a nice, polite man, not that worldly, but I don't want to end up in a situation where we're just seeing each other for lack of other options.

The other part of me thinks this is the best I'm doing. All my exes I've financially supported, the last long term one was abusive, unlike my friends I can't seem to meet anyone who actually likes or respects me in the usual way, at work or a gig or the places they met their husbands, and I don't exactly have a lot of time (or any) on my hands if I want to settle down and have a family (if I even can).

I'm reasonably attractive and well liked, good job etc., I just don't know what the duck is wrong with me.

Gah. Sorry for the essay. Dating, even when it's OK, is bleeping awful.

Do you think after the more recent men you've dated acting that way, you may have began to associate the anxious feelings that being strung along, misled and men acting just crazy in general to dating/chemistry/bond, and when someone starts acting 'normal' you associate that with no chemistry?

I only ask as I have been awful for this for so long and I have only just started addressing it myself, and me a few months ago could've written that word for word

 

[Thank(space)you]

I've been scared to read this thread because I find dating so stressful.

I'm 36, single approaching 4 years apart from two blokes who strung me along and annihilated my feelings, one short lived thing with a man who neglected to tell me he's married with kids, and endless game playing fuckboys (they're not in short supply are they?)

I reluctantly was persuaded to do online dating. Had one date with one guy who I got on well with but he obviously didn't feel the same. Two dates with a super hot guy who was a lunatic, I had to block him.

I've had 4 dates with another guy who is great on paper. Considerate, proactive, pays for stuff (I'm happy to go halves but also have no objection to letting the patriarchy pay when they earn good money), is consistent, goes out of his way to see me, but there is zero chemistry. He's not my "type" but also not unattractive and I reckon I could manufacture sexual chemistry with a mannequin, I'm a pretty sexually motivated person, but there's just... nothing. We have stuff in common and he is such a nice, polite man, not that worldly, but I don't want to end up in a situation where we're just seeing each other for lack of other options.

The other part of me thinks this is the best I'm doing. All my exes I've financially supported, the last long term one was abusive, unlike my friends I can't seem to meet anyone who actually likes or respects me in the usual way, at work or a gig or the places they met their husbands, and I don't exactly have a lot of time (or any) on my hands if I want to settle down and have a family (if I even can).

I'm reasonably attractive and well liked, good job etc., I just don't know what the duck is wrong with me.

Gah. Sorry for the essay. Dating, even when it's OK, is bleeping awful.

There is NOTHING wrong with you! Don't settle for less than you deserve, you can't meet the right guy if you're with the wrong one

 

[nothanksbabes]

Do you think after the more recent men you've dated acting that way, you may have began to associate the anxious feelings that being strung along, misled and men acting just crazy in general to dating/chemistry/bond, and when someone starts acting 'normal' you associate that with no chemistry?

I only ask as I have been awful for this for so long and I have only just started addressing it myself, and me a few months ago could've written that word for word

Yes, absolutely. Also, lots of the terrible men I've had chemistry with have been very "intense" types. Which is why I've got to date 4 with this new guy because something needs to change. That said, I do find our interactions a bit flat, but based on how kind and reliable he is and the things we have in common, I'm trying to give it a go to see if something develops.

I know there's nothing wrong with dating someone for a few months to see if there's anything there, I just sometimes think I'm not cut out for any of it and should just accept that I'm meant to be on my own.

 

[lurkingaround123]

Yes, absolutely. Also, lots of the terrible men I've had chemistry with have been very "intense" types. Which is why I've got to date 4 with this new guy because something needs to change. That said, I do find our interactions a bit flat, but based on how kind and reliable he is and the things we have in common, I'm trying to give it a go to see if something develops.

I know there's nothing wrong with dating someone for a few months to see if there's anything there, I just sometimes think I'm not cut out for any of it and should just accept that I'm meant to be on my own.

Its a hard one to navigate isn't it! Because your gut is often telling you no don't give this guy a chance, but its influenced by the past trauma. Definitely don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but you could definitely give him a go, you don't owe him your life just from casually dating. If your gut tells you to stop and you're not feeling it follow that too.

I am used to love bombing intense men and now when people are normal and take things slow I'm like ew this is terrible, but then if you asked me what i am looking for I'd describe exactly what they offer. I have decided to be conscious of that and try and remember it when I start freaking out about someone showing me basic levels of human decency

 

[mehere]

He said he realises how self deprecating he can be and he tries to say all the bad stuff before anyone else has a chance to and he thanked me for my honesty. I do feel for the guy but I'm can't deal with his issues right now.

I think this is why I always go for an alpha type man, I find their confidence so attractive .

There's nothing more unattractive (to me personally) than a man who comes across like a wet blanket

Don't feel bad - you absolutely did the right thing and put yourself first.

 

[nothanksbabes]

Its a hard one to navigate isn't it! Because your gut is often telling you no don't give this guy a chance, but its influenced by the past trauma. Definitely don't do anything that makes you uncomfortable, but you could definitely give him a go, you don't owe him your life just from casually dating. If your gut tells you to stop and you're not feeling it follow that too.

I am used to love bombing intense men and now when people are normal and take things slow I'm like ew this is terrible, but then if you asked me what i am looking for I'd describe exactly what they offer. I have decided to be conscious of that and try and remember it when I start freaking out about someone showing me basic levels of human decency

Absolutely all of this is me. Plus the fear of getting myself into something I can't get out of, or hurting someone like others have me. Surely it shouldn't be this difficult when I literally don't know any single people except me

 

[candyland_]

I've been scared to read this thread because I find dating so stressful.

I'm 36, single approaching 4 years apart from two blokes who strung me along and annihilated my feelings, one short lived thing with a man who neglected to tell me he's married with kids, and endless game playing fuckboys (they're not in short supply are they?)

I reluctantly was persuaded to do online dating. Had one date with one guy who I got on well with but he obviously didn't feel the same. Two dates with a super hot guy who was a lunatic, I had to block him.

I've had 4 dates with another guy who is great on paper. Considerate, proactive, pays for stuff (I'm happy to go halves but also have no objection to letting the patriarchy pay when they earn good money), is consistent, goes out of his way to see me, but there is zero chemistry. He's not my "type" but also not unattractive and I reckon I could manufacture sexual chemistry with a mannequin, I'm a pretty sexually motivated person, but there's just... nothing. We have stuff in common and he is such a nice, polite man, not that worldly, but I don't want to end up in a situation where we're just seeing each other for lack of other options.

The other part of me thinks this is the best I'm doing. All my exes I've financially supported, the last long term one was abusive, unlike my friends I can't seem to meet anyone who actually likes or respects me in the usual way, at work or a gig or the places they met their husbands, and I don't exactly have a lot of time (or any) on my hands if I want to settle down and have a family (if I even can).

I'm reasonably attractive and well liked, good job etc., I just don't know what the duck is wrong with me.

Gah. Sorry for the essay. Dating, even when it's OK, is bleeping awful.

I would let him know sooner rather than later, it’s unfair to continue without him being aware you might not be feeling it.

 

[nothanksbabes]

I would let him know sooner rather than later, it’s unfair to continue without him being aware you might not be feeling it.

The thing is, I do like him a lot and enjoy his company and I can't tell if the chemistry thing is because he's taking it slow and being polite, when I'm used to men who are only after one thing and are very forward.

I'd never string anyone along or lead them to believe I have feelings for them I don't.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

The thing is, I do like him a lot and enjoy his company and I can't tell if the chemistry thing is because he's taking it slow and being polite, when I'm used to men who are only after one thing and are very forward.

I'd never string anyone along or lead them to believe I have feelings for them I don't.

The truth is, there aren't many men above the age of 25 who are available, nice, attractive and who evoke sexual feelings.

If the chemistry isn't there it is best to remain friends and keep on looking for the one that starts a fire.

 

[Thank(space)you]

@ATV2021 I'm so fuming that the live isn't up yet

 

[ATV2021]

@ATV2021 I'm so fuming that the live isn't up yet

Snap!! The first time I've actually been able to make it and FB etc all go down! Sods law lol

Were you brave earlier and posted a photo? I only did a photo of the actual underwear and not me in it haha

 

[Raymond Luxury-Yacht]

Hi everyone, I’m new here I’m more of a casual dating app user because I just don’t seem to be attracted to anyone…Why do 90% of guys look so untidy and icky, I’m talking 20-30 age range? Can’t they at least put up a nice photo? Just a casual one where you can sort of see their face?

I’ve just come across this guy, surely he can’t be serious?

 

[Thank(space)you]

Snap!! The first time I've actually been able to make it and FB etc all go down! Sods law lol

Were you brave earlier and posted a photo? I only did a photo of the actual underwear and not me in it haha

I did indeed I keep wondering who you are when I look through the comments haha

 

[ATV2021]

I did indeed I keep wondering who you are when I look through the comments haha

Hahaha there's so many commenting! I wasn't brave enough to show me in it so it's just my actual underwear which I then had to change out of and put my super sexy sports bra on for boxing I am gutted that it got cancelled tonight. I wonder if I've commented on your photo without realising lol

 

[NoseyNiamh]

I did indeed I keep wondering who you are when I look through the comments haha

Ohhhh I'm going to have a look now. Im really liking her, thanks for the recommendation @ATV2021

 

[ATV2021]

Ohhhh I'm going to have a look now. Im really liking her, thanks for the recommendation @ATV2021

Ah good I'm glad! I've signed up to various others and in the first half hour of the first "show" I've been like NOPE but some just click and speak to you. Persia and Noor have been my favourite two so far. I've put Persias book on my Christmas list!

Did you post a photo today? Lol

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Ah good I'm glad! I've signed up to various others and in the first half hour of the first "show" I've been like NOPE but some just click and speak to you. Persia and Noor have been my favourite two so far. I've put Persias book on my Christmas list!

Did you post a photo today? Lol

I did not, I'd live to have both your confidence but I'm not quite there yet