Dating after lockdown #13 Halloween the ghost(er)s favourite season 🎃

[ATV2021]

Going to do a swift unmatch even though he seemed like a nice fella

Yeah the one I briefly spoke to works nights, mostly vegan/environmentalist etc so even before meeting it wouldn't ever work lol plus doesn't text and does voice notes *ICK* and hasn't actually messaged once since Sunday (nor have I but that's because I don't want to either) so yeah I've made other plans for that day. I wait for nobody now

Not saying I don't care about the environment but I'm not going to get twitchy/lectury about it and I LIKE REAL MILK not white nut water claiming to be "milk" and I don't need the "you'd never know this was vegan" tit because I've tried alot of it and yes I can tell it ain't bloody meat lol

 

[PiesAndLattes]

Yeah the one I briefly spoke to works nights, mostly vegan/environmentalist etc so even before meeting it wouldn't ever work lol plus doesn't text and does voice notes *ICK* and hasn't actually messaged once since Sunday (nor have I but that's because I don't want to either) so yeah I've made other plans for that day. I wait for nobody now

Not saying I don't care about the environment but I'm not going to get twitchy/lectury about it and I LIKE REAL MILK not white nut water claiming to be "milk" and I don't need the "you'd never know this was vegan" tit because I've tried alot of it and yes I can tell it ain't bloody meat lol

Good! We wait for absolutely nobody, these men can either make plans and set them in stone or they miss out. Sometimes I wonder why they whinge that they have such a hard time on dating apps when this is the tit they do?

 

[ATV2021]

Good! We wait for absolutely nobody, these men can either make plans and set them in stone or they miss out. Sometimes I wonder why they whinge that they have such a hard time on dating apps when this is the tit they do?

I know right? It's really bizarre to me but I just knew from chatting that it didn't click really so hoping he's realised the same and we are effectively ghosting each other I'm honestly so calm about relationships atm and it's just not my number 1 focus. Working on me and figuring out my career path is lol

 

[PiesAndLattes]

I know right? It's really bizarre to me but I just knew from chatting that it didn't click really so hoping he's realised the same and we are effectively ghosting each other I'm honestly so calm about relationships atm and it's just not my number 1 focus. Working on me and figuring out my career path is lol

That’s such a good mindset though! I think I’m going to do the same and just get back into life and really get a good “single” routine going. I am fearful though that as my life is slowing down (finishing uni, works slowing down etc) I am going to get a bit more time to process my breakup… I feel like I had processed it but I’m starting to feel a bit of anxiety around it so I just need to get into some activities that make me happy and get a good routine down.

 

[whathastheworldcometo]

I know right? It's really bizarre to me but I just knew from chatting that it didn't click really so hoping he's realised the same and we are effectively ghosting each other I'm honestly so calm about relationships atm and it's just not my number 1 focus. Working on me and figuring out my career path is lol

Why don't you just tell him that you don't think that the two of you are a good match? Then both of you know where you stand.

That’s such a good mindset though! I think I’m going to do the same and just get back into life and really get a good “single” routine going. I am fearful though that as my life is slowing down (finishing uni, works slowing down etc) I am going to get a bit more time to process my breakup… I feel like I had processed it but I’m starting to feel a bit of anxiety around it so I just need to get into some activities that make me happy and get a good routine down.

I can understand that. I would encourage you not to busy yourself to hide your feelings, they will still fester. Why not journal them out?
Or go for walks / runs to get the anxiety out of your body?

 

[ATV2021]

Why don't you just tell him that you don't think that the two of you are a good match? Then both of you know where you stand.

Well he hasn't even bothered to message in like 3 days & we've not even met so I feel nothing is owed to be honest. Wasn't a specific time or date set for anywhere either...

 

[PiesAndLattes]

Why don't you just tell him that you don't think that the two of you are a good match? Then both of you know where you stand.



I can understand that. I would encourage you not to busy yourself to hide your feelings, they will still fester. Why not journal them out?
Or go for walks / runs to get the anxiety out of your body?

Yes I think I am going to start journaling and get back to my beach walks as well as they really help. Therapy is booked in too.

 

[ATV2021]

That’s such a good mindset though! I think I’m going to do the same and just get back into life and really get a good “single” routine going. I am fearful though that as my life is slowing down (finishing uni, works slowing down etc) I am going to get a bit more time to process my breakup… I feel like I had processed it but I’m starting to feel a bit of anxiety around it so I just need to get into some activities that make me happy and get a good routine down.

I did see a journal yesterday that had pages to "write things down" and then "let go" whenever you had certain thoughts or feelings. Some of the work I've been doing has been to identify the initial trigger points or times where the stories started (I.e the I'm not worthy/only destined for bad relationships type ones) and it's been eye opening! Therapy never did that for me which I thought was half the point of it but hey. I'm replacing my narrative everytime these thoughts enter my head and telling myself I am worthy, just because my Mum etc had bad relationships doesn't mean I'm destined to etc etc and being more aware of universal signs. I've been told many times in the past I have a very spiritual aura but I'm blocking it every single time and I scoffed at those people but now I'm tuned in and I see things EVERYWHERE like the number 111 (even on the front of a tube yesterday). It does take work and wanting to change but it's somewhat liberating!

@Thank(space)you hope you're wrapping yourself in lace today! Lol

 

[Thank(space)you]

I did see a journal yesterday that had pages to "write things down" and then "let go" whenever you had certain thoughts or feelings. Some of the work I've been doing has been to identify the initial trigger points or times where the stories started (I.e the I'm not worthy/only destined for bad relationships type ones) and it's been eye opening! Therapy never did that for me which I thought was half the point of it but hey. I'm replacing my narrative everytime these thoughts enter my head and telling myself I am worthy, just because my Mum etc had bad relationships doesn't mean I'm destined to etc etc and being more aware of universal signs. I've been told many times in the past I have a very spiritual aura but I'm blocking it every single time and I scoffed at those people but now I'm tuned in and I see things EVERYWHERE like the number 111 (even on the front of a tube yesterday). It does take work and wanting to change but it's somewhat liberating!

@Thank(space)you hope you're wrapping yourself in lace today! Lol

I wear lace underwear every day so it's nothing unusual for me, BUT I am gonna order a new set. Hope you're joining in


I think the hardest part for me is to stop being so attached to my romantic goals if that makes sense?

 

[ATV2021]

I wear lace underwear every day so it's nothing unusual for me, BUT I am gonna order a new set. Hope you're joining in


I think the hardest part for me is to stop being so attached to my romantic goals if that makes sense?

I will be indeed lol yeah I do - it oddly just clicked for me recently whereby it was my main manifestation etc but once I actually let go and left it to the hands of the universe as it were I felt a very odd calm.... every single programme like this is about empowering you (as I know I've spouted 100 times on these threads but I get the info from the pros ) but they do help you learn to let go! I hope the plan tonight isn't to go round winking at lots of people hahaha

 

[mehere]

I’m bad with remembering peoples usernames but I wonder what happened with the poster who was late for her date and he got really annoyed and they fell out. She said she’d give him space for a while IIRC, but I’d love an update!

I think this may have been me, I had that date in October where I was 45minutes late
After the date he messaged me asking when I was next free. We ended up having a call where I mentioned my availability and he said something like he needs to figure out his life. I didn't follow up with him, I'd apologised for my lateness and had made it clear I wanted to see him again. A few weeks later his number got deleted when I went on a deleting spree of dead chats

 

[NoseyNiamh]

I got talking to a guy on Bumble. He was lovely and we had so much in common. We had the exact same humour as me and lots of similar interests and he was tall!
But after a few days of chatting I realised the poor guy had no confidence and regularly referred to himself as fat (kept sending pics and commenting on his fatness) He wasn't even fat and he was handsome which I confirmed numerous times.

Anyways I have a weird relationship with food and weight and his comments were a trigger for me. I have also worked on my confidence recently and I am in a good place, I felt he dragged me down.
Because we chatted so much I was honest with him and said I couldn't continue based on the above points, I also suggested he tries to work on his confidence and self worth before he dates.

I feel bad bad now, was I too honest ?

 

[yankydoo]

I got talking to a guy on Bumble. He was lovely and we had so much in common. We had the exact same humour as me and lots of similar interests and he was tall!
But after a few days of chatting I realised the poor guy had no confidence and regularly referred to himself as fat (kept sending pics and commenting on his fatness) He wasn't even fat and he was handsome which I confirmed numerous times.

Anyways I have a weird relationship with food and weight and his comments were a trigger for me. I have also worked on my confidence recently and I am in a good place, I felt he dragged me down.
Because we chatted so much I was honest with him and said I couldn't continue based on the above points, I also suggested he tries to work on his confidence and self worth before he dates.

I feel bad bad now, was I too honest ?

No. Sounds like you said it to him nicely and he seems to have understood the point. Also sounds like you may have helped him with the realisation he needs to work on himself.

 

[lurkingaround123]

I got talking to a guy on Bumble. He was lovely and we had so much in common. We had the exact same humour as me and lots of similar interests and he was tall!
But after a few days of chatting I realised the poor guy had no confidence and regularly referred to himself as fat (kept sending pics and commenting on his fatness) He wasn't even fat and he was handsome which I confirmed numerous times.

Anyways I have a weird relationship with food and weight and his comments were a trigger for me. I have also worked on my confidence recently and I am in a good place, I felt he dragged me down.
Because we chatted so much I was honest with him and said I couldn't continue based on the above points, I also suggested he tries to work on his confidence and self worth before he dates.

I feel bad bad now, was I too honest ?

No definitely not! Nobody should make you feel dragged down with their own issues. Also its super weird to keep saying things like that to people, he's essentially asking you to compliment him over and over. He definitely needs to work on that and you are right for ending it as it is not your responsibility.

 

[Mr Sparkle]

I got talking to a guy on Bumble. He was lovely and we had so much in common. We had the exact same humour as me and lots of similar interests and he was tall!
But after a few days of chatting I realised the poor guy had no confidence and regularly referred to himself as fat (kept sending pics and commenting on his fatness) He wasn't even fat and he was handsome which I confirmed numerous times.

Anyways I have a weird relationship with food and weight and his comments were a trigger for me. I have also worked on my confidence recently and I am in a good place, I felt he dragged me down.
Because we chatted so much I was honest with him and said I couldn't continue based on the above points, I also suggested he tries to work on his confidence and self worth before he dates.

I feel bad bad now, was I too honest ?

It sounds like you did the right thing, and it's good that you were honest with him about your reasons.

 

[NoseyNiamh]

Thanks, yes maybe I did the right thing.
Bumble hasn't gone too well this time for me, back to the drawing board

 

[ATV2021]

I got talking to a guy on Bumble. He was lovely and we had so much in common. We had the exact same humour as me and lots of similar interests and he was tall!
But after a few days of chatting I realised the poor guy had no confidence and regularly referred to himself as fat (kept sending pics and commenting on his fatness) He wasn't even fat and he was handsome which I confirmed numerous times.

Anyways I have a weird relationship with food and weight and his comments were a trigger for me. I have also worked on my confidence recently and I am in a good place, I felt he dragged me down.
Because we chatted so much I was honest with him and said I couldn't continue based on the above points, I also suggested he tries to work on his confidence and self worth before he dates.

I feel bad bad now, was I too honest ?

No this is amazing. Knowing and sticking to your boundaries is a brilliant step in furthering self confidence! Us women rarely say no and do things we don't want to at our own detriment. Don't feel bad - you did what was right for you

 

[BunnyLebowski]

What did he say?

I think you did the right thing. Lack of confidence is a big deal and actually quite exhausting. It’s like all the pressure is dumped on you because the weaker unconfident person needs to be protected. It’s bloody hard work actually, I’ve been there.

 

[NoseyNiamh]

What did he say?

I think you did the right thing. Lack of confidence is a big deal and actually quite exhausting. It’s like all the pressure is dumped on you because the weaker unconfident person needs to be protected. It’s bloody hard work actually, I’ve been there.

He said he realises how self deprecating he can be and he tries to say all the bad stuff before anyone else has a chance to and he thanked me for my honesty. I do feel for the guy but I'm can't deal with his issues right now.

I think this is why I always go for an alpha type man, I find their confidence so attractive .

 

[yankydoo]

I think this is why I always go for an alpha type man, I find their confidence so attractive .

There's something so so hot about that type of man making it clear he wants you. So much better than some needy unconfident man wanting validation every 2 seconds.