Childfree

[HoGi]

God the Christmas thing REALLY winds me up…it’s like families without kids don’t count? Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean I don’t also have a family that I want to spend time at Christmas, and you know, there are other people’s children in that family that I would like to see while they’re off school too. Not sure why that doesn’t matter just because they aren’t my own?!

Totally agree. I have somehow been roped into organising a buffet for the office on Xmas eve every year for the past 10 years!!!

Because me and one other manager are the only child free ones it is our responsibility!! Everyone else pays of course, but we have to do the shop and prep etc. Which means I can never have Xmas eve off.

Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I wouldn't prefer to be at home in my pj's prepping Christmas Dinner!!! Or just having baileys for breakfast haha

 

[judgejohndeed]

Totally agree. I have somehow been roped into organising a buffet for the office on Xmas eve every year for the past 10 years!!!

Because me and one other manager are the only child free ones it is our responsibility!! Everyone else pays of course, but we have to do the shop and prep etc. Which means I can never have Xmas eve off.

Just because I don't have kids doesn't mean I wouldn't prefer to be at home in my pj's prepping Christmas Dinner!!! Or just having baileys for breakfast haha

God this would wind me up so much! One of the reasons I don’t want kids is because I enjoy my freedom, let alone getting stuck doing stuff I don’t want to do because of OTHER peoples kids

 

[Anne1448]

Does anyone else not want kids because they had to be a third parent for their siblings because their parents didn’t know how to use a bleeping condom?

Because that is another one of the reasons I don’t want children.

Yes, I grew up with 2 parents then they divorced and my mom basically neglected us because she had to work so hard to earn enough to cover the bills. My family went from 4,000€ per month to less than 1,500€ per month when my father left us. I know a lot of kids who were in the same situation.

When one partner decides to leave and kids are involved it is such a mess. Having to juggle between work and picking up the kids, feeding them, etc My brothers and I were basically our own parents.

Some women are in relationships yet they still have to do a lot by themselves. I'm sure that if I did a survey and asked 100,000 women :
- who picks up the kids after school?
- who manages the homeworks/activities?
- who plans the holidays?
- who works part-time?
- who earned less this year?
The answers would be the them (the mothers).

There is a lot of pressure on women to sacrifice their time because it is considered less important than their partner's. But when this partner decides to leave (such as my father for example) these women are in the worst financial position. When these same women ask for help they are judged for being single parents.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Yeah I didn’t have to raise siblings, but my mum did work 60+ hours a week (she was a manager for a care home).

She didn’t have to work that much, she didn’t work at all when my brothers were young (they are 10 & 11 years older than me), but I think she was done with children and she went back to work full time when I was 6 and I basically never saw her after that.

I used to go to a childminder in the morning, who would take me to school and then pick me up again, my dad (who I didn’t live with) would then pick me from there at 6pm and he would take me back to my mum’s and then my mum would be home around 8pm. She also worked most Saturdays and she did Christmas too…

once I got to high school age, I basically had to just fend for myself, get myself up and ready for school and come home to an empty house and cook tea.

It was tit, never getting to spend anytime at home and never being picked up by parents like most of the other kids. Even when my mum was home, she was depressed and drank anyway…nothing against working mums, but I hated it, maybe it was made worse by the fact my mum was emotionally absent too, I don’t know. Either way I think this also contributed to me not wanting children.

 

[Chandler Bing]

Yes, I grew up with 2 parents then they divorced and my mom basically neglected us because she had to work so hard to earn enough to cover the bills. My family went from 4,000€ per month to less than 1,500€ per month when my father left us. I know a lot of kids who were in the same situation.

When one partner decides to leave and kids are involved it is such a mess. Having to juggle between work and picking up the kids, feeding them, etc My brothers and I were basically our own parents.

Some women are in relationships yet they still have to do a lot by themselves. I'm sure that if I did a survey and asked 100,000 women :
- who picks up the kids after school?
- who manages the homeworks/activities?
- who plans the holidays?
- who works part-time?
- who earned less this year?
The answers would be the them (the mothers).

There is a lot of pressure on women to sacrifice their time because it is considered less important than their partner's. But when this partner decides to leave (such as my father for example) these women are in the worst financial position. When these same women ask for help they are judged for being single parents.

Absolutely.

I have talked about it in another thread, but my mum was unable to work due to a disability so my dad brought in the vast majority of the money. He paid for the house but the rest (food, clothes and other kids needs) was left for my mum to pay from her benefits. My dad used his money on himself, he would travel the world with his mistress while his wife and kids were struggling at home.

 

[bump1212]

It’s so nice reading that other people feel like me about this!!! I don’t give a duck if I sound selfish when I say these to people in real life, but it’s just nice knowing that there are so many people out there enjoying their life without kids! To the poster who mentioned suicidal thoughts if they had kids and had to do all the bullshit that comes with them, I feel you. So glad I never accidentally got pregnant, I’ve always been cautious but accidents do happen. I had two friends in high school, still one in my life today, who always said if I ever had a kid they would take it. I would feel bad for the kid because it would be unwanted and that is not fair to the kid, so I would’ve kept it and they would never know they were resented, but It would’ve driven me into an early grave having to fake love and care for their life. I faked it the whole 2 years I taught middle school, which is one of the biggest reasons I quit. I just don’t like kids unless they’re cute, behaved, and not bothering me.

 

[MaineCoonMama]

I'm past the age of having kids now but when I was in my 20s and 30s I would get comments from women at work when children were brought up. How can you not want a baby? Blah blah... the worst I remember was a taxi driver asking me if I was a mum (like it's his damn business). I said no, I don't want kids. He asked if I was selfish! I made him stop the taxi and I chucked some money at him and walked the rest of the way. I'm not maternal at all. I'm actually cat-ernal and I've never once regretted not having a child. I've loved reading all your stories, I wish I'd had this kind of support when I was a lass.

 

[isabellalovescats]

I'm actually cat-ernal

This makes me so happy. My cat is the best and I feel like a mother to him. Most children disgust me.

 

[Saddlesoap]

Regarding Christmas. Many years ago I had an older colleague who *always* got between Christmas and NY off. When challenged about it once by another colleague, she replied 'i have a family' (her daughter was mid twenties at the time). It was pointed out to her that although we don't have children ourselves, we are *someone's* child. This appeared to be a lightbulb moment for her that she had never considered.

 

[1001 others]

I was out grocery shopping earlier and it's wet and cold, which makes everyone miserable and grouchy anyway, but I really do have to say that those with kids just looked completely over it ... frazzled and zombie-like. I just would not have the patience. Now I'm home and snuggled up on the couch watching what I want to watch on TV, with my precious dogs (my happy place!) ... I just could not imagine not being able to do this guilt-free.

 

[Melian]

Regarding Christmas. Many years ago I had an older colleague who *always* got between Christmas and NY off. When challenged about it once by another colleague, she replied 'i have a family' (her daughter was mid twenties at the time). It was pointed out to her that although we don't have children ourselves, we are *someone's* child. This appeared to be a lightbulb moment for her that she had never considered.

My mum always argued that she had children too. They might be grown up, but they're still her children.

 

[it’s not been changed?!]

I was on the bus yesterday and there were too small children with their grandmother and I made the mistake of sitting behind them. Jesus Christ. They were rough around the edges and she was constantly screaming at them and threatening to tell “Richard” about how badly behaved they were the little lad was slapping his sister with his flip flop at one point ffs. It was like musical chairs on that bus, the little girl would not sit still!

THEN waiting at the bus shelter, another grandmother (I think) with 2 small, noisy kids. Again, she was threatening to tell a family member about what they were doing that was naughty.
Luckily they didn’t get on my bus

I’m such a grouch. I wish I’d driven into the city centre in my own peaceful car.

 

[Satisfying Click]

We had lunch yesterday and there was a toddler who was well behaved, but making the usual loud toddler sounds because... they're a toddler! Luckily they didn't stay long (it definitely wasn't a family-friendly restaurant) and everyone else look relieved when they left.

The grump in me looks at Cool Hip Parents and just wants to say, "Can you not?"

 

[Lanavalentine]

Parents who take their kids to inappropriate places are the shittest of the tit. There are a million child-friendly venues. GO TO THEM! I swear it is always the most lax parents who are arrogant enough to take their kids to non-kid places.

Special shout out for parents who insist on taking their slightly-too-young-to-sit-still-for-two-hours children to musicals, plays, live shows, the cinema. My mum & I went to a dance show (pre-Covid) that was totally ruined by two kids behind us, no more than six years old. They couldn’t stop loudly moaning and groaning, kicking chairs, throwing sweets. It was horrible.

Even if a show is “family friendly” (although this one wasn’t really) you still need to make sure your child has the attention span to sit quietly and watch. I felt so sorry for the performers, they could hear these two little kids shouting “I’m SO BORED” when the music went quiet.

 

[HoGi]

Parents who take their kids to inappropriate places are the shittest of the tit. There are a million child-friendly venues. GO TO THEM! I swear it is always the most lax parents who are arrogant enough to take their kids to non-kid places.

Special shout out for parents who insist on taking their slightly-too-young-to-sit-still-for-two-hours children to musicals, plays, live shows, the cinema. My mum & I went to a dance show (pre-Covid) that was totally ruined by two kids behind us, no more than six years old. They couldn’t stop loudly moaning and groaning, kicking chairs, throwing sweets. It was horrible.

Even if a show is “family friendly” (although this one wasn’t really) you still need to make sure your child has the attention span to sit quietly and watch. I felt so sorry for the performers, they could hear these two little kids shouting “I’m SO BORED” when the music went quiet.

I went to the cinema to see the film final avengers film, there was a group of about 8 kids next to me who were there for one of their birthdays. They couldn't have been older than about 8 or 10 and the mum who was supervising was on the end furthest away from me. One of the kids, who was sat right next to me, kept talking "who is this?" "What is he doing?" "What is this?" Etc. He clearly had never seen any of the films before nor did he have basic cinema etiquette. I kept shh-ing him and he would be a quiet for a minute and then start again. I eventually turned to him and said if you don't shut up I'm going to go and get someone who works here to kick you and all your friends out. I'm preeeeeetty sure he tit himself but he didn't utter another word for the entire film.

 

[judgejohndeed]

I went to the cinema to see the film final avengers film, there was a group of about 8 kids next to me who were there for one of their birthdays. They couldn't have been older than about 8 or 10 and the mum who was supervising was on the end furthest away from me. One of the kids, who was sat right next to me, kept talking "who is this?" "What is he doing?" "What is this?" Etc. He clearly had never seen any of the films before nor did he have basic cinema etiquette. I kept shh-ing him and he would be a quiet for a minute and then start again. I eventually turned to him and said if you don't shut up I'm going to go and get someone who works here to kick you and all your friends out. I'm preeeeeetty sure he tit himself but he didn't utter another word for the entire film.

I hate it when parents take a big group of kids out for a birthday and then don’t sit anywhere near them, they’re literally your responsibility and if you can’t even bear to sit in the same row as these kids then why the hell do you think anyone else wants to? I would definitely pay more for the cinema, theatre etc for adult only screenings, no idea why this isn’t a thing yet

 

[HoGi]

I hate it when parents take a big group of kids out for a birthday and then don’t sit anywhere near them, they’re literally your responsibility and if you can’t even bear to sit in the same row as these kids then why the hell do you think anyone else wants to? I would definitely pay more for the cinema, theatre etc for adult only screenings, no idea why this isn’t a thing yet

I totally agree. I would go to screenings at 8/9pm but I am likely to fall asleep haha

We have an everyman cinema near to me, and there tend to be less kids there as it is a bit more pricey. But this doesn't stop the more money than sense parents

 

[Melian]

The above posts are why I prefer going during the day. But it does mean I'm a bit limited to what I can sometimes see.

 

[PaddyDomino]

I went to the cinema to see the film final avengers film, there was a group of about 8 kids next to me who were there for one of their birthdays. They couldn't have been older than about 8 or 10 and the mum who was supervising was on the end furthest away from me. One of the kids, who was sat right next to me, kept talking "who is this?" "What is he doing?" "What is this?" Etc. He clearly had never seen any of the films before nor did he have basic cinema etiquette. I kept shh-ing him and he would be a quiet for a minute and then start again. I eventually turned to him and said if you don't shut up I'm going to go and get someone who works here to kick you and all your friends out. I'm preeeeeetty sure he tit himself but he didn't utter another word for the entire film.

I remember when I went to see Jurassic Park, years ago, and a little boy sitting behind me kept saying "Is it a dinosaur? Is it a dinosaur?!" every five minutes
YES, IT IS!!! Jeez, shurrup!

 

[Suzyfickle]

I went to see the first Harry Potter film with my friend in the afternoon on a Wednesday, a school trip got brought in (it was nearly Christmas) and they kept chatting - I shouted "can you be QUIET PLEASE" from the back and the teachers immediately started fretting and shushing them it worked though!