Childfree

[discokebab]

I've only had the hormone coil previously but I had to have it removed really quickly because it was wriggling around my fibroids and getting all up in my junk so I assume a copper one would have a similar outcome. I'm planning to try and speak to a GP soon and just ask what the score is because I don't believe I should have to go through multiple procedures and appointments and prescriptions to not have kids for the rest of my life when I know it's what I want permanently!

It absolutely is, but it's a kind of discrimination people refuse to accept. My previous boss was the same, where he would excuse himself for all sorts of child related needs to leave work or take annual leave or skip important meetings, but since all of the managers below him didn't have children he didn't give a tit. He acted like having kids made him above other people and their time - I understand emergencies but I don't believe this kind of bullshit of people needing to take 6 calls a day for their kids. I didn't phone my mother 5 times a day for my problems and neither did anyone I know!

Spoiler: Slightly OT but still kinda relevant contraceptive chat

I have the smallest hormonal coil - The Jaydess. It caused initial havoc which has now settled down but it has totally desensitised me so fun conceiving sex is less on the radar, ironically. My body and brain don't feel like mine anymore. I've had a real pain with getting it replaced for the smallest copper coil in the UK (TT380 Slimline Mini) because my strings have gone walkies and the waiting list for a hysteroscopy is about a year.
I'm hoping to get it swapped by the end of the year which if it works will take me up to being 39. I'm hoping I can be a shoe-in for sterilsation by then at least. If the copper coil causes utter chaos I'll be asking before then. If you feel comfortable doing so - it will be interesting to get an update on your experiences with your GP pls.

Like you I don't want my husband to get the snip really - even though I've borne the burden of contraception for the last 16 years I'd rather have the procedure done to myself than request him to do it.

 

[mcfeez]

Totallt agree with whats already been said about co workers with kids and getting leniency for certain things.

One thing in my office that annoys me is taking annual leave. My husband and I love to travel and we make a point of usually not going places July/August or Easter i.e. more pricey times because children are off school. This means I'll often take longer periods of leave in months like Feb or Nov. My boss always comments on it, making a sly remark about it being an "odd time" and why dont dont I take my longer leave when lots of other people do aka most of the parents use up lots of leave during school hols.

 

[HoGi]

Totallt agree with whats already been said about co workers with kids and getting leniency for certain things.

One thing in my office that annoys me is taking annual leave. My husband and I love to travel and we make a point of usually not going places July/August or Easter i.e. more pricey times because children are off school. This means I'll often take longer periods of leave in months like Feb or Nov. My boss always comments on it, making a sly remark about it being an "odd time" and why dont dont I take my longer leave when lots of other people do aka most of the parents use up lots of leave during school hols.

What an odd thing to say. Surely they should be grateful you don't want time off when other people do?

Me and my husband often holiday in September or October (I.e. when the kids go back) and its lovely

 

[Satisfying Click]

We also book our holidays to avoid term time (and the price hikes). September/October in many places is definitely the sweet spot.

We stayed at an adult's only hotel a few years ago and it was absolute bliss. The only thing that would make things even better are childfree flights (I don't have a problem with babies crying btw - they're babies and changes in altitude hurts their ears.) It's the adults who think that it's fine to ignore their kids whilst they run amok.

 

[Sarah777]

Sorry but parents in the workplace are so selfish and entitled especially when it comes to overtime and annual leave at Christmas and Easter (cos only parents enjoy these right!).
Bosses that indulge them deserve a slap too.

For five years solid I had to justify why I wouldn’t be taking holiday in July/August.... well because staying in a 5* hotel abroad is so much nicer when children aren’t around... plus it’s ten times cheaper in June/September! Expecting childfree/less people to take leave “when the business is quiet” is totally unreasonable. Having adults only flight, pool, buffet, beach is a whole vibe

 

[ElectricDreams]

Sorry but parents in the workplace are so selfish and entitled especially when it comes to overtime and annual leave at Christmas and Easter (cos only parents enjoy these right!).
Bosses that indulge them deserve a slap too.

For five years solid I had to justify why I wouldn’t be taking holiday in July/August.... well because staying in a 5* hotel abroad is so much nicer when children aren’t around... plus it’s ten times cheaper in June/September! Expecting childfree/less people to take leave “when the business is quiet” is totally unreasonable. Having adults only flight, pool, buffet, beach is a whole vibe

My mum was a nurse in a nursing home when I was a child and she worked part of every Christmas. They usually did a half shift instead of a full day but she always worked part of Christmas day and/or Christmas eve/Boxing day. We just made the best of it and I can't honestly say my Christmas was ruined by her not being there. I was little, once I had my presents, I wasn't bothered about the rest of the day!

Skip forward 20 years, she became the manager and every Christmas became a nightmare to staff because of all the people with kids that would throw a hissy fit because they had to work a few hours on Christmas day. The non parents and staff from overseas would invariably pick up the shifts but it always felt so unfair that parents made such a fuss when these people had families they wanted to be with at Christmas as well.

 

[fastfairynnn]

Yes, I'm childfree. I never have any regrets. When I see women with children I feel awful for them being enslaved, and having to sacrifice their bodies and lives for their "crotch goblins".

Sometimes I think having a baby wouldn't be too bad, it wouldn't be so different to having a pet before it learns to speak. But when I think about it growing up and needing to do the school run every goddamn day, bitchy cliques at the school gates, homework, bedtime routines etc. etc....all that stuff is utterly soul-destroying and makes me so ragey even to think of...it's true enslavement...I would be so resentful and angry if I had to spend my days doing that. I would be suicidal, honestly I know I would. There are so many threads on Mumsnet where the women say suicide is the only way out because they truly hate their lives because of their husbands and kids. I feel like I dodged a bullet!!!

(These are just my random personal thoughts and are not intended to cause hurt or upset to any individual.)

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Yes, I'm childfree. I never have any regrets. When I see women with children I feel awful for them being enslaved, and having to sacrifice their bodies and lives for their "crotch goblins".

Sometimes I think having a baby wouldn't be too bad, it wouldn't be so different to having a pet before it learns to speak. But when I think about it growing up and needing to do the school run every goddamn day, bitchy cliques at the school gates, homework, bedtime routines etc. etc....all that stuff is utterly soul-destroying and makes me so ragey even to think of...it's true enslavement...I would be so resentful and angry if I had to spend my days doing that. I would be suicidal, honestly I know I would. There are so many threads on Mumsnet where the women say suicide is the only way out because they truly hate their lives because of their husbands and kids. I feel like I dodged a bullet!!!

(These are just my random personal thoughts and are not intended to cause hurt or upset to any individual.)

Yes, I totally agree with so much of this.

I actually don’t mind babies, pre 24 months I would say, I really enjoy them, I’m not saying they’re not hard work, but I do quite like them up to around that age and I wouldn’t mind having a baby, if they stayed a baby, but it’s the bits after that I just wouldn’t want to deal with.

the big thing that puts me is off about the older is age is the backchat, the screaming, the tantrums, the worry and stress, I just wouldn’t want that and I wouldn’t want the responsibility of raising a decent human.

The amount of times I’m out and about, enjoying a nice day and then I hear a child screaming, calling their parents stupid, punching and hitting…it makes my ovaries shrink.

Before anyone torches me at the stake, I know that some children have additional needs, I’m not a witch, but not all children that are naughty have additional needs, some are just brats!

there does seem to be a lack of respect from a lot of children these days, so many parents are scared to say no and their children just become feral. I used to work in B&Q and the amount of children that would climb on the ladders and in the racking! I would have had a slap if I’d done that as a child. Some children these days just seem to be worshipped and treated like they’re the centre of the earth, it’s crazy.

I’m happy as I am thanks.

 

[Satisfying Click]

Yeah, it's the everyday drudgery combined with the chronic worrying that fills me with dread, and the school gates are within the seven circles of hell for me.

Btw, can I just say how nice it is to read through the thread without seeing, "Not childfree, I have seven beautiful children and they are my world, my life would be a meaningless void without them, but I totally get why people are childfree!" Erm, thanks?

 

[Sarah777]

My mum was a nurse in a nursing home when I was a child and she worked part of every Christmas. They usually did a half shift instead of a full day but she always worked part of Christmas day and/or Christmas eve/Boxing day. We just made the best of it and I can't honestly say my Christmas was ruined by her not being there. I was little, once I had my presents, I wasn't bothered about the rest of the day!

Skip forward 20 years, she became the manager and every Christmas became a nightmare to staff because of all the people with kids that would throw a hissy fit because they had to work a few hours on Christmas day. The non parents and staff from overseas would invariably pick up the shifts but it always felt so unfair that parents made such a fuss when these people had families they wanted to be with at Christmas as well.

Your mum sounds like such a fair lady and you’re the proof that kids don’t need their parents all day every day between Christmas and New Years. Out of curiosity, why does she give the parents their own way?

 

[mcfeez]

What an odd thing to say. Surely they should be grateful you don't want time off when other people do?

Me and my husband often holiday in September or October (I.e. when the kids go back) and its lovely

The office tends to slow when he and a few others (parents...) are off therefore I think he'd prefer people were off at the same time as him. Whereas the time I take off could be when things are in full - completely irrelevant as I always book my time off ages in advance.

100% agree about out of season travel, its the best.

 

[ot55]

Btw, can I just say how nice it is to read through the thread without seeing, "Not childfree, I have seven beautiful children and they are my world, my life would be a meaningless void without them, but I totally get why people are childfree!" Erm, thanks?

Omg yes this!! It drives me nuts when I’m reading a childfree thread and someone comes and shares how much they pitty us as we’ll never know true love

 

[Shineyshine]

What an odd thing to say. Surely they should be grateful you don't want time off when other people do?

Me and my husband often holiday in September or October (I.e. when the kids go back) and its lovely

Yes exactly. Presumably your requests would be declined at those busier holiday times anyway, as that’s when the world and his wife wants to be off with their kids!

One of the major benefits of being child free is being able to take our pick of when to go away. Knowing we’re going when the kids are all in school makes it even better!

 

[slugella]

I can't imagine anything worse than coming home from a long day at work and having to make sure kids are fed, bathed, done homework etc. Sounds like an abso bloody nightmare.

I like to come in, cook a nice dinner, a nice relaxing bath and pamper now and again, watch a bit of netflix. Or go swimming, take classes, mid-week dinners out with my family partner or friends etc.

I know there are a lot of moments during parenthood that are so special and must make them so proud, and some fun things, but the stress and mostly monotony is not worth it for me.

 

[Suzyfickle]

The only thing that would make things even better are childfree flights (I don't have a problem with babies crying btw - they're babies and changes in altitude hurts their ears.) It's the adults who think that it's fine to ignore their kids whilst they run amok.

I once decided that children shouldn't be allowed on planes until their age matches at least the length of the flight 3 hour flight? Not until you're 3! This is mostly because I was on a 12 your flight to California and wanted all the kids gone, 12 seemed a reasonable age to allow

 

[Lanavalentine]

I can't imagine anything worse than coming home from a long day at work and having to make sure kids are fed, bathed, done homework etc. Sounds like an abso bloody nightmare.

I like to come in, cook a nice dinner, a nice relaxing bath and pamper now and again, watch a bit of netflix. Or go swimming, take classes, mid-week dinners out with my family partner or friends etc.

I know there are a lot of moments during parenthood that are so special and must make them so proud, and some fun things, but the stress and mostly monotony is not worth it for me.

I 100% agree.

I love being able to decompress in the evenings, I love having quiet and chilled Saturday mornings like I did today. I can see why some people love being parents, but I can just feel it in my bones that it’s not for me.

 

[HoGi]

I can't imagine anything worse than coming home from a long day at work and having to make sure kids are fed, bathed, done homework etc. Sounds like an abso bloody nightmare.

It's bad enough after a long day at work having to feed the husband

 

[AlanBanan]

Does anyone else not want kids because they had to be a third parent for their siblings because their parents didn’t know how to use a bleeping condom?

Because that is another one of the reasons I don’t want children.

 

[ElectricDreams]

Your mum sounds like such a fair lady and you’re the proof that kids don’t need their parents all day every day between Christmas and New Years. Out of curiosity, why does she give the parents their own way?

I think it was easier to give in to them by giving them the best of the shifts ie Christmas eve morning as opposed to Christmas eve night/ christmas day morning to get them to work at all, or make them work new year as a compromise. If she gave them the shifts they didn't want they would just ring in sick so she'd be short staffed at short notice and end up doing it herself!

I think it was easier to give in to them by giving them the best of the shifts ie Christmas eve morning as opposed to Christmas eve night/ christmas day morning to get them to work at all, or make them work new year as a compromise. If she gave them the shifts they didn't want they would just ring in sick so she'd be short staffed at short notice and end up doing it herself!

What's also interesting is that some of these people had written into their contacts that they could only work certain days/times due to childcare so would work every Tuesday through the year but couldn't possibly work weekends... Then Christmas day fell on Tuesday and they'd be desperate to swap shifts for a Saturday!

 

[judgejohndeed]

God the Christmas thing REALLY winds me up…it’s like families without kids don’t count? Just because I don’t have children doesn’t mean I don’t also have a family that I want to spend time at Christmas, and you know, there are other people’s children in that family that I would like to see while they’re off school too. Not sure why that doesn’t matter just because they aren’t my own?!