I’ve had this too. I actually prefer being able to leave and go back to my own space anyway. I just don’t stay at other people’s houses any more.
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Another thing I couldn't deal with is just the hassle and the stuff. i like being able to dash around light and easy on public transport with a small handbag and do my thing.
The idea of having to manoeuvre a big pram on a busy bus and juggle pushchairs and huge nappy bags and endless things is way too much hassle for me!
Kids (and pets for me too, admittedly) can be very cute in small doses from afar esp when small and well behaved but that doesn't mean I want the responsibility, cost, noise and mess for myself personally
The idea of having to manoeuvre a big pram on a busy bus and juggle pushchairs and huge nappy bags and endless things is way too much hassle for me!
Kids (and pets for me too, admittedly) can be very cute in small doses from afar esp when small and well behaved but that doesn't mean I want the responsibility, cost, noise and mess for myself personally
I am coming to the only place I probably won't be shamed for my mixed feelings about the news I've received.
My best friend is pregnant. (lol)
I'll put the disclaimer that I actually am happy for her and her husband as she was having some anxiety about being able to get pregnant after dealing with some health issues on both sides so them being able get pregnant naturally must have been such a relief, and I am also really happy that she's having a girl, as I find it'll be easier to bond with her for me.
That being said, I am taken back by the manner she's told us (me and two other close friends). We don't live in the same place anymore so this was done over a facetime and she seemed so...? I don't even know how to describe it, it feels mean to say robotic but it felt like it. She didn't seem very joyful, like this was some kind of major life event she'd rather avoid. The reason I'm worried this might be the case is because until about a year ago, she kept saying that having a child was not something she wanted, while her husband was quite eager to have a kid. We talked about it a few times and her attitude didn't change much until the last time we spoke face to face in autumn, where the possibility of her and her husband not being able to conceive was on the table for the first time. Until that moment, it might have been a take it or leave it but perhaps she was distraught by the fact that the decision could be made for her.
Anyway, after not hearing about the issue for a few months more, I didn't want to pry as it's a sensitive topic and really none of my business unless she wanted to vent or confide. So I was a bit shocked when she told us that she was pregnant, and I am a bit ashamed to admit that my first thought was 'Well, there you go.' Maybe it was her lack of enthusiasm, I'm not sure but I am worried that she's just done this to go along with the 'done thing' and make sure her marriage works. While I doubt this is the case as I know her like her husband very much, I don't think he'd pressure her into something as major as this; children are very make or break topics so I can't be sure that she was rhe one to make the compromise, which is an enormous one as compromises go.
I have my own selfish feelings about how things will not really be the same with us again, as our visits are very sparse due to time and money, and the limited time we have for eachother will be now taken by her daughter, at least to some degree. I feel like there is so much we couldn't do as best friends and now they won't be possible because naturally, she'll have a new, more important priority.
It sounds childish and I feel like a child complaining about this but I can't help but worry about her and the possible reasons for this pregnancy and how she'll handle it all. Sucks that we're so far away and I also worry that we'll drift apart due to my lack of sincere interest in children and her new priorities. This should have been a happy announcement, and it feels like we all feel a bit flat about it. Oh well.
I'll put the disclaimer that I actually am happy for her and her husband as she was having some anxiety about being able to get pregnant after dealing with some health issues on both sides so them being able get pregnant naturally must have been such a relief, and I am also really happy that she's having a girl, as I find it'll be easier to bond with her for me.
That being said, I am taken back by the manner she's told us (me and two other close friends). We don't live in the same place anymore so this was done over a facetime and she seemed so...? I don't even know how to describe it, it feels mean to say robotic but it felt like it. She didn't seem very joyful, like this was some kind of major life event she'd rather avoid. The reason I'm worried this might be the case is because until about a year ago, she kept saying that having a child was not something she wanted, while her husband was quite eager to have a kid. We talked about it a few times and her attitude didn't change much until the last time we spoke face to face in autumn, where the possibility of her and her husband not being able to conceive was on the table for the first time. Until that moment, it might have been a take it or leave it but perhaps she was distraught by the fact that the decision could be made for her.
Anyway, after not hearing about the issue for a few months more, I didn't want to pry as it's a sensitive topic and really none of my business unless she wanted to vent or confide. So I was a bit shocked when she told us that she was pregnant, and I am a bit ashamed to admit that my first thought was 'Well, there you go.' Maybe it was her lack of enthusiasm, I'm not sure but I am worried that she's just done this to go along with the 'done thing' and make sure her marriage works. While I doubt this is the case as I know her like her husband very much, I don't think he'd pressure her into something as major as this; children are very make or break topics so I can't be sure that she was rhe one to make the compromise, which is an enormous one as compromises go.
I have my own selfish feelings about how things will not really be the same with us again, as our visits are very sparse due to time and money, and the limited time we have for eachother will be now taken by her daughter, at least to some degree. I feel like there is so much we couldn't do as best friends and now they won't be possible because naturally, she'll have a new, more important priority.
It sounds childish and I feel like a child complaining about this but I can't help but worry about her and the possible reasons for this pregnancy and how she'll handle it all. Sucks that we're so far away and I also worry that we'll drift apart due to my lack of sincere interest in children and her new priorities. This should have been a happy announcement, and it feels like we all feel a bit flat about it. Oh well.
One of my close friends seems to be doing completely the opposite ("I'm still me, even though I have a child!") and it comes across as so try-hard. I appreciate that she doesn't want to lose her identity and be just "mummy" forever more, but ... just be yourself, you don't have to keep talking about itThis might be an unpopular opinion as I know some men can be the worst. But I also have always had great male friends and I honestly feel sorry for men sometimes. I think they get a raw deal. By design women seem to flip a switch and become a different person when they have kids in every way possible. I see it with my own friends and it’s near impossible to maintain any relationship with them and definitely not how it was before. It’s like I don’t even know them, even after 30 years of friendshipSo I can’t imagine what it’d be like to be married or in a relationship with them. As they are obsessed with their kids either in a positive way or a negative way that day. Like “oh love them so much” or “toddler xyz was so awful today, he’s being an asshole”. It’s their whole personality now. I have one friend who now only wears tops that consist of things like “boy mama” lol (wtf even is that???). This is also on her bio on social media…no mention of the husband. It’s like men just get pushed out overnight and they’re useless and redundant until they want another baby. I wouldn’t ever want to lose the bond/life I have with my husband but all my friends honestly don’t seem to care because they have their babies instead
My best friends sister has three children and she hasn’t changed at all. Her life is exactly the same. If she wants to be spontaneous, she just ups and goes clubbing, she has one nights stands, hobbies, puts herself first. She just leaves the kids home alone or dumps them on the doorstep of a relative, friend, or anyone else who will have them, or sends them out ‘to play’. Anyone who says their life didn’t change after children is either lying or they’re a terrible parent!
When people tell me I should have children and my life wouldn’t have to change I think about my life and wonder if I didn’t change anything how quickly social services would be involved!
That is incredibly irresponsible - I agree, there's no way your life doesn't change! I think my friend is underestimating on account of the fact that her baby is only a few months old and she has not gone back to work yet. She says she can work from home with the baby just fine, but so far she's only done some freelance work and has not returned to her company full time
She has been worrying about the baby facing racism (she is white and her husband is Black) and asked me what my experience of being mixed race has been like and said something like "it's only just dawned on me that my daughter is a person of colour." First of all, I'm not Black so my experience is irrelevant, second - you've been married to this guy for like six years. If you were planning to have children, and you're worried about racism, surely you should have discussed that before you gave birth?
I'm just watching the BBC series The Traitors watch was screened before Christmas, I don't know if any of you saw it.
In the episode I just watched, they were sitting about debating who the traitor might be and someone mentioned a name. Someone else piped up, 'He would never be a traitor, he has children!'
WTF! Something else to add to our list of deficiencies: questionable morals.
In the episode I just watched, they were sitting about debating who the traitor might be and someone mentioned a name. Someone else piped up, 'He would never be a traitor, he has children!'
WTF! Something else to add to our list of deficiencies: questionable morals.
So true, parents can’t be bad people. That’s how we know Fred and rose west were framed.I'm just watching the BBC series The Traitors watch was screened before Christmas, I don't know if any of you saw it.
In the episode I just watched, they were sitting about debating who the traitor might be and someone mentioned a name. Someone else piped up, 'He would never be a traitor, he has children!'
WTF! Something else to add to our list of deficiencies: questionable morals.
There were also instances where people thought the older lady and the traitor who is the estate agent (can't remember names!) couldn't be traitors as they were motherly or like their gran.I'm just watching the BBC series The Traitors watch was screened before Christmas, I don't know if any of you saw it.
In the episode I just watched, they were sitting about debating who the traitor might be and someone mentioned a name. Someone else piped up, 'He would never be a traitor, he has children!'
WTF! Something else to add to our list of deficiencies: questionable morals.
To me it seemed like proof that women are invisible once they hit mid 40s
Um watch your child? Of course a coffee shop isn’t child friendly, not everywhere has to be a playgroup
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Coffee, that well known child friendly beverage.
The entitlement of crappy parents never fail to amaze me.
This reminded me of a review left by a parent for a coffee shop I often visit. It's a tiny place, 4 tables can fit inside just about comfortably and most people who come are there to enjoy a beverage, have a bite and usually either do work on their laptops, study or read. A mother left a tit review because the owner warned them when her little girl was screaming inside and when they spilled something, the waitress wasn't all smiles when she was wiping the mess and sweeping the broken glass. You couldn't make it up.
It's the 'I certainly won't be back' for me.
Good. Your 3 old is breaking tit. No one wants you there.
Good. Your 3 old is breaking tit. No one wants you there.
I’m sure the shop manager is absolutely gutted to hear that they’ve lost her business..
Now there's a thread on Mumsnet about being annoyed when childfree people say they're tired.
See I get that with the getting up in the night with young babies but I see people say that with like a toddler? What do you have to do, get up at 8 to give it breakfast and then watch it for a bit, give it another meal and continue to watch it?Now there's a thread on Mumsnet about being annoyed when childfree people say they're tired.
I love telling people with children how “tired” I am 
.
A male colleague asked me earlier if I had children (his child was in the background being quite bumptious), and I just laughed and said “No, I never fancied it”, and he said I was “so lucky”
. I mean, in the UK it’s a choice, dude, but sure.
.A male colleague asked me earlier if I had children (his child was in the background being quite bumptious), and I just laughed and said “No, I never fancied it”, and he said I was “so lucky”
. I mean, in the UK it’s a choice, dude, but sure.
I'm tired ALL week at work cus I stay up till whatever time I like, watching Netflix, hanging out with friends, playing games, self pleasuring And then weekends I get a nice long lie in to catch up....and still have all day to do what I like 
I'm sure M*msnet would argue "well that's your fault you're tired" and guess what? It's your fault you're tired too! You chose to have kids haha!!
And then weekends I get a nice long lie in to catch up....and still have all day to do what I like I'm sure M*msnet would argue "well that's your fault you're tired" and guess what? It's your fault you're tired too! You chose to have kids haha!!
Well of course the world revolves around parents. Only they can be tired or stressed!
At least I can have a lovely lie in each weekend with hot tea in bed
At least I can have a lovely lie in each weekend with hot tea in bed
Exactly what I'm doing tomorrow, a morning of multiple cups of tea and lazing in bed reading. Bliss!Well of course the world revolves around parents. Only they can be tired or stressed!
At least I can have a lovely lie in each weekend with hot tea in bed
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