Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

[lastdis]

Someone on tik tok did a video about being child free and it’s just full of mum’s who are clearly jealous

apparently if you don’t have kids you end up alone on turkey day, you rot in a care home & you’re lonely by 50

My child free neighbour did go in a care home . Not long ago either she was 92. and only went because she kept falling and ending up in hospital, up until covid she was out daily , shopping, pub. she was refusing any extra help even the alarms, we all did bits to help her. And guess what no kids pushing her into a care home, ffs i bet mine would have me in one at 50

 

[sushimama]

There's no need to be rude tho. Some people can actually have an unusual experience that goes against any logic, doesn't mean you have to try it too.

When I was in primary school and my mum picked me up because of menstrual cramps she told me that for her it got better after birth. Almost 20 years later I'd still rather suffer every month haha.

 

[shadowcat5]

There's no need to be rude tho. Some people can actually have an unusual experience that goes against any logic, doesn't mean you have to try it too.

When I was in primary school and my mum picked me up because of menstrual cramps she told me that for her it got better after birth. Almost 20 years later I'd still rather suffer every month haha.

i have been told that endometriosis gets better after birth which is ironic considering I'm pretty sure it's quite hard to get pregnant with that condition

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

My child free neighbour did go in a care home . Not long ago either she was 92. and only went because she kept falling and ending up in hospital, up until covid she was out daily , shopping, pub. she was refusing any extra help even the alarms, we all did bits to help her. And guess what no kids pushing her into a care home, ffs i bet mine would have me in one at 50

Yeah exactly!

it annoys me actually how care homes are demonised. My nan had vascular dementia and had to go into a care home when she lost use of her legs. There’s no way my mum or my grandad could have cared for her when she needed a hoist etc.

The safest and kindest option was to put her into a care home that’s designed for people with memory problems. My nan actually improved when she went into the home because her needs were being met correctly.

people make my family feel guilty for putting her in there, but my mum gave up work and was her carer for years before she reached mental, physical & financial breaking point.

my nan’s carers were wonderful and they were devastated when she passed.

sometimes whether you have kids or not, it’s inevitable that you’ll end up in a home.

 

[Satisfying Click]

Banking on your kids looking after you in old age is wild. I direct people to the term 'granny dumping' when the inevitable question of, "But who will take care of you when you're old?!" comes.

Edited to add: example of the top of my head comes from a friend in healthcare. The week leading up to Christmas was always the busiest in their department, serving an elderly population. One family actually gave the dates that they'd be returning from skiing and thus their relative should not be discharged from hospital before then.

 

[HoGi]

Yeah exactly!

it annoys me actually how care homes are demonised. My nan had vascular dementia and had to go into a care home when she lost use of her legs. There’s no way my mum or my grandad could have cared for her when she needed a hoist etc.

The safest and kindest option was to put her into a care home that’s designed for people with memory problems. My nan actually improved when she went into the home because her needs were being met correctly.

people make my family feel guilty for putting her in there, but my mum gave up work and was her carer for years before she reached mental, physical & financial breaking point.

my nan’s carers were wonderful and they were devastated when she passed.

sometimes whether you have kids or not, it’s inevitable that you’ll end up in a home.

Same with my dad. The amount of people who said "I would never put my dad in care home" like, ok cool so you can wash and dress a 6ft tall man who doesn't want his daughter anywhere near his genitals, you can try and make him understand why it is unsafe to leave the house when it is 11pm at night with a temperature of -2 and he only has pants on and he gets violent as he doesnt understand, you can try and wrestle the car keys off him because he thinks he is still a taxi driver going to work. They are just a couple of examples. He had advanced dementia and it was unsafe for any of us, least of all my 5f tall mum, to look after him at home.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Same with my dad. The amount of people who said "I would never put my dad in care home" like, ok cool so you can wash and dress a 6ft tall man who doesn't want his daughter anywhere near his genitals, you can try and make him understand why it is unsafe to leave the house when it is 11pm at night with a temperature of -2 and he only has pants on and he gets violent as he doesnt understand, you can try and wrestle the car keys off him because he thinks he is still a taxi driver going to work. They are just a couple of examples. He had advanced dementia and it was unsafe for any of us, least of all my 5f tall mum, to look after him at home.

Yes exactly! People don’t understand how difficult caring for someone with dementia is until they have been through it themselves. It’s quite often unsafe and not good for that person to be left at home, they need to be in a place that’s safe with 24/7 care.

 

[lastdis]

Same with my dad. The amount of people who said "I would never put my dad in care home" like, ok cool so you can wash and dress a 6ft tall man who doesn't want his daughter anywhere near his genitals, you can try and make him understand why it is unsafe to leave the house when it is 11pm at night with a temperature of -2 and he only has pants on and he gets violent as he doesnt understand, you can try and wrestle the car keys off him because he thinks he is still a taxi driver going to work. They are just a couple of examples. He had advanced dementia and it was unsafe for any of us, least of all my 5f tall mum, to look after him at home.

Sometimes not only is it the kindest thing for them, but also the other members of the family. No one can say they wouldn’t do it until your in that situation you have no idea .

 

[HoGi]

Yes exactly! People don’t understand how difficult caring for someone with dementia is until they have been through it themselves. It’s quite often unsafe and not good for that person to be left at home, they need to be in a place that’s safe with 24/7 care.

There was a news article about a man who killed his mum who was living in a care home. Absolutely horrible situation. But the comments were just full of people shaming him for "dumping her" there in the first place!

I ended up complaining and getting the comments turned off as people were so rude when they have no understanding at all.

Like you say until you experience it you have no idea how hard it is.

 

[Popcornshovel]

Probably a very controversial opinion but I know a lot of people who I'm sure keep having kids just because it allows them to have an excuse not to do f all with their time, get free money and benefits and gives them a sense of achievement because they haven't done much. Their whole identity is their children and when one grows up and goes into school, they have another just to continue this sense of being busy and having something to do. Then they will moan about how they don't have time to do anything and how it must be nice to travel/get a degree/have a nice job but they can't cos they have kids.... it's so funny.

100% this.

I have friends who started (and didn't complete) degree/masters/PHD course after course to bide their time until they had kids. They never actually got a job in the field of study, just lived off their partners money in their 20s. God knows what their student debt is. Then they had kids around 30ish and their whole personality is about being stay at home mum and it being the most important job in the world.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

East and South-East Asia have a big problem with neglect of the elderly (sometimes also murders) because an adult child who was expected to care for them couldn't or wouldn't do it. Japan for example is investing a lot in the possibility of robot carers for future generations because of low birth rates. But you'll still have a lot of countries where there are many elderly people but very little care provision and younger people won't be able to take care of them

100% this.

I have friends who started (and didn't complete) degree/masters/PHD course after course to bide their time until they had kids. They never actually got a job in the field of study, just lived off their partners money in their 20s. God knows what their student debt is. Then they had kids around 30ish and their whole personality is about being stay at home mum and it being the most important job in the world.

I think this type of person is a lot more sanctimonious now because of all the media panic over "educated women aren't having children, they are workaholics until they hit 35 or 40 and then discover they're too old to have a baby!" so the sanctimonious SAHM type feels like a privileged minority and can brag about how she's happier than a woman with education or career

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

There was a news article about a man who killed his mum who was living in a care home. Absolutely horrible situation. But the comments were just full of people shaming him for "dumping her" there in the first place!

I ended up complaining and getting the comments turned off as people were so rude when they have no understanding at all.

Like you say until you experience it you have no idea how hard it is.

That’s awful. I’m sure 99.9% of the people making those comments have never been a carer for a family member and reached breaking point because they can’t provide the care the person needs. It’s disgusting that people feel the need to berate others for their choices when they haven’t been in that situation.

 

[HoGi]

That’s awful. I’m sure 99.9% of the people making those comments have never been a carer for a family member and reached breaking point because they can’t provide the care the person needs. It’s disgusting that people feel the need to berate others for their choices when they haven’t been in that situation.

It's also common from people who don't work. It's easy for them to say they will move in with nan/dad/mum etc to care for them full time, but I can't afford to do that.

 

[JoeBloggs]

Three of my grandparents went into a home. One by choice, who was then pulled out by my aunt and he was neglected and effectively murdered by her due to neglect. She refused access for the family and it was awful.

The other two went in because they could not come home after a hospital stay. We wanted my grandma to go in for rest bite while my mum (her career) was on holiday. My uncle refused and said he would care for her. He did not, I did while running the family business single handily for three weeks and living 20 miles away. Sadly she had a fall one day and never came home. She went into the most fabulous home, think cruise ship, but sadly she wasn't well enough to enjoy it.

She could have had months or year of enjoyment and socilastion if my uncle wasn't so worried about the cost.

Many homes are given a bad name, but if you are child free and therefore in theory have money they can be wonderful places.

 

[Platformcrocs]

The Radford’s spring to mind when thinking about parents that keep popping out more and more babies. Such a drain on society.

I actually know someone who’s in a 2 bed council house and she had 3 children, then a step child came to live (social services placed him) and now she’s got pregnant again.

she’s been moaning since she had 3 kids that the council house wasn’t big enough, now she’s had another, making 5 kids to one room. Seems convenient.

Ha, sounds very much like someone I know of. Three biological kids plus custody of a child who isn't biologically related to either parent (long story but SS were also involved). All living in a 2 bed council flat. The eldest child is around 13 and the youngest is 2. They've lived in the 2 bed flat since before the eldest child was born and have done absolutely nothing in the last 13+ years to find a bigger space - it's the council's problem, of course. They've trashed the place, doors kicked off the hinges and holes in the wall and all that. The father does all cash-in-hand jobs and a drug dealer on the side - there is absolutely money coming every month but they refuse to move unless the council sorts it out for them. Then again if they ever wanted to rent privately or get a mortgage, all of their finances would be reviewed and it'd all unravel.

I don't know how you can live like that without losing the plot. You've got three boys in one bedroom, two of them fast approaching their teens. They seem to be banking on the eldest moving out at 16 (!) but I doubt he'll leave school with any qualifications. I really feel for the kids because they've been dragged into this without a choice.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Ha, sounds very much like someone I know of. Three biological kids plus custody of a child who isn't biologically related to either parent (long story but SS were also involved). All living in a 2 bed council flat. The eldest child is around 13 and the youngest is 2. They've lived in the 2 bed flat since before the eldest child was born and have done absolutely nothing in the last 13+ years to find a bigger space - it's the council's problem, of course. They've trashed the place, doors kicked off the hinges and holes in the wall and all that. The father does all cash-in-hand jobs and a drug dealer on the side - there is absolutely money coming every month but they refuse to move unless the council sorts it out for them. Then again if they ever wanted to rent privately or get a mortgage, all of their finances would be reviewed and it'd all unravel.

I don't know how you can live like that without losing the plot. You've got three boys in one bedroom, two of them fast approaching their teens. They seem to be banking on the eldest moving out at 16 (!) but I doubt he'll leave school with any qualifications. I really feel for the kids because they've been dragged into this without a choice.

It’s utterly crazy. So many people rely on the council to provide them housing and then provide them bigger housing when they have more kids.
don’t get me wrong, the council system is great for so many, but loads of people take advantage of it.

 

[penny1992]

Someone on tik tok did a video about being child free and it’s just full of mum’s who are clearly jealous

apparently if you don’t have kids you end up alone on turkey day, you rot in a care home & you’re lonely by 50

I can safely say I have never looked at a parent and felt any ounce of jealousy. To me it looks like a life of stress and a lot of misery.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I can safely say I have never looked at a parent and felt any ounce of jealousy. To me it looks like a life of stress and a lot of misery.

Neither have I, it looks grim.

from these comments though clearly the mum’s were very jealous of those without kids! Says a lot!

 

[judgejohndeed]

Someone on tik tok did a video about being child free and it’s just full of mum’s who are clearly jealous

apparently if you don’t have kids you end up alone on turkey day, you rot in a care home & you’re lonely by 50

This is just so amusing given that Mumsnet/other forums frequented by parents are literally full of people complaining that they have no friends since they had a baby (more detail pulled out generally exposes that they have completely given up trying with any of their friends, or expect their friends to always want to sit round their houses with the baby and never actually go anywhere). I love my Mum, we are very close and speak daily, but we both have our own lives, partners, and friends, and she's always said she would never want me or my siblings to give up work etc to care for her when she's old. I find it MUCH weirder that some people seem to think it's fine to have kids as a means of creating company for yourself!

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

This is just so amusing given that Mumsnet/other forums frequented by parents are literally full of people complaining that they have no friends since they had a baby (more detail pulled out generally exposes that they have completely given up trying with any of their friends, or expect their friends to always want to sit round their houses with the baby and never actually go anywhere). I love my Mum, we are very close and speak daily, but we both have our own lives, partners, and friends, and she's always said she would never want me or my siblings to give up work etc to care for her when she's old. I find it MUCH weirder that some people seem to think it's fine to have kids as a means of creating company for yourself!

I agree! No one should be having kids so they don’t end up alone or so that they don’t end up with no one to look after them! It’s a really selfish way to think.