Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

[shadowcat5]

my issue with the radfords in particular is that there is clearly some unresolved trauma that contributed to their choices. As far as I am aware (could be wrong) both of them grew up as adopted kids and part of me feels like they had so many kids to compensate for that.

It's like those women who have kids with every man they are with (a lot of the girls on 16 and pregnant and teen mom did that)

I agree. It’s grim. It’s no different from running a children’s home. How do you have a conversation with your parents when you’re fighting against that many other children?

^this and also, the older kids end up becoming secondary parents to the younger kids cause there's no way mum and dad can cope with that many alone.

 

[SarcasticEllis]

I agree. It’s grim. It’s no different from running a children’s home. How do you have a conversation with your parents when you’re fighting against that many other children?

children’s homes would never be allowed to operate at that ratio and with the standard of care/parenting shown by the Radfords. It’s a bloody joke for those kids, with their family spun as a cute novelty. There’s no way they’re getting what they need as humans.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

children’s homes would never be allowed to operate at that ratio and with the standard of care/parenting shown by the Radfords. It’s a bloody joke for those kids, with their family spun as a cute novelty. There’s no way they’re getting what they need as humans.

yes I know that, but even children’s homes often don’t provide enough 1:1 care due to staffing and cuts that’s why their house just reminds me of a children’s home. Ironically it did used to be a children’s home!

it’s awful. A woman I went to school with has 7 children. Baby 5 is brain damaged due to mum getting herpes when pregnant and baby 6 has difficulties due to be extremely prem. Yet she keeps popping out babies like it’s a competition and it’s all funded by the state.

even a friend I had at school, her mum had 7 other younger kids and they were feral and uncared for as her mum just couldn’t be arsed.

I can’t understand the point in having any kids at all if you can’t give them what they need.

 

[shadowcat5]

Unpopular and probably controversial but I do think some of these people like babies and the fuss you get when you have a baby but not the actual child they become

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Unpopular and probably controversial but I do think some of these people like babies and the fuss you get when you have a baby but not the actual child they become

Yeah they definitely do! My friend in school, her mum was like that, she actually admitted she was addicted to babies! She even said once that if she knew how her second eldest child would turn out, she wouldn’t have had all the other kids. Slowly they all turned feral, she just wasn’t that interested once they got their own personality.

 

[SarcasticEllis]

Unpopular and probably controversial but I do think some of these people like babies and the fuss you get when you have a baby but not the actual child they become

Just playing at dolls and prams really isn’t it.
then when they stop having babies they start acquiring pets - again to get attention for the cute puppy/kittens not when they grow.

 

[lastdis]

this is one that drives me mad. she wants her baby to sit in lectureshttps://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/student-distraught-after-university-suspends-28716957?fbclid=IwAR2Z1CEJEgEubD0izHCHIk7sq9Pz0bxAI6sPlKT3vtNKixdgR-yh0lJCpuQ
I’d be fuming if my son had to sit there trying to study wile. A selfish self entitled mum dragged her baby along. I’d understand it could happen once in a emergency but constantly oh no no no

Student 'distraught' as university suspends her for taking baby son to lectures

Leah Foster has been forced to put her studies on hold after the University of Derby told her she wouldn't be welcome on campus if she insisted on bringing her son into class

www.mirror.co.uk

 

[paulpercy666]

this is one that drives me mad. she wants her baby to sit in lectureshttps://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/student-distraught-after-university-suspends-28716957?fbclid=IwAR2Z1CEJEgEubD0izHCHIk7sq9Pz0bxAI6sPlKT3vtNKixdgR-yh0lJCpuQ
I’d be fuming if my son had to sit there trying to study wile. A selfish self entitled mum dragged her baby along. I’d understand it could happen once in a emergency but constantly oh no no no

Student 'distraught' as university suspends her for taking baby son to lectures

Leah Foster has been forced to put her studies on hold after the University of Derby told her she wouldn't be welcome on campus if she insisted on bringing her son into class

www.mirror.co.uk

right!! I mean I totally understand universities wanting to widen participation in HE and anyone who manages to complete a degree whilst having other responsibilities should be proud of themselves….. but are you joking? like, on what planet would anyone think that this would be acceptable? I wouldn’t dream of bringing my cat to a lecture - I know a cat isn’t the same as a human child but I’m on this thread for a reason lol.

I hate to sound harsh but it’s a bizarre level of entitlement to think that you should be able to bring your child with you everywhere to the disruption of others and even where the environment is not child appropriate.

 

[JoeBloggs]

right!! I mean I totally understand universities wanting to widen participation in HE and anyone who manages to complete a degree whilst having other responsibilities should be proud of themselves….. but are you joking? like, on what planet would anyone think that this would be acceptable? I wouldn’t dream of bringing my cat to a lecture - I know a cat isn’t the same as a human child but I’m on this thread for a reason lol.

I hate to sound harsh but it’s a bizarre level of entitlement to think that you should be able to bring your child with you everywhere to the disruption of others and even where the environment is not child appropriate.

All universities have creches, there is no reason she need to have in the lecture. If it was the important he was breastfed then she needed to defer for a year or put him on the bottle. Why these parents think their child needs comes before everyone else is beyond me. You bought him into the world therefore you have to adapt, not the world.

 

[shadowcat5]

this is one that drives me mad. she wants her baby to sit in lectureshttps://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/student-distraught-after-university-suspends-28716957?fbclid=IwAR2Z1CEJEgEubD0izHCHIk7sq9Pz0bxAI6sPlKT3vtNKixdgR-yh0lJCpuQ
I’d be fuming if my son had to sit there trying to study wile. A selfish self entitled mum dragged her baby along. I’d understand it could happen once in a emergency but constantly oh no no no

Student 'distraught' as university suspends her for taking baby son to lectures

Leah Foster has been forced to put her studies on hold after the University of Derby told her she wouldn't be welcome on campus if she insisted on bringing her son into class

www.mirror.co.uk

Especially given how expensive uni is! It's bad enough you have to pay 9000 to watch a lecturer teach from a powerpoint

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

Agree re the Radfords. They got together at a very young age as well and Sue was 14 when they had their first, she wasn't even an adult when she got married. No wonder she is stuck in such a childlike mentality - I'm not saying there is anything wrong with young marriage/pregnancy but there's a vast difference between doing that in your 20s, even early 20s, vs when you are 14!

There was a well known fundamentalist Christian family in the USA who had a large number of biological children (12 iirc, not as many as the Radfords but still) and then started adopting, essentially they were hoarding children as they couldn't provide for them all. The eldest unmarried daughter in the family was always expected to leave school and take care of the younger children, and a number of them had serious disabilities as well. This eventually led to one of the kids, who was seriously disabled, dying in a tragic accident because the parents couldn't supervise and were so overworked. The mother has now left her husband, come out as a lesbian, and attends a less extreme church and she has said she can't believe the situation she put her family in and why I honestly believe you don't really love children if you have more than you can provide and care for

I actually think I’d likely have mental health problems if I was to get pregnant. I’ve just always had this feeling that if I was to get pregnant and have a baby that the hormone changes and mental stress would actually push me into a breakdown. I struggle enough with my hormones as it is!

I have had an eating disorder and BDD. If I got pregnant the weight gain, stretchmarks, etc. along with hormones and so on would absolutely cause a relapse as would the constantly being treated like my body isn't my own - I couldn't stand to have frequent blood and glucose tests but if you say no, you risk being reported to social services! When I've said this people have either said I was being selfish or said things like "it's different when it actually happens to you, you would do anything for your baby." That's not true. Having a baby does not magically cure mental health problems and can, in fact, make them a lot worse

It's well documented that one of the reasons why disabled people are very vulnerable to forced marriages is that in some cultures, people genuinely believe that mental illness or learning disabilities etc. will magically be resolved through marriage/children. I wonder how many of those on MN would think that's barbaric yet their own beliefs basically amount to the same thing?

 

[Pebbleybeach]

Agree re the Radfords. They got together at a very young age as well and Sue was 14 when they had their first, she wasn't even an adult when she got married. No wonder she is stuck in such a childlike mentality - I'm not saying there is anything wrong with young marriage/pregnancy but there's a vast difference between doing that in your 20s, even early 20s, vs when you are 14!

There was a well known fundamentalist Christian family in the USA who had a large number of biological children (12 iirc, not as many as the Radfords but still) and then started adopting, essentially they were hoarding children as they couldn't provide for them all. The eldest unmarried daughter in the family was always expected to leave school and take care of the younger children, and a number of them had serious disabilities as well. This eventually led to one of the kids, who was seriously disabled, dying in a tragic accident because the parents couldn't supervise and were so overworked. The mother has now left her husband, come out as a lesbian, and attends a less extreme church and she has said she can't believe the situation she put her family in and why I honestly believe you don't really love children if you have more than you can provide and care for



I have had an eating disorder and BDD. If I got pregnant the weight gain, stretchmarks, etc. along with hormones and so on would absolutely cause a relapse as would the constantly being treated like my body isn't my own - I couldn't stand to have frequent blood and glucose tests but if you say no, you risk being reported to social services! When I've said this people have either said I was being selfish or said things like "it's different when it actually happens to you, you would do anything for your baby." That's not true. Having a baby does not magically cure mental health problems and can, in fact, make them a lot worse

It's well documented that one of the reasons why disabled people are very vulnerable to forced marriages is that in some cultures, people genuinely believe that mental illness or learning disabilities etc. will magically be resolved through marriage/children. I wonder how many of those on MN would think that's barbaric yet their own beliefs basically amount to the same thing?

Not a mental illness or a disability but I have had insomnia for decades and nothing has worked. My older brothers ex girlfriend told me having babies would cure it. Babies. Would. Cure. INSOMNIA.

 

[lastdis]

Not a mental illness or a disability but I have had insomnia for decades and nothing has worked. My older brothers ex girlfriend told me having babies would cure it. Babies. Would. Cure. INSOMNIA.

Shame there’s not a cure for stupid.

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

I always find it interesting when new parents gush about "getting to know their baby!" How much of a "personality" can a baby supposedly have? Curiosity in a baby is natural, and they may be comparatively quieter or more agitated than another baby, but that's not something I find particularly fascinating

 

[Pebbleybeach]

I always find it interesting when new parents gush about "getting to know their baby!" How much of a "personality" can a baby supposedly have? Curiosity in a baby is natural, and they may be comparatively quieter or more agitated than another baby, but that's not something I find particularly fascinating

I remember a hilarious thread on mumsnet where a woman was complaining her best friend wasn’t visiting her more than once a week after she had her baby and she wasn’t spending enough time getting to know the baby, EVEN THOUGH she didn’t even have kids and had PLENTY of time to visit 3 times a week to help her and to get to know the baby

It wasn’t a one off either! There have been similar threads!

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

Someone on tik tok did a video about being child free and it’s just full of mum’s who are clearly jealous

apparently if you don’t have kids you end up alone on turkey day, you rot in a care home & you’re lonely by 50

 

[shadowcat5]

Someone on tik tok did a video about being child free and it’s just full of mum’s who are clearly jealous

apparently if you don’t have kids you end up alone on turkey day, you rot in a care home & you’re lonely by 50

What is the obsession with ending up alone? Alone and lonely are not the same thing for a start but I actually quite like being alone

On top of that you could have kids and end up alone anyway!

 

[witchofwestbyfleet]

What is the obsession with ending up alone? Alone and lonely are not the same thing for a start but I actually quite like being alone

On top of that you could have kids and end up alone anyway!

My aunt is in her mid-60s with three children, two of whom are working a long way across the world and the third is busy with young children so they don't see each other all that often. If my uncle died, my aunt would be quite lonely, having children/grandchildren doesn't mean she is always surrounded by people

 

[Pebbleybeach]

What is the obsession with ending up alone? Alone and lonely are not the same thing for a start but I actually quite like being alone

On top of that you could have kids and end up alone anyway!

Maybe they could try being nice people and then people who don’t feel obligated to talk to you because they came out of your vagina might want to spend time with them.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

What is the obsession with ending up alone? Alone and lonely are not the same thing for a start but I actually quite like being alone

On top of that you could have kids and end up alone anyway!

Yeah exactly.

I’ve never minded being on my own. I enjoy my own company.