Childfree by choice #6 Sleeping well at night, petition for childfree flights

[Jane Porcupine]

There's a thread on Mumsnet at the moment about how mental health problems are exploding in the 30-35 year age group because people are being encouraged to delay adulthood. It mentions in particular, women being encouraged not to have children in their 20s which 'robs them of their focus, because having a family is a nice focus'.

 

[Pebbleybeach]

There's a thread on Mumsnet at the moment about how mental health problems are exploding in the 30-35 year age group because people are being encouraged to delay adulthood. It mentions in particular, women being encouraged not to have children in their 20s which 'robs them of their focus, because having a family is a nice focus'.

I saw that. Women, before they have children, are ‘waiting for real life to start’ and it causes mental health issues

 

[rosemarina]

The envy and regret just drips off them.

 

[zetta buttons]

The last friend from our friend group is pregnant. We’re a group of 6, all friends since high school. Three of them have little babies (all under 2) and my best friend got pregnant this summer. Today my other best friend also told me her news.
I am so so very happy for all of them. But I cried my entire way home. Because no matter what it will never be the same again. I know it’s selfish.

I hate that everything’s changing for me too.

I lurk on this thread but I just wanted to say that of my uni friends (we are all early 40s) I am the only one not to have children. At uni and throughout our 20s some remained adamant to be child free. One went to live in a communal living environment in the US, a few were committed to a research life. However, one by one, they have all had children and I have grown apart from them. It makes me so sad.

Is it the child free aspect? I just don’t know.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

There's a thread on Mumsnet at the moment about how mental health problems are exploding in the 30-35 year age group because people are being encouraged to delay adulthood. It mentions in particular, women being encouraged not to have children in their 20s which 'robs them of their focus, because having a family is a nice focus'.

I actually think I’d likely have mental health problems if I was to get pregnant. I’ve just always had this feeling that if I was to get pregnant and have a baby that the hormone changes and mental stress would actually push me into a breakdown. I struggle enough with my hormones as it is!

 

[OatMatchaLatte]

I actually think I’d likely have mental health problems if I was to get pregnant. I’ve just always had this feeling that if I was to get pregnant and have a baby that the hormone changes and mental stress would actually push me into a breakdown. I struggle enough with my hormones as it is!

Same here. I'd also be SO worried about what I was eating, whether I was exercising enough / too much, how every single choice I made would affect the baby. It would be too much for me.

 

[mdizzl3]

Could someone send a link to that thread? Can’t find it

 

[Blond3g1rl]

Could someone send a link to that thread? Can’t find it

We aren’t allowed to link to MN

 

[mdizzl3]

We aren’t allowed to link to MN

Oh found it - what a load of sanctimonious bollocks

 

[springstudy]

Probably a very controversial opinion but I know a lot of people who I'm sure keep having kids just because it allows them to have an excuse not to do f all with their time, get free money and benefits and gives them a sense of achievement because they haven't done much. Their whole identity is their children and when one grows up and goes into school, they have another just to continue this sense of being busy and having something to do. Then they will moan about how they don't have time to do anything and how it must be nice to travel/get a degree/have a nice job but they can't cos they have kids.... it's so funny.

 

[soph30]

OMG THE ONLY SAFE SPACE IN THE WORLD where I won’t offend someone
Being a mother is NOT a full time job. You have to wake in the night sometimes (only at baby stage) do breakfast and a nappy and watch it play for a bit or take it to the park or read to it, lunch, supper, bath and bed?
I work harder than that every weekday

 

[HoGi]

OMG THE ONLY SAFE SPACE IN THE WORLD where I won’t offend someone
Being a mother is NOT a full time job. You have to wake in the night sometimes (only at baby stage) do breakfast and a nappy and watch it play for a bit or take it to the park or read to it, lunch, supper, bath and bed?
I work harder than that every weekday

I obviously don't have kids. But what annoys me is that the term "full time mum" insinuates that mum's that work aren't mum's while they are at work. When we know they most definitely are! They get allowances for being early/late, extra time out, priority leave etc.

If you don't work to look after kids call yourself a housewife or unemployed because that's the truth.

 

[lastdis]

Probably a very controversial opinion but I know a lot of people who I'm sure keep having kids just because it allows them to have an excuse not to do f all with their time, get free money and benefits and gives them a sense of achievement because they haven't done much. Their whole identity is their children and when one grows up and goes into school, they have another just to continue this sense of being busy and having something to do. Then they will moan about how they don't have time to do anything and how it must be nice to travel/get a degree/have a nice job but they can't cos they have kids.... it's so funny.

No your 100% right , as I have said I do have kids. But from my view I see mums at school and as soon as the youngest hits nursery oh whoops their pregnant . I had some say tome when I was having one of mine. Oh you need to tell the council so u get a bigger house . When I said nah I own my house they laughed and said I could be getting a Nice big council house paid for

OMG THE ONLY SAFE SPACE IN THE WORLD where I won’t offend someone
Being a mother is NOT a full time job. You have to wake in the night sometimes (only at baby stage) do breakfast and a nappy and watch it play for a bit or take it to the park or read to it, lunch, supper, bath and bed?
I work harder than that every weekday

facebook when mums write works at home as a full time mum, , even when their kids are teens. Gets me in so many ways . One it’s not a job and two are they saying mums who work hard are only part time parents .

 

[pinkmug]

Probably a very controversial opinion but I know a lot of people who I'm sure keep having kids just because it allows them to have an excuse not to do f all with their time, get free money and benefits and gives them a sense of achievement because they haven't done much. Their whole identity is their children and when one grows up and goes into school, they have another just to continue this sense of being busy and having something to do. Then they will moan about how they don't have time to do anything and how it must be nice to travel/get a degree/have a nice job but they can't cos they have kids.... it's so funny.

I totally agree. These will be the ones not understanding how an adult may choose to fill their time with something other than playing diaper-basketball with the bin or stressing about book day costumes at 11pm. When people have nothing going on in their lives (however simple or grand) they tend to cling to their kids and judge others for their "empty lives".

 

[soph30]

I totally agree. These will be the ones not understanding how an adult may choose to fill their time with something other than playing diaper-basketball with the bin or stressing about book day costumes at 11pm. When people have nothing going on in their lives (however simple or grand) they tend to cling to their kids and judge others for their "empty lives".

To be fair I think some people are very maternal. That ain’t us though

 

[pinkmug]

To be fair I think some people are very maternal. That ain’t us though

I have no issue with parents in general, if someone wants to dedicate their life to their child, that's their choice and godspeed. What gets on my nerves is when some act like their way is the only way and anyone who chooses a different path is somehow beneath them.

If parenthood is a virtue signal for someone, I will go ahead and feel sorry for their kid because it's not about the child or the family, it's about compensating for other things that are lacking.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

The Radford’s spring to mind when thinking about parents that keep popping out more and more babies. Such a drain on society.

I actually know someone who’s in a 2 bed council house and she had 3 children, then a step child came to live (social services placed him) and now she’s got pregnant again.

she’s been moaning since she had 3 kids that the council house wasn’t big enough, now she’s had another, making 5 kids to one room. Seems convenient.

 

[Norfolking Good]

My issue with families like the Radfords is that these kids get no quality time with their parents because the older ones look after the younger ones and they lose their childhood to being a proxy parent. They become a number or part of a group so it can’t be nice for them even though I’m sure they’re loved and cared for.

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

My issue with families like the Radfords is that these kids get no quality time with their parents because the older ones look after the younger ones and they lose their childhood to being a proxy parent. They become a number or part of a group so it can’t be nice for them even though I’m sure they’re loved and cared for.

I agree. It’s grim. It’s no different from running a children’s home. How do you have a conversation with your parents when you’re fighting against that many other children?

 

[SarcasticEllis]

I obviously don't have kids. But what annoys me is that the term "full time mum" insinuates that mum's that work aren't mum's while they are at work. When we know they most definitely are! They get allowances for being early/late, extra time out, priority leave etc.

If you don't work to look after kids call yourself a housewife or unemployed because that's the truth.

was at a gig by Craig Hill (stand up) who’s very much into audience communication and he’d asked someoneabout their work and she said “I’m a full time mum”.
He did a big performative cough into “hasn’t got a job…”