I have a friend like that. She qualified as a teacher, then did a masters, then went travelling for a couple of years with her boyfriend (supported by him) came home, taught for literally a few months and then 'accidentally' got pregnant. She had two more kids in quick succession and has never gone back to work.
- Status
New to Tattle Life? Click "Order Thread by Most Liked Posts" button below to get an idea of what the site is about:
Agreed, my mother is looking to move into a retirement community at the moment, she's in her mid-80s, and some of the ones we've looked at have had the most amazing facilities.
There is a fancier care home where I live which you can move in indefinitely if you donate them a house/apartment/a certain amount of money. It's ran by a foundation so the resources are (hopefully) used for supporting the less fortunate and you get to live out your days in a community with your private room, social activities and professional staff within reach 24/7. They do their customers' (residents?) check ups, the location of care home seem nice and they have a bunch of options to keep people active and comfortable. One can never know unless they actually live in it of course but if I am lucky enough to grow old with my wits and health and a property, and if I'm actually alone when I reach a certain age, this doesn't seem like a terrible solution to me.
Sometimes you don’t even get a say. If social services deem it unsafe for you to live at home and they decide that you can’t make your own decisions, they will put you in a home regardless of what your family say.
if my husband goes before me, I wouldn’t mind buying one of the flats in a sheltered building where there’s communal areas. Company if I wanted it, but my own space.
if my husband goes before me, I wouldn’t mind buying one of the flats in a sheltered building where there’s communal areas. Company if I wanted it, but my own space.
Only if you don’t have any money or assets. Otherwise they force that on the family as we have experienced. This is why have POA is so important for family, I already have it for my parents in their 60s just I case.
Always best to have your plans and arrangements made in advance.
Yes, but if you end up coming to harm or near harm or your needs aren’t being met, social services can intervene and state you cannot stay in your home and must go into a care home instead. Whether it’s state funded or not is another matter, but they can prevent a person from going home.
As said above, if they lack capacity and going home would cause significant harm or risk of, SS can get input from Court of Protection and overrule any POA or advance decisions made. Obviously they need evidence etc but that's what can happen.
No my point wasn’t about going home but about which home.
My parents will be getting no help from me when they become infirm (both nearly 80). That is due to a number of factors and the way they have treated me in my lifetime. Shame on anyone who brings children into the world to have someone 'look after them' in their dotage. It doesn't always work and you reap what you sow.
Yes my point was more that those criticising people for putting family in a care home don’t seem to understand that sometimes the decision is taken out of their hands by SS.
we had a POA in place for my nan plus other things and we were fortunate her house didn’t have to be sold.
I didn't want to say but same. If anyone would like to call me selfish I will point them to my entire childhood which was just them being completely selfish and neglectful.
A little bit off the current conversation, but I went to my works Christmas do last night. I was talking to a male colleague and he asked me if I had children (we were talking about Vagas so nothing related!) I said I didn't and he replied that he just assumed I would. I said I have a dog. He then started asking why I did have children?! I was so shocked I just blurted out "because I bleeping hate children" then tried to backtrack to a more polite (god knows why) tactic of explaning that I'd never felt the urge for kids. He still didn't get the message and started asking what my husband and I do with all our free time like he absolutely could not believe that we had so much time on our hands!! It was the way that he said it like I must have a completely empty worthless life without children to occupy my free time!! Like what the actual?! Then he started asking if my husband likes football and could not believe it when I said no, he doesn't like any sport. He was incredulous! I was so upset I made my excuses from the conversation and left the party.
My previous job was at a company where having dogs not kids was the norm so I never encountered this kind of thing before so have been a bit blasé about people challenging me on my lifestyle choices before. I clearly need to think of some better responses to idiots like this!
My previous job was at a company where having dogs not kids was the norm so I never encountered this kind of thing before so have been a bit blasé about people challenging me on my lifestyle choices before. I clearly need to think of some better responses to idiots like this!
I have to agree with some of the above about not offering unconditional help to elderly parents. I have messily divorced in-laws that don’t know my husband and I exist until they need or want something. One who openly admits they loathed being a parent to my husband & having kids ruined their life, swans off on holiday for the whole winter, doesn’t bother with us all year but likes to FaceTime from some tropical destination at Christmas to show off… nah 
As they get older & unable to travel Im certain they will crawling back to us for Christmas & they won’t be welcome 
As they get older & unable to travel Im certain they will crawling back to us for Christmas & they won’t be welcome Free time? What free time?
Part of the reason I don’t want kids is because I never get any free time now, let alone if I had them
Omg what a dick! Sorry you had to go through that. I wonder what that guys chip on his shoulder/personal issues are that led to him questioning you like that? He must be very small minded not to be able to imagine a happy life without kids and football.
Honestly, I think the best thing to do with people like that is change the subject. So when he said he assumed you would have them, I would laugh and say 'really, how weird!' and then immediately talk about something else. There's no reasoning with some people and judging by the rest of the conversation he was obviously a total moron.
I think your response was perfect tbh
Something like "that's a very personal question" usually works; if they're rude enough to carry on then follow it with a blunt "I don't want to discuss this". Although I'll admit to being on a wind-up in a similar situation once and responded with "just lucky I guess", that pissed them off and they walked off - no skin off my nose!
I find it so funny how people who have kids then think 'all that free time' is a bad thing, when most of them are also always moaning that they don't have any time to themselves? Like which is it, do you think we're all bored and lonely because we don't have a sprog or are you the busiest and most tired ever because you have no time? I will be the first to say I adore having spare time. I have had a weird career/made a big career move a couple of years ago so I spent a very long time at university getting four degrees (inc a PhD). I don't miss working 7 day weeks and all evenings and holidays at all. My job now is demanding, but I have mostly complete control of my diary and I love taking days off just to do nothing. I love being lazy sometimes to be honest. The horrors! The absurdity! Imagine a whole day sitting on the sofa washing trash TV and not getting up at the crack of dawn to feed a child then run round after it all day until you're so exhausted that you don't get the evening to do anything anyway. No thanks, literally nothing appealing about that to me at all.
Confronted by two very opposing pictures on my social media this morning: One was a thread about "even female doctors don't know pregnancy is impossible after 40, modern/liberal women leave it too late and then are infertile and have no children to care for them in old age, they will die alone surrounded by cats, don't they know a woman's only purpose in life is to have children and if you really want a career you can start it in your forties when the kids leave home". The other was a 50-something woman who had two children in her 40s and was eagerly posting about how it didn't have to end her dreams, she was now happily travelling the world with the kids, etc. Yes both these posts were "recommended" to me, is the algorithm taking the piss? So glad to not have to deal with either of these scenarios
I know lots of women who had children in their 40s and two who had them in their early 50s!
Also why are people so bothered about other peoples regrets or whatever. Will I regret having children?
maybe, I can’t predict that. All I know is I’m glad past me didn’t have children so today me doesn’t have children. I can’t know about future me. If I regret it I’ll live with it, like I’ll live with the regret of not being a librarian or opening a bakery or opening a cat rescue or moving to New Zealand or whatever else I regret.Also I won’t die alone surrounded by cats (which isn’t alone…) because I don’t want cats so I’ll die actually alone or preferably with someone licensed to inject pain meds into me.
- Status