Let’s be honest women get judged no matter what we do. I have a 24 year old daughter who has made the decision to remain childfree. She has a lovely partner who shares that view. She gets told she is terrible, unnatural, that she will change her mind etc I think it’s great that women have choices now and can decide for themselves how many kids to have, or not have. After all wasn’t that the whole point of second wave feminism and the fight for fertility rights?
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100%. That's what I love about this thread. Like minded people considering / already chose the child free life, with no judgement. I wonder how many women who say they are trying for a baby get told "oh but you might change your mind about wanting one".
As I said I have kids so probably I shouldn’t be here100%. That's what I love about this thread. Like minded people considering / already chose the child free life, with no judgement. I wonder how many women who say they are trying for a baby get told "oh but you might change your mind about wanting one".
but I’m getting in from the point of view of grandkids. People are angry on my behalf that my daughter is “depriving” me of a grand baby. 
I would love to be a grandmother but not at the expense of someone who doesn’t want children. Its not my right and I’m nor missing out if it never happens.Tell them to carry your grandchild for you and watch them stutteringAs I said I have kids so probably I shouldn’t be here
I 100% understand but until they start teaching what pregnancy looks and feels like as part of all school curriculums, I think people need to continue having an open discussion.While it is a good thing people are being honest, I think it has gone a step too far. I don't need to know how bad your piles are, or how ripped you got pushing the baby out or how sore your nipples are from breastfeeding when I haven't asked!And it's also kind of in a begrudging way, if a mother looks half decent it's like "oh well she must have help" like as if mothers HAVE TO look wrecked tired and disheveled or else they are doing it wrong. Or if a mother wears makeup daily she gets ridiculed because HOW could she possibly have the 10 minutes it takes to throw on foundation and mascara!? It's all of these things that are pushing me more and more to the child free life! Not one of the women in my friends groups with children have made it look or sound in any way desirable!
I was raised in a very religious household and sent to religious schools. The sex education I received was the bare minimum that the school could get away with by law. If there were mandates to teach reality, we would have received that education. In hindsight, it feels very second class citizen-ish to not be given the full rundown of what pregnancy and labor entails.
I get so upset thinking about how I was set up to walk into motherhood so ignorant. I truly believe it is impossible to give informed consent on becoming pregnant without being educated. My threshold for pain has gone down considerably since I was a child. Coupled with hormonal changes and PND, I have to question whether I could survive pregnancy. It’s only been in the past three or so years that I started seeing honest accounts. I felt very lucky the first time I encountered one.
This post isn’t directed at the original comment anymore I guess
It’s honestly just airing my personal grievance.
I'm so happy to have found this thread!
Major respect to anyone who chooses to be a mother but it's not for me. I don't know how parents cope with the rising cost of everything, less stability in the job market, being expected to buy iPhones that cost a grand for kids, the cost of healthcare, clothes, everything. I could go on all day. I've plenty of nieces and nephews and don't hate kids by any means but just would never want any of my own.
Major respect to anyone who chooses to be a mother but it's not for me. I don't know how parents cope with the rising cost of everything, less stability in the job market, being expected to buy iPhones that cost a grand for kids, the cost of healthcare, clothes, everything. I could go on all day. I've plenty of nieces and nephews and don't hate kids by any means but just would never want any of my own.
The new mother personality transplant will always amaze me. My previous manager was the biggest corporate robot you've ever met, very career driven, never expressed any interest in marriage or kids etc. She also had a very... 'strained' relationship with another of her direct reports who's child was often sick and she was not very understanding at all.
HOWEVER, said employee was taking lots of time off for her son but also refusing to come into the office and clearly using WFH as childcare - e.g. not being able to get through a meeting without her son wandering around and/or sitting on her lap, not turning up to meetings, being MIA for hours at a time and just getting very little done each day (she is an admin assistant doing data entry so literally all her work is recorded). So her frustration was not exactly unjustified... but the WFH/childcare debate is another issue.
My manager then gets accidentally pregnant, and now months into her mat leave is constantly on the Whatsapp group chat asking this admin assistant how her son is, sharing pics of their kids back and forth, the change is just mental to see. And incredibly boring for the rest of us to read. Also a few weeks after her own son was born she logged onto our (department wide, bear in mind) Slack channel to post a pic of a nappy explosion
Like... you wouldn't announce to Slack if you had the shits or upload a pic of your dog's poop - so what actually goes on in their heads to think this stuff is appropriate/of interest to anyone else just because it's related to their kids?
HOWEVER, said employee was taking lots of time off for her son but also refusing to come into the office and clearly using WFH as childcare - e.g. not being able to get through a meeting without her son wandering around and/or sitting on her lap, not turning up to meetings, being MIA for hours at a time and just getting very little done each day (she is an admin assistant doing data entry so literally all her work is recorded). So her frustration was not exactly unjustified... but the WFH/childcare debate is another issue.
My manager then gets accidentally pregnant, and now months into her mat leave is constantly on the Whatsapp group chat asking this admin assistant how her son is, sharing pics of their kids back and forth, the change is just mental to see. And incredibly boring for the rest of us to read. Also a few weeks after her own son was born she logged onto our (department wide, bear in mind) Slack channel to post a pic of a nappy explosion
Like... you wouldn't announce to Slack if you had the shits or upload a pic of your dog's poop - so what actually goes on in their heads to think this stuff is appropriate/of interest to anyone else just because it's related to their kids?At the best of times I’m not particularly interested in people’s children, but to post that sort of stuff at work is just beyond inappropriate. What makes them think anyone wants to see that?
Was chatting to my aforementioned best friend who said that having a child is 50/50 good days and horrendous days and you always just hope for the best 
Haha sounds bleeping awful, I think I’d rather have some control of over my life thanksWas chatting to my aforementioned best friend who said that having a child is 50/50 good days and horrendous days and you always just hope for the best
don’t know what poseses ppl to willingly put themselves through it with all the responsibilities and their own life on top of minding another small human being and no way back if it all goes wrongHats off to your friend for being honest, so many talk about how 'amazing' 'life changing' and so on it is but it's rarer to find those who will reveal that it's not always easyWas chatting to my aforementioned best friend who said that having a child is 50/50 good days and horrendous days and you always just hope for the best
My childfree life; I got up to feed to dogs about 7am, then slept in until 1130am, got up walked the dogs, then put my PJs back on and spent this rest of the day on the sofa. Because I can.
Dad's are just as bad though. One of my colleagues refers to his child regularly as 'my daughter'. Just use her bleeping name, I know who she is, it's all the more confusing now he has two daughters!
Oh my god the new mother transplant. So accurate. People who i have previously got on with suddenly become different people. Breastfeeding, nappies, what precious is getting up to at home/nursery/school .
Dad's are just as bad though. One of my colleagues refers to his child regularly as 'my daughter'. Just use her bleeping name, I know who she is, it's all the more confusing now he has two daughters!
On the wfh thing, I’ve been mortified when my kids gate crash meetings. The other people in the meetings however try to engage with them and are all smiles, when I’m trying to make them scarce.
Dogs and cats on the other hand…one of the directors demanded ‘show us the dog’ when another director had just bought a puppy and we all cooed and some clapped
I’ve also belly laughed on a few occasions at cats as they know it pisses their owners off to have them show their bumholes right up to the camera
On another topic, and with the disclaimer that of course we are being sensible around restrictions etc, but a couple of friends now conveniently use covid as a cover all for not meeting up child-free. They were always going to be the parents for whom leaving their child with someone else was an issue, but now they think playing the covid card legitimises their need for control/lack of trust in others to babysit etc.
Dogs and cats on the other hand…one of the directors demanded ‘show us the dog’ when another director had just bought a puppy and we all cooed and some clapped
I’ve also belly laughed on a few occasions at cats as they know it pisses their owners off to have them show their bumholes right up to the camera
On another topic, and with the disclaimer that of course we are being sensible around restrictions etc, but a couple of friends now conveniently use covid as a cover all for not meeting up child-free. They were always going to be the parents for whom leaving their child with someone else was an issue, but now they think playing the covid card legitimises their need for control/lack of trust in others to babysit etc.
I saw on a not-pregnancy-related thread women discussing their pregnancies, births, and how much they bled after pregnancy in great detail...... I've no desire to put my body through that, and have little - no desire for the end result either (the baby) some information should be kept to yourself I'm all for birth being a natural thing but honestly.... Yous wouldn't go around telling everyone about the snots that came out when you sneezed, why do people feel the need to be so graphic about what's coming out of them after birth?
some information should be kept to yourself I'm all for birth being a natural thing but honestly.... Yous wouldn't go around telling everyone about the snots that came out when you sneezed, why do people feel the need to be so graphic about what's coming out of them after birth?
I had dinner with some friends during the week and we got on to the topic of children and they were joking about how it’s my turn to have a baby next because they’ve all had one now. I said I wasn’t having children so they’d have a long time to wait etc and one of them said to me “oh you will, you’ll change your mind when you meet the right man” 
I was like, excuse me…the right man will be someone who also doesn’t want to have children. Please don’t tell me that you think you know my mind and what I want better than I do. duck off
I was like, excuse me…the right man will be someone who also doesn’t want to have children. Please don’t tell me that you think you know my mind and what I want better than I do. duck off
Can we, as a thread, come up with the perfect response to this as it is constantly being thrown at us!!
And the funny thing is, imagine if you told somebody who was trying for a baby or pregnant or had kids that they'd change their mind about wanting them! They wouldn't be a bit impressed!
The perfect response is to agree. Whatever they say agree and they suddenly start arguing against themselves.
Eg -
You'll change your mind
Maybe you're right. It seems pretty easy to be a parent so I suppose I could have just one and my life would change much I didn't really consider that.
It's not easy, I haven't slept for years, it's nothing but worry and haha your life won't change yeah right, I've had to give up my career, my relationship is dead, I've got no hobbies etc.
Oh yeah, I didn't consider those things, I probably won't have any then.
Works every time
My periods are getting heavier and more painful each month. Maybe it my bodies way of saying oi we’ll give you a break if you give this womb something to do for 9 months
I think I already said this on this thread but in response to the ‘right man’ comment I would say well the right man for me is also one who doesn’t want kids…I had dinner with some friends during the week and we got on to the topic of children and they were joking about how it’s my turn to have a baby next because they’ve all had one now. I said I wasn’t having children so they’d have a long time to wait etc and one of them said to me “oh you will, you’ll change your mind when you meet the right man”
I was like, excuse me…the right man will be someone who also doesn’t want to have children. Please don’t tell me that you think you know my mind and what I want better than I do. duck off
I would have said... "the right kind of friend is one who wouldn't make these sorts of hurtful, thoughtless statements."
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