Childfree by Choice #2

[dancingqueen5678]

Nope! She wanted to know if a particular buffet restaurant that I forget the name of was suitable for her toddler because she planned to take the toddler on a work night out rather than leave the toddler with the dad because the dad 'deserves a childfree night' but her mums said jot to take the toddler so she wanted to know if it was OK because she'd been there before and seen loads of families with kids so she thought it'd be fine... loads of people said the resferaunt is fine for kids but the event isn't and she said most of them are parents as well so she thought it would be OK and loads of people said they'd hate it if they went to the effort to find childcare for a night out and then had to put up with someone else's kid.

A woman I used to work with would bring her kid on works dos. Baby showers, christmas nights out, birthday gatherings, leaving dos. She always brought her kid (he was around 7-10 when I worked there). I felt quite bad cause her family all lived in Africa where she was from and I don't think dad was in the picture so it was bring him or not come. She already had to pay for a babysitter to work if she was on evenings so I'd imagine it was expensive for a night out as well. He was a quiet kid tbf to him but it was annoying as we'd got to the local town but we could only go to certain places as he was U18. So we couldn't have food at a bar or a pub before the night out (which they obvs didn't come to). It'd have to be a chain restaurant where he was allowed in.

From the child's perspective, a pub is such a boring place to be. I can speak from experience - as a child I was dragged to the pub most days (my mum is a publican not an alcoholic btw)

I think the pubs with *shudder* play areas are okay for kids but 90% of pubs don't have them and it's unreasonable to expect a young child to sit quietly for that amount of time. I think there should be specific family pubs for kids and the rest should be strictly child-free. Just my opinion though - I'm sure many parents would string me up for saying it!

I lived in a pub as a kid (no play area) and you are absolutely correct. They've got a games machine and a pool table in some pubs but that's it for kids really. Bit different if there's a restaurant I suppose but if there isn't then it's baffling you'd want to take your child there. I grew up with a girl who's family were in the pub almost every evening cause they were friends with the owner. She was friends with the other kids who's parents did the same so I suppose they all played together away from adults which is fine but I wouldn't have done that personally

 

[TaylorMomsen]

I had a mostly child free wedding last month - the only children invited were my nephew who was ring bearer and the son of one of my bridesmaids who's 11 and a really polite little boy who is fun to talk to. I made them little giftbags full of snacks, toys, activities, bubbles, party poppers, play doh, kids digital camera etc and they were entertained the whole time and didn't cause any trouble.
All of our guests with kids came fuss free, and all made a point of saying they were made up the invite said no kids as they could actually enjoy their time and not feel like they had to entertain their kids.
Our venue was also the function room of a bar (ten weeks to plan a wedding due to not being able to get to vegas for the 15th time) so there wouldn't have been anything for other kids to do to entertain themselves - and the giftbags cost me a small fortune to do for two of them, why is lego so expensive?!

 

[Inforapenny]

Always important to remember that a wedding invitation is just that: an invitation. It’s not a summons. So, as a guest, you don’t have to go if it is childfree and you don’t have access to a sitter. Equally though, as a bride or groom, if you put obstacles in the way such as no children or a foreign destination then don’t be surprised if you have people decline.

I don't think inviting adults and not their kids is an obstacle this insinuates the no kid invite is purposefully being difficult toward those who have kids.

Talking of which I am sick and tired of hearing colleagues moan about their child care arrangements and having kids and working blah blah blah when they ALWAYS get the first dibs or flexibility on everything by using their kids as the reason. Being child free somehow means I have no commitments.
I got told by my boss to do an event because she has rainbows every Monday evening ....it was a given that I'm free at the drop of a hat and somehow because she chose to have sprogs I need to accommodate and bend for her.

 

[Influencing is not a job]

I don't think inviting adults and not their kids is an obstacle this insinuates the no kid invite is purposefully being difficult toward those who have kids.

Talking of which I am sick and tired of hearing colleagues moan about their child care arrangements and having kids and working blah blah blah when they ALWAYS get the first dibs or flexibility on everything by using their kids as the reason. Being child free somehow means I have no commitments.
I got told by my boss to do an event because she has rainbows every Monday evening ....it was a given that I'm free at the drop of a hat and somehow because she chose to have sprogs I need to accommodate and bend for her.

This!!!!!!!! Or in my work place when we have to have a meeting after work hours I'm not allowed complain about it as much as parents because sure what would I be rushing home for whereas they are missing out on time with their child!

 

[dancingqueen5678]

YES! I was the only child free person once which meant I was expected to work every day of the easter holidays (14 days in a row) because the other members of staff wanted to have Easter off. I will never not be angry about it. Just cause I don't have a child doesn't mean my time is a free for all. I am entitled to a life and a bleeping day off! It's not my fault you decided to have kids

 

[mrsbucket]

Okay here's another moan...

My in-laws decided that, for Christmas, we only do gifts for the kids. Now whilst I understand that xmas presents are mostly for the benefit of children, I do think it is a piss take that we shell out a minimum of £20 per niece/nephew and get nothing in return

There was a time when we used to get a tin of biscuits or a bottle of wine which was a nice gesture, however that's died a death and now we leave empty handed every time.

I know you don't give to receive blah blah blah but it's just another example of childless couples getting the crappy end of the deal, no?

 

[Satisfying Click]

Can you gift the kids the Oxfam goat, it might revert to the status quo after that

 

[dancingqueen5678]

Okay here's another moan...

My in-laws decided that, for Christmas, we only do gifts for the kids. Now whilst I understand that xmas presents are mostly for the benefit of children, I do think it is a piss take that we shell out a minimum of £20 per niece/nephew and get nothing in return

There was a time when we used to get a tin of biscuits or a bottle of wine which was a nice gesture, however that's died a death and now we leave empty handed every time.

I know you don't give to receive blah blah blah but it's just another example of childless couples getting the crappy end of the deal, no?

I'm annoyed reading that tbh. It is childless people getting the crappy end of the deal. Yeah we don't give to receive but presents are ultimately a gesture of kindness so why is that kindness not being returned to you just cause you have no kids?!
It also plays into the assumption that cause you don't have kids you have more money to spend and therefore, spending it on the kids is fine and expected. Childless people do have more money usually, don't get me wrong but also why should you spend your hard earned cash on the kids just cause you have more of it?

 

[mrsbucket]

I'm annoyed reading that tbh. It is childless people getting the crappy end of the deal. Yeah we don't give to receive but presents are ultimately a gesture of kindness so why is that kindness not being returned to you just cause you have no kids?!
It also plays into the assumption that cause you don't have kids you have more money to spend and therefore, spending it on the kids is fine and expected. Childless people do have more money usually, don't get me wrong but also why should you spend your hard earned cash on the kids just cause you have more of it?

Exactly!

I'm not expecting perfume or designer clothes in return... just a bottle of wine or something small that says "Thanks for consistently buying gifts for the children that WE chose to have." I feel like some (not all) parents lose their basic common decency when they get wrapped up in family life.

I'm glad I'm not alone because I feel like a brat saying it.. but it really pisses me off

 

[Hh1789]

I have just came across this thread and couldn't help but post. I'm 35, a midwife and always thought I would have kids. I have been married for 10 years. I hit 30 and started thinking "do I want a baby or have I always just thought that was what I should do". I still don't know 100%, but I'm 99.9% sure I don't. I get asked every single shift if I have kids, usually followed by a totally ridiculous comment on how it's odd that a midwife is childless.

 

[ElectricDreams]

When my sister got married she had a childfree wedding. She thought all our cousins would be offended that their kids weren't invited but they were thrilled as it meant a night away in a hotel without the kids!

 

[dancingqueen5678]

I was wondering what the issue with parents and their kids not being invited to their wedding so I've thought (psychoanalysed... I love a psychoanalysis) of some ideas/reasons of what it could be:

• they're offended someone doesn't want their kid around
• they're annoyed as finding a babysitter is hard work and they want to come and it's misplaced frustration
• they're annoyed cause they have to go through the effort of finding a babysitter instead of turning up at a wedding and letting the kids run free and entertain themselves while they do minimal parenting
• one of the party will have to go to the wedding due to obligation so one parent will have to stay behind with the kids
• they're upset they will have to miss out on something (likely again) due to having kids and it's misplaced frustration
• they would have loved a kid free wedding but didn't feel like they could for whatever reason and it's misplaced frustration/envy

That's all I can think of but I'm sure I'll think of more the more it comes up

 

[Rippedjeanmaybe]

I’m having kids to the night do of my wedding, but I don’t mind that, most of the kids will behave better than my adult relatives anyway!

im not having kids to the ceremony or the breakfast though, but to be fair, there’s only my bridesmaid (best friend) who has a child under the age of 18 and he will be almost 3 and he will just get bored and agitated!

at the end of the day, it’s up to the bride and groom who they invite.

 

[Inforapenny]

Met one of my good friends last week.They have a 15 month old. Her partner and her don't sleep in the same bed, he refuses because he doesn't want to hear that noise of the baby so he sleeps on the sofa every night.
On average she gets 3 hours sleep a night....and then she asked if I'm thinking of having kids

 

[TaylorMomsen]

Met one of my good friends last week.They have a 15 month old. Her partner and her don't sleep in the same bed, he refuses because he doesn't want to hear that noise of the baby so he sleeps on the sofa every night.
On average she gets 3 hours sleep a night....and then she asked if I'm thinking of having kids

So he signed up to have a kid, but decided he doesn't want to parent said kid, so goes and sleeps on the couch to let your mate do all the night time parenting?
What a catch.

 

[Traveler001]

So he signed up to have a kid, but decided he doesn't want to parent said kid, so goes and sleeps on the couch to let your mate do all the night time parenting?
What a catch.

He'll be on tinder soon telling everyone how his wife doesn't understand him and she's boring now and they never have sex I bet they're only together for the kid and are more like brother and sister

 

[Inforapenny]

He'll be on tinder soon telling everyone how his wife doesn't understand him and she's boring now and they never have sex I bet they're only together for the kid and are more like brother and sister

I called it out 5 years ago, he's not good enough. He wouldn't marry her but was happy to have a kid with her....one of those.
They met having an affair so....

 

[Anne1448]

I called it out 5 years ago, he's not good enough. He wouldn't marry her but was happy to have a kid with her....one of those.
They met having an affair so....

What a mess!

It baffles me that some women are willing to lock themselves with such useless people. There are so many guys out there who would love to take care of a baby and become a father. Why would you have a child with someone who doesn't want to help?

 

[dancingqueen5678]

What a mess!

It baffles me that some women are willing to lock themselves with such useless people. There are so many guys out there who would love to take care of a baby and become a father. Why would you have a child with someone who doesn't want to help?

I think some women are so focused on being in a relationship because society says that we're not complete without and that is why they settle for useless men. Also there's a lot to be said for the bar being low for men. Men who are active fathers are praised heavily whereas useless men get a pass because it's 1. "well they are men *rolls eyes* and 2. "he may be a useless lump of tit but well at least he doesn't cheat on me/*insert of example here*".

 

[dancingqueen5678]

I'm watch casualty 24/7 and a little boy is about 2/3 and he's wedged a stone up his nose for the second time and all I could think was "I swear to god if I had to sit in a&e for god knows how many hours cause my kid has stuck a stone up his nose for the second time I'd be fully sat there thinking you stupid little prick."
and this has definitely made me realise I'm not cut out for parenting...