You should be able to give up your kids at any age with no long drawn out process for the kids sake!This reminds me of a message that my cousin sent on the family group chat. I wish I could attach it here but she used to be on Tattle too and may still use it.
She basically sent an emergency message begging for the family to help her managing her kids. Since she divorced she struggled between working and dealing with the kids. Her partner is helping a lot but since he got remarried he has more kids too.
However, most of the family members either have kids themselves (so they are busy too) or they don't want to be babysitting. She claimed that we were all selfish for not babysitting her kids for her. Yet, she has no problem dumping her kids to her mother to go clubbing, dining out or going on holidays with her childfree partners.
She 100% regret having kids but there are no plan B for that. You can't dump your kids at the local church or orphanage anymore.
I would never rely on anyone help if I wanted kids. How can, say the paternal grandparents, commit to 14? Years of babysitting or childcare? What if they're completely loving and doting but they get sick, die, my husbands siblings have 4 kids each and need help too, they have to work because of financial issues, they have to move, they break an arm etc. You can't rely on that kind of intensive long term help and people need to factor that in when they plan their children.I don't really know how anyone can claim people are selfish for not helping with their kids. You had the kids. They are your kids. Do people genuinely have kids with expectation that many people will help?
Maybe this is just me but if I have kids, it will be on the expectation that I/partner will be doing everything and the childcare will come from nurseries/school etc or a paid childminder who is a professional UNLESS family offer to help out through no detriment to them. By that I mean, grandparents who love their grandkids and want to have them, not feel like they have to help out but actually really stress about it.
ETA: Not "you" specifically or personally OP. I mean you figuratively, like "one had kids"
Also I've read similar things a lot but I'll use the last one I read as an example, on a popular parenting site () someone said their or their husbands parents, I forget, begged them to move nearer to them when the woman was pregnant and they'd help with childcare. The couple moved near to the parents, woman had baby, baby is now older, maybe 5 or 7, and the parents don't provide childcare. I think they maybe underestimated how hard/energetic looking after kids is and the older you get the harder it's going to be.
It's not something you can rely on at all and it's not selfish for people to say no to babysitting or childcare.
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